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17 Jan 2006, 20:32
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#1
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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A man enters a bar...
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man
responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but
this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast
foods, guns, and women's breasts.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot
one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... real slowly... "So............... ya gonna vote
for a Bush again?"
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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17 Jan 2006, 20:41
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#2
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Hello Tietäjä
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Preston, UK
Posts: 290
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Re: A man enters a bar...
hehe. nice one. i'll add a joke myself.
3 couples get to the pearly white gates, all recently deceased and ask to get into heaven.
The first couple walks up and St Peter says to them "I'm sorry I cant let you in Phil you let money rule your life and you even married a girl called Penny", presses a button and down into Hell he goes.
The second couple walks up and St Peter says to them "I'm sorry George I can't let you in - you let drink rule your life and you even married a girl called Stella", presses the button and down they go.
The man from the third couple seems to hesitate so the wife pulls on her husband's arm. "Come on John it's our turn now" to which he replies "No, let's not even bother Fanny."
tux
__________________
-Blue Moon- aka LordQuashi, Behert, BeherTux, BT, TuxedoMask, tuxed0
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17 Jan 2006, 23:16
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#3
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: A man enters a bar...
A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She prys off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.
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18 Jan 2006, 00:54
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#4
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: A man enters a bar...
This thread is so 19th July 2002.
One day, the duck walked into a chemist and asked, "Got any duck food?". The chemist replied, "Sorry mate, we don't sell food here." The duck turned around and walked out.
The next day, the duck returned to the chemist and asked, "Got any duck food?". The chemist replied, "Look, I told you! This is a chemist and we don't sell food here! Try a pet store or something!" The duck turned around and walked out.
The next day, the duck returned once again and asked, "Got any duck food?". The chemist, really pissed off at this point in time yelled, "LOOK! WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD HERE! SO GET OUT!! AND IF YOU RETURN HERE AGAIN, I'M GUNNA GET SOME NAILS AND A HAMMER AND NAIL YOUR BLOODY WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR! NOW PISS OFF!" The duck turned around and walked out.
The next day, the duck returned. He walked into the chemist and asked, "Got any nails?". The chemist, really pissed off yelled, "NO!!!!!!!" The duck said, "Good. Got any duck food?"
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Finally free!
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18 Jan 2006, 12:37
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#5
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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The only punchline that should ever be allowed with the title joke.
...ouch!
__________________
CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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18 Jan 2006, 12:53
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#6
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: A man enters a bar...
A friend of mine has a niece who is only 3. One day she came round to his and we were having a bbq. The usual some decent meat on the bbq, some cold beers and generally just chatting etc. We invited the neighbours around, and they brough there dog.
Only problem was my friends niece had a little ball and was playing with it. The dog ran at her, and knocked her over. She began crying. So my friend walked over to his neigbour and asked them to tie up the dog when around my niece, the neighbour said "what if i dont" so my mate said well you watch.
Forward 2 weeks on, the niece was around again, this time the dog came running at her, I picked her up before the dog reached her, and it stood barking at her so she burst into tears.
My friend took this as the last straw, he marched to there back garden, poured petrol into the dogfood, and sat it infront of the dog.
The dog started going ****ing mental, running around the garden, wailing, barking, screeching, trying to search for its tail. It was weird as hell.
Then all of a sudden it stopped. It just kinda fell on the ground, in a slump. Silence.
It had ran out of petrol.
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pig
[ 1u p]
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18 Jan 2006, 13:33
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#7
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: A man enters a bar...
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive lady herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked,"Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
"When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life !!
__________________
The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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18 Jan 2006, 14:41
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: A man enters a bar...
....You would have thought he would have seen it'
In Soviet Russia, bar walks into you.
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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18 Jan 2006, 14:49
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#9
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: A man enters a bar...
she had a tough youth. her dad was a pedofile and her mum died when she was 11.
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18 Jan 2006, 14:54
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: A man enters a bar...
What.
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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18 Jan 2006, 15:04
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#11
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
It had ran out of petrol.
