Planetarion Forums - [LotR] Shocking News in Middle-Earth

Leshy · 27 Dec 2002, 01:44

MINAS TIRITH - A shockwave went through Middle-Earth today as Faramir,
Captain of Gondor, announced an upcoming multi-million dollar lawsuit
against Peter Jackson for defamation of character. Film Director Jackson
in his recent movie 'The Two Towers' portrayed Faramir kidnapping and
threatening to rob two young hobbits.
"I won't take this", said an emotional Faramir. "I have never had any desire
to take anything from that hobbit, nor have I taken them anywhere against
their will. I mean, I haven't even been in Osgiliath these last few weeks!"
According to Faramir, he has suffered heavily since the release of Jackson's
movie. "I mean, I can't even do my job anymore. How do you think it feels
to lay in ambush for rampaging Orcs, only to hear jokes about me coming
from the bushes. My own men don't even respect me anymore!"
Peter Jackson has not made any comments himself, but the New Line lawyers
representing him have issued a statement, in which they claim innocence
on basis of artistic freedom. Gandalf Greyhame, the legal counsel represen-
ting Faramir foresees a long and difficult procedure. "I have fought with a
Balrog of Morgoth, and I have returned from beyond this world, but so far
my skills have been untested against lawyers. I will need all of my wits
against these foul demons."
The lawsuit will be further complicated by the fact that the two main
witnesses, Frodo B. and Samwise G. have disappeared mysteriously at the
borders of Mordor. As a friendly gesture, Sauron has sent out The Witch
King of Angmar to help in locating the hobbits. A gesture which is most
appreciated by Faramir: "It's really nice of him, I would have never
expected it. I mean, Frodo and Sam can confirm everything. It'd really
help my case if they were found."
These events could set a precedent throughout Middle-Earth, and as was to
be expected, reactions to this news varied. A certain ranger, who wishes
to remain unnamed for political reasons, supported Faramir. "I have known
him for a good while, and he is definitely not a kidnapper. I mean, I'd be
sueing Jackons myself if my girlfriend hadn't stopped me. She likes him as
he landed her a big role or something." Furthermore, he wanted to have it
noted that he is not ashamed for who he is, and that his great-grandfather
was a hero.
On the opposing side is Rivendell resident Glorfindel. "Faramir shouldn't
be whining. At least Peter Jackson found him actually important enough to
defamate." Rohan official spokesperson Gríma supported this statement.
"They are all a bunch of cry-babies in Gondor, not worthy of our aid. And
the king must not be troubled with all of this, for he is weary and has
many problems to deal with."
The case is to start when an appropriate judge has been appointed. Rumour
has it that the position might go to Galadriel of Lothlorièn. "The request
has not yet come to pass, but this case stands on the edge of a knife.
Long have I desired to take this case, as it will shape the fortune of
all." The name of her husband Celeborn goes around as well, but he was not
available for comment, claiming that his wife handles all his affairs.

27 Dec 2002, 01:53

heh

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 02:33

In other news, Arwen Undomiel daughter of Elrond is now suing Peter Jackson for including her in several scenes where she did not belong and causing extra stress.

Also, along in the dominoe effect, her husband, Aragorn son of Arathorn foster-son of Elrond, now known as King Elessar, is also suing for physical and emotional damages occured during an unplanned and unexpected scene where he fell into a river from the top of a cliff. He is also suing for emotional damages for the scene where he was licked by the horse. "Now the world thinks I'm into beastiality. I'm nothing like that." Said the king in a press statement.

In the flurry of lawsuits also is followed by the suit of Legolas the Elf and Gimli son of Gloin versus Peter Jackson, stating that he had portrayed them as a homosexual couple. Jackson has retorted that he only portrayed them as "close-friends", but the suit will still go to the Supreme Court of Middle-earth. If sentenced on these charges of libel, physical injuries, and emotional damage, Director Jackson may face a fine of 500000 gold pieces, as well as a labour sentence of repairing the wall of Helm's Deep, damaged during the filming.

The Lawyer in this case for the middle-earthlings would be the ghost of Elendil. He was quoted as saying "I have defeated Sauron in the Battle of Dagorlad. This Jackson fellow don't stand a chance."

Peter Jackson's spokesperson has refused to comment.

