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7 Apr 2005, 01:13
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#1
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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"Partners"
"Do the vast majority of people in relationships end up so with partners of a comparable level?"
By "level" i mean comparable:
looks
intelligence
education
social/financial background
age (with the obvious men being 2 years older type thing)
and
"Do you think there's an extra strain on the relationship if "everything" isnt balanced (ie rich ugly old guy with pretty young girl)?"
Flav's thread just got me wondering (as he and his gf are both mental and thus "equal" each other).
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Apr 2005, 01:16
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#2
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: "Partners"
i think looks can be an issue but not necessarily a make or break one
intelligence the same. dumb blondes are just as cute as intelligent ones.
education : see above
social / financial background : it depends on the level of disparity. someone from a slum mixing with someone who mixes in the right circles probably wouldnt work.
age : big gaps wont work. little ones do fine.
if everything is way out of balance it wont work.
__________________
Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
__________________
It's not personal, it's just business.
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7 Apr 2005, 01:43
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#3
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: "Partners"
Pff ****ed if I know.
But those who mix too far outside their social/intellectual standings tend not to have lasting relationships in my view. Those that last seem to be those who are on a level playing field...
__________________
I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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7 Apr 2005, 01:58
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#4
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: "Partners"
i can see how all the others MIGHT work... but the intellectual thing would probably be a deal breaker for most people if there was too much disparity.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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7 Apr 2005, 02:00
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#5
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: "Partners"
See that's what i was thinking Deep.
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Apr 2005, 02:03
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#6
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: "Partners"
Looks like as long as you can put up with the age gap Dace, your Mum is still fair game.
__________________
Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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7 Apr 2005, 02:12
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#7
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: "Partners"
i can't stand dumb, ugly, uncivilized people is that the same thing?
Most of those people are poor, but what I hate most is people with ****loads of money with absolutely no culture whatsoever.
'Leonardo DaVinci, isn't that the new striker for Chelsea?'
'Solsjnitzyn, whats that some new form of prozac?'
'Julius Ceasar? Isn't that the one from Asterix?'
'Cleopatra, that is that new fragrance from Dior right?'
Loathe and Despicament!
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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7 Apr 2005, 03:17
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#8
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I dunno...
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: manchester
Posts: 1,502
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Re: "Partners"
Ah, but opposites attract!
__________________
He shall drink naught but brine, for I'll not show him / Where the quick freshes are.
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7 Apr 2005, 04:21
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#9
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
"Do the vast majority of people in relationships end up so with partners of a comparable level?"
By "level" i mean comparable:
looks
intelligence
education
social/financial background
age (with the obvious men being 2 years older type thing)
and
"Do you think there's an extra strain on the relationship if "everything" isnt balanced (ie rich ugly old guy with pretty young girl)?"
Flav's thread just got me wondering (as he and his gf are both mental and thus "equal" each other).
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You know what, the only thing that matters is if you can wake up everyday and still love the person sleeping next to you. **** everything else.
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7 Apr 2005, 08:13
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#10
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: "Partners"
there's a show about this on Belgian TV now, called ' body & soul mates'. they searched for 4 'matching' men and women and are now setting up dates for them etc, see if it 'clicks'.
science meets love. it's pretty interesting.
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7 Apr 2005, 08:32
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#11
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: "Partners"
Everything doesn't need to balance, but overall people need to feel they are roughly equal in total attributes points.
Basically : It's OK to be dumb if you're pretty.
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7 Apr 2005, 08:33
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#12
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: "Partners"
There's psychological evidence we go for people of the same level of attractiveness.
For the most part it does just come down to physical attractiveness, except for a few cases (there will always be exceptions). If you aren't physically attracted to them, it'll never work in a proper long-term relationship. The other stuff is all there just to keep it going for a long time - the more you have in terms of levels of intelligence etc, the better.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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7 Apr 2005, 13:30
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#13
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Happy
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada eh
Posts: 4,793
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Re: "Partners"
age doesn't matter at all. my parents are 13 years apart, phil and i are 4 years apart, some celebs are like 40 years apart.
education doesn't matter either.
intelligence would only matter to a really intelligent person (they'd want decent convos no?) or a really dumb person (might feel intimidated by an intelligent person)
looks.. well if you notice it tends to be really pretty people together, and really ugly people together.. rarely a combo of both (though phil is hot and i'm not so go figure :P)
financials.. it depends on the situation i suppose. if the rich person doesn't mind supporting the poor one then it doesn't matter. if the poor one is just there for the free ride however i think there could be problems.
