The star ship Idiot

[Mad cat]

runs around the ship for about five minutes yelling untill he is hoars, then goes to a loudspeaker thing and yells into that instead

AWOOOGA AWOOOOGA!!!!!! DUST PARTICLES ARE HITTING FOREWARD SHIELDS ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS

repeats this several times and collapses, feeling a little dizzy from not taking a breath

[Zorro]

Zorro uses his medical expertise immedietly after seeing Mad Cat hit the ground. Assuming he has had a heart attack, Zorro begins using the Automated External Defibrilator (AED) to administer large voltage electric shocks to Mad Cat, despite the objections of the machine. Zorro reasons the machine is just that, a machine, and of course does not know how to correctly handle the situation.

[flapjack]

*Flapjack pops up out of a small panel behind the Helm station and jumps over the helmsman's chair, throwing the ensign sitting in it across the bridge and amazingly, directly into an open wallpanel which closes. The small floorpanel had by that time been closed as well as Flapjack started piloting the ship into an asteroid belt*

[Mad cat]

twitches violently each time the electric current passes through him, between twitches he wrigles an arm out from under him and clubs zorro with (dun dun dun) "the shoe", and runs away

[ASME]

ASME having seemingly passed out just after constructing his machine wonders what said machine is doing now... activating the video screen that he had built into his arm he was able to see his creationd messing with wires inside a wide structural conduit... first his robot cur several wires labeled "DO NOT CUT" and then it welded them back together in a different order... "Hmm" ASME said to no one inparticular"I wonder what those wires do?" having a feeling he and the rest of the crew were going to find out ASME grabbed a hold of some secure piping at the side ofwhatever room he was in...it seemed that many people were pushing different buttons and administrating electrical pulses.... than out of nowhere he heard the siren for blue alert... blue?... isn't that for landing, ASME wondered how can we be landing if were supposedly in the middle of nowhere? Any way, AMSE thought, what abot those wires that my robot cut? Walking to the nearest terminal station ASME shoved anyone who was using the terminal out of the way and punched up a schematic diagram, on the viewscreen, of the area that his robot was in, zoomed in on the wires and asked... "Does anyone know what would happen if these wire were to be cut and then welded togerther in a different order?"

[Zorro]

Having mistaken a bottle of shoegoo for shampoo that morning, Zorro's head immediately latches on to the shoe that mad cat clubbed him with. Being dragged through the ship as Mad Cat is somehow unaware that Zorro is attached to the shoe in his hand, he thinks quickly. As Mad Cat runs by a TV monitor, Zorro uses his remote watch to turn it on. When Mad Cat stops to watch the latest episode of "Shoes in Space", Zorro ties Mad Cat's shoelaces together and watches him fall on his face when he continues running. Zorro then tries to wrestle the shoe out of Mad Cat's grasp.

[Mad cat]

looks extremely surprised whaen he falls on his face, looks down and sees shoes

hey where did those come from? hey my shoe!!!

grabs onto the shoe and takes his shoes off with his two free hands, the clubs zorro over the head with them and runs away from the tv

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin yells at the screen. He had obviously not clicked on that button, because that square had a mine underneath. It was a cruel conspicacy to make sure he never finished a game. He started again, wondering if someone else was now doing his job, whatever that had been.*

[Evil_Ginge]

*ginge looked around at the bridge*

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin ducks, and hides from Ginge, on the assumption that he looks like he knows what he is going, so possibly knows what Gryffin should be doing. And then he'd never get a chance to finish. Dragging the computer off the desk so he could keep playing was possibly a bad move for concealment, however.*

[Evil_Ginge]

"gryffin, turn off that game and blast the aliens that seem to be attacking from the front of the ship, i would fire the guns through my control but i need the shields up first"

[flapjack]

*Flapjack once more popped out a small panel, this time it was directly by the side of the helm's console. Flapjack quickly rushed into the chair and took the ship's helm, starting out by simply slamming the throttle from 0 to ludicrious speed setting*

"Evasive maneuvers, aye sir."

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin presses a button, and minesweeper dissappears to be replaced by a radar picture of the front of the ship, with a big gunsight in the centre. Gryffin grabs the mouse, and starts blasting.*

"Woohoohohohoo....I just got the high score!!"

