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14 Aug 2005, 04:20
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#1
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Flying things
I hate them. They love me.
Wasps genuinly terrify the life out of me (after hearing that if you swallow one, or if it stings you in the windpipe, your a deadman. Also the fact that wasp stings hurt like ****ing hell.
But its not just wasps
Its all flying things. Birds, flys, tiny little bugs, ladybirds, butterflies, bees, hornets, daddy long legs, moths.
There is currently in my room a moth the SIZE OF A SMALL BAT.
How do i know this?
I was drifting off to sleep, thinking about all the dissapointments in my life, when i heard something land far down my bedcovers. "Sarah?" i said, thinking it was odd i didnt hear my cat come up the attic ladders. Still, i couldnt hear anything and was a bit freaked out not to see my cat. I turned over and sank back into my pillow for another five minutes.. to be startled into submission by the sound of hovering and flapping RIGHT ON MY ****ING EAR.
I choked "ff****' and jumped up and turned the light on to see this huge monster flying around. I went to get the big light on, flapping at it as it passed, but when i turned around, it was gone. I investigated for a while holding up the lamp into the dark areas, and it flew out at me again and i dropped the lamp. Theres a small one as well, but thats such a minor issue right now.
I shit you not, i can HEAR IT. its somewhere, perhaps behind the cupboard again, but i heard its location last time and i can hear it again. I cant explain why, but im ****ing terrified of flying beasties. Not great with insects and spiders etc either, but they are in no way comparable to how i feel about these flying ****ing pricks.
Im going to take my covers downstairs and sleep on the couch, once my heart stops beating.
It ****ing sucks to be such a pussy by the way
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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14 Aug 2005, 06:16
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#2
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: Flying things
I don't like them either. They are kamakazi mf'ers. They lie in wait and strafe you. If you swing at them while they are airborne to change course wildly, usually right into your face. It isn't that they can harm you, its that they can make you harm yourself. I also hate grasshoppers and crickets because they have no idea where they are going and in trying to avoid you they are just as apt to fly up your nose. You are also right that being spooked by such things doesn't do much for your self esteem.
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Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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14 Aug 2005, 10:30
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#3
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Flying things
you big poof.
MOTHS CAN'T HURT YOU AND THEY BREAK IF YOU TOUCH THEM
Wasps on the other hand. Bastards. We had a nest in our garden the other day. Thousands of them. All dead now. Mwuhahaha.
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14 Aug 2005, 10:37
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#4
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Flying things
A giant moth aint so bad, I once had a bat in my room and that freaked me out. To this day I still don't understand how a bat got into a completly sealed room, not to mention the fact it was a few thousand kilometres away from home.
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14 Aug 2005, 10:39
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#5
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lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
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Re: Flying things
Last time we had a wasps nest in our garden we poured petrol on it then watched te little buggers burn when we threw a match onto it.
As with all flying things, just squash the moth with a shoe or something.
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eXcessum
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14 Aug 2005, 11:06
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#6
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Mathamagician
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: At the very edge of existance
Posts: 1,803
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Re: Flying things
shoot it with a bb gun.
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I think I just had an evilgasm
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14 Aug 2005, 12:24
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#7
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: Flying things
I lost it. I could hear it all night, but i couldnt find it. I think i fell asleep with my ****ing eyes open
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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14 Aug 2005, 12:50
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#8
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Made of Twigs
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,459
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deffeh
I went to get the big light on
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Paging JC back to thread 186914.
__________________
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor - James
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am - Muhammad Ali
So **** y'all, all of y'all; if y'all don't like me, blow me! - Dr. Dre
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14 Aug 2005, 14:22
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,347
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
I don't like them either. They are kamakazi mf'ers. They lie in wait and strafe you. If you swing at them while they are airborne to change course wildly, usually right into your face. It isn't that they can harm you, its that they can make you harm yourself. I also hate grasshoppers and crickets because they have no idea where they are going and in trying to avoid you they are just as apt to fly up your nose. You are also right that being spooked by such things doesn't do much for your self esteem.
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I was driving down the duel carriageway once and I could hear this weird sound. Kept driving along and then suddenly this ****ing grasshopper jumped up onto my leg. I shat myself. I froze up and told myself to stay calm as I pulled rather hastily into nearest available area. I jumped out of the car and was dancingabout like a lunatic trying to get rid of it.
I really hate bugs.
__________________
The 20th century has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.
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14 Aug 2005, 15:51
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#10
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by All Systems Go
I was driving down the duel carriageway once and I could hear this weird sound. Kept driving along and then suddenly this ****ing grasshopper jumped up onto my leg. I shat myself. I froze up and told myself to stay calm as I pulled rather hastily into nearest available area. I jumped out of the car and was dancingabout like a lunatic trying to get rid of it.
I really hate bugs.
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I had a simular experience one night. Driving along the highway when I saw a rather large huntsman spider (15cm diametre) walking along the front windscreen inside the car. I was trying to stay calm and pull over so I could get it out of the car but the ****er just would not stay still and kept coming closer and closer to my side. Eventually it reached a point where it was directly infront of my face. I freaked and froze up and just hooked a left into an empty parking lot off the side of the highway. I wasn't aware at the time but there was a man walking along the footpath near where I pulled in and missed him by about a metre. I was still too busy freaking over the spider and lept out of the driver side door with haste. The guy that I almost hit was a rather muscley drunk aboriginal man who was understandably shocked at what happened. I appologised and tried to explain what had happened but he was far too drunk to care and spent the next 5 minutes trying to knock my head off my shoulders taking swings at me. Fortunately the place I had pulled into was a tyre fitter owned by a guy who lived in my street and knew me. He and several of his mates walked over to see what was going on, I explained everything and he managed to find and remove the spider from my car while the other guys kept the drunk under control. A passing patrol vehicle pulled over to see what was going on and managed to persuade the drunk guy to move on and I finally returned home. At the end of the whole experience I was just happy that a) I didn't kill the man b) he didn't kill me.
