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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 20:54   #1
Tomkat
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The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Apologies, as this thread might seem more like boasting than a tale of woe and misfortune with women. It's more about how ridiculous I am when drunk.



So I've managed to excel my own expectations yet again.

4 weeks ago in Exeter I simply full-on lied to a girl and told her I was a 2nd year Film Studies student.

Somehow in my inebriated state I managed to pull this off and thus "pull" her.

Hooray.

I didn't really use a "line", except to blurt out who I was.
It seemed to work though. Not such a terrible line - it was acceptable.




2 weeks ago in Exeter I was chatting to a girl I was sure I knew. While trying to establish how I thought I knew her (did she do business? was she in rag? was she in the guild? did she know x, y or z?) for five minutes, I was close to
giving up.

I tried "well maybe we've snogged each other but forgotten about it".

"it's a possibility" she replied.

And oh - straight off the tongue with wit unimaginable, I retorted "well there's only one way to find out - we'd better kiss again".

Ho yes.

I didn't actually pull her straight after this (the look on her face after I said it couldn't REALLY be described as "impressed" - more like "disgusted") - it took a little bit more effort than that.

But still - I'd like to think that those choice words were the catalyst that sped the whole process up.

Hooray x2.




Last weekend in Exeter I was chatting to another girl who I've quite liked for some time now, but didn't think anything would happen with.

Someone (friend of mine) had told her I had a girl down in Exeter.

This was quickly straightened out with a "no, I was supposed to go on a date with a girl I met 2 weeks ago but it didn't happen".

Now I was drunk.

Really drunk.

When I'm drunk I (as lots of people do) think I'm incredibly witty and charming.

This moved onto me coming out with the gem "So basically... I'm single. And you're single. You know what has to happen now, don't you? We have to have s*x. That's just how this goes. It's the law. Don't blame me. I don't make the rules up"

And yes. It worked. Somehow, it worked. The Dennis Rodman line worked.

Hooray x3




My chatup lines are getting worse and worse the more time I spend in Exeter. What next? "Do you come here often"? That's truly low. Go Team Rattle.
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 20:59   #2
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Where do you go that these lines work, and where's the cheapest place to get a plane ticket.

Last edited by Squidly; 6 Mar 2006 at 21:18.
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 21:11   #3
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Exeter is a very good night out i can vouch for that
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 22:13   #4
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
s*x.
Teaching's changed you, maaaaaaaan.
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 22:14   #5
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

You pretended to be a film studies student to impress a girl.

what
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 22:15   #6
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
Teaching's changed you, maaaaaaaan.

Heh sorry - I had written this in an e-mail to my friends, and my e-mail blocks every kind of rude word. I just adapted it for GD, as pig said something about chat-up lines in IRC and it reminded me.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
You pretended to be a film studies student to impress a girl.

what
dont hate the playa!
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 23:17   #7
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

when im really drunk and i get a girl even if its the first time im making out with her i always put her hand into my dick
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Unread 6 Mar 2006, 23:31   #8
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

jesus...

into....
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 00:10   #9
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlacK_Bengudo
when im really drunk and i get a girl even if its the first time im making out with her i always put her hand into my dick
Whatever works, huh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
This moved onto me coming out with the gem "So basically... I'm single. And you're single. You know what has to happen now, don't you? We have to have s*x. That's just how this goes. It's the law. Don't blame me. I don't make the rules up"
This must mean you are either a sex God, or you know how to pick the ugly desperate chicks.
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 00:24   #10
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

I've used the "i'm a plastic surgeon student" line on many an occasion and it has worked more often than not

However, until you go to Bournemouth you don't know the meaning of 'easy'
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 00:55   #11
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
dont hate the playa!
Hate the game.
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 01:28   #12
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

To a third party:

"This is my new girlfriend!"

