Your most patheric mate

[Vaio]

The thread about the guy whose mate wants to get laid gave me this idea for a thread.

Name your most pathetic friend and examples of their ineptitude to amuse everyone else

Mine was a guy called Alf who had to be the saddest person I have ever met. Up till about the age of 24 he was still a virgin but often boasted about his potential conquests. The fact he had yet to start shaving and sported the stupidest bum fluff didnt seem to discourage him. He also had the biggest nose seen this side of Concorde.

When he finally did manage to have sex with this repulsive lump of blubber he wouldnt shut up about it for months.

Then he moved to Yorkshire and was never heard from again.

We didnt miss him

Vaio

Now; everyone can be a winner

[treelo]

His name: Mitch (i won't remove what little dignity he has anyway by naming him fully)

It was a few years back....it was new years eve......and we were wasted. Now Mitch is an absolute moron, more so than good old Newt (which is quite a feat.) Never been laid, stupid, immature and thinks that the world is out to get him cos he is a nice guy. Let's just say he isn't. One of my friends had managed to get laid and after an hour long trek for some protection he eventually made it back to the party and locked himself and his partner in the toilet. Sounds ok up until now....
Enter Mitch.
Moaning again he decided he would attempt to foil the sex in the toilets by knocking on the door.
"Let me in, I need a p*ss!"
Ignoring him completely the couple went about their business as you would. Now even more jealous Mitch decides enough is enough and disappears around the back of the house. Five minutes later he reappears carrying a ladder :eek:
Locating the toilet window he places the ladder against the wall and climbs to the window. Then to the amazement of all watching attempts to climb through the window.... rather unsuccessfully.
Defeated and rejected he returns, for a while nobody said anything, just stared in disbelief. Then a few seconds later down comes my other friend in a rage. It took a good half hour to persuade him not to kill Mitch and bury him in the garden.

So....if ever you see a tall lanky lookin dude with the worst hair ever (he is easy to spot....he walks like Jar Jar Binks) please remember this tale and shout "Ball deep" at him. He thinks that nobody knows about this.... well now his secret is out

[Fifth_teletubbie]

Well there is the guy that still lives with his parents at 43 and goes on holiday to Thailand thrice a year.

Oh and he maintains he isnt interested in western women (with us explaing it is actually the other way around).

[Bloomers III]

his name was jonny b. he had really bad bum fluff, he had no chin just a face that morphed into a neck, he was about 2 ft, had a really awful annoying voice and was the most boring man alive who made sonic the hedgehog computer games. he always complained about everything, didn't like girls (but he wasn't gay) and everybody in the school hated him. We talked to him and hated him, but then we got rid of him. When he was standing by himself in the playground 11 year olds (he was 16, looked about 5) prodded him with sticks and threw food at him and he just stood there frowning pretending he didn't care. he blames me for everything that went wrong, which is partially true but all my other friends were involved. Now he hangs out with the other rejects in our year, and during breaks they sit in a room probably so they don't get bullied, and even those rejects are cooler than him.

A guy I knew of killed himself because everyone disliked him, but he had never harmed any one of them.


Let's 'lol' about it!

[Matrim]

I'd say this thread is *******.





Matrim

[I Am Grimble]

I knew this guy, he used to post on the Planetarion Forums, it was really sad and pathetic.

I haven't seen him for ages, thank god.

[Deffeh]

if you took every one of my mates worst trait, youd have the worlds worst anyone/.

[Deepflow]

i tend not to be mates with crap people.

[Dante Hicks]

All my friends are exciting, intelligent go-getters.

Except the 50% who live with their parents, and the 30% who are Uni dropouts.

[Nusselt]

Originally posted by Vaio

Up till about the age of 24 he was still a virgin

A brother of a friend of mine found god in his late teens, he got married and lost his virginty at 36. The reason i know is because he was quite happy to discuss it. Well each to their own i suppose.

oh and apparently cameron from bb is 32 and has yet to sample the delights women (again religious reasons)


all my go-getter friends dumped me since im not a go-getter. S'ok though, ive decided i dont want to lead an ovely materialistic life nor do i want to work 16 -18 hour days in order to achieve great success. Im happy with my level, and with what ive got.

im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me.

[Dante Hicks]

Originally posted by Nusselt
Im happy with my level, and with what ive got.

What is that exactly?

[Nusselt]

Originally posted by Dante Hicks
What is that exactly?

im skimming the boundary between working and middle class. Its where i was born and brought up. I only want enought to get bye.

[Knight Theamion]

posting KoeN here is funny because of two reasons, it's true, and it's koen.



the completely ability of attracting girls at all is completly missing.

Ask Scorpio, Ahri or anyone who met KoeN, it's true, they'll confirm

[Snurx]

Originally posted by Dante Hicks
All my friends are exciting, intelligent go-getters.

Except the 50% who live with their parents, and the 30% who are Uni dropouts.

So uni-dropouts who live at home is not exciting, nor intelligent, you say?


Oh, and i've only got friends that i like(ain't that the point?), so i don't spend time digging up dirt about them.

