Planetarion Forums - Something beautiful yet terrible happened to me yesterday (warning: gayness inside)

xtrasyn · 16 Jul 2004, 10:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rumad

what is clear?

It´s clear that I will not feel any better or be generally helped when I would tell my GF. If something would have happened between me and the Spanish girl I´d have to tell her, but since this is not so, noone wins anything from truth in this stage.

I´m sure (not generally speaking, but for me and my gf it works like this) that being open would cause more problems than it would help my conscience.

I must relax and think. If I would know the Spanish girl a little better it would be easier to come to decisions. So therefore I must spend a little time with her. Although I´d prefer to get this out of my system. Twisting and turning in the bed will sooner or later make me say her name in my sleep (hello comedy capers story twist).

acropolis · 16 Jul 2004, 12:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by xtrasyn

It´s clear that I will not feel any better or be generally helped when I would tell my GF. If something would have happened between me and the Spanish girl I´d have to tell her, but since this is not so, noone wins anything from truth in this stage.

I´m sure (not generally speaking, but for me and my gf it works like this) that being open would cause more problems than it would help my conscience.

I must relax and think. If I would know the Spanish girl a little better it would be easier to come to decisions. So therefore I must spend a little time with her. Although I´d prefer to get this out of my system. Twisting and turning in the bed will sooner or later make me say her name in my sleep (hello comedy capers story twist).

You should say her name the next time you and your girlfriend make out. This is an excellent way to bring up the topic without hurting anyone's feelings or giving your girlfriend something to bring up every time you fight for the rest of your life*.

*May not be true

madi · 16 Jul 2004, 12:12

is it spanish or italian women that get really huge arses when they reach 30?

1) there will always be people in the world that make you go weak at the knees no matter how happy you are with the person you are with
2) never think of your current relationship in terms of time input, if you arent happy you arent happy if it has been 2 weeks or 20 years
3) no harm in developing a working relationship with this woman and seeing where it goes
but be aware that she is completely and totally all knowing about the effect she has on men and it may well be a business tool to her

xtrasyn · 16 Jul 2004, 13:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by madi

3) no harm in developing a working relationship with this woman and seeing where it goes but be aware that she is completely and totally all knowing about the effect she has on men and it may well be a business tool to her

/INSERT SOUND AND VISION OF TWIN TOWERS FALLING WITH GLASS BREAKING ETC.

Tomkat · 16 Jul 2004, 14:32

This thread wasn't nearly as gay as I hoped.

Are you sure you're not just reading too deeply into her signs? Maybe she is just interested in what you have to offer professionally, and doesn't want to see you in any other way...?

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 14:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by xtrasyn

/INSERT SOUND AND VISION OF TWIN TOWERS FALLING WITH GLASS BREAKING ETC.

"BEHIND YOU TOO STEVE"

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 14:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

This thread wasn't nearly as gay as I hoped.

Hoped?

You mean "feared" surely.

It was just a little typo yeah?!

rageybabey · 16 Jul 2004, 15:00

K yeah I didn't read through all that really long bullshit but I also never said anything about telling your girlfriend about the OTHER girl.

I said to talk to her about the fact that you're questioning your relationship. I'd want to know if the peson I was with was having doubts - I've come right out and told guys I've dated "hey I'm thinking this isn't really what I want right now..." even after a long time. Honesty is better because you look like less of an asshole... If you two break up and she finds out you're dating this other girl a month later at least she'll know you didn't cheat on her and you were honest that you wanted to move on.

I'd love to know how many of the guys who have given you advice of any kind on this topic actually have girlfriends and good relationships with them or if they too are just thinking about "shagging some fit bird"...

Nothing guarantees you're going to end up with this other chick anyway. You might approach her or flirt with her and find out she's married with 5 kids. I mean - to assume that you've got it made when it comes to this other girl is pretty arrogant. You already HAVE something with one person...don't assume it's going to be the same with every other girl you meet.