[Evil_Ginge]

*relieved in the fact that he isn't controlling those aspects of the ship at this point he notices they have been boarded*

"security teams to all decks we are being boarded from all angles"

[Gryffin]

"Oh good, see if we can sell them the rations that have gone off, and see if we can buy some rations from them. I know they are nutritious, but I do get sick of freeze-dried sausage."

[Demon Dave]

*DD springs into life as he hears that he is actually needed for something other then dealing with crewmen who have had too much to drink. Unfortunatly, however, due to the fact that nothing much security related ever happens on the SSI, DD doesn't really know what to do about the boarding aliens, or if he even has any more security, Still, with this fact in mind, he decides he'd better do something quick. DD heads to the main docking port where he is greeted by some rather large, unfriendly looking aliens*

"errr... greetings. do you come in peace?"

[Mad cat]

dives out of a hatch and latches onto dd's head

RRAAAAAAAAARG!!!!

looks questioningly at the aliens, and steals dd's guns, he runs off and dissapears into a vent and heads off in some random direction

hahahaha! now i have guns AND a shoe

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin decides that his high score is high enough, and heads down to the docking port with a trolley of rations that have gone off and a neon sign that flashes Tasty Rations, Hardly Gone Off, Cheap At Cost in several different alien languages, including English. He finds the aliens looking at a puzzled DD, who is in turn looking at the ventilation system.*

[Demon Dave]

*DD, looking puzzled at the ventilation system, mutters something about looking up the number of a cat exterminator in the yellow pages and then watches as gryffin comes down the corridor wheeling a trolley of slightly gone off rations*

"where do you think your going with those supplies?"

[Evil_Ginge]

*the aliens start firing at the both of you, gunfire is starting all around the ship*

[Zorro]

Zorro, who has been hiding under a trash can, takes advantage of the commotion of which he is unaware due to his being under a trash can, and leaps out to see mad cat facing the other direction. He hurls the trash can at mad cats head, and grabs the shoe.

"Ha! MINE! All mi.........."

Seeing some new comers who seem to be playing laser tag, he asks "Well hello there. Are you from the interstellar laser tag association?"

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin ducks behind the rations, and yells at the aliens.*

"If you do not stop firing, and comence to buy these top quality products from me, I will be forced to use them as ammunition against you!!"

[Mad cat]

wonders how zorro managed to get in the vent behind him and swipes the shoe, he then scurries up through the vent systems and ends up near the furnace he breaks out of the vent and curls up near the big flames

[ASME]

ASME leeps up from a corner of the command center, opens a door and lets the aliens in.... "mwuhahaha, kill them kill them all my alien friends," says ASME in a shrill voice as one of the aliens hands him a specialy designed laser riffle that interfaces with his internal robotic components. At the moment 10 aliens have joined ASME and one sems to be commanding rienforcements. "I had this planned form the beginning and you didnt see it, mwuhahaha, now you will suffer the consequences as i and my alien friends leave you with nothing but a lifepod.. mwuhahaha"

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin hears this over the ship's comm system, and becomes resolute.*

"Somethin must be done! Our future in this ship is at stake. I call first place in the life pod!!"

*Lobbing the rations at the aliens to give himself some cover, Gryffin dives across the bay for the corridor to the hanger bays, to get to his ship, or even that life pod.*

[Demon Dave]

*DD hears all that is going on and calmly starts tapping away at a control console. After a few commands, ASME and the aliens are beamed into the brig, with many Level 15 forcefields between them and the rest of the ship*

"There'll be no mutiny's while i'm around thank you"

[Mad cat]

ooc- dd, all the teleporters and forcefeild generators have been manually turned off -ooc

runs around through vents and secret passages poking most of the aliens with a poison filled seringe killing every one he pokes including all the ones around asme, he then appears right behind asme with a frozen carp
BAD YOU!!!

clubs asme with the carp, snapping it into several peices

[Evil_Ginge]

ooc - and since i have full control of the ship from my implants i turned them on again

[Gryffin]

[ooc] Why? We can take these aliens!! Probably.... [/ooc]

*Gryffin reaches his fighter, powers it up, and begins blasting the aliens running at it across the hanger bay floor. He also blows the hanger doors off by accident, sucking several more aliens into space. Unfortunately, it also begins to suck the fighter, and Gryffin is pretty certain that his ship can't fight the alien on it's own. A timid squeak of a signal reaches the bridge, asking for assitance, as the fighter slides out of the hanger and into the barrage of the alien ships.*

[Zorro]

Zorro sprints to the ships information center, run by Keira Knightley. "How may I help you Zorro?"

