15 Feb 2004, 01:40
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#1
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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An Amusing Conclusion
As usual amusing for you but not for me.
This is the final part in "The Liz Story"
So far:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
NEVER GIVE THEM YOUR NUMBER
Now the last "episode" happend 3 weeks ago.
I left the relationship with me saying i'd call her.
I never did.
So i thought after deciding not to call her it would be in my best interest to get my sister to screen my calls.
This she duly did.
Nobody could contact me except via my sister.
It was a fool proof plan.
Unfortunately i am a better standard of fool than most.
On Wednesday night i
- came home from work
- put dinner in the oven
- was watching TV
- got up to check my food
- came back through to the living room
- was still standing 'cause my dinner was almost ready
- picked up the phone automatically when it started ringing because i was right beside it and i had my mind on other things (dinner and the show i was watching).
"Hello is Peter there?" says a female voice with a strong Glasweigan accent.
(Now this should have been a clear warning single. None of my friends call me Peter and nobody else phones me.)
"Yes. Speaking" says i.
"Hi Peter it's Liz here. I just wondered why you hadn't phoned me after saying you would after the cinema last Saturday."
(My sister, who was sitting a couple of feet away, informs me that at this point my jaw dropped and i went very white.)
"Ehhhhhh, uhhhhhhmmmmmm. Last Saturday?" says i
(The date had been the previous Saturday to that but i decided not to press it cause Liz sounded pissed as it was. I did however start mouthing the word "f*ck" alot.)
"Yeah last Saturday"
"Well uhhhh ahhhh" i began my defence brilliantly "I decided, errrr, that i thought you weren't THAT interested in me and, ehhhhh, that it would probably be, ehhhh, best if we, uhhhhhh, didn't, you know, see each other again and ,ummmmm, as such, ahhhhhh, a clean break would probably beforthebest."
God i felt weak with fear. This was such a ****ing nightmare.
Now i can't remember exactly what Liz said next but i relised that her accent had changed slightly.
Liz now sounded more like my "friend" Kelly.
Infact i realised IT WAS ****ING KELLY.
I have such great friends.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2004, 01:45
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#2
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Best
Punchline
Ever
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15 Feb 2004, 01:48
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#3
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
dace will you be my valentine? <3
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15 Feb 2004, 01:50
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#4
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Not even for money.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2004, 01:58
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#5
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Cynical Optimist
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Solihull / University of Warwick
Posts: 502
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
It's so beautiful
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15 Feb 2004, 02:11
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#6
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Friends, don't you just love them?
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They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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15 Feb 2004, 02:11
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#7
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Back from timeout.
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 901
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
poetry in motion
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Quote:
Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
You'll have to prise my penis from my cold, dead hand!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Yahwe
Gay ducks only do it because it impresses their peers.
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15 Feb 2004, 02:17
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#8
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Demon Dave
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Friends, don't you just love them?
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Not Kelly and not Matt (the guy who put her up to it).
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2004, 22:50
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#9
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 421
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Leshy
Best
Punchline
Ever
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15 Feb 2004, 23:09
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#10
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mmm lambs
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,906
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
haha brilliant
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I drink therefore I am
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15 Feb 2004, 23:49
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#11
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Aguanga, CA
Posts: 3,311
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Only you Dace, it could only happen to you...
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16 Feb 2004, 00:48
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#12
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
cheered me right up mate 
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lazy
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16 Feb 2004, 01:10
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#13
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Dace's friends are considerably cooler than he is 
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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16 Feb 2004, 18:27
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#14
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
can i just suggest that someone saves this thread and those it links to at the top for posterity. I hate remembering old threads and having no way to look at them.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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16 Feb 2004, 20:51
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#15
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Kurashima
Dace's friends are considerably cooler than he is :D
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Only because knowing me makes them cool because i'm their friend and i'm a trendy type of dude whereas they are just a bunch of ****s so me hanging around with them demeans me but it makes them better so they are smarter on the making friends front or something i dont know exactly how this works out but in the end it means that i'm still the coolest.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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16 Feb 2004, 20:52
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#16
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Deepflow
can i just suggest that someone saves this thread and those it links to at the top for posterity. I hate remembering old threads and having no way to look at them.
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I do not have the power to do what you ask.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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17 Feb 2004, 01:31
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#17
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
i however do
EDIT: and have
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lazy
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17 Feb 2004, 01:46
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#18
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Now we need a part 5, where Dace asks us for ideas on how to get his buddy back...
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"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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17 Feb 2004, 11:06
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#19
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
**** his sister?
or tell him you have...
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lazy
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17 Feb 2004, 11:11
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#20
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Poster Professionale
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The place where mods put bad people
Posts: 1,077
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
You still haven't ****ed her, right?
__________________
ATTENTION!
This thread is hijacked by a wiseguy! Please evacuate promptly at your nearest exit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nodrog
I wish we could trademark for a less shitty poster
hahahahahahaha, get it?
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17 Feb 2004, 13:03
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#21
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King of The Fat Boys
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 3,331
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Did this incident make you cry?
lol!
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17 Feb 2004, 13:57
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#22
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
**** his sister?
or tell him you have...