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14 Aug 2005, 16:26
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#11
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: Flying things
Flying beasties are a pain in the arse I must admit.
When my sister was 5 we were on holidays and a rather large moth flew up into her nose. She panicked and it took quite a while to get it out. Needless to say she's terrified of em now.
My brother is quite honestly absolutelyeffingterrified of those daddylonglegs things and bugs.
My mother is no better and my dad wimps out.
So its usually left up to me to rid whatever is offending these people from whichever room when Im around. Bug cleaner. Moth remover. Spider relocator. I should get paid per job.
And it's not like any of them can do anything. But they speak to some primal part of the brain that turns off the rational side. Screams 'RUN YOU FOOL IT MIGHT KILL YOU' and you do.
Can't blame people.
Can't fight primal urges.
Though you can fight fyling beasties. Can of deodorant. Wasp killer spray. Glass and piece of cardboard.
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I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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14 Aug 2005, 16:47
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#12
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lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
Paging JC back to thread 186914.
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I cant believe i missed that.
Maybe you should have put your readers on Deffeh, would have helped you find the moth.
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eXcessum
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14 Aug 2005, 23:12
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#13
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: Flying things
this shit sucks because i dont understand the jc reference
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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15 Aug 2005, 11:01
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#14
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Flying things
I had a daddy long legs in my bath the other day. I tried spraying it with the showerhead, but it just flew off, up the side of the wall.
Ultimately, airfreshner for the win. \0/
Stock up on it, Deffeh.
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15 Aug 2005, 11:12
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#15
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Flying things
I think i got bitten by mosquitoes last night, which is strange, as the places where the bites appear to be are on my elbow and i was wearing long sleeves most of the time. I have come to the conclusion that the bastard flew in my window while I was at the computer before I went to bed and I was too drunk to notice
Also, my Uncle's house where I was last night had a great bug killing thing. It is a miniature tennis racquet with metal instead of string. But there is a button on the side you press and it sends an electric current through the metal. So holding it down and even touching an insect as it flies through the air normally either knocks it to the ground or attaches it to the metal. Not nice for them, but very effective.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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15 Aug 2005, 14:19
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#16
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
Though you can fight fyling beasties. Can of deodorant. Wasp killer spray. Glass and piece of cardboard.
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I have a much simpler method. I have an old toy plastic baseball bat, the kind you buy at the local corner store for about $1.00. It has been re-dubbed "The Spider Bat", every time I see one of them buggers I mash it into the wall.
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15 Aug 2005, 17:19
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#17
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: Flying things
I went away for a week a couple of months ago and on my return I opened the porch door and heard noises from coming inside, it sounded like stuff being knocked over and I thought there must be an intruder inside. When I got the front door open I walked into the living room to find a pigeon flying around and one hell of a mess, it must have some how fallen down the chimney because there was ash all over the carpet in front of the fire place. I'm not sure how long the stupid bird had been in the house but it had managed to shit on literally everything and it must have found my new £120 black leather computer chair comfortable because there was a stalagmite of bird business on the seat. I don't know if anyone has tried cleaning up mountains of bird shit before but take it from me it is as greasy as a lard sandwich.
Anyway, the pigeon saw me and flew straight at me so I ducked out of the way and it went into the kitchen (more feathers and poo in there too) and it was flying against the window which was pretty cool because it looked like it was flying on the spot . I decide to grab it and I get a hold of its tail feathers which then come off in my hand which freaked me out so I just chuck them on the floor and after about five minutes of sparring with the critter I get it to the front door and it flies off spiralling away into the sky.
I knew there would be no food in the house so I bought a kebab meat and chips back with me which went in the bin after seeing all the mess and I began the clean up operation which took a couple of hours. I used to be bothered by moths but now I just bash them or spray them with aerosols with no worries after the pigeon experience.
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The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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15 Aug 2005, 17:23
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#18
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Flying things
Pigeons are total retards. They are the chavs of the bird world.
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15 Aug 2005, 17:26
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#19
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Insomniac
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 3,583
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Re: Flying things
i dont mind flying things much, just so long as they arent within 20cm of my face. i dont like them when they're that close
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15 Aug 2005, 17:35
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#20
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: Flying things
The worst are probably house flies, you know they have just come in after snacking on dog shit or a rotting animal corpse and they fly in all inocent as if butter wouldn't melt, almost impossible to catch/kill in flight and they are pretty quick off the mark when you have found out where it landed. I hate them.
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The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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15 Aug 2005, 23:59
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#21
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Professional AlcoFrolic
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 170
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Re: Flying things
It's a conspiracy I tell you. Almost everyone has a bad story about flying beasties, yet we do nothing to erase this plague.
I say we stock up on flyspray, funky tennis racquets and kids baseball bats and go hunting.
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I dont drink, I dont smoke, I dont swear... Oh sh*t I left my fags in the pub
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16 Aug 2005, 00:11
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#22
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no
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: in a chair
Posts: 329
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Re: Flying things
I don't know why but bugs with long slim legs scare me, so when I need to remove one from my room I grab a deoderant can and a lighter, and give that mother****er the ripley treatment http://membres.lycos.fr/mogwai/images/ripley6.jpg
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16 Aug 2005, 00:36
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#23
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: Flying things
Quote:
Originally Posted by SepH
I don't know why but bugs with long slim legs scare me
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Does this do anything for you?
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The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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