Infatuation of any kind will **** you harder than a train...just be careful.

Weeks · 16 Jul 2004, 15:12

Just dont talk to your gf until your sure you're infact "doubting the relationship",
and it's not just "phwoar she's fit, i wouldnt mind slipping it in".

IncubusGod · 16 Jul 2004, 15:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by rageybabey

I'd love to know how many of the guys who have given you advice of any kind on this topic actually have girlfriends and good relationships with them or if they too are just thinking about "shagging some fit bird"...

To be honest Ragey, I refrained from giving advice due to my lack of a gf/experience/caring.
Heheh.

Anyway, yeah I agree that it’s a little soon to be contemplating leaving your gf for this hot chick. You may be misunderstanding her signals. From what you describe, it sounds as if this could all just be normal business stuff. All this shows you is that you can be infatuated with other people, even though you may love your gf. If the only thing that comes from all this is you working out what you want in you relationship, then it was worth the hassle

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 15:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by rageybabey

K yeah I didn't read through all that really long bullshit

Ragey in

"i didn't bother reading other people's points of view but i'm going to argue against them anyways"

non shocka

JammyJim · 16 Jul 2004, 15:35

Heres my 'true' opinion.

You will always find 'better looking' women out there. Unless your dating a supermodel <3 <3 <3

anyhoo...

She might be feigning even the slightest interest for business purposes and she is infact as cut-throat as they come. Using Sex as a tool to get what she wants. As such she should be steered clear off.
However the more time you spend with her the more youll know whether this is the case or not. Ask her out for a drink or something and get to know her socially. Dribbling over her will not help. You have to get to know her first.

As for your 'real' relationship. I take it that this has made you question whether you should be together or not. This isnt a bad thing. Kate and I have had many a conversation about whether things will work etc etc.

Depending on what kind of relationship and what kind of gf you have you can :

a) Talk to her about where your relationship is going. Do you plan to get married? Do you or her have any doubts about anything etc etc...this will almost "prepare" her for future conversations on the matter.

b) Ignore the whole issue and get to know pretty girl before you do anythingf stupid. That way you have more chance to decide.

c) If you felt bolts of lightning pass between you and pretty girl and your absolutely 100% sure that its all 'aces' then explore it more and tell your gf that your not sure about the relationship anymore and break up.

d) Stay with gf and ignore the pretty one.

tbh whatever will be will be. Ive always believed that if your meant to be with someone it just happens regardless of circumstance. However i might also be living in a dream world where i delude myself as to the normal state of relationships with the opposite sex.

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 15:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by rageybabey

I've come right out and told guys I've dated "hey I'm thinking this isn't really what I want right now..."

Translation:

"I want to break up with you but i dont want to feel too shitty about it so i'm going to make it seem like breaking up was a mutual decision so i can justify my actions to myself"

Something like that yeah?!

Dante Hicks · 16 Jul 2004, 15:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by rageybabey

I said to talk to her about the fact that you're questioning your relationship.

Wanting to screw someone else doesn't necessarily mean you question the relationship.

And please don't be patronising on the "how many of you have girlfriends" stuff.

rageybabey · 16 Jul 2004, 15:52

Telling a guy that things aren't working out doesn't make it seem like a mututal decision...and why should I feel shitty about not wanting to stay with someone?? Yeah hardly. If I'm with someone and things are getting boring or going nowhere I'm not going to feel bad about not wasting my time on them anymore. Breaking up with someone is hardly anything to feel guilty or bad about. Cheating on them however is. Especially when you could have just broken up with them first.

I used that "things aren't working out" line on a guy I was dating early last year and felt completely good about myself for it. He was a loser, no job, no money - waste of time and I'm not a babysitter. Why should I have kept lying to him about the fact I wasn't happy or intersted in him anymore? I told him things were shit and moved on. Of course I had to change my phone number within a month because he wouldn't stop calling - but that's was just another reason to be happy about my decision. P S Y C H O .

