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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 02:17   #1
Deffeh
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What do you have in common with your friends?

I realised this week (well i realised ages ago, but this week has been the confirmation) that all me and my friends have in common, is alcohol.

We dont really know **** all about each other for the most part. I dont have a clue what most of their dreams and aspirations are. We're halfway through uni, i dont know what some of my best friends of several years are doing, and i only vaguely know "how" they are doing.

Since i came back from T in the Park on Monday afternoon, ive sworn off alcohol temporarily. Im well aware its only saturday night, but thats a significant amount of time to me. Definitely now, this is the 4th longest ive gone without drink since i started university. The longest beng 8 days.

Ive been hungover, coming down, working, and antisocial, true. But more than anything ive been bored out of my tits. Nothing goes on around here, at all. Im not short on friends, im short on things to do at the best of times - but now with no booze, im pretty much stranded. Thursday night i went down to the social club with three mates, and they were all drinking a couple of pints, i just had a can of coke and played some pool. They were going back to another mates house to watch "spun", smoke some dope and drink some beer, but i was feeling faint, and not in the mood to be around drunks so i didnt bother. Another one of my best mates i was going to call today, but realised there was no point, because when we "spend the day together", its just a ciderfest. You cant even watch a movie nowadays without drinking through it. Friday morning i went through to Edinburgh to see another mate. We had lunch, took a walk round the parliament building (ugly as sin btw), then she showed me where shes living nowadays. But because i wasnt drinking, there wasnt really much for us to do but talk, no night time activities like a club or a jazz bar because thats no fun sober, so i went home fairly early. Friday, i got a missed call from one of my Best friend's sisters (who i've been pretending to try and get it on with since she was about 13, huzzah). When i phoned, turned out there was a flatwarming for one of my oldest mates, people were getting drunk and crashing in the west end of glasgow. But it was too late, i was too tired after work, and im not drinking. Today, yet another one of my mates suggested getting a carry out and watching the Khan fight, but i didnt bother going round because im not drinking, we didnt end up doing anything at all, either of us. Not that i couldnt have enjoyed his company sober, but it would have felt weird, especially as neither of us are really into boxing - its just something to do "while you drink". I had also previously planned to go up to Stirling today and see an entirely different set of mates - great bunch, the lot of them - but there was no ****ing point me spending money going up to a different city to play gooseberry to some drunks, even if they are my friends. Shame as well, because i dont know when i'll get the chance next. I ended up sitting on my arse watching crap tv all night instead.

My questions to you are this

a/ Is my friend group abnormal?

b/ What the hell do you have in common with people?

c/ How on earth do teetotal people maintain a social life?

d/ What is there to do in this godforsaken country? (Bear in mind when at University, i do play a lot of sports. Around here however, the tennis club is £180 a yearly membership, theres a waiting list, and you can never get a court anyway. Everyone is working and you cant organise football. The nearest cinema is in the City Centre ie right by the pubs. In fact theres a pub under it.)


I'm going to drink again soon, but i want to drink when I WANT TO DRINK. This week is the first time in a long long while i havent constantly walked downstairs each day, and grabbed a few cold ones up to the attic "out of habit". I drink too much, too often i know, i know binge drinking is bad for me, so taking these small breaks from drink is the very least i can do. I feel like im being punished for not being my usual idiotic self.


PS/ Could lack of alcohol be the reason why i've been feeling dizzy faint and light headed all week?
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 02:19   #2
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deffeh
a/ Is my friend group abnormal?

b/ What the hell do you have in common with people?

c/ How on earth do teetotal people maintain a social life?

d/ What is there to do in this godforsaken country? (Bear in mind when at University, i do play a lot of sports. Around here however, the tennis club is £180 a yearly membership, theres a waiting list, and you can never get a court anyway. Everyone is working and you cant organise football. The nearest cinema is in the City Centre ie right by the pubs. In fact theres a pub under it.)