__________________
Where ever you go, there you are.
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7 Apr 2005, 13:36
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#14
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: "Partners"
btw one of the best places to visit with your date is a themeparc, according to belgian scientists.
the fear-factor etc.
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7 Apr 2005, 18:04
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#15
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
"Do the vast majority of people in relationships end up so with partners of a comparable level?"
By "level" i mean comparable:
looks
intelligence
education
social/financial background
age (with the obvious men being 2 years older type thing)
and
"Do you think there's an extra strain on the relationship if "everything" isnt balanced (ie rich ugly old guy with pretty young girl)?"
Flav's thread just got me wondering (as he and his gf are both mental and thus "equal" each other).
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I would Guess this will be Dace's ideal woman then
( PS : This is very sick, but undoubtedly amusing )
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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7 Apr 2005, 18:06
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#16
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,312
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aryn
phil and i are 4000 miles apart
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That would cover the social background as well, right?
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7 Apr 2005, 18:16
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#17
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiddy
That would cover the social background as well, right?
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Saucer of Milk , table 2 please. And a large delivery of Savlon to Canada.
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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7 Apr 2005, 18:27
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#18
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the Sacred Pervert
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1,492
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Re: "Partners"
An ideal girlfriend doesn't 'get' what goes on around her when you're trying to hide something, is a sports fan, cooks, and gives head anytime of day and swallows.
__________________
"....some might say, we will find a brighter day...."
-Oasis
Veneratio | Insomnia | F-Crew | Subh
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7 Apr 2005, 19:09
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#19
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Made of Twigs
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,459
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Re: "Partners"
Like it's been said, opposites attract, you need some variety, but your overall 'scores' if giving ratings for each, need to be fairly similar.
__________________
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor - James
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am - Muhammad Ali
So **** y'all, all of y'all; if y'all don't like me, blow me! - Dr. Dre
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8 Apr 2005, 23:24
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#20
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: "Partners"
two gods who started dating now would cause trouble.
__________________
hi
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8 Apr 2005, 23:31
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#21
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Evul Critter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: York
Posts: 255
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
There's psychological evidence we go for people of the same level of attractiveness.
For the most part it does just come down to physical attractiveness, except for a few cases (there will always be exceptions). If you aren't physically attracted to them, it'll never work in a proper long-term relationship. The other stuff is all there just to keep it going for a long time - the more you have in terms of levels of intelligence etc, the better.
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Surely this doesn't stick in real terms. Surely you mean there is Psychological evidence that we are better suited to people of the same level.
There are many young girls attractive to older men who have very little going for them. There are older men who are very intellegent and go for young girls with nothing going for them except age. These obviously can't be truly gratifying relationships but they happen etc.
Personally I'm kind of lucky - my girlfriend is probably slightly more intellegent than i am, she is certainly more attractive, slightly older than me and we are from different social backgrounds. Our relationship is very successful even though we don't 'match'
__________________
Critters own....
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9 Apr 2005, 01:00
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 30
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Re: "Partners"
u dont match cos he's clearly a preop transexual zak
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9 Apr 2005, 14:51
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#23
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
There isnt really a meaningful way to measure these things. How many years of age does a PhD compensate for? Is having nice skin worth another £5000 a year on your income? There are probably extreme cases where you could say one person was a lot more 'appealing overall' than the other, but obviously their partner doesnt think so etc.
You cant really make a list of qualities which cause attraction, and even if you could, you wouldnt be able to find a weighting function that gave reasonable results in non-extreme cases.
Last edited by Nodrog; 9 Apr 2005 at 14:57.
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9 Apr 2005, 14:59
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#24
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Evul Critter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: York
Posts: 255
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by kappa
u dont match cos he's clearly a preop transexual zak
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shhhh
__________________
Critters own....
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9 Apr 2005, 15:01
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#25
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home wrecker
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The other side of the galaxy ;)
Posts: 1,041
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
There's psychological evidence we go for people of the same level of attractiveness.