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Stealing jokes from Big Brother
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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18 Jan 2006, 15:27
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#12
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Stealing jokes from Big Brother ![Frown](images/smilies/frown.gif)
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damn i thought i was the only saddo watching it
then again tom its just as sad you knew it too
also its a funny joke, she had barrymore (which says a lot for a female)
oh lollyroffle
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pig
[ 1u p]
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18 Jan 2006, 17:29
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#13
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: A man enters a bar...
i wish my lawn was emo, then it would cut itself.
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19 Jan 2006, 12:35
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#14
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
damn i thought i was the only saddo watching it
then again tom its just as sad you knew it too
also its a funny joke, she had barrymore (which says a lot for a female)
oh lollyroffle
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I was caught out whilst watching that, I was thinking why is this stupid cow telling us this. It doesn't do the joke justice in text, you need someone to ask "was it dead?" before you deliver the final line. Made me laugh when I watched it though.
__________________
The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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19 Jan 2006, 12:48
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#15
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by PSH
I was caught out whilst watching that, I was thinking why is this stupid cow telling us this. It doesn't do the joke justice in text, you need someone to ask "was it dead?" before you deliver the final line. Made me laugh when I watched it though. ![Smile](images/smilies/smile.gif)
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ye ive told it many a time, and my friends cant stop laughing, it is a gem even if its crom CBB
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pig
[ 1u p]
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23 Jan 2006, 14:46
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#16
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: A man enters a bar...
hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
if you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
if you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
if you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
if you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
if you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.
if you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
if you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
if you have short-term memory loss, press 9. if you have short-term memory loss, press 9. if you have short-term memory loss, press 9. if you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
if you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. there are 200 calls ahead of you
if you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. no one will answer.
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23 Jan 2006, 14:57
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#17
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Elton John is going to divorce his husband.............
because he keeps having sex behind his back!
Told a few people this and got "aww thats such a shame" in reply!
__________________
The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
Last edited by PSH; 23 Jan 2006 at 15:08.
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23 Jan 2006, 15:06
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#18
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: A man enters a bar...
One day Superman was flying along, feeling kind of horny. He had a busy day ahead of him, but just had to satisfy his urge. So he decided he would fly over to Wonder Woman's house to see what she was doing. As he got closer he used his x-ray vision, and to his suprise, Wonder Women was lying on her bed totally nude....
Superman thought "this is great! I'll just zip right in there, do my business, and before she knows it, I'll be gone." So, Superman blasts in, right on top of Wonder Woman, does the deed at light speed, and is gone in a flash. Wonder Woman, not quite knowing what hit her said "WHOA! What was that?" and the Invisible Man replied. "I don't know, but my arse sure is sore!"
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23 Jan 2006, 15:11
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#19
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunderbunny
One day Superman was flying along, feeling kind of horny. He had a busy day ahead of him, but just had to satisfy his urge. So he decided he would fly over to Wonder Woman's house to see what she was doing. As he got closer he used his x-ray vision, and to his suprise, Wonder Women was lying on her bed totally nude....
Superman thought "this is great! I'll just zip right in there, do my business, and before she knows it, I'll be gone." So, Superman blasts in, right on top of Wonder Woman, does the deed at light speed, and is gone in a flash. Wonder Woman, not quite knowing what hit her said "WHOA! What was that?" and the Invisible Man replied. "I don't know, but my arse sure is sore!"
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........ and in other news: Man called Noah builds huge boat!
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The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
Last edited by PSH; 23 Jan 2006 at 15:19.
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23 Jan 2006, 22:06
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#20
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Three friends -- a Greek, an Irishman and a Jew -- were out walking late one night, when a drunk driver suddenly ran his car onto the sidewalk. The three were instantly killed and Poof! -- they found themselves standing in Heaven facing St. Peter. "Good day, gentlemen," he said.
"How did we get here?" the Greek asked.
"Your lives weren't meant to end so soon," said St. Peter. "A car accident caused your untimely deaths."
"Can't you send us back?" pleaded the Jew.