PS/ Could lack of alcohol be the reason why i've been feeling dizzy faint and light headed all week?
a ) maybe. most are.

b) common interests, common points of annoyance.

c) same as non-teetotal people actually.

d) Anything you choose.

ps ) no.
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 02:20   #3
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEWSBOT3

ps ) no.
It could if he were physically dependent. Haven't you seen Leaving Las Vegas? :0
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 02:31   #4
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 02:36   #5
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

a) I dont know, and Im not sure it's the correct question. You sound like a friend of mine, who's drink to much and mostly hangs around with his drinking-buddies.
b) I got 3 sets of friends. Those from back home (2 of them Ive know all my life), uni friends and political friends. Common interests, common stories, common activities, common meeting-places.
c) We do mostly the same stuff.
d) Its up to yourself to find someting to do. I suggest you find some hobbies

ps) No, its prob becouse your body reacts to the lack of alchol... witch suggest you might need help (AA-type).
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 07:15   #6
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

I have one friend who has been a close friend since we were 6 years old. That's about 52 years now. What do we have in common? Mostly history. We have seen each other through a lot of things over the year. We roomed together for a while in college. My friend liked to drink a lot and I didn't drink hardly at all. When he wanted to drink he did it with other of his friends.

I have other friend that have only been friends for 40+ years. One is a woman, one is a gay man. What we have in common is that we genuinely like each other and enjoy being around each other. We can talk about nothing for hours and still enjoy it.

One of the things I think you need to ask yourself is do you really like your friends? If you don't enjoy being around them unless you are drinking then there is a problem.

Why do you go to jazz clubs? Shouldn't you go to jazz clubs for the music?

Do things that you actually enjoy doing! Be around people that you actually enjoy being around. The rest will take care of itself.
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 13:48   #7
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

all of my friends are slightly off their rockers. i suppose that says something about me :P
we used to do lots of stuff in highschool, and none of it envolved alcohol. actually we were all a bunch of goodie goodies :P we'd go kosmic bowling (bowling with blacklights and loud music), go to someone's house and play games like rumoli (cards) or spoons (full contact ofc :P ), go see movies. sometimes we'd play car tag around the city. all of this without alcohol.

put it this way. anything can be fun. but if you go to it thinking 'this will be lame without alcohol' then it will be. you're making everything unfun cause you're thinking it's going to be.
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 18:12   #8
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

I have not alcohol in common with my frineds, since i have lots who dont drink, and i myself try not to drink to much when i am with them. I believe alcohol ruins a chance of good time with my friends, instead helping it. In coomon with them i can say we all like to going out a lot, i usually go out without have nothing or no one to go out in mind and just meet my friends on some common places we hang out and go out with that friends are there, or then with another group of friends. People here like to chat a lot, so it is a excellent alternative to getting drunk, since i can have fun just staying with the people i like
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 20:03   #9
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

I must admit, mine is a similar situation to yours, most of the time when I see my friends, its for a drink, or to go clubbing, or to go fishing and have a few beers. We dont do much that doesnt involve at least a couple of beers.

I think I know a lot more about my friends than you seem to, I know their parents, I know their girlfriends, I can tell you what each of them does for a living, stuff like that but we dont have a great deal in common.

I wish a had a few decent hobbies, fishing is one of my new found favourites, but its not cheap either, and if you're having a bad day, it can be boring as absolute ****.
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Unread 17 Jul 2005, 21:44   #10
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

History and a certain level of intelligence are what I'd say I had in common with everyone I am friendly with.

History in that I've known them all for 12-13 years as T&F said. I've lived with a couple of them for the last 3 years.

In terms of "intelligence" I don't mean IQ or anything educational but a certain level of intellectual ability when discussing things. Everyone I know has their specialist area but they can at least comprehend what the others do even if it's way outside their normal remit.

