[Debreu] Presidential Fallout (Part III)

[s|k]

Edison paused.

“..and then what happened? After Mr. Debreu discovered a person had emerged from one of the two buildings alive, what happened next?” asked Robert Jackson, Chief of Staff for the U.S. President William Murphy.

“Well,” continued the head of the FBI Counterterrorism Division, Charles Edison, “he and a team of men ran inside the Potsdam building, I believe...” Edison quickly examined his notes, “yes, he entered the Potsdam building, took the elevator to the top floor only to discover that everyone there had in fact already been murdered. He was too late. He must have missed the culprit by mere minutes.”

“What is the complete death toll, Charles?” President Murphy asked Edison.

“They have discovered 942 bodies, sir.”

“I thought it was said that there were thousands in those buildings?” inquired Jackson.

“The early estimates by the New Dresden Police Department were completely off. There are only 275 units in the Blehr building, and 82 units in the Potsdam.” Said Edison while checking his notes again.

“942 bodies, my god,” the president expressed in astonishment.

The attorney general, Frank Knox, who was sitting on a couch, chimed in. “Okay so let’s talk about this ‘culprit.’ You’re telling me that one person killed 942 people in what amount of time?”

“About 14 hours, sir.”

“That’s what, about a murder per minute?” Knox said, shaking his head.

“About 70 deaths per hour.”

“This is unprecedented,” said Henry Stimson. He was the Assistant to the President on National Security Affairs.

“It’s impossible, is what it is,” retorted Jackson.

“It is what happened. I would like to now show you the video evidence from this morning’s event.”

“Go ahead Edison.” urged the Chief of Staff.

Edison picked up a remote from the large round table in the oval office, around which everyone had gathered, and turned on a widescreen monitor standing in the rear of the room. “What I am showing you now is a collage of over 50 cameras that were located within the Blehr building. Unfortunately, the Potsdam had cameras only outside the building and in the lobby.” The screen in front of them flickered between various perspectives. For a few moments it showed a black figure racing up stairs. The video then switched to a different camera, and the figure is seen breaking through a door, another moment later and it is seen running through a hallway. The black and white video continued to show similar scenes as the head of counterterrorism spoke on.

“This is the assailant.” Edison paused the video. He pointed at an image displayed on a large laptop screen sitting on the table facing the others. “This is the best still image we could find of him from the surveillance videos. We’re assuming it’s a male, of course, because of the body composition. He is wearing black from head to toe, apparently some type of tight fitting clothing with no sheen. He’s a tall fellow, about seven feet high, weighs around two hundred fifty pounds. He has thick, and long black hair that falls low enough to cover his shoulder blades, but if you look closely here..” Edison bent over to point at the figure’s face. “…he seems to be wearing a mask, and if you spend a second examining it further, it seems as if the hair isn’t real, it’s part of this headwear. What is clear in the video and on this next image,” he tapped a button and the laptop display switched to a picture with a different aspect of the attacker. “…is that the attacker’s weapons are two three feet long blades attached to the side of each forearm. His knees also have five inch blades protruding upward. We only have several of the murders recorded on tape. The ones on the lobby and two other instances. Let me show you those now. Okay, if you watch the monitor, “he said pointing to the widescreen, “here we see him stabbing someone coming off the elevator, and in this next instance, someone managed to run out of the apartment a few steps after he had stormed in and killed the three other people in the room, but as you can see she didn’t get very far…”

“Okay that’s quite enough video evidence, we get the point,” said the president, disgusted.

“Very well. I did just want to show you one other astonishing instance of him breaking through a wall.”

“Breaking through a wall?” questioned Knox.

“Yes, the suspect demonstrated clear evidence that he was able to see through the walls. He avoided units with no occupants and in this one particular case he knew the victim was standing by the wall, and he simply broke through it and killed the individual with one attempt. Some of our experts suspect it’s some type of advanced thermographic technology. The walls aren’t very thick. It is possible, and it did happen.”

“How do you even know it’s a man? What man do you know that can run down twenty stories, kill everyone on every floor, and then run up seventeen more floors, without a single break, see through walls, and then break through them? This deplorable monster kills with one attempt every time.” voiced the agitated attorney general.

“Mostly one attempt, there were several instances of more than one attack on a person, and a few decapitations, especially in instances where there were more than two people in a room.”

“And just what are you suggesting, Knox?” inquired Stimson with an incredulous look on his face. “That this isn’t a man? And just else would it be? The entire time we’ve worked together in this administration you have been walking off the beaten track, and Jackson may see some worth in you but I certainly do not! I think you’ve just about abandoned any credibility you…”

“Enough!” shouted the Chief of Staff. “We have a real crisis on our hands. It’s taking up valuable time. I don’t need your power plays interfering just now.” Jackson stopped talking and the room became silent. “Mr. President.” He beckoned.

“Continue, Charles.” directed the president.

Edison nodded and pointed at the laptop display. “This is a highly trained, professional, and extremely well equipped solider. We believe that he was trained for this, and also that he was on some type performance enhancing drugs. There was nothing that happened here that is outside the realms of the possible as we understand it. Director Swanson and I,” he pointed to the director of the FBI standing silently next to where Knox was sitting, “believe that this was a state sponsored terrorist attack. The victims were all members of wealthy families, connected individuals, a senator’s son, various corporate heads, and we’re not even sure who else is affected. Someone did their homework.”

