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9 Jul 2003, 13:50
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#1
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Again at the public helpdesk
Me: Good Afternoon How can I help you?
client: I have received this taxbill which shouldnt be on my name as I am not the owner of the building, I am the user.
Me: Well, it's a tax for users, not owners.
client: But I am not owning this building, just using it to live in.
Me: As I said, thats the reason why you are receiving this taxbill.
client: But why is it like this??? I dont own this house!
me: Because you are poluting the water to put it like that and not the owner, that's why its a user's tax.
client: look at this contract, it says the owner should pay it!
me: it says you should pay the owner a montly rent of 425 euro..
client: It's not fair! I have to pay a lot of crap each year!!
jesus ****ing christ
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..look
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9 Jul 2003, 13:51
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#2
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Dirte
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 5,573
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Get guns. That's the way to salvation!
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"Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he makes waffles not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it."
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9 Jul 2003, 13:52
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#3
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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#support for all your helpdesk forum needs.
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9 Jul 2003, 14:10
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#4
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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another one
me: Lo, how can I help you
nasty looking lowlife: I just received a message I dont have to pay this bill because my income is below the minimum so I want my money back. Cash please because I dont have any kind of bank account.
me: And you don't know anyone with a bank account, family or something.
nasty looking lowlife: Certainly not no (looking at me like he just archieved a victory or something)
me: Can you show me that letter you received from us please.
nasty looking lowlife: you see, you guys should give me back 139 euro because I dont have to pay.
me: I'll look it up in our administration.
me: It seems you never payed this bill at all, Its just been reduced to zero because your request of full reduction has been granted due to your minimal income.
nasty looking lowlife: aaaah yes, I must have mixed it with that other tax, I'll run to their office right away! Bye! thanks for helping!
If I have to do this more then once a week I'll quit this job
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..look
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9 Jul 2003, 14:29
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#5
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Just earlier :
Tenant : I'd like to speak to my housing officer please.
Me : Certainly. <Take her details>
Me : <After checking the system, realise I've spoken to her last week> Is this regarding your move again?
Tenant : Yes.
Me : Well, when I asked your housing officer last time we spoke she said it was lettings.
Tenant : Oh. I see.
Me : Do you recall me telling you this?
Tenant : But I'd like to speak to her.
Me : OK, sure. What's it regarding?
Tenant : A query.
Me : Yes, but what? Is it about your move?
Tenant : Yes.
Me : OK. Well I can try to put you through, but I think that, as I explained, is lettings.
Tenant : Hmmm. Well, I've got a query.
Me : What is the query though?
Tenant : Well, you obviously can't help.
Me : Why do you say obviously?
Tenant : Because you haven't answered it yet.
Me : To be fair, you haven't actually told me what it is yet.
etc,etc,etc...
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9 Jul 2003, 14:29
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#6
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Commander etc
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 436
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Things dont get any better when the people you have to deal with are educated (well, if you can call 'business administration' an education) professionals (if you can call being a manager a profession).
I suddenly see the attraction of becoming a vet.
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Daevyll
Ostraka: It's a Social Club with guns (and K-Y)
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9 Jul 2003, 16:26
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#7
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Winker
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: IOW
Posts: 319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fifth_teletubbie
Things dont get any better when the people you have to deal with are educated (well, if you can call 'business administration' an education) professionals (if you can call being a manager a profession).
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baaa you IT techie type people think you always know best
Anyway yesterdays conversation with a techie over the number of hours worked went something like this
<techie> I am contracted to work a 37.5 hour week !
<me> Yes that correct.
<techie> You've scheduled me to work 08:00 - 16:30 next week thats not on !! thats over 40 hours !! Im not doing that !
<me> hmmm do you have a lunch break ?
<techie> of course I always have an hour lunch
<me> you know your lunch break is unpaid ?
<techie> yes of course I know that, Im not stupid !!!
<me> ok would you like a piece of paper so you can work out what number of hours you are actually working ?
<techie> I dont need paper Im an MCP !!
<me> ok so how many hours are you working ?
