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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 03:04   #1
pig
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GF...Friends

Now this is my third and final year.

I have a large group of friends at university and when I go out I often bump into a lot of people I know. In fact I get invited to alot of parties, social gatherings etc. However this year I kind of got bored.

I have a great bunch of friends back at home in Birmingham. They are brothers to me and we speak alot on the phone.

At university my closest friends were a group of six guys, they all went and did years abroad. That kind of left me in the lurch. Its weird. Im living with 2 guys this years, and 3 girls. Now they are good housemates. They speak english (which is a start) they offer you cups of tea. They chat to you and are in general quiet. They also dont seem to mind im hardly ever in. However I just cant be arsed to get to know them. As its my final year third years are invited back onto campus into halls again. Which I chose as my close friends went abroad.

Living near me I have a fair few people I know, from males to females. They will send me a text message and I will make my exscuses. I just cant be bothered to really socialise with them. The same conversation of "Hows your course" "Did you see the match" "Whats your house like" etc etc.

Instead I choose to spend time with my girlfriend and her housemates. Its relaxing. They cook for me, we go for drinks, we relax. I really enjoy that after 2 years of getting hammered. However my girlfriend went away to Paris this weekend and then I realised. Shit I have neglected friends so much that I have to ask people if they want to go out. So I phoned around and found out most of them had gone home for the week as its reading week. Slightly discouraged I spoke to my housemate and went to the pub with him. My worst fears were realised. He was quite boring, the conversation was dry and because I wasnt relaxed I couldnt actually get drunk.

Upon writing this im sitting here thinking what should I do. I think that I should try and revitalise my social career. Make more friends again and make more effort with my current friends and turn them into close friends. I should stop relying on my girlfriend for entertainment and start getting off my arse and go out and do something with most vitally male company and male bravado.

Anyone else been in this situation? Anyone else have any advice?
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 03:19   #2
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Re: GF...Friends

It could just be laziness, but I tend to rely on my first instincts. If I'm making excuses not to go out with people (or just plain avoiding them) then it's probably because I don't actually like them (or don't have too much in common with).

If there are interesting/cool people then you should make more of an effort with them, if only to have a balance against spending time with your girlfriend. If there's not, then I wouldn't bother.

However as it's your last year so it doesn't really that much, does it?
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 08:29   #3
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Re: GF...Friends

It's your last year. Don't bother making a huge effort to go and make friends just for the sake of it.

Without trying to sound too teacherly, maybe the lack of social life is good - it means you can get more work done?

The thing I find tragic about university friends is that I don't see a whole lot of them anymore. I know I see them more than a lot of my other friends (I'm living with one at the moment, and we're all meeting up next weekend etc), but still. These are the people you spend 3 years of your life with quite intimately, then university ends and you see them maybe once or twice a year.
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 08:47   #4
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Re: GF...Friends

Creating a new social circle from scratch in your final year of university seems like an awful lot of effort to me. Further to that, it does not seem as if it is absolutely nessecary. You are only in this bind because your girlfriend is away, and perhaps she is used to having your company. Do you think stirring the water with new friends would unbalance this area of your life?

Making more effort with your current friends might be an easier option.
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 08:58   #5
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Re: GF...Friends

You probably find different things enjoyable now pig. Do whatever makes you happy (it's often hard to figure this out). Don't worry about how many friends you have or who you've lost, just concentrate on doing things you enjoy.
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 09:49   #6
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Re: GF...Friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
It could just be laziness, but I tend to rely on my first instincts. If I'm making excuses not to go out with people (or just plain avoiding them) then it's probably because I don't actually like them (or don't have too much in common with).
So, You're at work again tonight then?
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 10:08   #7
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Re: GF...Friends

I made a load of new friends in the middle of my third year. I split up with my long term girlfriend at that point and realised that most of my friends were like you - They spent all their time with their girlfriends/boyfriends and were incredibly unreliable when it came to the rest of their friends.

So I got much more involved with the sports club i was in, joined a couple of other societies, went out as much as possible with "lesser" friends and generally had a good time.
However, I did have a 4th year too, but a big chunk of my previous friends had left at the end of the third year.

