|
5 Dec 2005, 01:17
|
#1
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Another dating story
Because there appear to be **** all threads at the moment ...
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:25
|
#2
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
PAMELA
It was my mate's birthday.
As usual i was more drunk that the birthdayboy.
More drunk than any of the guys i was out with.
MORE DRUNK BECAUSE I HAD DRUNK MORE NOT BECAUSE I'M A FAG!
(I'm not a fag)
Anyways,
we're in a club (Trash)
we're at one of the bars
we're drinking, drinking, drinking.
A group of the guys i'm with move through to another room, leaving just me and two other guys standing at the bar.
My two mates are talking to each other.
The club is loud as **** so keeping involved in the conversation is quite hard.
In the end i cant really be arsed trying.
Doesn't really bother me tho cause i'm in a very merry mood.
Eyes as wide as the smile on my face
There's quite a bit of talent around.
Now i'm a lazy person.
You know the kind of guy who wouldn't shoot fish conveniently placed in a barrel if he had to go through the ****ing hassle of loading the gun himself.
That kind of lazy.
There are however girls standing RIGHT next to me.
I can chat to them without loosing my place at the bar.
It almost seems worth the effort.
"Do you come here often?"
I get a blank stare.
I immediately move on to the friend of the girl i've just asked who's standing right next to her.
"Do you come here often?"
This time it's more of a quizical look like she cant just believe i've moved on that quickly.
The look i got is enough and again i immediately move on to the girl standing beside the one i've just asked.
"Do you come here often?"
This one starts to say something but i'm pretty sure by the way she's looking at me it's not pleasent.
Time to move on to the girl standing nex ... well you get the idea.
"Do you come here often?"
Bad response.
Move on.
"Do you come here often?"
Bad response.
Move on.
"Do you come here often?"
Bad response.
Move on.
I feel i should make it clear at this point that this was a rather large group of women.
I'm just going through them asking them the one question and gauging their reaction.
I'm not hiding what i'm doing.
There prolly friends.
Maybe a couple of groups of friends who just happen to be standing each other.
Still they can see exactly what i'm doing.
"Do you come here often?"
"Do you come here often?"
"Do you come here often?"
I don't get anything you could really call a "positive response"
"Do you come here often?"
"Do you come here often?"
"Do you come here often?"
Swing and miss time and again.
I'm not really giving a **** tho.
At the very least i'm amusing the hell out of myself.
"Do you come here often?"
This time the girl laughs.
She's been watching me amuse myself.
She thinks it's funny.
I end up pulling her.
End of the night comes and i get lucky girl number 13's number.
I wake up the next afternoon.
I've got a hangover, very little recollection of the previous night and some girl's phone number.
Amongst the things i can't really remember is what the girl i pulled looks like.
A couple of phone calls later and i now know that my friends cant remember what she looked like either.
So should i phone her or not?!
yes/no/no/yes/no/yes/yes/yes/no
"**** it" worst comes to worst i have an uncomfortable drink before "going to the toilet".
I phone her.
We arrange to meet.
A little prayer is whispered in my head.
"Please drunk Rankin have some standards"
I've just set up a blind date for myself.
We've arranged to meet at half eight.
Being the ****ing ninja that i am i decide to get there REALLY early.
My plan goes as follows.
1.) Stand outside the pub
2.) Wait for girl to show up
3.) Girl will recognise me
4.) -
5.) Profit.
Now all this really does depend on me being there first so i get their for eight.
All i can remember about the girl is that she has brown hair and beautiful brown doe eyes.
That's it.
Unfortunately that also describes quite alot of girls.
So i get to the pub and i have a quick glance into the vestibule area to see if she's there already.
I mean it's HIGHLY unlikely but i decide to check "just in case".
There is a girl standing there but she's "heavy" and also "blonde" so it's not her.
I'm waiting outside.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting ... WAITING!
Quick glance back into the vestibule and "heavy blond girl" is still standing there.
I'm now a bit nervous about this.
That girl has been standing in there (out of the cold) for as long as i've been waiting.
I wait some more.
I wait a leetle bit more.
I then crack.
There's two possible options.
