What would Jesus do?

[Phang]

In 2 weeks I'm off to Canada to stay with relatives.

Problem.

They're Catholic, and I will be required to go to church.

As a spirited (hoho) atheist I am in what one might call 'a bit of a pickle'.

Discuss.

[Starbucks]

CD Player, party hard during church

or perhaps listen, or twiddle with thumbs, or sleep

[queball]

If you're an athiest you can do whatever you like without fear of some Atheistic God.

Unless you have some phobia of churches, or find them deathly boring, you might as well go. Don't worry about being dishonest, Catholicism is all a big farce anyway.

[Sandsnake]

you're lucky. Catholics are into ritual and a large portion are just "going through the motions" so you're just facing an hour or two of boredom.

Now, if your family was part of a very friendly, "modern" church, you'd be screwed.

[Phang]

For ultimate comedy purposes I could turn up in fake Klan robes and swear loudly instead of singing during the hymns.


or ?

[W]

You're saying you're afraid of going to church? Or that you can't stand it on the basis of being an atheist?

Or are you just too weak to say "no thanks, I don't want to go to church with you, it's boring" to relatives?

[Nusselt]

Jesus would convert them.

[sinnamon xie]

I used to tune out and daydream during church. It was actually not bad, every week I got at least an hour to just do nothing but think about whatever I wanted. With little distraction.

[Kurashima]

Jesus would close this thread before it becomes any more ****.

[JonnyBGood]

Originally posted by Phang
In 2 weeks I'm off to Canada to stay with relatives.

Problem.

They're Catholic, and I will be required to go to church.

As a spirited (hoho) atheist I am in what one might call 'a bit of a pickle'.

Discuss.

You have two options obviously. One of them might piss off your relatives if they're a bunch of faggots. The other could involve betraying your beliefs (assuming they're your actual beliefs and not just something easy to follow). It's all possible!

[Mirai]

Tell them that you don't want to go to church because your religion dictates that self worship is preferable over mass. Then quietly mumble 'ADARVA KEDORVA SATANICA KELISTRUM'

[Vaio]

Originally posted by Phang
In 2 weeks I'm off to Canada to stay with relatives.

Problem.

They're Catholic, and I will be required to go to church.

As a spirited (hoho) atheist I am in what one might call 'a bit of a pickle'.

Discuss.

Tell them you are protestant and your religion forbids you to go to a catholic church and be outraged when they suggest it again

Vaio

[Embroglio]

Originally posted by Vaio
Tell them you are protestant and your religion forbids you to go to a catholic church and be outraged when they suggest it again

Vaio

This is one of the most stupid things I have ever read, I'm now going to go claw my eyes out.

[the_dastardley_chihuahua]

the vicar at my local church is he' 30ish, big, skinhead, tattoos all up his arms, looks like a reformed convict, and he's funny and not dull to listen to! played electric guitar for one of the hymns at my niece's christening

almost enough to make me want to go back more often... almost...

[Vaio]

Originally posted by Embroglio
This is one of the most stupid things I have ever read, I'm now going to go claw my eyes out.

It works

Vaio

[Embroglio]

Originally posted by Vaio
It works

Vaio

Apart from the fact that protestants and catholics both worship as part of the same religion.

[Vaio]

Originally posted by Embroglio
Apart from the fact that protestants and catholics both worship as part of the same religion.

In a 'not quite the same sort of way' yes

Vaio

[Vaio]

and besides, as Phang's catholic relations seem to be dedicated Catholics they are very likely to be ignorant of other religions (and unimportant stuff like tolerance, understanding etc). All Phang as to do is say very loudly 'You would have me deny my God in your house of sin you hosers' ?

Vaio

[Crackmonkey]

Get some religious pamphlets before you go, or make some if you can't find any. If they mention anything about you going to church with them, just say, "oh no, I'm afraid I can't go to your church, I'm a Jehova's witness.". Ask them if they've recognized Jehova as their saviour and hand them a pamphlet.

[Dilly_D]

Originally posted by Phang
In 2 weeks I'm off to Canada to stay with relatives.

where in Canada?

