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15 Feb 2006, 02:07
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#1
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i havent a mind
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Yorktown, Virginia (VICTORY!)
Posts: 11
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Chuck Norris JOKES
post here any Chuck Norris Jokes. Here's a few:
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
__________________
Proud to be part of the [Elysium] legacy
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
(Damn Sesame Street for making a vegie monster, cookie monster you will always remain in my heart)
Last edited by taxicabriolet; 15 Feb 2006 at 02:18.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:09
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#2
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Q - What do you get if you cross Chuck Norris with a t-rex?
A - Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
I just made that one up on my own (seriously).
Could you tell?
I bet you thought it was COMEDIC GENIUS!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:13
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:15
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#4
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Tilting at windmills
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 579
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
This has been spreading around the internet like a cancer over the past few weeks. It is years old.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:17
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#5
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Not my joke Cooling ... that joke WAS ****ING ORIGINAL LIKE AN ORIGINAL PIE!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:24
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#6
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
I was randomly repping people with chuck norris jokes a few weeks ago. :/
Nice first post by the way. Welcome to GD!
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15 Feb 2006, 02:30
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#7
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i havent a mind
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Yorktown, Virginia (VICTORY!)
Posts: 11
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Thanks, heres one I just heard on the radio
A few weeks ago a chinese man won a hot dog eating contest by eating 300 hotdogs in half an hour. Chuck Norris was there. Not wanting to be outdone, Chuck Norris ate 3 chinamen in under a minute.
__________________
Proud to be part of the [Elysium] legacy
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
(Damn Sesame Street for making a vegie monster, cookie monster you will always remain in my heart)
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15 Feb 2006, 02:32
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#8
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxicabriolet
Thanks, heres one I just heard on the radio
A few weeks ago a chinese man won a hot dog eating contest by eating 300 hotdogs in half an hour. Chuck Norris was there. Not wanting to be outdone, Chuck Norris ate 3 chinamen in under a minute.
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Wow, these are great. Keep 'em comming.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:36
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#9
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by s|k
Wow, these are great. Keep 'em comming. :)
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is this what S|K sarcasm looks like?
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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15 Feb 2006, 02:38
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#10
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i havent a mind
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Yorktown, Virginia (VICTORY!)
Posts: 11
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Chuck Norris sells the 'Total Gym' workout machine as a weapon of mass destruction. When the box arrives at your house and you open it, instead of finding a Total Gym inside, you open the box to get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris who mailed himself. He then scolds you for buying such a worthless piece of crap.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
__________________
Proud to be part of the [Elysium] legacy
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
(Damn Sesame Street for making a vegie monster, cookie monster you will always remain in my heart)
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15 Feb 2006, 02:44
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#11
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The Original Carebear
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Trondheim, Norway
Posts: 1,048
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
When God said, "Let there be Light!", Chuck Norris replied; "Say please."
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
These are a month old though. Could possibly add www.ultimateshowdown.org
__________________
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Oh crap, I might be back. I should take my own advice.
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15 Feb 2006, 03:57
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#12
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Raaaaaaaah!
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,296
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Oh my
__________________
Hicks
Mercury & Solace
Always [Fury]
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15 Feb 2006, 09:21
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#13
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Scoots Magoo has a lot to answer for.
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15 Feb 2006, 12:30
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#14
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Vin Diesel was the first, or so I thought.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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15 Feb 2006, 13:01
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#15
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by idimmu
Read
Comprehend
Post
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I'll take it under advisement.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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15 Feb 2006, 13:48
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#16
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The Original Terran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Afghan atm
Posts: 1,633
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?
Did i miss something?
__________________
introduction-Gramma
The following is a list of problems found in various places throughout the manual and game. We love you Noah!
Written by Kloopy Wed Mar 16 22:06:43 2005
Retired just for a bit....
Proud to have been 1up, SiN, Wolfpack, Bluetuba and the leader of ARK.
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15 Feb 2006, 14:12
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by noah02
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?
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AYB.
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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15 Feb 2006, 16:13
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#18
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The Original Terran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Afghan atm
Posts: 1,633
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
http://www.warcraftmovies.com/movieview.php?id=15118
Bit of chuck norris luving
p.s sorry if posted before aint been around a while.
__________________
introduction-Gramma
The following is a list of problems found in various places throughout the manual and game. We love you Noah!
Written by Kloopy Wed Mar 16 22:06:43 2005
Retired just for a bit....
Proud to have been 1up, SiN, Wolfpack, Bluetuba and the leader of ARK.
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15 Feb 2006, 21:28
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#19
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
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15 Feb 2006, 23:37
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#20
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i havent a mind
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Yorktown, Virginia (VICTORY!)
Posts: 11
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by noah02
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?
Did i miss something?
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i believe it was Jon Stewart from the Daily Show on Comedy Central which got the ball rolling when he had that lever that he pulled randomly during the show and a Chuck Norris clip would play
__________________
Proud to be part of the [Elysium] legacy
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
(Damn Sesame Street for making a vegie monster, cookie monster you will always remain in my heart)
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16 Feb 2006, 18:17
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#21
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snadwich fetcher
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: ONE LOVE
Posts: 660
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
it was conan, not jon stewart.
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Nude On!
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16 Feb 2006, 18:18
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#22
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barrow|Pony
it was conan, not jon stewart.
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NO PONIES ALLOWED IN GD
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18 Feb 2006, 00:59
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#23
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
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koen = pwned
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lazy
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18 Feb 2006, 11:14
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#24
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
This has been all over World of Warcraft for about 3 months
__________________
I wear my sunglasses at night.
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20 Mar 2006, 21:58
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#25
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".
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20 Mar 2006, 22:08
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#26
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rids
This has been all over World of Warcraft for about 3 months
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This would be the reason no-one else heard about it, as most WoW players appear to spend most of their spare time in front of a PC wanking over night-elves or something...
__________________
Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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20 Mar 2006, 22:23
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#27
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by idimmu
Read
Comprehend
Post
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tl;dr
__________________
Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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20 Mar 2006, 23:19
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#28
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".
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A bump of this magnitude makes baby jesus cry
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Finally free!
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