1.) Heavy fat girl is my date i've totally ****ed up remembering what she looked like (a quite distinct possibility considering how much i had had to drink) and she didnt see me glance in at the vestibule and she's up there RIGHT NOW waiting for me to show up.
2.) I've got nothing else i can think of. NADA!
With heavy heart, heavy limbs, heavy sense of foreboding i ascend the stairs to where my date is standing.
I'm too much of a nice guy just to **** off and leave her standing there looking like a ****ing idiot.
I mean **** she got here even earlier than me so she's obviously not got alot going for her.
Just like pulling off a plaster you've got to do it quick.
Minimise the pain.
Try not to think of what you're doing too much.
Just put yourself on automatic pilot.
I get to the top of the stairs.
I look at her.
She looks back expectantly.
Swallowing back the bile i say, well more ask "Hi Pamela".
I then see the SECURITY badge on her jacket.
So i wait outside for a bit longer.
At about twenty to nine a dark haired girl waves at me from across the street.
I wave back.
Pamela crosses the street.
We climb the stairs into the pub.
The female bouncer, the one i backed away from (skittering down the stairs away from) says "I see you found Pamela then".
As we're walking through the doors Pamela asks me what the bouncer meant.
Nervous laughter, some incoherent bullshit, winningnest smile ... distract and move on.
We're out drinking, chatting, seemingly enjoying each others company.
Move around a few pubs (Merchant City).
End up in a nightclub (Mas).
Now i've been really restrained in my drinking all night.
I have, however, drunk enough to mention to Pam how restrained i've been.
Turns out she's been restraining herself too.
"Shall we switch to doubles" i suggest.
It is an agreeable suggestion apparantly.
We carry on drinking for a bit.
All the double vodkas start to make me feel a bit sick tho.
I decide to go to the toilet to cool down.
"Wake up mate. Are you alright?"
I'd gone and sat down on a toilet leaving the cubicle door open and now i've got a guy rousing me from a sleep.
WHAT THE **** I FELL ASLEEP!!!
I'm on a ****ing date and this can-not-be-good.
"HOWLONGWASIASLEEPFOR?"
The guy has no ****ing idea he just saw me.
"****!****!****!THANKS!"
I go back to where me and Pam had been sitting.
Pam's still there.
Time for a winning smile again.
"Was i away for long?"
"bout twenty minutes" is the reply
And in the special way i have i say "Heh, yeah i fell asleep in the toilet" with just the right amount of grin and eye rolling so she can't actually tell if that's what happened or i'm just joking with her.
We end up getting off soon after.
End of the night and we're standing in the enterance way to the museum of modern art which is bang in the centre of Glasgow.
I've got my back resting against the door and a guy sitting on a bench less than two metres away laughing and telling me and Pam to "get a ****ing room" and i'm not sure if he can really tell that she's giving me a hand job but i dont really fancy the idea of having to get a taxi with a pant full of joy juice so i kinda get Pam to stop.
So we go to get a taxi.
Now Pam lives out of town so a black hack would cost her £20 or so to get home (boundary charge).
A private hire is a hell-of-alot cheaper.
Pam phones several private hires.
It's 3am on a Saturday night and there's a minimum of a two hour wait.
It's quite cold.
I suggest we can just "you know hop a black cab back to mine and wait there, out of the cold, for a private hire for you".
And the story ended HAPPILY EVER AFTER for at least a couple of weeks anyways
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:25
|
#3
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
(sorry horn but i hate having edit tags in my posts)
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:26
|
#4
|
________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
|
Re: Another dating story
You made me laugh.
But you should have more sex with her.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
|
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:27
|
#5
|
:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
|
Re: Another dating story
I'd already heard the story from the HORSES'S MOUTH so to speak but it's still aces
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:28
|
#6
|
Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
|
Re: Another dating story
tl;dr
(joking dude, i am tired, will read tomorrow at work lol)
__________________
..look
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:36
|
#7
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by horn
top notch except for two things
1: was pamela fit ?
2: happy ending :(
|
1.) She was reasonably pretty if *slightly* overweight (**** you Idler).
