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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:38   #1
Intervention
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Physics Joke

Quote:
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.
[physlink.com]


Made me chuckle.
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:39   #2
Belgarath The Sorcerer
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someone poke out my eyes.
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:40   #3
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I can't believe someone actually said this:
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles
CNN is liberal bull****...no wonder you people are so ****ing stupid. If you want a real News Channel try Fox News.
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:40   #4
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lol
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:41   #5
Ragnarak
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Quote:
Originally posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
someone poke out my eyes.
if i had a blunt enough stick i would :/

(and a train ticket to wherever you live)
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:42   #6
Intervention
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Quote:
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'
Not quite as good as the first.
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Unread 23 Dec 2002, 23:49   #7
bobble
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Not quite as good as the first.
but good none the less!
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I can't believe someone actually said this:
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles
CNN is liberal bull****...no wonder you people are so ****ing stupid. If you want a real News Channel try Fox News.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:02   #8
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'Old LASER physicists never die, they just become incoherent'
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:07   #9
Ragnarak
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i expected better from you :/
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:10   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i expected better from you :/
That one liner is the best thing ever :(
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:15   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Miasma
you,nod and jonny could form a triad intended to send me gibbering into the night armed only with a shotgun and the urge to do bad things to good people.
Man walks into a bar, asks the barman 'How much for a pint of adenosine triphosphate'
Barman replies 'ATP'
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:23   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Miasma
Chemistry jokes never really did it for me, they lack the flavour or panache of physics.
It's more of a biology joke.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:24   #13
Intervention
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Man walks into a bar, asks the barman 'How much for a pint of adenosine triphosphate'
Barman replies 'ATP'

Expalin please. I'm a biological retard.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:25   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Expalin please. I'm a biological retard.
Say 'ATP'
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:26   #15
Sarina_Joy
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Pfffft.

None of these come anywhere near the Jesus and his diciples joke!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 00:32   #16
Intervention
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Took me a whle to get it. 80p, quite funny.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:05   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Took me a whle to get it. 80p, quite funny.
Don't encourage them.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:09   #18
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Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?

A: Because it needed a cos(r).
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:30   #19
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why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:32   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radical Edward
why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
We're sad all the time
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:32   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radical Edward
why are you lot so sad when i'm out having fun?
nonsense. It's a vibrant intellectual party, like the cambridge moral sciences club in the 1930s.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:41   #22
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vibrant intellectual party? you aren't involved in my conversation with the missus...
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:42   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by G_frog
nonsense. It's a vibrant intellectual party, like the cambridge moral sciences club in the 1930s.
Is there an amoral sciences club? I forget.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 01:42   #24
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For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
more recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit
light, they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark
sucker theory proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than
that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take,
for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark
right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the
greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have much
greater capacity than the ones in this room.

As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of
dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full
dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white
wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all of the dark that has been sucked into it. If you hold a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There
are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the
dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark
storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the
portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
Candles present a special problem as the dark must travel into a solid wick
instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus, it
can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier
than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you will see a lot
of light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker
and darker. When you reach the depth of approximately 50 feet, you are in
total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the
lake, and the lighter light floats to the top.

The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can collect
the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through
turbines. This generates electricity and helps push dark to the ocean, where
it can be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to
get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this
problem and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the
same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to
stop the flow of dark. When they traveled against the flow of dark, they
paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand
in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but since
the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric light bulb, remember that
it is, indeed, a dark sucker.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 02:09   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Androme



ctrl+c ctrl+v

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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 02:41   #26
Intervention
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?

A: Because it needed a cos(r).
I don't get that one either. I'll cane it with my calculator later i I can find it.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:20   #27
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Quote:
Sign on railroad station:
These railroads are subject to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: Position
and Velocity of a given train can not be specified at the same time.
-- Sydney Harris Cartoon
Quote:
The Schrodingers Cat experiment in Quantum Physics:

Take one ordinary cat, one large box, a particle detector, a radiation
source, a bottle of cyanide gas. Hook up the detector so that if it detects
a particle from the radiation source, it will open the cyanide gas. Set it
up inside the box in such a way that there will be a 50% probability of a
particle being detected from the radiation source within a five minute
period. Add the cat to the box.

Theory says that the cat will enter a quantum state where it is 50% alive
and 50% dead until the experimenter looks inside the box. However, reality
teaches us that the severly pissed off cat cat WILL escape the box well
before the 5 minutes are up, attack the experimenter and depart just in
time for the severly lacerated experimenter to watch the hammer decend on
the cyanide bottle one inch from his nose.
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ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:39   #28
Intervention
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'Lo gayle!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:42   #29
Mirai
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Say 'ATP'
OH LOOK IT'S ONE OF THOSE JOKES THAT MAKES NO SENSE UNLESS YOUI HAVE A ****E BRIT ACCENT
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Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:44   #30
Intervention
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How would you pronounce it?
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:50   #31
Mirai
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"eh" "tee" "pee"
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Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:52   #32
Intervention
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Silly yankish accent
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:54   #33
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
Silly yankish accent
I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 11:58   #34
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It's Christmas so I shall forgive you.
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:00   #35
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correctly?!?

Quote:
Originally posted by Mirai
I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.
*insert stupidly patriotic gibberish about the Queen's English*

[Edit]Actually, i'm from Yorkshire so that's a bit rich coming from me... [/Edit]
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:05   #36
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At least we're not from Birmingham. They speak crazy talk!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:07   #37
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Re: correctly?!?

Quote:
Originally posted by Mushroom
*insert stupidly patriotic gibberish about the Queen's English*

[Edit]Actually, i'm from Yorkshire so that's a bit rich coming from me... [/Edit]
OI! Now't wrong wi't' way folk fro' God's Country talk. It's all them soft southern wazzocks that need t' learn t' Queens English!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:17   #38
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mirai
I'm sorry I pronounce my words. Correctly.


thats ok, you are forgiven
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:18   #39
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:19   #40
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Re: Re: correctly?!?

Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle28uk
OI! Now't wrong wi't' way folk fro' God's Country talk. It's all them soft southern wazzocks that need t' learn t' Queens English!
'ear all, see all, say nowt
eyt all, sup all, pay nowt
and if tha ivver does owt for nowt, do it for thissen
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 12:23   #41
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Re: Re: Re: correctly?!?

Quote:
Originally posted by Mushroom
'ear all, see all, say nowt
eyt all, sup all, pay nowt
and if tha ivver does owt for nowt, do it for thissen
The Yorkshireman's advice to his son

Does tha' know how t' say Hawsker tho'? And does thee say 'Harrowgate' or does thee know it's 'arrigut?
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rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 14:26   #42
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Re: Re: Re: Re: correctly?!?

Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle28uk
The Yorkshireman's advice to his son

Does tha' know how t' say Hawsker tho'? And does thee say 'Harrowgate' or does thee know it's 'arrigut?
'arrigut all't way
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 21:02   #43
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intervention
I don't get that one either. I'll cane it with my calculator later i I can find it.

cos(r) -> cosine(r)-> co-signer


IT'S HILARIOUS!
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Unread 24 Dec 2002, 21:13   #44
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
IT'S HILARIOUS!
when you put it like that, i guess it could have been funny.
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