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Unread 24 May 2005, 19:47   #1
Rids
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German Sex

A German guy approaches a prostitute, "I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour"

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs"

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees

"Now you vill get on your hans und knees"

She duly does this, balancing on the springs "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you"

She find this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"

"Ah" says the German "Four-sprung duck technique"
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Unread 24 May 2005, 19:57   #2
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Re: German Sex

heh
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:18   #3
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Re: German Sex

I'm not getting it. The joke. Fortunately I'm not getting it from German men either.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:23   #4
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Re: German Sex

Vorsprung durch Technik.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:24   #5
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Re: German Sex

A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.

edit : beaten by wu trax
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:25   #6
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Re: German Sex

That is particularly bad. I am saddened :(
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:27   #7
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Re: German Sex

quality.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:27   #8
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Re: German Sex

it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:28   #9
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Re: German Sex

Thank you wu_trax and 1-X, now it suddenly makes a lot more sense.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 20:56   #10
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.

edit : beaten by wu trax
it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?
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Unread 24 May 2005, 21:07   #11
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Re: German Sex

"Progress through Technology", I believe.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 21:07   #12
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?
It roughly means "Advantage by technology".

Edit: Somewhat beaten. Although Vorsprung is advantage, not progress.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 21:18   #13
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Re: German Sex

do they really use that worldwide? i guess they try to score points by reminding people thats its a german car (as if that means anything anymore ) rather than with what it means. strange, usually companies here invent crappy english slogans and use them even here
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Unread 24 May 2005, 21:31   #14
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Re: German Sex

Old.
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Unread 24 May 2005, 21:36   #15
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Re: German Sex

Quality, far better than the books I read for my thesis about the German economy
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Unread 24 May 2005, 22:07   #16
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
Thats turtally excellent, that joke.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 00:02   #17
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
I see.
Haha.

It is stil better than the worst joke ever.

Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
Me: sorry?
Cousin: you know, turle, like a joke (*chuckle*)
Me: a joke? does turtles mean something special to you? do you like them alot?
Cousin: no, i just said turle, you know. it's absurd, so it's funny.
Me: err. I don't get it.
Cousin: well. cracks me up. turtle, haha. like that could be the seventh wonder of the world.
Me: bangs head repeatedly against table.
TURTLE OMG ROFL
no seriously, I feel your plight
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Unread 25 May 2005, 00:34   #18
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMighty
Thats turtally excellent, that joke.


only my apathy stops me from neg repping you for this truly awful pun
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Unread 25 May 2005, 00:36   #19
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Re: German Sex

I thought that was hilarious, i'm going to run off and tell all my cool backpacking friends!
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Unread 25 May 2005, 01:38   #20
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil^
it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.
LOL Thats a good way to express how fun it was EXACTLY!
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Unread 25 May 2005, 09:48   #21
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Re: German Sex

That (the original joke) was rather good.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 09:56   #22
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Re: German Sex

I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...
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Unread 25 May 2005, 10:21   #23
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Re: German Sex

After reading the first line of the joke, I immediately thought of the punchline and also: 'old'. But for everyone who hadn't heard it before, it's still a great joke
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Unread 25 May 2005, 10:43   #24
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by sniborp
I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...

as far as i can tell there is no way of 'getting' it
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Unread 25 May 2005, 10:45   #25
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Re: German Sex

It's like that shitty 'Where's the soap joke?'

Only worse.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:09   #26
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Re: German Sex

"a man goes around the corner and the bus is gone."

"two men meet on a bridge, the other one also has 5 €"

"whats the difference beween a raven?
both feet are of the same length, especially the right one"

"Whats green and jumps in the forest?
a pride of cucumbers"

and so on....
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:11   #27
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Re: German Sex

If we're doing bad jokes then.......

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!




AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:14   #28
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Re: German Sex

I liked the cucumber one
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:15   #29
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
If we're doing bad jokes then.......

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!




AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!
thats not a bad joke!

Its just older than DM.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:31   #30
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalon
I liked the cucumber one
part 2:
"and where is the joke?