I'm not sure whether it's a universal or because we're all from vaguely similar backgrounds, geographical area and had/have a lot of the same experiences (e.g. slightly geeky teenagers=>university life=>reasonable paying but slightly dissatisfying jobs) a lot of stuff we can appreciate together. There seems to be a certain amount of "art" (i.e. books, TV, films) that most people can agree is of a certain "quality". So if my friends all see a movie and say it was the greatest movie ever then I can be reasonably sure that I'll at least enjoy it. This makes doing things together easier - so we usually watch new episodes of Lost, Scrubs, Battlestar, etc together.

One area where I share very little in common with anyone I know is music which is ocassionally dissatisfying. People seem to diverge over time and I don't think I know a single person who likes any of the bands I currently listen to.

I very rarely get drunk with the people I am good friends with. I normally find I drink a lot more when I am with people I am less comfortable with (e.g. people I've met when clubbing etc). I go through phases where I want to meet new people etc, but then often I feel like I shouldn't ever be uncomfortable and will revert to just my core group of friends.
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Unread 18 Jul 2005, 09:10   #11
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

similar to dante, but my friends and I all like our jobs.
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Unread 18 Jul 2005, 12:20   #12
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

From the outside my group of friends would appear to have absolutely nothing in common. We each have different tastes, different dress sense, different looks. When I see other groups out they tend to look at least vaguely similar, but we just don't . But what we have in common is 12 years of friendship, is the ability to talk to one another about absolutely anything with no shame, and the ability to discuss any subject matter and know that the others are interested and will listen.

How do teetotal people survive? Well I can't deny I like a drink. I often get drunk. But I am just as happy sitting drinking coffee. In fact more often than not when I see my friends (which is not very often as they have spread themselves over the country) we meet for lunch rather than going to the pub. Maybe it's an age thing. I just think it's more civilised when you haven't seen someone for several months to actually be able to have a conversation with them rather than having to shout over the music while people fall about drunk all around you.
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Unread 18 Jul 2005, 12:58   #13
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

I don't have a massive circle of friends around me, which I am very content with.

I've got 2 friends who I know for about 22/23 years, both from the neightbourhood I grew up. With one of them this 22 years of friendship is the main thing we got in common. We can laugh and speak about lighthearted bullshit a lot together, drink (which doesn't happen that often anymore because he got a steady relationship, kid, house etc since a while. He's a carpenter. The other guy (studying astro-physica), is completely the oposite of the first, we got a lot in common except our (future)job, we both are loners and can talk about anything, especially about how inferior our environment is compared to brilliant and unique us. I consider him my best friend but we don't go out a lot together as he doesn't like to party at all. We can speak freely about our inner demons and things we do are stuff like playing chess, critising everyone but ourselves, videogames.

Next, I've got two other friends who I know for about 7 or 8 years who are old study mates of me. We meet some now and then to go to the casino, footballgame, visit a restaurant stuff like that. We almost always go with the three of us, somehow rarely without one of the three. Our school background is what we have in common and our solo'ist existence. One is a computerprogrammer, the other one works at a governmental body, doing work that is comparable to mine, a bit.

At last my ex-girlfriend, my first girlfriend who also endured me the longest in that context (8 years) I also consider her as a very good close friend. More like a sister. Our bond is ofcourse our past relationship. We been through a lot in those 8 years together. She was my first serious relationship and vica versa. She knows a lot about me, but not as much as the second person described in this post. She tells me stuff she won't even tell her boyfriend. Actually I still love her, but not in a romantic/sexual way.
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Unread 18 Jul 2005, 18:46   #14
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Exclamation Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

When you meet people in Goth clubs, you generally tend to have very similar tastes in clothes, music, and probably lots of other pop-cultural stuff. This can be a good and a bad thing.
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Unread 19 Jul 2005, 00:44   #15
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Re: What do you have in common with your friends?

I have a group of close friends and a group of 'drinking buddies'.
When i'm with my normal friends we dont drink. We just talk. Have a natter about anything, weather politics sport work sex drugs rock n roll. It's all very civilised.
When i'm with my drinking buddies we get hammered. Just for the sake of it. I dont know much about them apart from what they drink and how much it costs.
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