JonnyBGood · 16 Jul 2004, 15:55

If you have to work at a relationship it's not worth having.

True story.

Dante Hicks · 16 Jul 2004, 16:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

If you have to work at a relationship it's not worth having.

If you have to work at anything it's not worth it.

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 16:10

You are one dippit bint.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ragebabey

I said to talk to her about the fact that you're questioning your relationship. I'd want to know if the peson I was with was having doubts - I've come right out and told guys I've dated "hey I'm thinking this isn't really what I want right now..."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dace

Translation:

"I want to break up with you but i dont want to feel too shitty about it so i'm going to make it seem like breaking up was a mutual decision so i can justify my actions to myself"

Something like that yeah?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by rageybabey

I used that "things aren't working out" line on a guy I was dating early last year and felt completely good about myself for it. He was a loser, no job, no money - waste of time and I'm not a babysitter. Why should I have kept lying to him about the fact I wasn't happy or intersted in him anymore? I told him things were shit and moved on. Of course I had to change my phone number within a month because he wouldn't stop calling - but that's was just another reason to be happy about my decision. P S Y C H O .

You say: If you're having doubts you should tell your parnter that "things arent working out" so you can do something about it

I say: Telling your parnter that "things aren't working out" is just a way of breaking up with them and as such you should only use it IF YOU ARE BREAKING UP WITH THEM

You say: I've used the "things are working out" line to break up with somebody

Dace · 16 Jul 2004, 16:13

Oh and btw throughout this whole thing ragey i've never once said "cheat on your gf".

All i've said is "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT TELL HER YOU FANCY ANOTHER WOMAN"

Basic simple advice which is obviously correct.

rageybabey · 16 Jul 2004, 16:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dace

Oh and btw throughout this whole thing ragey i've never once said "cheat on your gf".

All i've said is "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT TELL HER YOU FANCY ANOTHER WOMAN"

Basic simple advice which is obviously correct.

Right. And I never said he should tell her he fancies another woman either...

Deepflow · 16 Jul 2004, 17:32

yes, but you seem to be missing the point that him fancying another woman doesnt automatically mean that there is a problem with their relationship.

roadrunner_0 · 16 Jul 2004, 17:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

If you have to work at a relationship it's not worth having.

True story.

personally, i dont agree with this, the only relationship i ever really worked at was one of the most fulfilling experiences i have even had, every moment spent with the girl was a joy

shame she went lesbian really

acropolis · 16 Jul 2004, 17:42

i think fantacizing about other women is Good News for your relationship.

in that it implies you aren't gay.

Which would be a real Relationship Issue.

Unlike meeting a chick you'd like to ****.

Danae · 16 Jul 2004, 17:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

If you have to work at a relationship it's not worth having.

Surely you have to work at every relationship?

JonnyBGood · 16 Jul 2004, 18:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danae

Surely you have to work at every relationship?

If it seems like work it's not worth it.

rageybabey · 16 Jul 2004, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deepflow

yes, but you seem to be missing the point that him fancying another woman doesnt automatically mean that there is a problem with their relationship.

I don't think fancying another person means there's a problem in your relationship - walking down the street and seeing another person and thinking they're hot or sexy or look ****able doesn't mean your current relationship is damned.

But what was described in the initial post in this thread wasn't just fancying and has now become more than just "she was hot end of story"...

It sounds more like - she was hot and now I'm obsessed and can't stop thinking about her and HAVE to see her again... That might indicate you're a little overly bored with your current thing. 4 years is a hella long time anyway.

Deepflow · 16 Jul 2004, 19:01

only if youre into monogamy

rageybabey · 16 Jul 2004, 19:07

Me or xtrasyn?

Deepflow · 16 Jul 2004, 19:09

everyone... generally.

madi · 19 Jul 2004, 10:01

so my handsome somewhere on the spanish coast residing friend
got in her pants yet?