<techie>.....erm sorry boss
These are the guys that customers ring for help !! god help ya
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prestel
Yeah so what Im an Original Pr0nstar
some of us have serious jobs
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9 Jul 2003, 18:25
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#8
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: autogenic misery
Posts: 872
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I rang singapore but they didn't answer
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9 Jul 2003, 19:00
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#9
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Gubbish
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: #FoW
Posts: 2,323
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I've had three "can't you just fix it?" customers today, don't start.
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Gubble gubble gubble gubble
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9 Jul 2003, 19:31
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#10
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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I dont have to go back to helping complete ****ing idiots with their mobile phones until monday.
And I'm already dreading it.
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I wear my sunglasses at night.
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10 Jul 2003, 12:26
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#11
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Commander etc
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 436
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Quote:
Originally posted by Little Timmy
baaa you IT techie type people think you always know best
Anyway yesterdays conversation with a techie over the number of hours worked went something like this
<techie> I am contracted to work a 37.5 hour week !
<me> Yes that correct.
<techie> You've scheduled me to work 08:00 - 16:30 next week thats not on !! thats over 40 hours !! Im not doing that !
<me> hmmm do you have a lunch break ?
<techie> of course I always have an hour lunch
<me> you know your lunch break is unpaid ?
<techie> yes of course I know that, Im not stupid !!!
<me> ok would you like a piece of paper so you can work out what number of hours you are actually working ?
<techie> I dont need paper Im an MCP !!
<me> ok so how many hours are you working ?
<techie>.....erm sorry boss
These are the guys that customers ring for help !! god help ya
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You filthy management types are all just jealous because even though you're technically my 'superior', I make twice the money (and I drive a nicer car)
This actually happened this very morning
Manager: hi, I've just read this project estimate you wrote, and it costs too much.
Me: Ok.
=silence=
Manager: Did you hear me ? I said it was too expensive.
Me: I heard you.
Manager: So?
Me: So, good luck finding a cheaper solution to your problem then.
Manager: No, you have to lower your estimates.
Me: Why? Because they dont fit with what you want to hear? Then why ask me to do an analysis in the first place?
Manager: Because yuo're the expert (suck up mode detected)
Me: I know. And my expertise tells me it will cost about as much as I have put down in my report.
Manager: That is unacceptable.
Me: Fine. Then like I said, find a different solution. If it isnt cost-effective, dont do it. You're the business manager, you should know.
Manager: I'm going to contact your division manager (bully mode detected)
Me: Ok.*
=silence=
etc etc etc etc
I have no ulterior motive for raising the estimate for this project, and it is to be done on an after-calculation basis anyway.
What it apparently comes down to is that the above manager would rather get approval first, then explain later why there was an overrun instead of having to fight now to get the approval in the first place.
The reason for this is, of course, that overruns can more easily be blamed on 'lazy' analysts and programmers.
*: which will be an interesting conversation since I AM the division manager ever since the latest cutbacks (of a whopping 4-man division, heh).
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Daevyll
Ostraka: It's a Social Club with guns (and K-Y)
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10 Jul 2003, 13:37
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#12
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Today not 30 minutes ago
Muppet : The printer isnt working
Me : What doesn't it do ?
Muppet : Well print
Me : Is this the printer you wanted moving yesterday and I asked you wait until tomorrow so I could do it then ?
Muppet : Yes
Me : Did you move it yourself ?
Muppet : Yes
Me : Did you plug all the cables back in ?
Muppet : Yes
Me : So why were they not plugged back in when I was over there 45 minutes ago ?
Muppet : Someone must have unplugged them then.
Me : You are a muppet
Muppet : Puts the phone down
I like to think my skills in handling people are as good as ever
Vaio
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The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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10 Jul 2003, 16:14
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#13
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Winker
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: IOW
Posts: 319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fifth_teletubbie
You filthy management types are all just jealous because even though you're technically my 'superior', I make twice the money (and I drive a nicer car)
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Baaaa your a self employed contractor of course you earn more money than the manager.