Seems to work a treat for me. Then again, I don't think living in Japan does much for your wit and charm...
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 10:13   #13
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlacK_Bengudo
when im really drunk and i get a girl even if its the first time im making out with her i always put her hand into my dick
umm, is that like fisting?

ouch.
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 10:53   #14
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

To be fair, none of TK's (abysmal) chat up lines come close to "put your hand into my dick".
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 13:38   #15
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
umm, is that like fisting?

ouch.
no....
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 21:13   #16
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

all this thread tells me is that exeter girls are easy
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 21:49   #17
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

and yet vampire_lestat still hasn't got laid
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Unread 7 Mar 2006, 21:56   #18
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

lol
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 01:10   #19
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
all this thread tells me is that exeter girls are easy
And someone here told me that Yorkshire girls are easy.
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 11:25   #20
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

they may be, but why the hell would you want to go anywhere near a yorkshire lass? they havent exactly got a reputation for glamour up there you know
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 12:10   #21
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

what's this about yorkshire? maybe I should go out after all

My best line (it wasn't a pickup line - we were lying on my bed) was "are your nipples hard?"
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 12:14   #22
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
all this thread tells me is that exeter girls are easy
Exeter was voted #1 city for "attractive women" in FHM a year or so ago.

It's all about the breeding. Nearly everyone who goes to university there is white-middle-class. The men all have respectable jobs and the women are all hot (married to rich men) so produce fine offspring.

Mmm.

That's the only explanation I have for it anyway.
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 12:35   #23
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
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still begs the q.... y the f**k did i move to Brighton
because your gay?
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Unread 8 Mar 2006, 13:02   #24
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

;p well the brighton jokes never run thin, yahwe will be disapointed though ;/
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:03   #25
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
they may be, but why the hell would you want to go anywhere near a yorkshire lass? they havent exactly got a reputation for glamour up there you know

You forgot DEBBIE KING!!!
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:06   #26
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Exeter is the new Essex. Loose morals and loadsamoney.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:09   #27
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
lolo someones watching quizmainia .... is that allowed for Pa players?????
Ok for starters dont take offence but please just listen for a second.

Theres a small group of people who play pa on GD. Most get offended if you call them pa players as quite simply GD is not PA. Its a seperate entity which is only related to pa by the fact that it has "planetarion" in its url.

Quizmania is cult status around here.

We gather in #forums nightly and speak about it most notably me, dace, deepflow and well whoever else is up. We could give you an education on the Big QM, but we will save it for tonight.

Enjoy your stay at the pa forums and get into the psyche of us GDers!
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:12   #28
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
but way more class ....hmm careful what u say i was born and bred in exeter ... dont wanna own soem one this early on in the day
My former boss is a devon girl.

I wont begin to explain how badly this affected my opinion of all things south of Bristol. Suffice to say I genuinely have a dislike for the place.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:17   #29
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
hmm so if she was a devon gal y the heck do u still live in the SW then
Much as i hate to admit it, they do let them wander north of Bristol you know, theres no Berlin Wall on the Severn Bridge.

Shes a Devon girl, but strangely enough, shes not in Devon.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:20   #30
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

he doesnt live in the sw
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:25   #31
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Read above...
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:25   #32
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurashima
Much as i hate to admit it, they do let them wander north of Bristol you know, theres no Berlin Wall on the Severn Bridge.
Sadly, for all concerned, the failure of Hadrian's Wall to keep the Jocks out of England was seen as reason enough to cancel the proposed Bristol - Bournemouth Wall which would have helped keep the inbreds down in the SW where they belong - in the SW.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:26   #33
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Sadly, for all concerned, the failure of Hadrian's Wall to keep the Jocks out of England was seen as reason enough to cancel the proposed Bristol - Bournemouth Wall which would have helped keep the inbreds down in the SW where they belong - in the SW.
Quoted for the first signs of dementia.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:27   #34
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

where the hell does brizzol come from?
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:27   #35
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
okies im sorry then .. but be funny if he did live in Brizzol
Brother lives in Frome , nr Bath. Loves the town , the area , the people.

I go down and I feel like im walking through the set of a BBC 2 period drama.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:29   #36
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

I see, must be weird to come from a land where you are all inbred
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:30   #37
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurashima
Quoted for the first signs of dementia.
Listen, if there'd been a collection plate going round in the early 1000's, I'd have put a couple of shillings on it if it'd have meant cutting off the SW entirely.

