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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:26   #1
madi
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reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

i really need to bump off the annoying south african temp squatting in my office

do you think it is possible to pick up enough what not to do's from watching tv?
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:30   #2
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

I recon so.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:31   #3
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

you just need to be careful so "yeah"
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:42   #4
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

So long as you appear to have no motivation to do it, ensure your not seen and take enough precautions about not leaving forensic evidence its possible.

Though you'd have to deal with the resultant mental problems over having killed a girl cause her accent grated you up the wrong way.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:47   #5
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Making this thread was a mistake in the first place, so no.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 13:48   #6
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

ya could just join the american army, kill her and claim she was a terrorist and that you were defending your freedom
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 15:40   #7
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

no
there's always something left behind.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 19:03   #8
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

If there is some old annoying bint in the office that looks like Angela Lansbury, don't even think about it. Kill her instead.

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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 21:47   #9
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Somehow at the office where I work, most female regulars always dislike the female temps for some reason.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 21:53   #10
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaio
If there is some old annoying bint in the office that looks like Angela Lansbury, don't even think about it. Kill her instead.

~Vaio~
I get the impression you were traumatised by Murder She Wrote at some earlier period in your life.

Actually, considering how old Lansbury is and how old that show is, its entirely possible you were traumatised by it in a previous life.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 21:57   #11
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

"Murder She Wrote" is on in the afternoons (3 ish or so) KURA YOU ****!
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:02   #12
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
"Murder She Wrote" is on in the afternoons (3 ish or so) KURA YOU ****!
NO DACE, **** YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:05   #13
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

it was the "c" word btw
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:10   #14
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
it was the "c" word btw
I know, but i cant use that many exclamation marks after the C word.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:12   #15
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

what a gay
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:13   #16
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
what a gay
Says the man who gives handjobs in Bennetts for five quid a pop, and bulk discounts.
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:20   #17
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

lies
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Unread 14 Oct 2004, 22:42   #18
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Question Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Why is she squatting in your office? Does she shit on the carpet or something?
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 08:49   #19
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaio
If there is some old annoying bint in the office that looks like Angela Lansbury, don't even think about it. Kill her instead.

~Vaio~
I always thought it strange that an old woman would ALWAYS be at the scene of a murder every ****ing week, have to meddle in a police investigation and then solve it all neatly while the cops hadn't a clue!

I mean, did no-one ever suspect that she might have been the mad murdering serial killing whore that she is!? Travelling the country fitting up other people for her crimes....you have to watch those old people! They are DANGEROUS!
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 11:37   #20
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

if ever any famous murder detective was at a dinner party i would leave
oh so very sharpish

and she is squatting in my office because i have a spare desk and she is a temp for the department over the corridor who do not have a spare desk

and she must either die or be gagged

i dont think it would be so bad if it wasnt for the fact that every other thing she says is about the wedding she is planning (end of next year ffs)
i do not give a crap about her crushed velvet medieval wedding dress she is having made (in a size 20, she is going to look like cheap sofa)
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 11:43   #21
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madi
i do not give a crap about her crushed velvet medieval wedding dress she is having made (in a size 20
Is it cheaper cause she's buying in bulk?!
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:09   #22
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

If you want the same effect, watch "The New Detectives" or shows like it on Discovery Channel. It's CSI with real cases. After watching 100+ episodes of the stuff (which I did), I now have enough knowledge of where people went wrong before to at least make it quite challenging for investigators.

A hint or two: use a knife, as they are readily available. Wear plastic gloves, or ones which won't leave fibres behind. If you take anything with you from the crime scene, get rid of it as soon as you can, as discreetly as you can. Throw the weapon into a river or large body of water. Especially guns, as they're too easy to track. NEVER ATTEMPT TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE BODY.

Madi, you'd obviously be caught, as you
a) know the person
b) have a motive

Don't do it
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:24   #23
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

If you use a gun then scrape the inside of it with a screwdriver after you've fired it

It means that a balistic test is useless (or something)

good idea +++++
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:25   #24
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

or just melt it down to a pool of metal
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:30   #25
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
If you use a gun then scrape the inside of it with a screwdriver after you've fired it

It means that a balistic test is useless (or something)

good idea +++++
Won't work, as the hammer still leaves marks on the bullet that match with others
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:37   #26
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Why not just get her fired instead of resorting to killing her?

