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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 03:00   #1
Mushroom
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Crap Russia joke
A man goes into a Red Army Surplus shop and buys a former soviet army officer's furry hat.

It's the sort of thing he's been looking for for some time, so he grabs it off the shelf, pays for it, and rushes out into the cold.

He's half way down the street when he realises that something isn't right with the hat - he takes it off and looks inside.

There's an old copy of "The Gulag Archipelago" and a big nest of lice.

The man rushes back to the shop.

"I want a refund!" he says.

"Why?" asks the shopkeeper.

"This hat," says the man, "it's still got soldier-nits in!"
-


Well, i did warn you...
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 03:40   #2
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Re: Crap Russia joke
A Russian goes to the Lada garage and asks for a red Lada. The salesman says, 'Certainly. It will be with you on February 17th 2005' Russian says 'Morning or Afternoon ?'

'Why ?' asks the salesman

'Because i've got the plumber round in the morning' is the reply

Vaio
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 07:09   #3
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Forgive me but I'm not up with my Russian culture, someone care to explain those jokes?
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 07:12   #4
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I remember Vaio's joke from when Gorbachev was in power.

And djbass, The Gulag Archipelago was written by someone called Solzhenitsyn. Which vaguely sounds like....

Yeah, but he did say it was crap.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 17:58   #5
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I laughed :/
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 18:12   #6
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Re: Crap Russia joke
tell us skiddy, what does your sig say in english ?
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:09   #7
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I think that you should all suck my cock.

Thankyou.

Although I'm considering changing it to something all round less offensive now that I've told you
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:11   #8
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Which has now been done.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:14   #9
Dante Hicks
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Babel Fish gave something about sucking on your tube or similar previously.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:22   #10
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
Babel Fish gave something about sucking on your tube or similar previously.
Now it says "by an example we conduct".

Presumably some form of military motto. "We lead by example" or some such.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:24   #11
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
It actually says By Example We Lead.

Obviously I am forced to improvise some times.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:46   #12
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
The one about the sucking of mens genitalia or the "My angel Idimmu" one?
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 20:49   #13
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I've just found where Proteus got his translation from.

That site is shite. Good for getting the basic idea, but not very good in translations. An example of which is the fact it believed I was discussing cranes when in fact I was referring to cocks. Those sites tend to go for the nearest(!) match when they don't get the word you put in. I obviously don't know what Russian for 'cock' is so I simply translated it literally using Russian alphabet.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 21:18   #14
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Someone remind me to find out what "my hovercraft is full of eels" is in Hungarian.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 21:19   #15
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Exclamation Re: Crap Russia joke
I prefered the subtlely disguised bisexuality of the previous sig.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 21:29   #16
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Question Re: Crap Russia joke
btw, did you get anywhere with that blonde sort in Cuba Cuba?
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 21:53   #17
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Heh!

No, I've seen her in there since and chatted to her but never made it anywhere.

I'm teasing her
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 21:56   #18
Marilyn Manson
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Question Re: Crap Russia joke
Fancy going back with me sometime?

I like it because it's shit.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:03   #19
LHC
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Example we drive
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:05   #20
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Yeah that sounds good. I'm away for the next two weekends but when I get back I'll give you a shout.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:11   #21
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Exclamation Re: Crap Russia joke
Hurrah. \0/
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:14   #22
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Perhaps teh blonde bird shall be there.

I may even speak to her again.

Apparently she was looking longingly at me on Saturday night.

That's according to Jo.

I think she was just drunk.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:17   #23
Marilyn Manson
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Exclamation Re: Crap Russia joke
I tihnk you should pork her. On the dancefloor.

It would bring a touch of colour and vigour to the place.
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 22:23   #24
skiddy
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I also think this, although whether or not she would allow such events to take place is undecided and pointing predominantly towards a great 'No'.

Coupled with the laws I would be breaking in the process...
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Unread 26 Apr 2004, 23:41   #25
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Re: Crap Russia joke
I would like to talk about a show where some ruskyes, proud of their nuke sub would
"Ve can Nuke Nél Yorko, new yorkor....new....yark" and the reporter would ask "are you saying you can nuke New York?" And the guy, shivering from sub zero temps, would quickly nod with his head "da da da da da"
and he would go on to say "Berlino, Londrino...." and shit like that and that was very funny because he had an accent which you counldnt really understand, you just felt like shitting your pants laughing.
But it was the kind of joke that you just have to be there, sorry to bring this up now, i promise it wont happen again my bad
/me cleans tears from the eyes and cheekbone.
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Unread 27 Apr 2004, 07:56   #26
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Where you born a twat or have you been taking lessons ?

Vaio
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Unread 27 Apr 2004, 08:40   #27
NEWSBOT3
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Re: Crap Russia joke
oh he's definately been taking lessons
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Unread 27 Apr 2004, 17:52   #28
Baron Morte
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Re: Crap Russia joke
Hey, im a pretty neat guy. Innit?
whats this twatization you keep talking about?
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