But no one in my department earns more than me
And one day Rids will tell which building he works in. Seeing that we work for the same company.
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prestel
Yeah so what Im an Original Pr0nstar
some of us have serious jobs
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10 Jul 2003, 16:17
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#14
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Commander etc
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 436
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Quote:
Originally posted by Little Timmy
Baaaa your a self employed contractor of course you earn more money than the manager.
But no one in my department earns more than me
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Not anymore
A company that I used to have some dealings with offered me a position with them, and I accepted. (Thats why I only make twice as much, used to be three times )
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Daevyll
Ostraka: It's a Social Club with guns (and K-Y)
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10 Jul 2003, 17:17
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#15
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rids
I dont have to go back to helping complete ****ing idiots with their mobile phones until monday.
And I'm already dreading it.
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I've done that for a few years. It's amasing how dense people are.
It's like, John Doe put on his stupid hat and leave everything else at home when going shopping.
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10 Jul 2003, 20:11
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#16
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Customer comes up to me at the front desk
Customer: The copy machine isn't working
Me: Oh? What seems to be the problem?
C: Every copy comes out blank [holds up blank sheet of paper]
M: Let's check it out. [we go over. Customer demonstrates the problem. Places sheet to be copied on top of copy machine, presses print button. Blank sheet of paper is sent out]
C: See?
M: Hmmm. Yes. I think I see the problem. [I take the sheet off the top, open up the top flap, put the sheet face down on the glass, press print. You can guess what happens.] Okay, looks like that worked. It's pretty confusing tho...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I practically have wet dreams of being a complete dick to these people. But I can't bring myself to do it
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10 Jul 2003, 21:17
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#17
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Wearing Speedos
Posts: 1,021
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There is one consulation, You could work on the AOL helpdesk!
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10 Jul 2003, 21:20
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#18
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Wearing Speedos
Posts: 1,021
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rids
I dont have to go back to helping complete ****ing idiots with their mobile phones until monday.
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From an insiders point of view, do orange phone trainers actually suck schlong, or just pretend to?
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11 Jul 2003, 09:34
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#19
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Winker
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: IOW
Posts: 319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Woof
From an insiders point of view, do orange phone trainers actually suck schlong, or just pretend to?
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Thgey probably do. But I believe Rids works for the biggest Mobile Network company
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prestel
Yeah so what Im an Original Pr0nstar
some of us have serious jobs
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11 Jul 2003, 11:43
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#20
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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Quote:
Originally posted by Little Timmy
Thgey probably do. But I believe Rids works for the biggest Mobile Network company
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I do indeed work for the Worlds Largest Global Network in an Expert Friend capicity.
If you also work for the same firm, you will unfortunately understand exactly what I mean by that steaming pile of bollocks, heh.
I dont actually work in the call centres (Thank god) - I'm at the sharp end of the business, Oxford Street 2, the guys getting ****ed in the arse by the new Experience store, heh.
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I wear my sunglasses at night.
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11 Jul 2003, 12:16
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#21
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DarnocYzarc
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Norway
Posts: 303
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A user phoned me today telling she had problems with lotus notes mail. I knew what the problem was cause we have had several other calls about the same problem, well anyways.
I wanted to remote control the user to change some setting on her notes (cause telling her what to do would take ages) so here is the conversation:
Me : Can you start net meeting please ??
Her : What is net meeting ??
Me : Its a program that lets me remote control you, if you got the start menu I will tell you where to find it.
Her : Ok
Me : When you have opened your start menu go to programs
Her : Ok
Me : Then go to Accessories
Her : I cant find Accessories
Me : Ok, its at the top somewhere
Her : Its not there
Me : Listen, start at the top and you will find it
Her : (getting abit angry) I tell you aint ther !!
Me : (getting angry back) And I tell it is, ALL windows computers here have Accessories. Are you sure you have opened the whole programs "folder" on the start menu ??
Her : Do you I am stupid ?? (real pissed now)
Me : No, just wanted to make sure.
Her : (alomst screaming) IT AINT THERE !!
Me : At the bottom of the programs folder, are there few arrows pointing down there ??