Pyr0 MK III · 27 Dec 2002, 02:34

Must try harder x100 for monday

Dave · 27 Dec 2002, 02:39

Quote:

Originally posted by Leshy
I have fought with a
Balrog of Morgoth, and I have returned from beyond this world, but so far
my skills have been untested against lawyers. I will need all of my wits
against these foul demons

How applicable

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro

Also, along in the dominoe effect, her husband, Aragorn son of Arathorn foster-son of Elrond, now known as King Elessar, is also suing for physical and emotional damages occured during an unplanned and unexpected scene where he fell into a river from the top of a cliff.

They weren't married.

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 03:36

Don't forget that Jackson murdered Boromir too! He wasn't due to die till this year but Jackson making him die last year is clear evidence of foul play.

Then there's the small mater of libel over him wanting the Ring for himself, a base canard if ever I heard one!

[insert Only Fools and Horses style canard joke here]

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:39

Quote:

Originally posted by Gayle28uk
Don't forget that Jackson murdered Boromir too! He wasn't due to die till this year but Jackson making him die last year is clear evidence of foul play.

Then there's the small mater of libel over him wanting the Ring for himself, a base canard if ever I heard one!

[insert Only Fools and Horses style canard joke here]

Damn right it was fkin' 'ard...

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 03:43

Quote:

Originally posted by skiddy
They weren't married.

They were.

They wed on Mid-year's Day of the year 3019 of the third age. </nerd>

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro
They were.

They wed on Mid-year's Day of the year 3019 of the third age. </nerd>

...which is after he fell off the cliff...

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 03:46

Quote:

Originally posted by skiddy
...which is after he fell off the cliff...

Which is supposed to make us think he's dead DESPITE THE THIRD BOOK BEING CALLED RETURN OF THE KING!

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 03:47

Officially he never fell off the cliff. (and of course, i don't think they mentioned that Aragorn was supposed to be king)

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro
Officially he never fell off the cliff.

And officially we're arguing over a fictional story.

So stop it.

Nerd

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 03:50

Nerd and proud

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 03:52

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro
Officially he never fell off the cliff. (and of course, i don't think they mentioned that Aragorn was supposed to be king)

Unless I'm losing my marbles I'm pretty sure that was confirmed at the Council of Elrond.

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:54

Aragorn is confirmed to be the "air" to the throne of Gondor.

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 03:56

hehheh. i should've watched FOTR again. my mind is rusty.

I don't think Haldir was supposed to die in Helm's Deep either, since I don't remember him mentioned in the book after the breaking of the fellowship.

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 03:57

Quote:

Originally posted by skiddy
Aragorn is confirmed to be the "air" to the throne of Gondor.

Which as Gondor has been ruled for many years by a steward makes him the king

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 03:59

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro
hehheh. i should've watched FOTR again. my mind is rusty.

I don't think Haldir was supposed to die in Helm's Deep either, since I don't remember him mentioned in the book after the breaking of the fellowship.

Thats because in the books, the Elven army doesn't actually go to help at Helm's Deep. There is no alliance between Men and Elves, but there are a hell of a lot more troops from Rohirrm at Helm's Deep, and no women or childeren.

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 04:04

Quote:

Originally posted by skiddy
...there are a hell of a lot more troops from Rohan at Helm's Deep, and no women or childeren.

Pedantic bitch that I am I fixed it for you

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 04:08

It doesn't need fixing fs!

The name of the region varies throughout the books, depending on the character saying it.

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 04:11

Rohan is the realm. The Rohirrim are the people. The Riddermark are the army (or part of it) if I remember right.

skiddy · 27 Dec 2002, 04:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Gayle28uk
Rohan is the realm. The Rohirrim are the people. The Riddermark are the army (or part of it) if I remember right.

Ok, I'll give you that one.

My mistake.

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 05:07

No. The Riddermark is also a place. A more specific place. The Riddermark means "Land of the Knights" if I wasn't mistaken. The Riddermark = The Mark in the book.

Pineapple · 27 Dec 2002, 05:12

this thread made my laugh

i am forever glad this thread was made

ps im trashed

pps happy christmas

ppps its a good film, just well, dissapointed at it because of the way it didnt really stick tot he book

Belgarath The Sorcerer · 27 Dec 2002, 05:28

Quote:

Originally posted by Auro
No. The Riddermark is also a place. A more specific place. The Riddermark means "Land of the Knights" if I wasn't mistaken. The Riddermark = The Mark in the book.

the riddermark is the name given to the land by the rohirrim, now commonly to outsiders as rohan. the rohirrim are the people of rohan, descended from the Éothéod of the North. when Eorl was granted the land of rohan his people became known as the rohirrim, from the elvish "people of the horse-lords".

never one to take all the geek credit for myself, it's useful for there to be somewhere where it's written down so you don't have to remember it in your head or have the silmarillion handy to flick through for references

Iceaxe · 27 Dec 2002, 06:07

Quote:

Originally posted by skiddy
Thats because in the books, the Elven army doesn't actually go to help at Helm's Deep. There is no alliance between Men and Elves, but there are a hell of a lot more troops from Rohan at Helm's Deep, and no women or children.