[Phang]

Originally posted by Dilly_D
where in Canada?

toronto

edit: wtf damn hippy program

[Dilly_D]

Originally posted by Phang
toronto

Toronto is a whole lot of fun If you're going to be there on July 30...check this out: http://www.iam.ca/rollingstones/

it'll be a good time for sure

[Hostile]

tell them church is were you get sars from

[Kumnaa]

Where a t-shirt that says "Jesus is a ****"

I think Idimmu had a few or something

[Dante Hicks]

Tell them that you respect their beliefs but you don't share them. Therefore, you won't be joining them. Don't say "You don't want to" (that implies a debate can be had), merely say that you won't.

Bloody mindedness generally is the best way to go.

[Androme]

tell them you recently became a Jew and cannot worship Jesus because of it

[Phang]

Originally posted by Mirai
Tell them that you don't want to go to church because your religion dictates that self worship is preferable over mass. Then quietly mumble 'ADARVA KEDORVA SATANICA KELISTRUM'

i just saw this



win


WIN


WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN

[Weeks]

go and try to gain/learn something out of it. you dont have to go as a christian. this way you wont offend your relatives. it's not like you're gonna be there all day.

alternativly, tell them you've converted to Islam, and cannot go.

[Leshy]

Alternatively, just tell them you respect their choice of religion as long as they respect yours.

[Phang]

Originally posted by Weeks
go and try to gain/learn something out of it. you dont have to go as a christian. this way you wont offend your relatives. it's not like you're gonna be there all day.

alternativly, tell them you've converted to Islam, and cannot go.

IM WITHIN 1000 MILES OF THE US


ANNOUNCING ISLAM = BAD

although your idea wins 'most boring but likely to be used' award

[cookiemay]

u could get yourself the jesus is coming tshirt and get dirty looks from everyone in the chapel/church

[inf]

Don't worship, just spectate.

Originally posted by Phang
In 2 weeks I'm off to Canada to stay with relatives.

Problem.

They're Catholic, and I will be required to go to church.

As a spirited (hoho) atheist I am in what one might call 'a bit of a pickle'.

Discuss.

[rageybabey]

Jesus would go to church. (Duh)

[Dante Hicks]

Originally posted by rageybabey
Jesus would go to church. (Duh)

Would he? Given the Catholics propensity for iconography:

"When Jesus comes back to earth the last thing he wants to see is a cross." - Bill Hicks

[queball]

Jesus would say something in Aramaic that roughly translates to "Sorry but I cannot attend. Catholics are authoritarian ****s. Death to church and state!"

[Vaio]

might just be better to tell them you would love to go to church but you always have a wank on sunday mornings and may not be ready in time

Vaio

[Phang]

I thought I'd share the comedy email i got from the relevant uncle a few years ago on my 13th birthday.It may help in the advice process. Know your enemy and all that.

Important note: Scottish Borders humour employed


Happy Birthday *****. You have become a teenager, and it is time to let you in to some of the secrets of life. Actually, your Father should share these with you, but since I am not certain your dad learned them in the first place, I feel obliged to further your education. You may argue that you sense the evidence of his learning at some intuitive level, and whereas that cannot be denied, devine providence (luck) may have come into play. Well not play exactly - more like random events.

Well, er lets see. You may have overheard a euphomism realting to the birds and bees. You probably had some incling that it was not birds and bees that was being refffrerd to per se, but some facet er aspect of the aforesaid bird, I mean to say bee that was, as it were, being examined.

So, ahem, you see its not as much birds and bees as any species, that is within one species, come to think of it you should understand "The Borders" so intra species may not be, well anyway lets just say one species. Now within that species - lets say trout - you have different types of trout. You have big feirce trout who swim about saying "Ge' in ma belly" to small minnows, and you may have some dainty trout who like to wear diaphonous trout robes and used to do dishes before the era of the emncipated trout who now gets the fierce trout to load the diswaasher. I think you get the picture. So one day the firece trout says to the dainty trout, fancy a splash in the rapids and zooms off. Dainty trout follows and when she gets to the place he says I'm going to jump (er jump meaning swim, and not any other form of jump) the rapids. So he does. "My you were quick" says she, "can you do that again"? "Sorry, shagged out" meaning "too tired" says fierce trout, falling asleep.

So about nine trout months later, rubharb grows at the bottom of the river. Well it could be cabbage but whatever the equivalent is for trout et ceteras.

There you have it ******. I'm glad you have me around to explain. Happy 13th.

Best Regards,

*****

[Vaio]

um, i'd be afraid to go now

Vaio

[Phang]

does that not amuse people? It still makes me laugh.