“What is the timeline for the murders?” asked Knox.

“The attacker entered the Blehr from the roof a few minutes after 8 p.m. last night, and worked his way down. At 3:22 he entered the lobby, he then exited the building, ran next door utilizing the sidewalk and entered the Potsdam. He worked his way up, always using the stairs, and was gone by the time the detective and his men made it to the top of the building at sometime after ten in the morning.”

“How did he get into the Blehr?” inquired the president.

“We don’t know, there’s no video of the suspect entering the building. He was on the roof, however.”

“What do we do now, people?” said President Murphy, looking at all the faces in the rooms.

“We tell Americans the truth, we hide nothing…and we catch this son of a bitch and retaliate against whatever state is responsible.” answered Jackson.

“Okay, I concur. Let’s get Defense in here, schedule a national press briefing, and let William in on in on everything. I can’t leave the press secretary out in the dark on this for much longer while the media is in a mad frenzy. It’s not something we’ll be able to ignore. People will want resolution,” instructed the stout voiced President.

[roadrunner_0]

nice... how long are you planning on this being roughly, as a lot of this part probably doesn't belong in a short story, but you could get away with it in a novella

[s|k]

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

nice... how long are you planning on this being roughly, as a lot of this part probably doesn't belong in a short story, but you could get away with it in a novella

Yeah er, I guess it is kind of long, there's a lot left. :/

[JonnyBGood]

Originally Posted by s|k

Yeah er, I guess it is kind of long, there's a lot left. :/

How far in are we? Pretty good installment but I disliked the jump into politics and terrorism

[roadrunner_0]

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

How far in are we? Pretty good installment but I disliked the jump into politics and terrorism

also got to agree with this a bit, although it does sort of follow on into part of what i was saying about the length, if its meant to be a short story, you may want to edit this bit quite heavily in the final version.

don't get me wrong though, i'm liking reading this.

[s|k]

I'm just naturally following the course of where the story is going, please be assured that is not political. If there are a thousand people murdered overnight in a US city, do you honestly think that it wouldn't be national news? All the news magazines in the US would come out with special editions, and congress would hold an inquiry. (I wont er go into that). Especially when they were all stabbed? I would be amiss to leave national reaction out. What I'm really doing here is describing a major character before I introduce him. Just a bit of a spoiler here, but it's not a terrorist. Just like it wasn't a hostage situation. It's kind of hard to avoid politics when you're describing an occurance in the oval office.

[roadrunner_0]

fair enough, sounds like you at least know where you are going with it

[s|k]

So what do you guys like about it? (Thank you for your positive feedback by the way).

[Deepflow]

wow s|k, I quite enjoyed reading that

nice work. I should have read this thread before.

[JonnyBGood]

Originally Posted by s|k

So what do you guys like about it? (Thank you for your positive feedback by the way).

It's fluent, as in I can read it without punching myself in the face every few lines. There have been no alarmingly random bits popping in for the sake of keeping the plot together. It's written by you <3

[roadrunner_0]

it appears to be thought through and have a direction, the prose is well written, although with a lot of dialogue (which given the style of writing is unavoidable, and, to be honest, there is nothing wrong with it i just prefer my stories with less dialogue although it might be that there is less in the whole story overall but i digress)



and as jonny said: i don't want to punch myself in the face every few lines, which is always good

[s|k]

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

it appears to be thought through and have a direction, the prose is well written, although with a lot of dialogue (which given the style of writing is unavoidable, and, to be honest, there is nothing wrong with it i just prefer my stories with less dialogue although it might be that there is less in the whole story overall but i digress)



and as jonny said: i don't want to punch myself in the face every few lines, which is always good

I'm glad you guys like it, I like writing it. I appreciate all the fair criticsm. The next part will be largely dialouge driven, it's going to be somewhat uneventful (not really, but I hope it doesn't bore anyone).

Part V, however, will have very little dialouge, it will be action packed, and a bit long too. But please read IV, because it will, hopefully, put more punch into what follows.

[roadrunner_0]

don't worry i wouldnt think about missng a part out, it would ruin the story

[dda]

I like it thus far as well.

Why?

For the type of story it is, it grabs your attention immediately.

It quickly presents a mystery.

The mystery is not a run-of-the-mill type mystery.

I like dialogue.

There is not a lot of unnecessary description. I don't care what kind of curtains are on the wall unless it furthers the story. Whether Debreu is wearing blue or white underwear is unimportant. You don't distract me with unnecessary information.

The jump between II and III was a bit abrupt but you got into a nice rhythm with that scene as well.

Take your time and be as long as you need to be.

So far so good.

[s|k]

Originally Posted by dda

There is not a lot of unnecessary description. I don't care what kind of curtains are on the wall unless it furthers the story. Whether Debreu is wearing blue or white underwear is unimportant. You don't distract me with unnecessary information.

What I like about reading is that you get to be creative as a reader and co-create the story along with the author. Being too descriptive takes that away. The brain just naturally fills in a lot of blanks all on it's own. One of the problems I have with books that turn into films is that I will have visualized the characters different, and once having seen the film it's hard to not picture the actor as that character when you reread (or read for the first time) the story.