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23 Dec 2002, 23:38
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#1
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Physics Joke
Quote:
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.
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[physlink.com]
Made me chuckle.
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Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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23 Dec 2002, 23:39
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#2
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First Disciple of Aldur
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Vale of Aldur
Posts: 1,470
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someone poke out my eyes.
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Yeah.
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23 Dec 2002, 23:40
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: in a house
Posts: 185
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__________________
I can't believe someone actually said this:
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles
CNN is liberal bull****...no wonder you people are so ****ing stupid. If you want a real News Channel try Fox News.
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23 Dec 2002, 23:40
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#4
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Guest
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lol
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23 Dec 2002, 23:41
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,944
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Quote:
Originally posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
someone poke out my eyes.
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if i had a blunt enough stick i would :/
(and a train ticket to wherever you live)
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23 Dec 2002, 23:42
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#6
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Quote:
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'
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Not quite as good as the first.
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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23 Dec 2002, 23:49
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: in a house
Posts: 185
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Not quite as good as the first.
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but good none the less!
__________________
I can't believe someone actually said this:
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles
CNN is liberal bull****...no wonder you people are so ****ing stupid. If you want a real News Channel try Fox News.
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24 Dec 2002, 00:02
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#8
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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'Old LASER physicists never die, they just become incoherent'
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24 Dec 2002, 00:07
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,944
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i expected better from you :/
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24 Dec 2002, 00:10
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#10
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i expected better from you :/
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That one liner is the best thing ever :(
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24 Dec 2002, 00:15
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#11
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Miasma
you,nod and jonny could form a triad intended to send me gibbering into the night armed only with a shotgun and the urge to do bad things to good people.
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Man walks into a bar, asks the barman 'How much for a pint of adenosine triphosphate'
Barman replies 'ATP'
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24 Dec 2002, 00:23
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#12
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Miasma
Chemistry jokes never really did it for me, they lack the flavour or panache of physics.
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It's more of a biology joke.
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24 Dec 2002, 00:24
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#13
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Man walks into a bar, asks the barman 'How much for a pint of adenosine triphosphate'
Barman replies 'ATP'
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Expalin please. I'm a biological retard.
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 00:25
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#14
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Expalin please. I'm a biological retard.
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Say 'ATP'
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24 Dec 2002, 00:26
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#15
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Pfffft.
None of these come anywhere near the Jesus and his diciples joke!
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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24 Dec 2002, 00:32
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#16
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Took me a whle to get it. 80p, quite funny.
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 01:05
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#17
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Look over there!
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 704
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Took me a whle to get it. 80p, quite funny.
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Don't encourage them.
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24 Dec 2002, 01:09
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#18
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?
A: Because it needed a cos(r).
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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24 Dec 2002, 01:30
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#19
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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24 Dec 2002, 01:32
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#20
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radical Edward
why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
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We're sad all the time
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24 Dec 2002, 01:32
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#21
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Look over there!
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 704
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radical Edward
why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
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nonsense. It's a vibrant intellectual party, like the cambridge moral sciences club in the 1930s.
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24 Dec 2002, 01:41
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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vibrant intellectual party? you aren't involved in my conversation with the missus...
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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24 Dec 2002, 01:42
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#23
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by G_frog
nonsense. It's a vibrant intellectual party, like the cambridge moral sciences club in the 1930s.
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Is there an amoral sciences club? I forget.
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24 Dec 2002, 01:42
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#24
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Guest
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For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
more recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit
light, they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark
sucker theory proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than
that of light, and that dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take,
for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark
right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the
greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have much
greater capacity than the ones in this room.
As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of
dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full
dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white
wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all of the dark that has been sucked into it. If you hold a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There
are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the
dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark
storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the
portable dark sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
Candles present a special problem as the dark must travel into a solid wick
instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus, it
can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier
than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you will see a lot
of light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker
and darker. When you reach the depth of approximately 50 feet, you are in
total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the
lake, and the lighter light floats to the top.
The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can collect
the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through
turbines. This generates electricity and helps push dark to the ocean, where
it can be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to
get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this
problem and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the
same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to
stop the flow of dark. When they traveled against the flow of dark, they
paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand
in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but since
the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric light bulb, remember that
it is, indeed, a dark sucker.
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24 Dec 2002, 02:09
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#25
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Quote:
Originally posted by Androme
ctrl+c ctrl+v
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__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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24 Dec 2002, 02:41
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#26
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?
A: Because it needed a cos(r).
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I don't get that one either. I'll cane it with my calculator later i I can find it.
