The star ship Idiot

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone, having had a bit of time to assess the situation, spots the grenade ASME appeared to be holding in one hand, and wondered why the other guy threw it at him before he took the pin out.

After watching the retreating back of w02 after his gabbled, 1-sided conversation, Brimstone returns his view to the mad thing that dropped out the hole in the ceiling, carrying what appeared to be an over-sized rather ugly vacuum cleaner with numerous dents in it, and wonders why he's trying to steal a Banana gun from someone holding a live grenade in the other hand...*

"Well it depends who's askin' Bat-boy. If you feel like shooting me, I'll have to teach you the perils of messing with a man skilled in the leathal art of mop-phooey. If you feel like shooting that wierdo with the 'nade, I'll help you. Him and those alien whatevertheyares owe me a new mop and bucket. And you, hop-along, you irish or something? Your supposed to remove the pin BEFORE you throw the grenade."

*Brimstone starts swinging his rifle around a bit carelessly out of boredom, and in some freak sort of accident, the rifle fires off a volley straight towards what should be ASME's groin. Catching the rifle a litle clumsily again, Brimstone decides to dish out a few more prevetitive measures on the rest of the alien thingy's in the room, and begins firing randomly at aliens who by now were bored and picking their noses with their little toes, and watches them gradually loose parts of their anatomy.

(edited as Gryffin beat me to posting!)

[Evil_Ginge]

*starts to snore in his chair as they come up on the alien homeworld*

[ASME]

ooc- whoa having trouble keeping up with this, been away for a couple of days. hmmm how to respond-ooc

"RETREAT" ASME screamed at his troops, "This is Ground Commander ASME requesting imediate transportation off the SSI, I repeat all ship break off attack and collect all troops from the SSI...."

ASME looked round as several of his aliens fell over as parts of their anatomy were blasted into several million atoms... ASME himself came close to losing a vital area and only just managed to get out the way by having the alien ships use their transporter technology to get him and the few remaining aliens off the ship....

The bridge off the Alien ship was quite different to the SSI's and vagely resembled the USS Enterprise D's battle bridge, ASME walked onto the bridge and sat in the captains chair. "Ensign, move us off from the SSI but keep the other ships near to it, tell them to target these co-ordinates i believe they are the engine coolong vents, destroy them and the engine will over heat...."

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone, just starting to get the hang of this alien blasting lark, dismays at the sudden twinkling disapperation of the aliens and that wierdo with the grenade. He decides to go find the bridge of this hulk, to see what the hell is going on.

On arrival to the bridge, he asks possibly one of the stupidest questions you can ask, "What happens if you ram a planet with a starship at full speed? And what are our chances of survival?"

OOC you missed a bit about the fact that you are no longer holding a gun, a cat like person has jumped on your head, and you appear to be holding both a hand grenade and a mop ASME... OOC

[Wo2]

*Wo2 carried on down the hall at full speed, right up until the point where he passed a broom closet, in which case he came to a screeching halt, well mabey just screeching, he didn't halt until mister wall said hello to his face. But anyway, he finaly managed to pull his face out of the hull plating and he made his way to the closes, where he found a trusty broom and a bottle of metal cleaner. He grabbed both and then went back to where the aliens where. He finds the hallway empty, aside from a few confused crew members and bits of alien anatomy.*

"No respect for the ship I say... Well off to cleaning..."

*with that wo2 began to swep and clean the corridor*

[Mad cat]

ooc- well actually i dropped my gun on his head, which wheighs about a hundred pounds or more, so asme now has a gargantuan bump and headache -ooc

falls over just after being whacked with the chaingun and holds his head, he watches wo2 run away and looks back just as the aliens dissapear

awww! and i was just starting to have fun!

gets up and rubs the spot where the gun hit his head and sniffs at the goopy remains of the aliens

well it smells as though they are inedible

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin frowns at Brimstone, and then grins manically.*

"I am Irish, as a matter of fact. [ooc] And indeed I am [/ooc] And I did pull the pin out of my grenade, but it blew up quite a while ago. That must have been his grenade. And I wouldn't worry about the planet; it's only a nanometer in diameter. They need our ship to power something to make it big, so they can't destroy us, or at least, not unless they have something else planned."

*Gryffin shoulders his gun, and calls out towards the ceiling.*

"Computer/Ginge; teleport to medibay if you would. I have a rather badly damaged wing that is being held together by bare tendons, and it hurts rather a lot."

[Evil_Ginge]

*wakeds up on being prodded by a young luitenant*

"ahh we are at the planet, fire planetkiller missile"

[Mad cat]

ooc- we have luitenants? -ooc

[Evil_Ginge]

[ooc] go figure [/ooc]

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin bangs his comm badge against a bulkhead, and tries again.*

"Hello, computer? Ginge? Teleport to medibay before I bleed to death would be apprieciated...."

[Wo2]

*Wo2 looks up at Gryffin and sees him bleeding madly on the floor Wo2 is trying to clean.*

"How am I supposed to get anything clean with you bleeding on it? Tsk Tsk, I'll take care of that..."