For the most part it does just come down to physical attractiveness, except for a few cases (there will always be exceptions). If you aren't physically attracted to them, it'll never work in a proper long-term relationship. The other stuff is all there just to keep it going for a long time - the more you have in terms of levels of intelligence etc, the better.
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that's close..... but not spot on
There's a lot of evidence to suggest that when faced with options we'll go for the ones similar in attractiveness, but if a guarenteed certainty is available we'll pick the most attractive actually.
it's more to do with us balancing up likelyhood of scoring versus prize gains (cynical xplaination)
insidentally the studies which indicate this were initially done on students by enlarge (who had rated themselves on attractiveness on a 1-5 scale) showing them 5 flash cards of a range of attractive oppositie genders (yes no hope for you interesting same gender folks here) and seeing which they'd pick when asked "which one of these women are you most likely to ask out". the answer was usually the one who had been rated as the same number as they rated themselves (rated both by themselves earlier and by a large cohort group). However when asked the question "all of these people would like to date you, which would you like to go on a date with" invariably they picked the one rated 5
__________________
May the Farce be with you...
#pr0nstars - a pimp is for life, not just for christmas
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9 Apr 2005, 15:04
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#26
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aryn
intelligence would only matter to a really intelligent person (they'd want decent convos no?)
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We do. However, there is very few girls who knows anything about Angola fx.
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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9 Apr 2005, 15:07
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#27
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAdnRisKy
"which one of these women are you most likely to ask out"
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The fact that money was actually spent doing a survey to show people dont normally ask out supermodels makes me want to weep.
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9 Apr 2005, 15:12
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#28
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home wrecker
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The other side of the galaxy ;)
Posts: 1,041
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
The fact that money was actually spent doing a survey to show people dont normally ask out supermodels makes me want to weep.
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now see this is why you shouldn't open your mouth Nod :/
it was done by a psych lecturer in his college with a large cohort of students and didn't cost a penny initially.
but cry away anyway the world cares for your tears
__________________
May the Farce be with you...
#pr0nstars - a pimp is for life, not just for christmas
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9 Apr 2005, 15:16
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#29
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAdnRisKy
now see this is why you shouldn't open your mouth Nod :/
it was done by a psych lecturer in his college with a large cohort of students and didn't cost a penny initially.
but cry away anyway the world cares for your tears
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_cost
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9 Apr 2005, 18:33
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#30
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home wrecker
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The other side of the galaxy ;)
Posts: 1,041
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Re: "Partners"
you just don't quit do you.... :/
first off what a lovely page, but you mentioned actual money not me. Second the pictures used were people in the colledge (which made for an intersting sideline). Thirdly, actually the information produced was vaguely useful, why shouldn't we respond in a fashion similar to a market place?
__________________
May the Farce be with you...
#pr0nstars - a pimp is for life, not just for christmas
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9 Apr 2005, 20:45
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#31
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAdnRisKy
that's close..... but not spot on
There's a lot of evidence to suggest that when faced with options we'll go for the ones similar in attractiveness, but if a guarenteed certainty is available we'll pick the most attractive actually.
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I wasn't talking about the study you mentioned.
I meant a different one. Yours is based on your opinion of people depending on their opinion of you.
You just get about 10 pictures of couples, cut them in half, and put all the pictures of the men on one page, and all the pictures of the women on another (so there can be no link made between the two).
Then ask 20 or so people to "rank" the men on attractiveness each from 1-10, then the women.
The results usually have a significant positive correlation when plotted against each other.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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9 Apr 2005, 21:01
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#32
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
What could that study actually show? It's not like you have an objective standard of attractiveness against which to compare their choices. It would be nonsense to say something like "that person rates a 6 and his first choice is a girl who is only a 7; theory confirmed!". Most of the girls I find insanely hot generally wouldnt be considered 'stunning' by conventional standards so I suppose that just proves I'm ugly lol.
Last edited by Nodrog; 9 Apr 2005 at 21:26.
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9 Apr 2005, 21:14
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#33
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home wrecker
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The other side of the galaxy ;)
Posts: 1,041
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Re: "Partners"
tomkat nice study but we're talking cross purposes I think.
Nod can you suggest a paradim that isn't correlational then?
__________________
May the Farce be with you...