St. Peter considered this for a moment, then replied: "Okay, but on one condition. You must each learn to control your primary impulse. If I see any of you indulging in your primary impulse, I'll bring you right back here in an instant. Understood?" The three nodded eagerly and Poof! –- they found themselves right back on the same sidewalk.
"Wow!" said the Irishman. "That guy is really powerful!" The trio resumed walking and soon found themselves approaching a pub. A man could surely use a little something to wet his throat after an experience like that! thought the Irishman. He said to his companions, "Excuse me, I'm going to just pop inside for a moment." No sooner did he reach for the door handle when Poof! -- the Irishman disappeared.
The Greek and the Jew looked at each other in astonishment. "Wow!" exclaimed the Jew. "That guy really means business!" The two remaining friends continued walking.
Before long, they spotted a one-dollar bill on the sidewalk. The Jew could feel his fingers twitching, and thought "Must...not...reach for it...", but he couldn't hold himself back forever. No sooner did the Jew bend down to pick it up when Poof! -- the Greek disappeared.
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23 Jan 2006, 22:59
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#21
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Blasting Caps
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 47
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Re: A man enters a bar...
haha...you guys crack me up...those are some good jokes...
__________________
.....MADNESS COMES TO MIND.....
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24 Jan 2006, 01:06
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by PSH
........ and in other news: Man called Noah builds huge boat! ![Wink](images/smilies/wink.gif)
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I live in Japan man... It's the first joke I've heard in months
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24 Jan 2006, 02:48
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#23
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Though my friends just sent me a link to quite possibly the best blonde joke ever
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24 Jan 2006, 05:12
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#24
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Luminous Flux
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Fargo, ND
Posts: 215
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Re: A man enters a bar...
How many homosexuals does it take to put in a lightbulb?
One, but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out.....
__________________
Cuddley_Battleship
Your neg rep destination.
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24 Jan 2006, 07:24
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#25
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Renegade of Funk
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 110
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Re: A man enters a bar...
hehe
6 months ago I moved out to the sticks (countryside). I love it here peace and tranquility, I'm about 2 hours from the nearest house and 3 hours from the nearest town that resembles a human civilisation. For the 6 months I've lived here I hadn't spoken to a single person till last week when a truck driver stopped outside my drive. The fella in the truck seemed to want to speak to me so I left the lawnmower to go over and chat. Afterall I hadn't seen even a car pass my house in months at this point. "Hi i'm your neighbour" said the truck driver "i live a few hours back that way, thought I'd just come and see how you're settling in and all" I replied with a cheery tone that I was enjoying living here and the scenary was beautiful. Anyway the truck driver went on: "i'm having a party this saturday, I have one every year it's always good fun, stops me getting too lonely, would you like to come"? I thought the chap seemed nice and so i replied "yea sounds good what time"? "9pm, he replied but in the past my parties have sometimes become violent - you know what booze can do, are you alright with that"? he asked. I replied that this should be fine as I work out in my spare time and in the past i was an amateur boxer. He then went on "there's gonna be alot of sex, are you ok with that"? Well who am I to argue I thought. 6 months is along time for any man! "Thats it then see you then he said" "ok, oh hang on whats the theme" I replied "fancy dress or casual and how many guests are you expecting"? "Oh wear what you want said the trucker - oh and you're the guest"
not very good but TRUE :d
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24 Jan 2006, 08:14
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#26
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
Before long, they spotted a one-dollar bill on the sidewalk. The Jew could feel his fingers twitching, and thought "Must...not...reach for it...", but he couldn't hold himself back forever. No sooner did the Jew bend down to pick it up when Poof! -- the Greek disappeared.
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Am I being really thick?
I don't get the joke.
Have Greeks got a stereotype of their primary impulse being to give money to Jews?!
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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24 Jan 2006, 11:22
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#27
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Am I being really thick?
I don't get the joke.
Have Greeks got a stereotype of their primary impulse being to give money to Jews?! ![Confused](images/smilies/confused.gif)
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Are you anally retentive?
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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24 Jan 2006, 13:46
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#28
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Am I being really thick?