"Well, I'd like to know where these aliens came from."

Looking through some passports the aliens were required to give here before invading the ship, she names Coasteropia as their place of origin. Giving Zorro a travel brochure on the planet, he realizes the planet should be coming up on their sensors shortly. Rushing to Evil_Ginge, he reports.

"Sir, the aliens have come from a planet called Coasteropia which we should be coming up upon momentarily. From this travel brochure, it looks like their planet is one nanometer in diameter........"

[Evil_Ginge]

:: looks at the brochure ::

Thats just the paper your looking at, not the planet, do we have any more planetkiller missiles?

[ASME]

Wondering weather he was now in the brig or being clubed by a frozen carp, ASME decides he was now i the brig and therefore out of Mad Cats reach...

"Ok my Coasteropian comrades, now begins the operation to seize the ships engines and core so that we can finally complete our poect of enlarging your planet from boing 1 nanometer in diameter to 10 thousand kilometeres in diameter... mwuhahaha...but first lets get out of this cell,"

"ASME to Fleet Commadore Coasteropia, open fire on these co-ord on the ships hull, they are where the main power, auxiliary power and auxiliary auxiliary power cables all converge, this will knock out power to all main systems except lifesuport."

ASME feels the ship shake as the main fleet fires at the supplied co-ords, in a few seconds the power was down and the level 15 forcefields droped allowing ASME and his cohorts out back into the ship. ASME activates the ship wide announcement system.

" This is ASME to Evil_Ginge, surrender and i will consider spring your lives, and your ship, if you donot comply i will be forced to leave you stranded and with no way off the ship... i await your reply, oh and btw there are no moe planetkiller missiles, my aliens offloaded them first thing as they borded..."

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin dodges around widely, avoiding the alien fire by several minor miricles, and even managing to hit one of the battleships pummling the SSI. The shot did absolutely no damage but knock out the cleaning robot for corridor 132C-5G, which then got slightly dusty, so that the aliens guilty of corruption left a trail of footprints and were caught, and the alien nation became slightly more efficent.

However, Gryffin was still being pummled. The only good thing he really did out there was accidently fly into the alien planet, spreading it across about 7 nanometers across his canopy screen, and thereby annilating all the aliens left on the planet. Which was three, considering the number needed for crewing their ships, but still, it was an accomplishment to write in your diary. If you know you'd done it, at least...*

[Wo2]

[ooc] Good Grief? You people are still here? [ooc/]

OI? Whats all the ruckus here?

[Gryffin]

[ooc] Ph33r the thread necromancer!! [/ooc]

*Gryffin manages to get his ship under control, turns it around, and crashes it through deck 17. Gryffin considered this good, as the aliens had over-run the hanger, so he obviously had to make a new one, and deck 17 looked good for this purpose. Climbing out of his fighter, he is rather impressed he was able to crash it so that it formed a perfect seal with the outer hull, and only at the sacrifice of the ships atmospheric stabilizers, aka wings. Gryffin turns around, and finds wo2 staring at him.*

"Oh, hi! We've been invaded by aliens again. Grab a plasme rifle, and lets go clean house."