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 11:20
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#27
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Quote:
Sign on railroad station:
These railroads are subject to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: Position
and Velocity of a given train can not be specified at the same time.
-- Sydney Harris Cartoon
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Quote:
The Schrodingers Cat experiment in Quantum Physics:
Take one ordinary cat, one large box, a particle detector, a radiation
source, a bottle of cyanide gas. Hook up the detector so that if it detects
a particle from the radiation source, it will open the cyanide gas. Set it
up inside the box in such a way that there will be a 50% probability of a
particle being detected from the radiation source within a five minute
period. Add the cat to the box.
Theory says that the cat will enter a quantum state where it is 50% alive
and 50% dead until the experimenter looks inside the box. However, reality
teaches us that the severly pissed off cat cat WILL escape the box well
before the 5 minutes are up, attack the experimenter and depart just in
time for the severly lacerated experimenter to watch the hammer decend on
the cyanide bottle one inch from his nose.
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__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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24 Dec 2002, 11:39
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#28
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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'Lo gayle!
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 11:42
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#29
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Child Eating Zombie Clown
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,450
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Say 'ATP'
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OH LOOK IT'S ONE OF THOSE JOKES THAT MAKES NO SENSE UNLESS YOUI HAVE A ****E BRIT ACCENT
__________________
Mirai - An Astral Being From Outer Space
Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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24 Dec 2002, 11:44
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#30
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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How would you pronounce it?
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 11:50
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#31
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Child Eating Zombie Clown
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,450
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"eh" "tee" "pee"
__________________
Mirai - An Astral Being From Outer Space
Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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24 Dec 2002, 11:52
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#32
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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Silly yankish accent
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 11:54
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#33
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Child Eating Zombie Clown
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,450
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Silly yankish accent
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I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.
__________________
Mirai - An Astral Being From Outer Space
Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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24 Dec 2002, 11:58
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#34
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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It's Christmas so I shall forgive you.
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 12:00
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#35
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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correctly?!?
Quote:
Originally posted by Mirai
I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.
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*insert stupidly patriotic gibberish about the Queen's English*
[Edit]Actually, i'm from Yorkshire so that's a bit rich coming from me... [/Edit]
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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24 Dec 2002, 12:05
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#36
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In fond memory of SB
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: LIGHTNING BOLT!!
Posts: 393
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At least we're not from Birmingham. They speak crazy talk!
__________________
Peace, Love and Linux
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My Artwork
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24 Dec 2002, 12:07
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#37
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Re: correctly?!?
Quote:
Originally posted by Mushroom
*insert stupidly patriotic gibberish about the Queen's English*
[Edit]Actually, i'm from Yorkshire so that's a bit rich coming from me... [/Edit]
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OI! Now't wrong wi't' way folk fro' God's Country talk. It's all them soft southern wazzocks that need t' learn t' Queens English!
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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24 Dec 2002, 12:17
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#38
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Bromley
Posts: 806
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mirai
I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.
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thats ok, you are forgiven
__________________
Proud to be a pr0nstar and [TiT]
Proud to have been:
[_DoG_]HC
[ICE]DC
[Deus]
[Tok'ra]
[Ostraka]
www.tit.aresexy.com
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24 Dec 2002, 12:18
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#39
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Guest
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
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24 Dec 2002, 12:19
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#40
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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Re: Re: correctly?!?
Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle28uk
OI! Now't wrong wi't' way folk fro' God's Country talk. It's all them soft southern wazzocks that need t' learn t' Queens English!
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'ear all, see all, say nowt
eyt all, sup all, pay nowt
and if tha ivver does owt for nowt, do it for thissen
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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24 Dec 2002, 12:23
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#41
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Re: Re: Re: correctly?!?
Quote:
Originally posted by Mushroom
'ear all, see all, say nowt
eyt all, sup all, pay nowt
and if tha ivver does owt for nowt, do it for thissen
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The Yorkshireman's advice to his son
Does tha' know how t' say Hawsker tho'? And does thee say 'Harrowgate' or does thee know it's 'arrigut?
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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24 Dec 2002, 14:26
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#42
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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Re: Re: Re: Re: correctly?!?
Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle28uk
The Yorkshireman's advice to his son
Does tha' know how t' say Hawsker tho'? And does thee say 'Harrowgate' or does thee know it's 'arrigut?
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'arrigut all't way
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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24 Dec 2002, 21:02
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#43
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
I don't get that one either. I'll cane it with my calculator later i I can find it.
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cos(r) -> cosine(r)-> co-signer
IT'S HILARIOUS!
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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24 Dec 2002, 21:13
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#44
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 1,200
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
IT'S HILARIOUS!
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when you put it like that, i guess it could have been funny.
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