I don't get the joke.
Have Greeks got a stereotype of their primary impulse being to give money to Jews?! ![Confused](images/smilies/confused.gif)
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greeks like to watch people pick up money off the street. it's true; jokes told me.
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24 Jan 2006, 13:46
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#29
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,081
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Oh, hah! I just got it.
(they did bumsex, no?)
__________________
Dynamic Salvage!
[16:10:34] <[lfc]stif|afk> "dont be the worst in your alliance, join CT. We have Arfy!"
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24 Jan 2006, 14:10
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#30
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Have Greeks got a stereotype of their primary impulse being to give money to Jews?! ![Confused](images/smilies/confused.gif)
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actually that reminds me of a joke malcolm x once told me. it's pretty good.
So a white man, a jew, and black man were walking down the street, and they came by a genie. Now of course the genie has to grant three wishes, but since there were three of them, they decided it would make sense for each of them to get one wish.
The genie turned to the white man, and asked "What do you wish for?" And the white man said "I would like stocks, bonds, diverse holdings. And lots of them." And the genie snapped his fingers, and it was so. The white man walked away, very pleased.
The genie turned to the black man, and asked "What do you wish for?" And the black man said "Just give me some cash, man." And the genie snapped his fingers, and he suddenly had a grocery bag full of cash. Delighted, he ran off.
The genie turned to the Jew, and asked "What do you wish for? Will it be cash, bonds, houses, cars? What?" The Jew watched the black man running off into the distance, and rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "Just give me some cheap crappy jewelry, and that colored boy's address."
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24 Jan 2006, 14:13
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#31
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Blasting Caps
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 47
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Re: A man enters a bar...
haha... ^^ was good...
__________________
.....MADNESS COMES TO MIND.....
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24 Jan 2006, 14:45
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#32
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Are you anally retentive?
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Explain it goddammit
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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24 Jan 2006, 15:12
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#33
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunderbunny
One day Superman was flying along, feeling kind of horny. He had a busy day ahead of him, but just had to satisfy his urge. So he decided he would fly over to Wonder Woman's house to see what she was doing. As he got closer he used his x-ray vision, and to his suprise, Wonder Women was lying on her bed totally nude....
Superman thought "this is great! I'll just zip right in there, do my business, and before she knows it, I'll be gone." So, Superman blasts in, right on top of Wonder Woman, does the deed at light speed, and is gone in a flash. Wonder Woman, not quite knowing what hit her said "WHOA! What was that?" and the Invisible Man replied. "I don't know, but my arse sure is sore!"
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I swear that joke was said in Hollow Man??!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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24 Jan 2006, 17:15
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#34
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Explain it goddammit ![Frown](images/smilies/frown.gif)
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Picture this:
Man #1 (Jew), bending over in front of other man #2(Greek).
#2 Wants to bumsex #1, because this is his first impulse.
Do you get 'it' now? (not bumsex, but the joke, I asume you get lots of bumsex)
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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24 Jan 2006, 17:46
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#35
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Renegade of Funk
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 110
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Picture this:
Man #1 (Jew), bending over in front of other man #2(Greek).
#2 Wants to bumsex #1, because this is his first impulse.
Do you get 'it' now? (not bumsex, but the joke, I asume you get lots of bumsex)
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hehe I thought that quite obvious
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
presumably this has to be mainstream news not 'omg 2 penguins were killed by an eskimo last night at 2am. local police chief Iwakoa Sanjo has said that the brutal murderers will be brought to justice snow style'.
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24 Jan 2006, 18:44
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#36
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cut Tooth
hehe I thought that quite obvious
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I think everyone did except Tom
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24 Jan 2006, 18:56
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#37
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: A man enters a bar...
To be perfectly honest, the first time I saw that joke long ago, it took me a few seconds to realise what was meant as well. I guess the "Greeks do bumsex all the time" stereotype isn't quite as prevalent as the other ones mentioned.
A paedophile takes a little girl into the forest. The little girl complains about how the thick forest is scaring her, especially as it is slowly getting dark. The paedophile turns to her and says: "You're scared? What about me, I'll have to walk back alone in half an hour!"
