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29 Nov 2005, 14:07
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#1
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Sweet Jesus
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sat at a table on his own in the corner.
He's so familiar and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: " My God,it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men and drinks the pints slowly, one after the other!
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: " My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years has gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussies hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go the mans eyes widen in shock "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had completely all my life has gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair to get away from the Son of God!
"What's wrong my son?" said Jesus.
The Scouser shouts back " Piss off I'm on disability benefit!"
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And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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29 Nov 2005, 14:09
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#2
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Where did you nick it from?
(Good joke btw)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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29 Nov 2005, 19:16
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#3
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Henry Kelly
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,374
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Paging myself to thread 188606
Heard it before, but entertaining nonetheless
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You're now playing ketchup
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29 Nov 2005, 21:23
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#4
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Re: Sweet Jesus
That joke strikes me as extremely unlikely, as the Aussies don't drink Fosters, and it's piss in a glass anyway.
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29 Nov 2005, 21:47
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#5
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Sweet Jesus
The life of the party as always, Mark.
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"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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29 Nov 2005, 21:50
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#6
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
The life of the party as always, Mark.
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That was humour, young one.
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30 Nov 2005, 00:53
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#7
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Lurker
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Escosía
Posts: 623
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
That joke strikes me as extremely unlikely, as the Aussies don't drink Fosters, and it's piss in a glass anyway.
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All the Australians I know drink Foster's, or agree that it's by far the most popular beer in Ozland...
__________________
Requiescat In Pace Methuselah
"Keep The Faith"
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30 Nov 2005, 01:02
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#8
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I see you!
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In any girl
Posts: 2,825
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
That joke strikes me as extremely unlikely, as the Aussies don't drink Fosters, and it's piss in a glass anyway.
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Which is why they export it
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30 Nov 2005, 01:08
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#9
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Quote:
Originally Posted by KraKto$is8
All the Australians I know drink Foster's, or agree that it's by far the most popular beer in Ozland...
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Interesting. All the ones I know say the exact opposite.
Apparently British Fosters is a lot more like Australian Crown Lager (or something like that) than Australian Fosters.
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30 Nov 2005, 12:53
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#10
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
That was humour, young one.
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To clarify, I was doing a self-depreciation gag about my reputation for pedantry, and therefore chose something utterly inconsequential to comment upon, rather than the crux of the joke (the existance of jesus, the chance of him drinking in a bar, what have you).
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30 Nov 2005, 12:58
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Re: Sweet Jesus
so many cunning levels of complexity.
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I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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30 Nov 2005, 13:04
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#12
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Sweet Jesus
I was too young, even by Geordie standards, to drink in Australia when I lived there, but the people I've been in contact with drink Vic Bitter mostly.
Me saying all Australians drink that would be a vast generalisation and blatant stereotype, much like the joke itself.
Good one though.
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30 Nov 2005, 17:39
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#13
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Back from timeout.
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 901
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Re: Sweet Jesus
Any of you lads (hehe I made a funny) drink Shiner?
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
You'll have to prise my penis from my cold, dead hand!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Yahwe
Gay ducks only do it because it impresses their peers.
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30 Nov 2005, 18:12
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#14
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: Sweet Jesus
google has led me to believe that Victorian Bitter is the best-selling beer in australia. i'm having trouble getting good statistics though, stats that don't really forward any particular political agenda are usually tough to come by.
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30 Nov 2005, 20:16
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#15
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: Sweet Jesus
My other half spent about 9 months living and working in Australia.
Theres a pub here that does imported VB. She drinks nothing else when she goes there. She says its definetely the most popular beer in Australia. Very few people drink Fosters, as in they tend to buy Stubbies more than Cans.
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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30 Nov 2005, 23:17
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#16
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Made of Twigs
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,459
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Re: Sweet Jesus
They sell VB in Walkabout.
It's quite nice.
That's all I have to add on the issue.
__________________
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor - James
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am - Muhammad Ali
So **** y'all, all of y'all; if y'all don't like me, blow me! - Dr. Dre
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1 Dec 2005, 07:02
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#17
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 433
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Re: Sweet Jesus
VB isn't really the best beer, so much as the one with the best advertising. The VB tune is more well known than the national anthem.
In fact, it should be the national anthem.
Plus they're giving away a talking David Boon figurine with every case this summer. Boonie drank 52 cans of beer on a plane flight to England once, and although the rest of the details are sketchy, word has it he defeated Mothra, brought democracy to Cuba and photographed Bigfoot before he had to be carried off the plane.
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