sue johanssen is a twat
Shes such a feminist/naturalist/libertarian wanker! I´m no longer watching her crappy show:mad:
One day i was watching the show and some gay bloke said he would pre-cum too much, and the taste of such element was foul and people were stopping giving him blowjobs. Firstly she told him to do the kegel exercises, which have nothing to do with the problem at hand. Secondly, she told him to "use condoms", even knowing that there is a wide array of medicines to handle that. She said that such medicines would dry his mouth and eyes. What a load of crap. Next on the line there was this guy who would cum immediately after starting to have sex. She actually said to him "well, you should have a wank before starting the intercourse" WTF! Imagine the situation, he finally manages to pull a bird at the club, takes her to his flat, and all of a sudden, he goes "well, you could watch the telly while I have a wank and wait for the next erection, in about 20 mins or so i´ll be back. Enjoy"". Utter unbelievable shit! There is shitloads of medicines to take care of this problem. I dont know the exact term in english, but biology people would know that there is the system that takes care of erection, heartbeats, muscular activity, sweating, the expansion/contraction of our blood vessels, is highly suitable to manipulativity via chemicals. Cocain, for instance, has the property of turning on the system to make your erection last almost permantly, but you lose to ability to cum. Anyways What pissed me off the most was the show from yesterday. First there was this chick who didnt like bumsex and she told "well, just say no, your husband is a despicable horny pervert who is only thinking about himself and not about your pleasure" And she went on and on about how there must be reciprocity in order to relationships work. A sec later a girl called her and told that her bf wouldnt go down on her, and she thinks that she might have a smelly vagina. Sue j. got furious! And started babling about how the smell of vagina turns men on, and make them horny, and that she should go to him and say "well your penis smells a lot, and I still suck it" and said that vaginas only smell bad when they are infected, otherwise they smell great, and the one with a problem was the bf. What about the reciprocity she was talking about? I guess it only applies when the guy is having fun eh? She actually said that it was right her to force him to go down on her smelly vagina! Sometimes my pubes start smelling "not right". I just apply deodorant and apparently it kills off the dissident bacteria and it start smelling great for months, until the next bacteria outbreak. Im sure thats whats happening with such a lady. In short, Sue j. Knows jack about sex, and its a dangerous lesbian feminist monger. |
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You're still a virgin are you not ?
~Vaio~ |
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Oh and it does work. (you have the wank before going out not just before sex...) |
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classic post though :up: :D
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i had sex with a girl 3 weeks ago I lasted 50 mins Im a sex god:banana: |
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Who the hell is Sue Johanssen.
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i think the use condoms thing was a bit wrong, everyone knows condoms suck.
also, that woman should wash her fanny. |
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~Vaio~ |
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1)You masturbated beforehand 2)You were pissed off your face 3)She was a minger hmm? |
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4) he lies
5) 48 minutes he was trying to get it up heh |
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Actually it has to do with the fact that i do wank regularly, like thrice a week, and when i do, I tend to have a very firm grip on my penis, cos its pretty neat.
When i entered the chick, it felt quite.... "loose" Also i couldnt keep the same rhythm i have when wanking (quite fast, i would say 3 repetition a sec). On top of it, i was using a condom, which made things even worse. Well, at first i "thrusted" her for like 30 mins. I wasnt really feeling much. Then she said her fanny was aching, so i had to stop, and rub "it" around. Then she let me try again for like 10 more minutes, when i was, again, interruped by her pains. The last minutes she started doing a bj, then she got tired, and then she started wanking me when my condom blew. As i didnt want to make a mess on my friends bed, I call it the day and went away |
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****ing Hell
We Don't Want Or Need To Know!!! EDIT - having actually read it, I think the only conclusion is - YOU ARE GAY |
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Muslim should never write about anything regarding sex or relationships in general. It is too disturbing.
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YOU DIDNT BLOW YOUR LOAD FOR AGES 'CAUSE YOU REALLY WANT TO **** MEN!
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but its normally all nice and wet and lovely and you have the added bonus of having a naked woman to play around with. i also dont think 50 minutes is particularly long, but then i might just be a non stop loving machine. anyway, even if it is quick the second time round itll take longer. its all gravy, or summin. |
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Muslim: Use lube in future.
