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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:40   #1
roadrunner_0
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making a statement to the police
tomorrow afternoon, the police are coming to my place of work, which, lets not forget here, is a library to take statements from me and one of the other members of staff.

why you ask? because some ****ing evil bastards came in today and attacked one of our customers

in a library fs


bastards
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:40   #2
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Re: making a statement to the police
Make sure you don't ask any questions, and string as much into your one sentence as you can.

'And' is a good word for this purpose, as is 'however'.
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:44   #3
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Re: making a statement to the police
I've made statements to the police before. It's not a problem.
As you aren't under suspicion of anything they're generally pretty nice and want to get it over with as soon as possible.
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:45   #4
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Re: making a statement to the police
oh, i know, i have given statements before as well (i was assaulted last year)

it just pisses me off that these people came into my work
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:45   #5
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
Make sure you don't ask any questions, and string as much into your one sentence as you can.
Is there any reason to do this?
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:46   #6
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
twhy you ask? because some ****ing evil bastards came in today and attacked one of our customers
How many of the ****ing chavs were there?
Did it appear to be random?
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:50   #7
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by Structural Integrity
Is there any reason to do this?
Otherwise he wouldn't be making a statement.
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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 19:53   #8
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
Otherwise he wouldn't be making a statement.
Your logic > my logic

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Unread 7 Feb 2005, 20:01   #9
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Re: making a statement to the police
can you be vague?

can you say things like 'frankly i wasn't watching' or 'these people all look the same to me'

go on.

for me.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 11:15   #10
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Re: making a statement to the police
hehehe, not really, as there are 3 members of staff giving statements, and we really should sort of all say about the same thing

but i shall endeavour to try and add a couple of vague lines in, just for you
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 11:19   #11
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Re: making a statement to the police
God, i despise the general population, i cannot understand the mentality of anyone that act's in such a way. Cant we just deport all the lower classes to Greenland and be done with it.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 11:54   #12
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Re: making a statement to the police
If I was gonna beat someone up, doing it in a library seems quite a good idea. Your hardly going to get stopped by some librarians, stereotypically, your all a bunch of nerdy wimps. (no offence intended roadrunner).
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 12:23   #13
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Re: making a statement to the police
Depends which library I guess. Where I live there's usually some rather chunky farmers reading bob the builder.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 12:28   #14
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Re: making a statement to the police
Well it’s the perfect place, who’d ever suspect that they’d get beaten up in a library?!
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:03   #15
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Re: making a statement to the police
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en...G=Search&meta=

Dangerous places.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:05   #16
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
lessen the likelihood that we'll all be killed in a library book avalanche
Paranoid?
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:16   #17
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
why you ask? because some ****ing evil bastards came in today and attacked one of our customers

in a library fs

Well I hope they did it quietly.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:16   #18
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by ceres
Well, quite.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:22   #19
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Re: making a statement to the police
I want you to do me a favour.

A QUEST, if you will.

Use the words "shenanigans", "malarchy" and "rapscallions" in your statement. Please.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:23   #20
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Re: making a statement to the police
Ask them bizzare questions about public nudity laws and then excuse yourself to "go to the bathroom" (do the inverted commas in mid air with your hands) and say you'll be back soon when you're feeling more comfortable.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 13:30   #21
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Ask them bizzare questions about public nudity laws and then excuse yourself to "go to the bathroom" (do the inverted commas in mid air with your hands) and say you'll be back soon when you're feeling more comfortable.

Greatest suggestion I've heard in a long time.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 14:16   #22
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Ask them bizzare questions about public nudity laws and then excuse yourself to "go to the bathroom" (do the inverted commas in mid air with your hands) and say you'll be back soon when you're feeling more comfortable.
that made me laugh quite loudly at work and i just got glared at
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 14:34   #23
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Re: making a statement to the police
i can safely say that i am going to ingore most of the requests in this thread as likely to get me told off by my boss, which i really cannot be arsed with
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 15:49   #24
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Re: making a statement to the police
why did the person get beaten up?
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 16:35   #25
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Re: making a statement to the police
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snurx
why did the person get beaten up?

Well, lets just say he will never keep a book beyond its return date again.
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 17:42   #26
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Re: making a statement to the police
just taken me an hour and a quater to make the statement, bloody hell

more worryingly though, the policemen taking the statement asked if our work would be willing to relocate us in case of trouble

that my friends falls into the category of very very not good
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Unread 8 Feb 2005, 17:46   #27
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Re: making a statement to the police
The murky world of the Library mafia reveals it's vicious face once again.
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