Cucumbers dont live in prides"

theres more:
"what is white and sits on a tree?
a refrigerator"

"what is white and stands behind a tree?

a shy milk"
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:57   #31
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Re: German Sex

Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?

Because he was a penguin






I got that on a penguin bar
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Unread 25 May 2005, 11:58   #32
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Re: German Sex

oh dear.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 14:09   #33
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Re: German Sex

Nice one Rids.

Made me smile.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 17:33   #34
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Re: German Sex

no twas not me :/
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Unread 25 May 2005, 17:37   #35
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?

Because he was a penguin


I got that on a penguin bar
don't go to penguin bars
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Unread 25 May 2005, 17:53   #36
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Re: German Sex

The Vorsprung Durch Teknik joke is on the closing credits of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Baralls - though it could be the uncut version only.

Just thought I'd throw that in there.


And yes, I know it was pointless. Thanks.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 17:55   #37
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Re: German Sex

what's red and not there?


no tomatoes
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Unread 25 May 2005, 18:16   #38
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
what's red and not there?


no tomatoes
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Unread 25 May 2005, 18:27   #39
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Re: German Sex

I just read through a long list of bad jokes on 'a website', the best of which I've cut and pasted below

Quote:
A rabbi, a cowboy, and George W. Bush all get sucked into a wind turbine.

They died.
Quote:
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"where's my tractor?"
Quote:
What's the ideal weight for Idimmu?

About two pounds, counting the urn.
Quote:
A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said
to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it
was just rain", he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they
saw a communist party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade
Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official
approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it
officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the
woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man
quietly replied:

"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Quote:
Q: What's better than winning the gold at the Wheelchair Olympics?
A: Having legs that work.
Quote:
AN old man goes to the doctor and says he wants to get some birth control for his 9 year old Granddaughter. The doctor asks "A 9 year old? Is she sexually active?" grandpa says "no, she lays there like her grandmother."
Quote:
What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a ferrari in my garage.
Quote:
Why is the space between a woman's tits and hips called a waist?

Because another pair of tits could easily fit there.
Quote:
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink.
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Unread 25 May 2005, 19:38   #40
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Re: German Sex

I approve
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Unread 25 May 2005, 19:49   #41
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Re: German Sex

I'm hideously giggling at the Rudolph one
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Unread 25 May 2005, 21:19   #42
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Re: German Sex

my mum sent me an email with this joke in at least 6 months ago, still, its new here, and it is funny
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Unread 25 May 2005, 22:59   #43
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Re: German Sex

http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=179392
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Unread 25 May 2005, 23:03   #44
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Re: German Sex

i knew i got that from someone here.

comic genius out and out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I hate negroes!
does anyone else ever laugh at their old posts?

i'm sad for me
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Unread 25 May 2005, 23:58   #45
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Re: German Sex

a man with an orange head walks into a bar

the bartender asks him why he has an orange head

the reply was

"well, i found a genie in a bottle who allowed me three wishes,

firstly i chose to turn attractive to all females in the world.
it was done.

secondly, i requested to become a billionaire.
it was done.


...


for my final wish,

i asked for an orange head."



i cracked up laughing at this when david walliams was telling a group of journalists+a few tag alongs like myself at some photoshoot thingy
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Unread 26 May 2005, 00:06   #46
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Re: German Sex

http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=159232
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Unread 26 May 2005, 00:28   #47
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Re: German Sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
me too.

i've been telling it to everyone for months, and have yet to see anyone laugh.

losing a few friends is a small price to pay.
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Unread 26 May 2005, 01:02   #48
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Re: German Sex

aaaaahhhhh now i finally understand all these references to MrLs (in)famous Mugabe joke
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Unread 26 May 2005, 01:10   #49
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Re: German Sex

What did the chicken say to the pinapple?

I want some pinapple.......

i dont know why but my friend made that up and it cracks me up everytime, probably for the shitness factor of it
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Unread 26 May 2005, 01:27   #50
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Exclamation Re: German Sex

A man walks into a Soviet Union, and they shoot him.
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