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Well there seemed to be a complete lack of anything even vaguely resembling foreplay there, which might also present a problem for muslim in his sexual endeavours.
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Don't confuse him by introducing bizzare concepts like foreplay into the equation, Jonny.
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Bend her over and get going before she regains consciousness, that's my motto.
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EIther you've got a tiny penis or you're going with whores. Or both. :( |
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I was thinking innitially of having foreplays, considering she had bjbed me before all the sex, but when my hand entered the downstairs area, i was quite grossed out. Its so wet and mucky. Feels like an open bleeding laceration. At first I thought i should lick her, but i had a extremely quickly change of mind when my hand entered the pussy domain. I didnt want even to take a closer look at it, fearing being completely grossed out and passing out or something... So i just stabbed her with my fingers for a while and started thrusting with my penis... The fact that she had to stop due to pain has a direct relation with the size of my penis, methinks. I´ve known this chick for 6 months or so, im pretty sure that she would tell me the thruth no matter what.... |
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are you SURE you arent gay? and just 'licking' with no idea what to actually do would have led to embarrasment methinks, trust me, i know :( ", i was quite grossed out. Its so wet and mucky. Feels like an open bleeding laceration" that line is pure genius though, so i thought id quoute it twice, sex IS mucky, its designed that way... |
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This thread is too full of actual LAUGH OUT LOUD lines to quote.
Points to note:
You really should read some educational websites on how to be a (better) lover. At least you can't get any worse. |
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Was she a female shotput champion by any chance? edit : "The pussy domain" :cool: |
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(2 people X 50 minutes) / 0 orgasms = Don't ever change, Muslim. |
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Reading Muslim's posts are like the worst sexual experience you have ever had. AND HE IS PROUD OF IT !
Muslim for new forum comedy god (Sorry Zar) ~Vaio~ |
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And i wasnt particularly worried about the size of the girl I would have sex with, but the willingness to do it.... And yes, im pretty sure im not gay. I was pretty much horny, and when i touched downthere i went like "too much information, remove probing instruments and initiate penetration routines" And i quite enjoyed doing the whole stuff. Plus the fact that you have a whole body, that isnt yours, to play with is certainly a lot of fun. And i am pretty sure ill have sex with her again. At least she mentioned it.;) |
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Tears are running down the side of my face.
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Some Female Shotput Champion, from Google : http://www.soct.org/pics/Beth.JPG
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OK how does Muslim **** up and still get laid and yet when i do it i get ****ing nothing?
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lol
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Cos you aren't trying to go with beasts?
(well, maybe) |
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I am a right-thinking person, therefore I do not want to enter into any sort of relationship with Muslim. So no, it would not be me.
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That might be it. |
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Rofl!!! She probably got sore cause you'd been going so damn long she got bored and dry. Just thrusting around for half an hour is liable to bore any girl. I get sick of it if it goes on for more than about 5 minutes! Thrusting givens relatively little sensation for a girl, there arent actually many nerve endings on the 'inside' as it were. She probably wanted you to play with her clit to try to turn her on a bit again so it wouldnt be so damn uncomforatble having anything in there, regardless of size. Size makes little difference at the larger end, so long as the girl is suitably aroused. Youre not as big as a baby, for christs sake. I feel sorry for that poor girl. You could at least have had the TV on for her to watch. |
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she isnt some random girl peeps. I had told her about my situation way before we started fooling around and she was more than helpfull and pleased to let me try it... And you preference for quickies is unheard of. Most girls i know do take a lot of thrusting to orgasm and they pretty much enjoy to take their time.... |
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Why was she loose if she hadn't had sex in a year?
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Because she weighed twenty-three stone.
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it doesnt mean she actually is loose many dudes ive spoken to about said their first times have a tendency to feel that... |
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it was more like 70-85 kg methinks |
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Or more likely you have a small nob lolerz |
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if shes the kind of girl who will sleep with you 'to be helpful' or whatever it is you said, she probably is a slag to be fair. a year? yeah rite.
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