Besides, I'd put money on the fact that a wall, even one two feet high, would still be enough to keep the likes of Akujin and Beefy at bay, if not for the simple reason that one's too lazy and the other too fat to get over it.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:32   #38
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Listen, if there'd been a collection plate going round in the early 1000's, I'd have put a couple of shillings on it if it'd have meant cutting off the SW entirely.

Besides, I'd put money on the fact that a wall, even one two feet high, would still be enough to keep the likes of Akujin and Beefy at bay, if not for the simple reason that one's too lazy and the other too fat to get over it.
Ok , its 1:30 in the morning , and i live in a very nice Semi-Detached house. I have however just woken up my neighbour with some very loud laughter which is entirely inappropriate for this period of the day.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:33   #39
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
oh bytw /devon folk arent inbred thats norfolk ppl... we just very twisted and backwards
No , youre dog****ing inbreds.

Im pretty sure thats in Wikipedia or something.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:34   #40
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
oh bytw /devon folk arent inbred thats norfolk ppl... we just very twisted and backwards
Whats worse? shagging your cousin or raping her, you decide.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:35   #41
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
and nope its norfolk folk.... thats where u go if u wanna get with fat ugly inbreed lesbien sisters...(sorry if ive insulted someone here)
Only Vampy , and shes long gone.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:42   #42
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
we maybe simple folk but we would still find away rd the wal if not over it under it
I somehow doubt that given your example, anything written like plans for teh construction of a tunnel would get very far.

I'd be less surprised if you walked round the end of it, dropped into the Channel or the Severn and wondered why it had all suddenly got dark and wet and breathing was getting a bit tricky...
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 02:47   #43
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Templar
hmm ur thick ..all we need is a pick and a shovel and the rest is history they say
How do you confuse an Exeterian?

Give him 3 shovels and tell him to take his pick

LOLLERCOASTERROFFLETOMATOCHEESEANDPICKLESANDWICH!
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 05:00   #44
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Jocks

at the moment there's an application in my work which i have dealings with on occassion

there are a copule of case (electronic) notes on said file which detail the applicants opinion of "jocks" dealing with his application (he doesn't want jocks to deal with it etc)

saying that tho the case note also details the applicants dementia regarding "the nigerians" so ...


[/i thought my aside seemed apt :shrug:]
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 07:58   #45
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

So anyway.

I'm meeting the third girl (the Dennis-Rodman-line) on Saturday night for a "drink"

She lives in south london normally (just at uni in Exeter) so I'm quite proud of myself. This'll be my first proper date for about 9 months. We were friends before last weekend anyway so I know her well enough.

I asked on the phone if she could remember the pickup line I used on her. She couldn't. So either this means I can use it again (), or I've had a very lucky escape from potential high embarrassment.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 08:35   #46
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
So either this means I can use it again ()...

well maybe you could fall madly in love and be having babies within a few months....
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 09:23   #47
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

When I met my current girlfriend for the first time I said 'hm your breasts seems to be smaller then in the picture you're friend showed me'. (My collegue showed me a picture of her friend while she gave her my phonenumber)


She laughed while I felt like an ass. I knew there was quite a possibility that it could be taken negative but I don't like the boring pc start-up chitchat.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 10:11   #48
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

only stupid girls would laugh when someone makes such a remark.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 10:17   #49
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
only stupid girls would laugh when someone makes such a remark.


No no no no, it's the charming way I can bring such things dude.

Actually I had already some contact with her by phone and msn in which we jokingly discussed breasts at some point. She felt insecure about that as she's small sized and I don't like huge breast, but I always thought she had bigger ones according to a picture, but it was clearly the shadow that made it look like so she claimed. When meeting her it showed that she was right which I told her.
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Unread 10 Mar 2006, 10:35   #50
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Re: The progression of terrible chat-up lines

heh.

'You know what love, i was wrong and you were right.'

'You DO have small tits'

Can see that going down a treat
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