Her : Yes
Me : Press them please and look for Accessories at the top
Her : (not angry but in a really bad mood) Why didnt you tell me that right away
I have these calls every god damn day :/
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Member of Desse's ultimate pr0nstars
[1up]
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11 Jul 2003, 12:35
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#22
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyConrad
I have these calls every god damn day :/
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Users are renowned for not being able to use any software that they don't have 5 shortcuts for on the desktop, so it's perhaps not surprising this specimen didn't know about expanded views in the programs menu
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11 Jul 2003, 15:20
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#23
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7 Dimensional Puddleduck
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Not where I want to be :(
Posts: 1,556
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It really amazes you when you consider that these are the winners in the evolution game...
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<CmdrCyrax> I'm sure GDers are bastions of the civilized world.
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11 Jul 2003, 20:47
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#24
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyConrad
Me : At the bottom of the programs folder, are there few arrows pointing down there ??
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I wouldnt blame a user for not understanding this, I'd disable the feature on all windows boxes you administer if I were you.
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11 Jul 2003, 21:00
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#25
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Heh, you are in sharp contrast to our IT dept, who, quite frankly, couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, and are constantly getting shouted at by me and my boss for being ****
they are also the most paranoid IT department on earth, they have even disabled our right click facility, just so we cant accidentally change the settings fs
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lazy
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11 Jul 2003, 21:02
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#26
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Tell them all to shove frozen trouts up their arses. The public is a big piece of collective shiet.
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13 Jul 2003, 09:25
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#27
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Winker
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: IOW
Posts: 319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rids
I do indeed work for the Worlds Largest Global Network in an Expert Friend capicity.
If you also work for the same firm, you will unfortunately understand exactly what I mean by that steaming pile of bollocks, heh.
I dont actually work in the call centres (Thank god) - I'm at the sharp end of the business, Oxford Street 2, the guys getting ****ed in the arse by the new Experience store, heh.
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Ill make sure when I have to do one of my "meet the customer" visits ill come to your store
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prestel
Yeah so what Im an Original Pr0nstar
some of us have serious jobs
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13 Jul 2003, 11:45
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#28
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Quote:
Originally posted by bink
I wouldnt blame a user for not understanding this, I'd disable the feature on all windows boxes you administer if I were you.
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Hell, it's an annoying feature i have even turned off at home.
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13 Jul 2003, 12:47
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#29
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DarnocYzarc
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Norway
Posts: 303
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Quote:
Originally posted by bink
I wouldnt blame a user for not understanding this, I'd disable the feature on all windows boxes you administer if I were you.
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True but it aint up to us in the servicedesk to decide that...
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Member of Desse's ultimate pr0nstars
[1up]
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13 Jul 2003, 12:55
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#30
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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<Moron Customer> Hello , id like to apply for a mortgage with you
<Me> Of course, ill just put you through to one of our personal banking officers
<Moron Customer> But youre the mortgage department.
<Me> Yes, however we have to arrange an appointment for you to meet a PBO in order that you can understand everything associated with our mortgages.
<Moron Customer> Cant i do it over the phone?
<Me> No, because we require original documentation for everything, and thats why we have Personal Banking Officers to discuss Mortgages with clients.
<Moron Customer> Well Barclays arranged everything over the phone.
<Me> And did you fax them your documents
<Moron Customer> Yes , they were happy with that
<Me> So they know their Mortgage agreement isnt legal and binding because they dont have original copies of the documentation?
<Moron Customer> They said it was fine.
<Me> So if Barclays already agreed you an illegal mortgage based on faxed documents, why are you applying to us.
<Moron Customer> Your attitude stinks. I want to speak to your manager
<Me> You have been. Youre on speakerphone to the office.
<Moron Customer> *click*
I swear if i do this job for another 10 years, ill never get another customer who falls for the "Youre on Speakerphone" trick.
Incidentally, the manager did review the call, and whilst technically i broke the rules in about 300 different ways, he couldnt stop laughing long enough to issue me with a warning.
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And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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