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26 Apr 2004, 03:00
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#1
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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Crap Russia joke
A man goes into a Red Army Surplus shop and buys a former soviet army officer's furry hat.
It's the sort of thing he's been looking for for some time, so he grabs it off the shelf, pays for it, and rushes out into the cold.
He's half way down the street when he realises that something isn't right with the hat - he takes it off and looks inside.
There's an old copy of "The Gulag Archipelago" and a big nest of lice.
The man rushes back to the shop.
"I want a refund!" he says.
"Why?" asks the shopkeeper.
"This hat," says the man, "it's still got soldier-nits in!"
-
Well, i did warn you...
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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26 Apr 2004, 03:40
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#2
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Crap Russia joke
A Russian goes to the Lada garage and asks for a red Lada. The salesman says, 'Certainly. It will be with you on February 17th 2005' Russian says 'Morning or Afternoon ?'
'Why ?' asks the salesman
'Because i've got the plumber round in the morning' is the reply
Vaio
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The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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26 Apr 2004, 07:09
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#3
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Forgive me but I'm not up with my Russian culture, someone care to explain those jokes?
__________________
CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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26 Apr 2004, 07:12
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#4
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I remember Vaio's joke from when Gorbachev was in power.
And djbass, The Gulag Archipelago was written by someone called Solzhenitsyn. Which vaguely sounds like....
Yeah, but he did say it was crap.
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26 Apr 2004, 17:58
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#5
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I laughed :/
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26 Apr 2004, 18:12
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#6
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NEWSBOT
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: The enby cave!
Posts: 4,872
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Re: Crap Russia joke
tell us skiddy, what does your sig say in english ?
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[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
__________________
Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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26 Apr 2004, 20:09
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#7
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I think that you should all suck my cock.
Thankyou.
Although I'm considering changing it to something all round less offensive now that I've told you
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26 Apr 2004, 20:11
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#8
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Which has now been done.
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26 Apr 2004, 20:14
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#9
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Babel Fish gave something about sucking on your tube or similar previously.
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26 Apr 2004, 20:22
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#10
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Lord Denning
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: City of London
Posts: 2,548
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
Babel Fish gave something about sucking on your tube or similar previously.
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Now it says "by an example we conduct".
Presumably some form of military motto. "We lead by example" or some such.
__________________
Please bear in mind when reading the above post that I am always right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
He was crowned in York Cathedral as 'Expert in the West' by Pope Urban III in 1186.
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26 Apr 2004, 20:24
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#11
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
It actually says By Example We Lead.
Obviously I am forced to improvise some times.
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26 Apr 2004, 20:46
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#12
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
The one about the sucking of mens genitalia or the "My angel Idimmu" one?
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26 Apr 2004, 20:49
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#13
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I've just found where Proteus got his translation from.
That site is shite. Good for getting the basic idea, but not very good in translations. An example of which is the fact it believed I was discussing cranes when in fact I was referring to cocks. Those sites tend to go for the nearest(!) match when they don't get the word you put in. I obviously don't know what Russian for 'cock' is so I simply translated it literally using Russian alphabet.
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26 Apr 2004, 21:18
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#14
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Someone remind me to find out what "my hovercraft is full of eels" is in Hungarian.
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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26 Apr 2004, 21:19
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#15
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I prefered the subtlely disguised bisexuality of the previous sig.
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26 Apr 2004, 21:29
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#16
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Crap Russia joke
btw, did you get anywhere with that blonde sort in Cuba Cuba?
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26 Apr 2004, 21:53
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#17
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Heh!
No, I've seen her in there since and chatted to her but never made it anywhere.
I'm teasing her
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26 Apr 2004, 21:56
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#18
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Fancy going back with me sometime?
I like it because it's shit.
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26 Apr 2004, 22:03
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#19
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Example we drive
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26 Apr 2004, 22:05
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#20
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Yeah that sounds good. I'm away for the next two weekends but when I get back I'll give you a shout.
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26 Apr 2004, 22:11
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#21
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Hurrah. \0/
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26 Apr 2004, 22:14
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#22
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Perhaps teh blonde bird shall be there.
I may even speak to her again.
Apparently she was looking longingly at me on Saturday night.
That's according to Jo.
I think she was just drunk.
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26 Apr 2004, 22:17
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#23
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I tihnk you should pork her. On the dancefloor.
It would bring a touch of colour and vigour to the place.
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26 Apr 2004, 22:23
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#24
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I also think this, although whether or not she would allow such events to take place is undecided and pointing predominantly towards a great 'No'.
Coupled with the laws I would be breaking in the process...
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26 Apr 2004, 23:41
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#25
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Blatantly overcooked
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,575
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I would like to talk about a show where some ruskyes, proud of their nuke sub would
"Ve can Nuke Nél Yorko, new yorkor....new....yark" and the reporter would ask "are you saying you can nuke New York?" And the guy, shivering from sub zero temps, would quickly nod with his head "da da da da da"
and he would go on to say "Berlino, Londrino...." and shit like that and that was very funny because he had an accent which you counldnt really understand, you just felt like shitting your pants laughing.
But it was the kind of joke that you just have to be there, sorry to bring this up now, i promise it wont happen again my bad
/me cleans tears from the eyes and cheekbone.
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Bizarrely overrated
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27 Apr 2004, 07:56
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#26
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Where you born a twat or have you been taking lessons ?
Vaio
__________________
The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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27 Apr 2004, 08:40
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#27
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NEWSBOT
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: The enby cave!
Posts: 4,872
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Re: Crap Russia joke
oh he's definately been taking lessons
__________________
[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
__________________
Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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27 Apr 2004, 17:52
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#28
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Blatantly overcooked
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,575
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Hey, im a pretty neat guy. Innit?
whats this twatization you keep talking about?
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Bizarrely overrated
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