Now I'm moved away, I generally only keep in contact with people over msn... My mates from Nottingham have dispersed around the country and have full-time jobs and full-time girlfriends (only 1 is going to still be based in Nottingham this christmas) so I barely speak to them either

My "best friend" at the moment is my girlfriend, who I met in my 4th year... But I certainly don't see her to the detriment of other friends...

So yeh, go out and what meet new people. It never hurts to network and now I've met people from all over the country.
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 22:31   #8
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Re: GF...Friends

Your girlfriend went to Paris for the WEEKEND? For the fuc*ing WEEKEND?

Get a grip. You think you should reevaluate your entire social life because your girlfriend goes away for the WEEKEND? Did I miss something? The WEEKEND?

Get a grip.

You seem like a pleasant enough young man. If you can't survive for a few days without having to completely rethink your life then you need to, well, errr, rethink your life.

Oh yeah, I forgot.....






FOR THE FUC*ING WEEKEND?
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Unread 7 Nov 2005, 22:55   #9
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Re: GF...Friends

Do you have any hobbies? You could try doing something sociable, and you'll find a whole new friendship circle ready-made for you to spend time with. You could take up ballroom and latin dancing. Or jitsu. Or join a choral society. Don't take up something like roleplaying or bird-watching. Animesoc is also likely to not produce a good social life.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 00:45   #10
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Re: GF...Friends

dda as usual your right
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 09:21   #11
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Re: GF...Friends

his right what?
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 13:53   #12
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Re: GF...Friends

have a wank. hth.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 14:09   #13
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Re: GF...Friends

Try being less dependent on other people. You dont need to have 'male friends' just for the sake of having of having them; if youre happy hanging out with your girlfriends flatmates, then cool. Maybe it'll leave you without many friends if you ever break up, but you'll probably be able to find other people that are worthwhile. Or maybe you wont. Who knows, who cares - having friends just for the sake of 'having friends' is pretty silly.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 14:11   #14
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Re: GF...Friends

Weren't you blathering on the other day about how wonderful your ex was and that you'd marry her instantaneously if she as much as said your name, now you're upset because your gf who, if you had already forgotten, split up with you for religious reasons (ahahahaha) and you virtually cheated on, goes away for the weekend, which, surely, would give you the opportunity to go out with that girl you were yabbing about that you met when you were hammered at a party somewhere but couldn't remember her name.

Full credit to you for having the gift of the gab, but for heavens sake, sort your life out, would you, it's like having all the storylines in a series of EastEnders or some other crappy soap all rolled into one episode.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 14:19   #15
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Re: GF...Friends

Buy a book and read it when your girlfriend goes to paris for the weekend.









PS Haha you let your girlfriend go to paris for the weekend and there's no chance she's not going to be having sex with some greasy frenchman and now you'll be faced with this conundrum all the time and I'll have to listen to more internet whining and then I'll kill myself because let's face it it's better than reading threads about how boring people aren't worth getting to know and it's usually a good idea to talk to interesting people.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 14:27   #16
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Re: GF...Friends

HANG ON
Lets look at the facts here.
Your gf is a religious fanatic (based on ramadadingdong break-up)
Unhappy ethnic minorities, mainly Muslims, live in Paris.
Your gf goes to Paris
Rioting breaks out in Paris

CALL THE TERRORIST POLICE

Edit: Oh, and make them go and pick up Jonny, since he's a dirty Irishman who'd probably incite a quick bout of civil unrest if he could find the way out the door through all the empty beer cans.
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Unread 8 Nov 2005, 16:18   #17
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Re: GF...Friends

I have a similar situation where I had a year out and now most of my friends, who I met in halls first year and remain quite good friends with have now gone and graduated.

The house where I am leaving I get on with them, and like you the only real conversations we have is "how is your course going?" or "what are you up to tonight?" Luckily a couple of my friends from last year have stayed in the area and one of them only lives about 30-45m away.

The friend who still lives in Newcastle only lives a couple of streets from me, but unfortunately doesn’t have much free time since she working at a accountancy firm who also enrolled her at the local financial and is such either busy with that course or working all the time. Have met her for drinks during lunch few days and that’s it, most nights are working for the course which would lose her the job if failed.
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