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He doesn't have a sister (and Kelly is an only child).
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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17 Feb 2004, 13:59
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#23
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Cynical Oracle
You still haven't ****ed her, right?
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No (and i very much doubt i ever will).
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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17 Feb 2004, 14:01
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#24
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Bernard Black
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: This is fantastic, I'm in heaven.
Posts: 360
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
oh Dace, you're such a card
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Your signature
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17 Feb 2004, 14:03
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#25
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by ChubbyChecker
Did this incident make you cry?
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No
:sniff:
;'(
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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17 Feb 2004, 15:34
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#26
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Poster Professionale
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The place where mods put bad people
Posts: 1,077
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dace
No (and i very much doubt i ever will).
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Without having read all of the posts in forementioned threads, why not?
__________________
ATTENTION!
This thread is hijacked by a wiseguy! Please evacuate promptly at your nearest exit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nodrog
I wish we could trademark for a less shitty poster
hahahahahahaha, get it?
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17 Feb 2004, 16:47
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#27
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Cynical Oracle
Without having read all of the posts in forementioned threads, why not?
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Because i'd never touch him with a bargepole after seeing all this stuff he's written about me on these ****ing forums full of weridos. What the hell were you playing at?
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17 Feb 2004, 16:49
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#28
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
I wondered when a gimmick like this would show up.
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18 Feb 2004, 01:12
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#29
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
it could only be a matter of time really couldnt it?
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lazy
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18 Feb 2004, 01:25
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#30
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Aardvark is a funny word
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: I'm No Nino Rota
Posts: 5,923
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
gotta be jonny.
__________________
Efficiency, efficiency they say
Get to know the date and tell the time of day
As the crowds begin complaining
How the Beaujolais is raining
Down on darkened meetings on the Champs Élysées
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18 Feb 2004, 02:09
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#31
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Phang
gotta be jonny.
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Not me. I thought it would be too obvious seeing as we've "done" this one before, who with I forget but whatever.
PS My money's on kura.
PPS If it actually is her this would be quite possibly the greatest moment in the history of the internet though.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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18 Feb 2004, 02:39
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#32
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
PPS If it actually is her this would be quite possibly the greatest moment in the history of the internet though.
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ah, but then she could explain what she was thinking the whole time and men would finally understand women and the universe would implode. 
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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18 Feb 2004, 02:45
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#33
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Deepflow
ah, but then she could explain what she was thinking the whole time and men would finally understand women and the universe would implode. |
In the history of mankind no woman has ever managed to adequately explain anything. I doubt the trend would be reversed in this instance.
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Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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18 Feb 2004, 09:34
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#34
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Poster Professionale
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The place where mods put bad people
Posts: 1,077
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Liz
Because i'd never touch him with a bargepole after seeing all this stuff he's written about me on these ****ing forums full of weridos. What the hell were you playing at?
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
PPS If it actually is her this would be quite possibly the greatest moment in the history of the internet though.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
In the history of mankind no woman has ever managed to adequately explain anything. I doubt the trend would be reversed in this instance.
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__________________
ATTENTION!
This thread is hijacked by a wiseguy! Please evacuate promptly at your nearest exit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nodrog
I wish we could trademark for a less shitty poster
hahahahahahaha, get it?
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18 Feb 2004, 14:09
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#35
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lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Kura's not that shit*, and you can always tell his gimmicks because he forgets to change his comma style.
*this is debateable
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eXcessum
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18 Feb 2004, 14:28
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#36
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Yeah but she could have explained it badly am i rite?
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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18 Feb 2004, 14:32
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#37
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Poster Professionale
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The place where mods put bad people
Posts: 1,077
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Whatever the conclusion is, this be amusing thinks me.
__________________
ATTENTION!
This thread is hijacked by a wiseguy! Please evacuate promptly at your nearest exit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nodrog
I wish we could trademark for a less shitty poster
hahahahahahaha, get it?
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18 Feb 2004, 14:34
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#38
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
She called us weirdos. Me and my imaginary friend Billy don't like that 
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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18 Feb 2004, 15:00
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#39
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Poster Professionale
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The place where mods put bad people
Posts: 1,077
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Stop speaking on behalf of Billy! I'm sure he's able to speak for himself.
PS! Bob say's hi!
__________________
ATTENTION!
This thread is hijacked by a wiseguy! Please evacuate promptly at your nearest exit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nodrog
I wish we could trademark for a less shitty poster
hahahahahahaha, get it?
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18 Feb 2004, 15:12
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#40
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lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Me and my imaginary friend Billy
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I thought Billy had no mates  .
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eXcessum
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18 Feb 2004, 21:52
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#41
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
can you imagine anyone being geeky enough to actually come onto here are actaully argue the toss raather than just phoning dace and shouting at him?
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lazy
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18 Feb 2004, 22:54
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#42
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Lurker
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Escosía
Posts: 623
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Re: An Amusing Conclusion
Quote:
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Originally Posted by JC
I thought Billy had no mates . |
Jonny's actually Billy's imaginary friend.
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Requiescat In Pace Methuselah
"Keep The Faith"
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