#pr0nstars - a pimp is for life, not just for christmas
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9 Apr 2005, 21:22
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#34
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
I dont think that a claim like that could ever be proven because there just isnt an objective standard of beauty against which you can compare the results. Anything you produced that suggested that people were attracted to those 'of a similar standard to themselves', could be reinterpreted as (for instance) actually showing that people who werent conventionally judged as being attractive were more likely to reject the popular social standards of aesthetics.
Consider:
"People who are attractive in highschool are more likely to be popular and hence will be more inclinded care about pop culture and society. This means that they will a) watch programs that appeal to popular kids such as 'holby city' and 'saved by the bell' which present images of attractive blonde cheerleaders as being the pinnacle of sexuality, and b) will care more about what people think of them hence causing them tiogo for a partner of whose looks society approves, so that they can show off. On the other hand those who were classed as ugly in school are more likely to have been shunned by the popular kids and will be more inclined to grow up with vaguely anti-social-conventions tendencies which means they are more likely to go for girls who dont fit the 'blonde hair big tits' model"
This is every bit as plausible as "people go for those who are just as attractive as themselves", and there are probably hundreds of other hypotheses you couldnt even begin to disprove.
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9 Apr 2005, 21:37
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#35
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
Most of the girls I find insanely hot generally wouldnt be considered 'stunning' by conventional standards so I suppose that just proves I'm ugly lol.
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ginger lol
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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9 Apr 2005, 21:49
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#36
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
It would be nonsense to say something like "that person rates a 6 and his first choice is a girl who is only a 7; theory confirmed!". .
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So you're saying (sorry if I've completely misinterpretated your post) that if you see a girl walking down the street, you wouldn't be able to rank her out of 10 on attractiveness.
It's quite simple. 10 is someone who is VERY good looking and makes your jaw drop. 1 is one of those women you can't help looking at because they're so ugly. 5 is the average girl, not pretty, not ugly.
And the "theory confirmed" isn't based on one match from one couple. That's what statistical tests are for, Gordon. I thought you'd have known that. You can't accept the alternative hypothesis without enough results.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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9 Apr 2005, 22:05
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#37
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
So you're saying (sorry if I've completely misinterpretated your post) that if you see a girl walking down the street, you wouldn't be able to rank her out of 10 on attractiveness.
It's quite simple. 10 is someone who is VERY good looking and makes your jaw drop. 1 is one of those women you can't help looking at because they're so ugly. 5 is the average girl, not pretty, not ugly.
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No, I said that there is no standard by which you can meaningfully compare people's answers. Let's say a person thinks that girl X is the most attractive. You think she is only a 5 while he is a 6, so you want to say 'this is a confirmation of my theory'. But someone else might think she is a 9 whereas he is only a 2, and so on.
Everyone is going to think the person THEY find most attractive is a 10; thats pretty much what it means to 'find someone the most attractive'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
And the "theory confirmed" isn't based on one match from one couple. That's what statistical tests are for, Gordon. I thought you'd have known that. You can't accept the alternative hypothesis without enough results.
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A theory is confirmed every time it makes a correct prediction. 'Confirm' = 'makes the case stronger', not 'establishes it beyond all doubt'.
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9 Apr 2005, 22:50
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#38
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
No, I said that there is no standard by which you can meaningfully compare people's answers. Let's say a person thinks that girl X is the most attractive. You think she is only a 5 while he is a 6, so you want to say 'this is a confirmation of my theory'. But someone else might think she is a 9 whereas he is only a 2, and so on.
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Which is why you ask a significant proportion of people... so that the few anomalies with an "odd" taste in women/men would be reduced. Seriously, are you drunk or something nod? Your arguments are baseless
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
A theory is confirmed every time it makes a correct prediction. 'Confirm' = 'makes the case stronger', not 'establishes it beyond all doubt'.
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You can't confirm a theory. You can only accept a hypothesis on it.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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9 Apr 2005, 22:54
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#39
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: "Partners"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Which is why you ask a significant proportion of people... so that the few anomalies with an "odd" taste in women/men would be reduced.
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Even if 99% of people in the world agreed that someone was hot/not, that wouldn't actually make it any more of an objective opinion which I think was the original point.
With all the questions it's an issue of wording. So instead of :
"People go for people of the same level of attractiveness as themselves"
You could say something like :
"People go for people who are judged to be the same level of attractiveness in their social group as themselves"
Or something like that.
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