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[Comedy][Problably Old] Cows and Capitalism
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
WORLDCOM VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you
with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows,
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are on the Barbie.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high
bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two sheep.
You are happy. Who needs cows.
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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