Over-react much?
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:39   #27
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

To eliminate the whole "having a motive" line of investigation, just blow up a shop when she's inside or something, and everyone will assume it was terrorism. You'll have to deal with the guilt of murdering dozens of people for no reason, but, hey, you're willing to kill one person for spurious reasons so I figure you've made the moral leap already.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:44   #28
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

i thought the hammer would leave a mark on the shell casing (which you take with you)
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 12:53   #29
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
i thought the hammer would leave a mark on the shell casing (which you take with you)
There'd still be marks on the end of the bullet, which you couldn't file. You can pour acid on it and they'd still find it
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 13:03   #30
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summanus
There'd still be marks on the end of the bullet, which you couldn't file. You can pour acid on it and they'd still find it
Only if they can find the bullet.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 13:04   #31
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
Why not just get her fired instead of resorting to killing her?

Over-react much?
she is a temp secretary who probably doesnt do too bad a job
it would actually be more effort to get her fired (i work for the NHS, its almost impossible to get fired here, they just move people about and give them raises) than to push her down the stairs/out of a window/blow up a shop
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 13:07   #32
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summanus
There'd still be marks on the end of the bullet, which you couldn't file. You can pour acid on it and they'd still find it


Are you sure? (someone please confirm/deny)
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 13:09   #33
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madi
she is a temp secretary who probably doesnt do too bad a job
it would actually be more effort to get her fired (i work for the NHS, its almost impossible to get fired here, they just move people about and give them raises) than to push her down the stairs/out of a window/blow up a shop
Give her something that will cause her slight abdominal pain, they'll stick her on a bed and leave her in a corridor for 2 months.

GO GO NHS POWARS!
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 14:20   #34
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

hmm, how about simply shooting the person with a 9mm, then pouring acid down the barrel of the weapon?? Provided you use a strong enough acid (sulphuric, 50% should do) the inside of the pistol would be so significantly damaged, the weapon would probably be unusable. In addition a ballistics test would then also be impossible.

Don't try to do anything with the bullet, those things are way to small to be messed about with.

Also, leaving a 9mm pistol in an acid bath as they use in some factories would also leave you with a safety garantue
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 14:34   #35
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

according to my 'crime and society' lecturer, 2/3 of murders go unsolved...

so basically, whether you watch CSI or not, you probably will

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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 14:38   #36
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

The bullet itself if it isn't too badly deformed will have the rifiling marks of the barrel. That is why your advised to rake the barrel with a screwdriver or pull through some metal wire/filings. It ensures the barrel cant be matched to the bullet itself.
Then you have the shell casing. The hammer makes a distinctive mark and strike pattern. If you remember to take the casing or set up a simple catching bag then it'll be extreemly difficult to track what gun was used. Apart from the caliber of the weapon, there wouldnt be much to tie it to anyone.

You would have to worry about blow-back from the weapon when fired. It will cover your hand and forearm in the residue of the cordite that is used in the shell casing. This can be tested and they can tell the type of cordite (to an extent) which can tie you to a weapon and a reasonable timeframe for firing.
So you would need gloves and a to dispose of whatever you covered your arm with (long sleeve etc)

Once you get rid of the gun someplace where it will not be found e.g. deep river/water body you will only be tied to the crime by circumstances at most. They cannot directly link you to the murder weapon and the actual killing.
Though you may still leave forensic evidence that will tie you to the crime scene.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 18:42   #37
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Exclamation Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
according to my 'crime and society' lecturer, 2/3 of murders go unsolved...
That's because the police are fat ignorant bastards, and we don't let people like Columbo and Canon and Miss Marple investigate murders.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 18:57   #38
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

If the forensic science in CSI is as ridiculous as their use of computers on the show then you'd learn more about the perfect murder from watching Happy Days.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 22:49   #39
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

the perfect murder is a random one.
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Unread 15 Oct 2004, 23:02   #40
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Re: reckon if you watch enough CSI you could get away with murder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
Then you have the shell casing. The hammer makes a distinctive mark and strike pattern. If you remember to take the casing or set up a simple catching bag then it'll be extreemly difficult to track what gun was used.


So i was right when i said that the hammer only marks the casing and not the bullet?!
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