What is the most 'unwanted fat bird interest' you have ever received?

[Dace]

Have you ever been 'molested by horrifically fat women'?

Is the expereince(s) making you depressed?

Talk about it here.

HAVE A CATHARTIC EXPERIENCE!

(Pab is to go first)

[pablissimo]

Let's see.

Well, I was buying drinks in Edinburgh for my flatmate and his girlfriend since it was my round when someone I'd seen around a few times from the vicinity of my block appeared next to me and started chatting away.

I'm a polite person, I kept the conversation going as long as I could be bothered to pass the time while the drinks came. When it comes to my time to head back upstairs avec drinkipoos I feel a hand the sheer scale of which can't be fathomed grab my balls and 'twist'.

WHAT THE ****

I'd literally only been ****ing speaking to her for two ****ing minutes and here I was in absolute agony trying not to spill two pints and a large Bacardi. I got a great look from the waitress, a kind of 'lol, pwned, gg' kind of look before the hand was released, my arse slapped and the words 'see you round' were whispered into my ear.

I spent the rest of the night keeping an eye out for her just in case she managed to surprise sex me while the two people I was out with just laughed having watched the whole ****ing episode from the first floor and not having intervened.

It's around that time relations between myself and those two broke down horribly. Coincidence?

[pablissimo]

Then, at a party at a flat across the road, I was just on the edge of being passed out from having drunk just a little too much alkyhol when I found myself being straddled by a horrendously fat girl.

Now, I'm small. I'm 5'8 ish and don't weigh much more than 9 and a half stone. This, therefore, is what I imagine it would be like to die by suffocation. Or indeed drowning, there was so much of her.

Next thing, and indeed the last thing I remember, is my head being buried in her tits before I heard a shout of '...gonna kill him....' from across the kitchen. Again, one of my bastarding flatmates lying as pissed as I was rendering me no aid whatsoever.

Absolute bastards.

[Dace]

Originally posted by pablissimo
Coincidence?

I think not.

What was the name of the place in Edinburgh btw?

Was it someplace down the cowgate?

[MrPeach]

Dace's Mum.

I beat you to it.

I am funny.

Why would I not want a fat bird anyway?

[pablissimo]

It was at Frankenstein's bar, whose only redeeming feature used to be a particularly fetching barmaid, since departed.

[JonnyBGood]

In a nightclub at about 2am. It's summer, it's great and I'm absolutely plastered. However due to the fact I don't do ecstasy I run out of energy and stand slumped up against the wall. As I'm standing there vaguely trying to remain upright this bird comes along and almost collapses directly on top of me. This despite the fact she had 40 other yards to aim at. It's clear what she afters and mummy I really don't want to go there.

She's chatting to me and I'm there, out of my skull, wondering how I'll get out of this. Now your mind doesn't really work at your best after 12 pints so I'm a little slow. The best idea that occured to me was "run for it".




According to the lads I was there with I looked quite a sight sprinting out of the nightclub in the early hours of the morning looking to all intents and purposes like a bat out of hell.

[Dace]

Originally posted by JonnyBGood
I'm a little slow.

FOR GREAT JUSTICE and posterity.

[Freakozoid]

On some stupid college trip to Liverpool Uni where we stayed in the halls of residence, which were **** mind, some girl who seemed to be larger in proportion than most others, her hands were huge like, took a fancy to me.
Her being allocated a room on my floor did not bode well and sure enough at about 4am when I was just about to get to sleep having traipsed back at 3ish from some dozy piss up there came a knocking at the door and a "psst open up its me fat Suzie"

I went out onto the balcony and climbed down into my mates room where I hid all night.

Fortunately, she is now engaged to some utter mug also from my college

[Dace]

Keep the stories coming.

[queball]

I miss WorkMonkey.

[Aryn]

well this one time at a club

oh wait.. does the story count if i'm the fat bird? :\

[menth0l]

Originally posted by Freakozoid
"psst open up its me fat Suzie"

That's the winner right there. Nearly choked on my toast.

[Zapman]

Why did she add the "fat" bit to her name? Was she so far gone that she accepted the nickname other people gave her behind her back? No hope indeed.

[Nusselt]

my experience was pretty much like pabs first story, a drink in either hand, and a fat bitch grabbed my balls, in between not trying to spill the drinks whilst trying to get away it was possibly the least erotic exprience ive ever had while a woman has her hands on my balls.

[Blastoderm]

I actually had a relationship with a fat bird. I went out with her for about a month. Within the 3rd week of going out with her, I shagged purely because she undone my pants (hey, can;t say no to sex). Later, we were talking on the phone & she had the decency to brand me an amature. I replied back by saying "You're too big, how the **** am I supposed to move in bed?"


That's when I decided not to shag a fat bird ever again.

[Woof]

I got off with a fat bird, i was really drunk, i gave her my munber, she called me, i paniced, i made an excuse, fat bird never called again.

I learnt my lesson, and I have never drunk again :ninja:

[I Am Grimble]

There was one trying to chat me up at the pub yesterday while I was watching the football. I had to punch her in the face to make her shut the hell up. Stupid bitch.

[Woof]

Woof's fat bird observations:-

• Have you ever noticed it's normally fatty who pinches your arse when down the pub/club?
• Drunk fat birds are to be avoided at all costs. it's dangerous!
• Never make eye contact with a fat bird, once you've made the initial eye contact with fatty, you can't stop. No matter how hard you try you will always find yourself glancing over at fatty. Fatty will notice you noticing her, then you will notice fatty noticing you, add inifinty. Fat bird now thinks you fancy her, your mates now think you fancy fatty, whilst all you can do is to continue making eye contact with fatty.
• Pab likes his birds large.