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24 Jan 2006, 19:08
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#38
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: A man enters a bar...
I've never heard the "Greeks like anal sex" stereotype.
Oh, so it's just a "lol he's gay" joke. I thought it was going to be more entertaining than that.
I guess I was just too intellectual for the joke!
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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24 Jan 2006, 19:32
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#39
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
I've never heard the "Greeks like anal sex" stereotype.
Oh, so it's just a "lol he's gay" joke. I thought it was going to be more entertaining than that.
I guess I was just too intellectual for the joke!
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No Tom, you're just slow for the joke.
P.S. The "greek" reference.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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24 Jan 2006, 19:46
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#40
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Back from timeout.
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 901
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leshy
To be perfectly honest, the first time I saw that joke long ago, it took me a few seconds to realise what was meant as well. I guess the "Greeks do bumsex all the time" stereotype isn't quite as prevalent as the other ones mentioned.
A paedophile takes a little girl into the forest. The little girl complains about how the thick forest is scaring her, especially as it is slowly getting dark. The paedophile turns to her and says: "You're scared? What about me, I'll have to walk back alone in half an hour!"
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You're going to burn in hell for that one.
How do you fit 20,000 Jews in one car?
The Ashtray.
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
You'll have to prise my penis from my cold, dead hand!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Yahwe
Gay ducks only do it because it impresses their peers.
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24 Jan 2006, 20:10
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#41
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Back from timeout.
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 901
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Re: A man enters a bar...
How are black babies made?
Anal Sex.
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
You'll have to prise my penis from my cold, dead hand!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Yahwe
Gay ducks only do it because it impresses their peers.
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25 Jan 2006, 04:05
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#42
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the Sacred Pervert
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1,492
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Why do faggots wear ribbed condoms?
-To keep the traction in the mud.
How do you know if the barbeque you're in is hosted by faggots?
-The hotdogs taste like shit
__________________
"....some might say, we will find a brighter day...."
-Oasis
Veneratio | Insomnia | F-Crew | Subh
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25 Jan 2006, 14:18
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#43
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mmm lambs
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,906
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
I think everyone did except Tom
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and me
__________________
I drink therefore I am
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26 Jan 2006, 14:00
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#44
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by QazokRouge5
How are black babies made?
Anal Sex.
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But there's hardly black greeks.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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26 Jan 2006, 19:50
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#45
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "There was this hot chick at work that I really wanted to ask out, but every time I went near her I got an erection."
"Yeah.." replies Dave with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face"
__________________
Finally free!
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26 Jan 2006, 19:54
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#46
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First Disciple of Aldur
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Vale of Aldur
Posts: 1,470
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Re: A man enters a bar...
A coach load of Nuns die in a crash on the M1, and all ascend to heaven. They all line up outside the Pearly Gates. St Peter asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?"
The Nun replies, "Yes St. Peter, with this finger," holding up the offending digit.
"Then dip it into this Holy Water, and you may enter heaven," says St. Peter. He then asks the second Nun the same question.
"Yes St Peter, with my hand," the second Nun replies.
"Then dip it in this Holy Water and you may enter heaven," replies St Peter.
Just then, there is a commotion from the back of the queue, and a Nun marches up to the front of the queue. "What seems to be the problem Sister?" asks St Peter.
The Nun replies, "Well, if I'm going to be gargling that Holy Water I want to do it now before Sister Clementine sticks her arse in it!"
__________________
Yeah.
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12 Mar 2006, 18:56
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#47
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I'm great!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Leeds
Posts: 388
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Re: A man enters a bar...
__________________
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'da been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?!
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12 Mar 2006, 19:01
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#48
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Don't we all, Kura?
__________________
Finally free!
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12 Mar 2006, 20:46
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#49
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: A man enters a bar...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
__________________
bastard bastard bastard bastard
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14 Mar 2006, 00:35
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#50
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: A man enters a bar...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
A man enters a bar and tells a joke...
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POTW!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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