Well after the success of the "I'm a PA-mod and im ok" song, people wanted the parrot sketch converted,.. so here's what i came up with
The original script can be found
here
'The Alliance Shoppe'
A customer enters an Alliance shop.
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Spinner?
Owner: What do you mean "Spinner"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' down between rounds.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this alliance what I joined not half aan hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, Exilition...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. it's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, it's uh,...it's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead alliance when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no it's not dead, it's,it's restin'! Remarkable alliance, Exilition, ain't it, ay? Fantastic BC's!
C: The BC's don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake it up!
(shouting in the public room)
'Ello, Exilition HC's! I've got a lovely roid fat planet for you if you show...(owner slaps the HC a bit with a large trout)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you slapping them with a trout!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO EXILITION!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your five o'clock alarm call! Your planets are under attack!
(Takes P out of the room and kick-bans it. Kicks everyone else out of the room and watch that they dont come back.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead alliance.
O: No, no.....No, 'there stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned them, just as they were wakin' up! Exilition HC stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That alliance is definitely deceased, and when I joined it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following last rounds all nighters.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the roidski's.
C: PININ' for the roidski's?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why were all their names set to away the moment i logged on at home?
O: Exilition prefers to set their names as away! Remarkable alliance, id'nit, squire? Fantastic BC's!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining this alliance when I got ilogged on, and I discovered the only reason that anyone was there at all was because they had forgot to log off!
(pause)
O: Well, o'course it was quiet there! If they didn't restrict conversation, they would nuzzle up next rounds rankings, dazzled others with their conversation, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this alliance wouldn't "voom" if you put four million roids in it! it's bleedin' demised!
O: No no! it's pining!
C: it's not pinin'! it's passed on! This alliance is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet the creators!
it's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If there wasn't people idling there, the room would be pushing up the daisies!
'It's defending processes are now 'istory! it's off the PBOT activity rankings!
it's kicked the bucket, it's shrugged off its private rooms, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!
THIS IS AN EX-ALLIANCE!!
(pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of alliance's.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a Buddy Pack.
(pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, will it defend against hordes of 1up ships?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to my brother's alliance shop in the Beta, he'll replace the alliance for you.
C: Beta, eh? Very well.
The customer leaves.
The customer enters the same alliance shop. The owner is putting on a false persona name.
C: This is the Beta, is it?
O: (with a fake persona name) No, it's Alpha.
C: (looking to the readers) That's Planetarion quick buttons for you.
The customer goes to the PA-crew.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
C: I wish to complain, PA-crew person.
PA-crew person: I DON'T HAVE TO PLAY THIS GAME, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified coder! I only play this game because I like being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to change all these lines to being PA related, you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I click on the Beta quick link found myself deposited here in the ALpha section.
A: No, this is Beta.
C: (to the readers) The alliance shop man's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame PA-crew for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the alliance shop!
He does.
C: I understand this IS Beta.
O: (still with the fake persona) Yes?
C: You told me it was Alpha!
O: ...It was a pun.
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Beta" would be "Ateb"!! It don't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Forum Mod: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
)
Linear Mode
