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Unread 29 Dec 2002, 11:13   #1
sword
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
sword is infamous around these partssword is infamous around these partssword is infamous around these parts
Sword's Almanac - 2003

Hah hah - I still here.

JANUARY

Slim Tech officially announce that they will officially announce the start date of round 9 as soon as possible.

The unusually talented Pavil is found dead in an apparent case of suicide. Pavil is found in Birmingham bound by his hands and feet and tied to the back of a Ford Fiesta. Locals residents report seeing the car being driven around the outskirts of the city at high speeds but they fail to call the police when they realise it is Pavil being dragged along behind. Close friend and owner of the Ford Fiesta, Sunday8pm, who discovers Pavils body, reads an apparent suicide note to local reporters - "I am Pavil and I have decided to kill myself because my mate Sunday8pm is better than me".

Yahwe admits to being gay.

Microsoft launch "Windows January" offering a host of exciting new features.


FEBRUARY

The United Nations vetos US plans to Invade Iraq.

Spinner recieves his fist pay check in over three years. A delighted Mrs Spinner admits that the family haven't eaten anything for over two years.

Kurashima announces his intention to retire from comic writing in order to concentrate on growing his beard. A stunned Planetarion community sign a petition calling for him to admit that he actually quit writing comics six months ago.

Microsoft launch "Windows February" offering a host of exciting new features.


MARCH

The US inadvertantly drops fourty two nuclear warheads on the United Nations HQ in New York in what is described as a training mix up. UN secretary General Khoffi Annan survies the blast.

Actress Wyona Ryder is arrested and charged with a spate of car jackings that have shocked and terrified the citizens of California for months.

Oreo launches an online game called "Oreo" to be largely based on the format of an irc channel. Oreo releases a statement that the game "Oreo" will always be free.

Microsoft launch "Windows March" offering a host of exciting new features.


APRIL

UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan is killed by a sniper whilst driving through lower Manhattan in his convertible Mustang.

Police in California announce that the suspects arrested in the case of the Washington sniper are to be released immediately. Miss Wyona Ryder is being charged with all twelve murders in addition to the recent car jackings.

A distraught Mrs Spinner learns that Spinner has invested his first pay check in Oreo's new game, "Oreo".

Microsoft launch "Windows April" offering exciting new features.


MAY

Actor Russel Crowe is arrested by the FBI and charged with the muder of UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan, despite evidence that suggests he was in a London restaraunt at the time of the assasination beating up a waiter.

The popularity of Oreo's game, "Oreo", rockets, with some 180,000 active players.

The ip ban on Shaigar is lifted.

Slim Tech officially announce the launch of Planetarion Round 9 in September 2003.

Microsoft launch "Windows May" offering exciting new features.


JUNE

Well known model Jordan announces plans to give birth to a genetically cloned baby live in Trafalgar Square in July next month.

The Planetarion forums crash under a huge and sustained attack of gimmick spamming accounts. The ip ban on Shaigar is re-introduced.

Everton Teen footbaling sensation Peter Mooney becomes the youngest player ever to score a wonder goal, dribbling from the players changing room, passed the match day security, up the players tunnel, over the advertisment hoardings and along the touch line, running the legth of the pitch, before slotting the ball into an unguarded net from two yards out, half an hour before kick off.

Microsoft launch "Windows June" offering exciting new features.


JULY

Jordan gives birth to a healthy Giraffe with two heads, live in Trafalgar Square.

Actor Russel Crowe is found dead in his prison cell, just hours before taking the stand in the court case for his alledged murder of Khoffi Anan.

Shares in MCI Worldcom rocket after the company announce record profits, despite a slump in sales.

Microsoft launch "Windows July" offering exciting new features.


AUGUST

Marilyn Manson is elected Mayor of Newcastle on a pledge to stop embarrasing the City by dressing as a Goth, sixty years after it went out of fashion.

The US invades Iraq only to discover that in fact the county does not exist afterall.

West Bromwich Albion are crowned as Premiership Champions under new FA rules which invert the league tables at the end of the season.

Microsoft launch "Windows August" offering exciting new features.


SEPTEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce that the start of Planetatrion Round 9 will take place in December 2003, in order to allow for beta testing to be carried out.

The FBI announce that they have captured Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden is revealed to be Miss Wyona Ryder.

A local resident group of Bangor, North Wales, call for Bangor to be made a separate country in Europe.

Microsoft launch "Windows September" offering exciting new features.


OCTOBER

Nodrog calls for Scottish women to be banned from wearing beards, having woken up one morning after a late night binge to discover that he has inadvertantly shagged Kurashima.

Vampy is arrested in London, having been caught shagging Nelsons Column.

The Planetarion community is stunned when resident troll Ilinuki does not flame a new forum member.

Microsoft launch "Windows October" offering exciting new features.


NOVEMBER

Home Secretary Jack Straw announces a pilot project in the Moss Side, Macnhester, under which muggings will be legalised in order to free up police time.

Andy Gilchrest, leader of the Fire Brigade Union, calls for a two thousand percent pay rise and a two day working week - for Executive members of the FBU.

Microsoft launch "Windows November" offering exciting new features.


DECEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce the the start of Planetarion Round 9 will be delayed until January. No year is specified.

Oreo announces that his game, "Oreo", will migrate to a pay to play model. Jurgen quits "Oreo" in disgust. Two thirds of the playerbase mysteriously disappears.

Microsoft launch "Windows December" offering exciting new features.



UPDATES

GD Almanac - 2003

JANUARY

Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.


FEBRUARY

Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.


MARCH

JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.


APRIL

Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.


MAY

Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.


JUNE

Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.


JULY

Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it “Pavil three”.


AUGUST

Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn’t enter and b) he is a male.


SEPTEMBER

Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.


OCTOBER

Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero’s his post count.


NOVEMBER

Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.


DECEMBER

Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology – a program that detects forum users who are “thinking bad thoughts”. Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.


Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.
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