[JonnyBGood]

I'm voting me as I'm the only guy to have (twice) been a mod of an online forum. I don't care if they haven't shagged a woman yet it's still not half as pathetic as that :(

[Jammers]

My most pathetic "friend" was called Hoppy(no idea why). He was really into bands like Metallica, which isn't too bad on its own, but he decided that the Beatles were a threat to the very nature of society.
Once example of this can be seen in this True Story. It was Sept 12 2001. For a laugh, I decided to wear my Independance Day Tshirt(with the White House being blown up), while another friend was wearing a Tshirt with The Beatles on. As the three of us were going to lunch, Hoppy proclaimed(loudly, in the middle of a crowded car park) "YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF WEARING THAT TSHIRT", initially we thought he was speaking to a passerby, as the conversation up until that point had naturally been about the previous days events, and given that he had seen what we were wearing quite a while ago, we didn't know what he was talking about. At first I thought he was referring to me(the shirt was a bit insensitive), but no, he was refferring to the Beatles shirt. We were somewhat puzzled by this, and later made plans to avoid him.
At first we just told him to meet us for lunch in a place where we wouldn't be, but since he went for lunch at the same places as us, he often bumped into us. Sometimes he tried to phone us to ask where we were. On one such occaison he phoned me, and I claimed that I couldn't speak as the signal was bad, and we were heading into a tunnel. Given that we were walking, and that there were no tunnels in the area, it was obvious that we were lying.
Another time he phoned us, and we pretended to be in a lesson(even though it was lunch time and he knew it was lunchtime), for added effect one of us pretended to be a teacher and hurled abuse down the phone, which was fun.
Occaisonally when he found us we would just run away from him, since this often happened in shopping centers it looked suspicous to say the least. When he later asked us where we went, we just replied something along the lines of "Someone remembered he needed to buy a new pen\pencil\paper\random item which seemed highly dubious to anyone with any commonsense"
Another time he claimed to be in a band, so while one person distracted him, the other phoned Hoppy pretending to be also in the band. Despite him being sat directly in front of Hoppy, he didn't realise he was being set up.
Of course, all this pales into insignificance compared to his crowning moment of incompetence. By this time he had been completly ostracised from civilised society,(and as far as everyone knew hadn't made any new friends) He was in a mock exam when his mobile went off. Ordinarily most people would simply switch the phone off and apologise. Hoppy decided to answer it. It turned out to be his boss calling saying he needed him to come into work. Most people would say that they couldn't because they were in a mock exam.
Hoppy walked out of the room and went to work.

I doubt anyone read all that, but if they did and want further exploits of Hoppy just let me know. Theres plenty of them.

[JonnyBGood]

Originally posted by Jammers

Read it all, and did you not consider just telling him you didn't get on well with anymore once you all decided you didn't like him? Honesty is the best option.

[the_dastardley_chihuahua]

hoppy sounds ok to me.

[Jammers]

Originally posted by JonnyBGood
Read it all, and did you not consider just telling him you didn't get on well with anymore once you all decided you didn't like him? Honesty is the best option.

That was Plan D, which actually worked. We wanted to avoid hurting his feelings though, hence the elaborate schemes.

[Mirai]

Why does losing your virginity mean SO MUCH to you people?

[Nusselt]

Originally posted by Mirai
Why does losing your virginity mean SO MUCH to you people?

we're all virgins?

[Beast-of-War]

Originally posted by Knight Theamion
posting KoeN here is funny because of two reasons, it's true, and it's koen.



the completely ability of attracting girls at all is completly missing.

Ask Scorpio, Ahri or anyone who met KoeN, it's true, they'll confirm

BVAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[queball]

Originally posted by JonnyBGood
Honesty is the best option.

Dishonesty is the second best option.

[MrL_JaKiri]

I must bow to one of the 'friends' of Giles's brother Tim, who goes by the name of Adam Craig.

Aside from being your average counterstrike playing goon, he also believes himself to be the most intellegent being on this planet, and that anything he doesn't like is devoid of all meaning and subtlety.

Choice incidents include, when I was copying Classical Music to his hard drive, asking him whether I should copy the Ring Cycle (ie Die Ring Der Nibelungen, a series of Operas by Wagner). He instantly replied 'No, I don't like The Lord of the Rings'.

To quote Family Guy, 'Swing and a miss'.

On MSN, Tim had a nick including a quote from Marlow's Faust. Adam, in the middle of a conversation, decided it important to ask 'What's a mephistophile?' When informed that it was in fact a quote, he responded 'Yes, I thought it was an innuendo'.

Further more, after being offered a place by Oxford (Mag) (they have the best standards you know) he decided to not even learn (the maths staff at Yarm School are utterly incompetent) his mathematics A-level, never touch a text book before the exam, and is reputed to have walked out of an exam without having done a question because he didn't like the paper.

He needs AAB. Only he thinks he's going to get it.

[JonnyBGood]

Originally posted by queball
Dishonesty is the second best option.

I think someone's stolen your tent watson.

[Mushroom]

i think i'm probably everyone i know's most pathetic mate because i'm such a complete wuss.