Not to mention that Eomer was actually fighting with Aragorn at Helms Deep and Gandalf arrived with Erkenbrand (as opposed to Eomer in the movie) and his men from the Westfold.

In addition they didn't show the Huorns finishing/disposing of the Orcs at the end of the battle.

I also thought it was quite ironic how Legolas wishes he had a company of Elven archers at Helms Deep in the novel, and in the movie he gets his company.

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 08:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
the riddermark is the name given to the land by the rohirrim, now commonly to outsiders as rohan

I stand corrected in my correction

Leshy · 27 Dec 2002, 13:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Iceaxe
Not to mention that Eomer was actually fighting with Aragorn at Helms Deep and Gandalf arrived with Erkenbrand (as opposed to Eomer in the movie) and his men from the Westfold.

Or how Aragorn wielded Anduril there, instead of some generic sword

Iceaxe · 27 Dec 2002, 19:28

Quote:

Originally posted by Leshy
Or how Aragorn wielded Anduril there, instead of some generic sword

I gave them the benefit of the doubt since it wasn't really mentioned if it was Anduril or not. Would have been nice to show a little of the reforging in the first movie so people would know either way. :/

Leshy · 27 Dec 2002, 19:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Iceaxe
I gave them the benefit of the doubt since it wasn't really mentioned if it was Anduril or not.

It's not. At first I thought Narsil had been reforged into Anduril, but upon closer examination of video images, it is definitely not Anduril he is wielding.

SPOILER:
At any rate, rumour has it that Arwen will come to Minas Tirith, bringing Aragorn the reforged Narsil in the third movie, to use in the final battle.

27 Dec 2002, 19:40

The movies = a catastrophy compared to the books.

oh wot am i talkin about, should have said the moviE, as i haven't seen the two towers yet, dunno if i ever will.. LOTR was good until it was hyped up.

but anyways Bored of the Rings is ace qo:

Iceaxe · 27 Dec 2002, 19:44

Quote:

Originally posted by Leshy
It's not. At first I thought Narsil had been reforged into Anduril, but upon closer examination of video images, it is definitely not Anduril he is wielding.

SPOILER:
At any rate, rumour has it that Arwen will come to Minas Tirith, bringing Aragorn the reforged Narsil in the third movie, to use in the final battle.

Bah.

Auro · 27 Dec 2002, 21:08

I have good sources saying that Aragorn will be wielding Narsil in ROTK the movie.

Archi · 27 Dec 2002, 21:45

Quote:

but anyways Bored of the Rings is ace qo:

I am glad I am not the only one familiar with that one. Brought to you from the good folks at Harvard Lampoon (which eventually became National Lampoon) :-)

Leshy · 27 Dec 2002, 21:50

Bored of the Rings wasn't too bad, although a bit too over the top - I prefer a parody to have a bit more subtle humour.

Archi · 27 Dec 2002, 22:05

I dunno, perhaps I am a simpleton (or I have a low-browed sense of humor) but I liked their parody of Dune (Doon) too

Gayle29uk · 27 Dec 2002, 23:22

Quote:

Originally posted by Leshy
Bored of the Rings wasn't too bad, although a bit too over the top - I prefer a parody to have a bit more subtle humour.

It did have large dull parts but the bit with Goddamn and the ring at the Tarpit of Doom was fabulous

27 Dec 2002, 23:56

lol@leshy - how i agree!!

nice to see tolkien fans out there - did you know there is a Tolkien Society? http://www.tolkiensociety.org

i guess i may have to go to see it again just to check out legolas on that tea-tray tho

27 Dec 2002, 23:56

Quote:

Originally posted by Gayle28uk
It did have large dull parts

so true. but in general, after a rather slow start, i almost laughed through all the book. my fav parts are when they are at the goode eats, and the ending (with the battle and stuff). the sad Arrowroot must be my fav characther qo:

Archi · 28 Dec 2002, 11:48

I liked the CEO Sarutan and the "voice" he used with corporate speak

Gayle29uk · 28 Dec 2002, 17:12

Quote:

Originally posted by Archi
I liked the CEO Sarutan and the "voice" he used with corporate speak

And the teutonic Eorache