2.) I shagged her for a couple of weeks but ended up ****ing things up (i wont go into that) so it wasn't really REALLY a happy ending just "happier" than what GD's used to from me.
I also decided to declare to this forum that I AM NOT A VIRGIN!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:41
|
#8
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
BTW the events in this story happened years ago (i just realised i didnt make that clear).
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:50
|
#9
|
Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
BTW the events in this story happened years ago (i just realised i didnt make that clear).
|
I nearly cried when I read this
I have a very sensitive disposition.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:52
|
#10
|
Cynical Optimist
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Solihull / University of Warwick
Posts: 502
|
Re: Another dating story
Sometimes Dace... sometimes... you actually seem to be very lucky.
Well done / gg / etc.
Edit: Ok, so you used to be lucky.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:53
|
#11
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I nearly cried when I read this :(
I have a very sensitive disposition.
|
Have you considered using a donut-shaped cushion?
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:55
|
#12
|
Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
|
No, I use your sister's face.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 01:56
|
#13
|
Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
|
Re: Another dating story
Great story dace. Just like the ones we all love from the good 'ol days.
To summerise: More stories Dace!!!
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 02:13
|
#14
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
No, I use your sister's face.
|
yer maw
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 02:17
|
#15
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
Indeed her nose is curiously but-plug shaped. I guess it's the Rankin version of the Habsburg lip....
|
yer maw
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 02:30
|
#16
|
Reject False Icons
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Your Hotel.... Fee:$999
Posts: 896
|
Re: Another dating story
have her number dace? im fed up trying to tempt nubile girls to meet from faceparty and could do with a new squeeze.
__________________
The Illuminati- NoS
[]LCH[]- dc
-=Destiny=-
Wolfpack - Dc
xVx - DC
Apprime -_-
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 08:58
|
#17
|
Retired
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: BONNY SCOTLAND
Posts: 869
|
Re: Another dating story
The scary thing, is that after hearing that story several years ago, and being highly amused, I used that same chat up technique.
The repeated "Do you come here often?"
It actually works......
__________________
This space reserved for next Signature.
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 09:16
|
#18
|
Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
|
Re: Another dating story
Hehe, made me laugh. One night, if I happen to be single again and when I am in a funny mood, I'll try to do the same.
"Do you come here often?"
__________________
..look
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 10:10
|
#19
|
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Swansea
Posts: 798
|
Re: Another dating story
funny story
I guess persistance works
__________________
In Elysium till the end.
Former [1up]
Current [Spore]
Returned under the IRC nick BenSwansea
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 13:30
|
#20
|
:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stifler
funny story
I guess persistance works
|
Persistence is the new brand name for rohypnol.
Available in all good pharmacies!
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
|
|
|
5 Dec 2005, 13:44
|
#21
|
Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
|
Re: Another dating story
Awesome, aint laughed at a thread like that in a looooooong time
especially the
"Do you come here often?"
i can just imagine it
__________________
Can we please have a moment of silence...........
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 01:31
|
#22
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBOY
The scary thing, is that after hearing that story several years ago, and being highly amused, I used that same chat up technique.
The repeated "Do you come here often?"
It actually works......
|
Of course it does!!!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 01:54
|
#23
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: Another dating story
you need to get into a habit of taking pictures.
then we can all enjoy
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 05:12
|
#24
|
Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
|
Re: Another dating story
You drink too much and you'll never be a real puller. That is, if that is what you aspire to be. I know I don't but I do know that you drink too much.
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 06:55
|
#25
|
the Sacred Pervert
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1,492
|
Re: Another dating story
How the **** do you fall asleep in the toilet on a date, dude?
__________________
"....some might say, we will find a brighter day...."
-Oasis
Veneratio | Insomnia | F-Crew | Subh
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 23:36
|
#26
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
You drink too much and you'll never be a real puller. That is, if that is what you aspire to be. I know I don't but I do know that you drink too much.
|
Scurrilous accusation!!!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
6 Dec 2005, 23:37
|
#27
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: Another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by demiGOD
How the **** do you fall asleep in the toilet on a date, dude?
|
MAD SKILLZ!!!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
|
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 20:49.
| |