*Gryffin throws a rifle at wo2, and stalks off down the corridor, making 'hut hut' noises.*

[Mad cat]

ooc- but, i pulled manual power switch to off, and broke it -ooc

finds his locker and opens it, nearly becoming buried in stuff flying out, he roots through the pile and comes up with an old looking ion cannon

i knew i had this in here somewhere, oh yah and theres the one on the roof

hawls the cannon out of the pile and begins cramming everything back into his locker once finished he picks up the old weapon and moves it to a place where he can shoot at the aliens, he deploys a heavy tripod from the bottom and fires the gun

wheeeee! zapping!

continues to fry several aliens and melt parts of the walls

[Wo2]

[ooc] Well I guess if you people won't let it die, I might as well rejoin the festivitys. Honestly though, The idiot thread is the one that gets the glory but my ship on the rim threads tend to go phhhtttppp [/ooc]

*wo2 stares at the rifle in his hand for a while then holds it out at arms length and begins to fiddle with the knobs and buttons, eventually setting it to liquefy without a safety on. Still not know what hes done he holds it the way he saw Gryfinn do it and took off down the hall with simillar Hut noises.*

"Clean up? Was that a crack at my previous Janitorial carrer?"

[Gryffin]

[ooc] Thats because the SSI has been going so long it now has tradition and therefore cannot be stopped by any known force in the universe. [/ooc]

*Gryffin rounds a corner to be confronted by a dozen horribly beweaponed aliens all grinning evily. Gryffin squeaks something close to a small scream, shoots at the first one, getting him in the knee. He then darts back around the corner just as the corridor melts as the combined force of all the alien's weapons hit at once, with the excpetion on the shot alien who was lying on the ground, screaming about bloody Irishmen and their need for shooting people in the knees.*

[ASME]

ASME activates the comm: "This is Ground Operations Commander ASME to all troops, make your way to the bridge... don your self-life support systems and destroy any important looking equipment on the way to the bridge..."

Turning off the comm ASME looks at his contingent of now 20 Coasteropians, all armmed with plasma cannons and heavy flame weapons, "Forward my men, to the bridge....". As they moved forward they began hearing what sounded like soemone complaining about a wise crack, then suddenly Gryffin rounded the corner with a plasma riffle and shoot his forward most man in the knee "Bloody Irishmen and their needs to shoot people in the knees," said the alien "FIRE" commanded ASME, several heavy weapons bolts zoomed along the corridor and melted the intersection into a slightly distorted state.
"Give it up Gryffin, we have you out gunned....." ASME said and signaled that they would round the corrner in a charge with their weapons blazing.. "CHARGE"..... ASME commanded.

[Wo2]

*Wo2 watches as gryfinn runs buy him and then watchs as the hallway infront of him melts, and as a alien collaspes to the floor with his knees shot out. Curious as to who the people are, he calls out.*

"Hello there, Who might you be?"

*His question was rudely inturupted by a plasma bolt, and in fear wo2 fired his weapon, dropped it and ran. The one shot hit the closest advancing allien, turning him into a coulorless puddle, which caused all the aliens following him to slip on his remains, with a crash.*

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin then turned, grinned, and tossed a lit petrol bomb into their midst. The explosion was quite muffled as most of the energy and noise was absorbed by alien bodies, and then the melted floor gave up, and fell in, taking the aliens with it. Cackling with manical laughter, Gryffin drops through the hole after them, wings spread, and rifle blasting.*

[ASME]

ASME watches the turn of events unfold and suddeny realises that the floor beneath him no longer exists, and so falls to the dext deck down. AS he falls he notices Gryffin jumping down the hole with his gun blazing... think ing quickly ASME opened fire with his own gun and struck Gryffins left wing

[Wo2]

*Wo2 comes to a stop in his run, after hearing activity behind him, that didn't sound like an alien horde marching in his direction, so after he skidded down the hall for a bit, he slowed and turned around. He began down the hall way and they when he could see the hole, he carefully crouched down and slowly poked his head over the rim. and watch the going ons.*

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin spins as his wing is hit, yelling in shock, and careens into a side corridor. A few stupid aliens round the corner to 'finish him off' and promptly get their heads melted. Gryffin stalks out of the corridor, eyes burning, tossing a grenade in his hand, and grinning evilly.*

"Do you realise how much a wound to the wing hurts!?"

*Gryffin tosses the grenade at ASME, and whips out a chaingun from behind his back (it's amazing what you can find in the deserted bits of the SSI ) and starts emptying it at the massed aliens, laughing madly.*

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone enter the corridor out of some inanimate room that always inhabits the interior levels of a star-ship carrying a mop and a dirty bucket of water.

You'd have thought after all this time and technology that they'd have created something for cleaning corridors with that doesnt involve getting blistered hands from the pathetic excuse for a mop, but obviously some pityless god or another didnt like him, and he'd just have to live with it. In the end, it's a lot better here than working on that planet he came from, Whateveritsnameiscositstoohardtopronounceotopia, which a rather stupid bunch of humans decided to inhabit, and breed upon.

On looking down the corridor and seeing the various remains of whatever species was invading this time and the gaping hole in the corridor ceiling, Brimstone shouts, "OI! I just goddamn well cleaned that corridor!"

Brimstone then produces a handful of sopping wet mops from some random cupboard, and throws one to each of the inhabitants of the corridor. "You can goddamn well clean that mess up right now!" shouts Brimstone with the sort of authoritarian voice that normally commands 50,000 men to charge up a hill and be blown to pieces aimlessly.

Brimstone then waits and watches expectantly for everyone to start mopping, holding his own mop menacingly.*

OOC: Hiya, new to these RP forums, though have been doing Discworld RPG for a couple of years, both forum based, and Table-Top based, and ones involving a mixture of the two. My Character is Human-like at least, haven't decided where im gonna take him yet. Think i'll just go with the flow of it, and see if he happens to acquire some random skills. Right now, i'd like him to have a skill for NOT dying... /OOC

Brimstone

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin shifts the chaingun to one hand just in time to catch the mop. He then looks up at Brimstone, and frowns.*

"How long have to been cleaning here? This deck was never occupied, as far as know..."

*Gryffin looks up to see the aliens dissappear into the darkness further down the corridor.*

"Here, mopper, grab a gun and follow me. We have a different kind of dirt to mop up for the present. And thanks for the mop. You never know when you need a quarterstaff for close combat."

*With an insane grin and a wink, Gryffin tosses a plasma rifle at Brimstone, shoulders the mop, readies his chaingun, and runs off after the aliens.*

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone barely catches the rifle, hoping he has managed to work out what way to hold it, and for the sheer hell of it starts calling "Here Kitty, Kitty Kitty! Here Kitty Kitty Kitty. Come see my new toy."

Brimstone ignores the small voice sqeaking in the back of his head about all the mess firing this thing will cause. To help silence it, before exiting the corridor, Brimstone turns the rifle up to full power, turns around, and fries the Mop Bucket into a steaming pile of dirty metal, and then chases after Gryffin.

"What we hunting then wingy? I hope its those alien thingys, cos they owe me a new Mop and bucket!" Brimstone grins.

Suddenly, Brimstone notices the chaingun strapped to Gryffins back. "Ah, so thats where my grandsons toy went to! Make sure you wash it after you've used it, he's still teething bless 'im."

[Mad cat]

the ion turret suddenly stops working after a minute of melting walls, so mc takes the gun off the tripod and brandishes it like an over sized club

*mumble mumble mumble*

comes to the hole in the floor without seeing it and so falls through dropping the massive gun on both asme's head and gryffin's left big toe

oops!

desides he needs a new gun and steals asme's, he notices the new guy in janitor's overalls and frowns

who are you?

[Wo2]

*Wo2 gently drops from the hole, not fall aimlessly, not get thrown off balance, but drops gently, right in the midst of everything.*

"Dunno who he is, But it looks like I could have a little help with the janitorial postion, How yah doing mister Brimstone, I'm Wo2, I was Captain of this ship once, then they found a new one. But then Our brocolli computer core ran off, something about bad hours or something... So then I replaced it, but then some other people wanted tries with it, but they didn't do near as well a job as I did, so then I decided to take up Janitor work to clean up the frequent messes they left... oh right... the aliens..."

*Wo2 then turned and ran screaming down the hall, in a diffrent direction then the aliens*

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin yells as Mad Cat lands on his toe, and spins in a circle, catching Mad Cat a clip around the ear with the end of the chaingun. This bangs the gun back in his hand, and he lets off a burst into the ceiling, dislodging a broken light fitting which crashes down behind the aliens and ASME, trapping them, and forcing them to fight. Which they should be doing anyway, since the only one who seems to know what he is doing with his weapons, or even have a weapon, is jumping around shouting about how much his toe hurts.*