*Wo2 then proceded to pour some cleaners into one bottle, and then spray that mixture onto the wound, where it bubbled and burned and carturized the wound, stopping the bleeding and any chance of infection, mind you Gryffins wing was now smouldering.*

[Evil_Ginge]

*beams gryffin to medbay*

[Gryffin]

*Which is lucky for wo2, as Gryffin had been about to bodily rip his head off. He lurches over to the medibot, sets it up to perform the correct tissue reconstruction, and lies back letting it work. He remains awake, however, as the shock from wo2 had already made his wing numb, and he knew very well how things needed to be watched here. Little amusement would he find in waking with breasts instead of wings.*

[Mad cat]

ooc- since when? i thought that other than us the place was deserted -ooc

latches on to wo2's leg for no reason whatsoever and gnaws on his knee

mmmm... knee meat

[Wo2]

*Wo2 looks down at the creature gnawing on his leg.*

"Oi het offa there, you'll get blood on the deck plates!"

*Wo2 whips out his brom and starts jabbing it at Mad Cat in effort to remove him, making sure the hard bristles keep rubbing against his eyelids.*

"Ge off. Ge off. Ge off.... (ect...)

[Mad cat]

yelps with pain as the bristles poke his eyes

ow! crap dangit! ow! grawwwwulmph

his mouth suddenly expands to about twice its normal sizes and engulfs the end of the broom

mrhmmmhgd

breaks off the end of the broom and spits it out down a hallway, leaving a trail of yucky wetness behind

no pokey the eyes!

jumps up and latches onto wo2's head like a kawala might

gimmie a ride!

[Wo2]

"....Ge off. Ge off. Ge Off... (Ect...)"

*Wo2 now runs down the hall with Mad Cat on his head, which isn't much of a improvment, but Wo2 get the bright idea that having Broom bristles shoved in one's eyes can't be too clean so Wo2 whips out two bottles of Windex and aimed them above his head, spraying them where Mad Cats head ought to be.*

"...Ge off. Ge off. Ge off... (you guessed it... Ect...)"

[Mad cat]

catches sight of the bottles just before they spray and closes his eyes

GAK!!
splutters a bit from the rather overwhelming smell that surrounds his head and wipes his face dry on wo2's sirt collar

[Brimstone]

Brimstone watches as the Phantom Lieutenant pushed all sorts of seemingly random buttons in the attempt to fire a planet killer missile at a planet just 1 nanometer across. The sheer dimensions of completing such a task are well beyond him, so he pulls out a duster he'd secreted somewhere in his back pocket, and begins to dust down a few control panels enthusiastically.

"TumTeeTumTeeTum" mubles Brimstone as he dusts down a panel marked "Missile Firing Control" watching the row of big red buttons marked Bay 1,2,3,4 (you get the idea etc.)

Brimstone looks around to check no-one is looking, and decides to press a few random buttons, and eventually presses the one marked bay 15. A slight shudder and a whooshing sound can be heard from somewhere to the front right of the ship, and all sorts of things randomly start beeping across the bridge.

Brimstone coughs, turns around whistling and looking at nothing in particular while making as hasty an exit from the Bridge as possible.

Brimstone

[Demon Dave]

*DD, getting a bit bored and a bit unhappy with the size of his paycheck, decides to sell some of the ships weapons on the black market. He decides that the easiest way of doing this would be to use eBay. Sitting sat his desk in the security office, DD starts writing an ad to put on the Super-Dooper-Hyper-Web

For Sale
Authentic Weapons Systems direct from the Star Ship Idiot. Perfect for waging war on those pesky neighbouring planets after your resources, or for just mucking about in the back garden with. Fun for all the family!
Weapons include:
Missiles of various types
A collection of high yield Plasma Rifles
Type-g Personal Fighter Craft

DD then sits back and watches the bids rise, all the while chuckling quietly to himself*

[Brimstone]

Brimstone cathes out the corner of his eye a terminal displaying random adverts from the Super-Dooper-Hyper-Web, this new fangled thing that is twice as unreliable, has 3000% more junk on it, and is easier to hack into than a mouldy banana with a pickaxe.

Deciding to do a little browsing, Brimstone comes across an advert for some random weaponry, and decides he wants one. After looking at the astronomical prices and deciding his paycheck cant afford it, he decides to bid using the Janatorial budget, which is surprisingly big (well lets face it. the odd broom and a bucket dont cost much... and years of spending nothing mounts up) and decides he will put the spending down as "new essential cleaning equipment for heavy-duty cleansing"

After securing his bidding for a Type-G Personal Fighter craft with bonus missiles and plasma cannons, he decides he needs some more bottles of Mild Indigo flourescent Purple Fairy Liquid, and accidentally orders 4,000,000 bottles of it as a bit of chewing-gum got stuck in the keyboard. This he puts down as "Forward planning for the next 300 hostile alien invasions."

All of a sudden, a large raincloud appears at the end of the corridor, spitting mini-lightning bolts everywhere and throwing hailstones around the size of marbles.

Brimstone decides to keep his distance, but keep close enough to watch it, and see what it does, while pondering whatever happened to all those sirens he set off on the bridge.

[ASME]

ASME being slightly bored in the captains chair of his ship decides to surf the new and improved web, after surfing a while he came across eBay, a site of pedleing, his ship was low on uptodate weaponry so he decided to buy some new weapons. one enrty inparticular caught his eye

For Sale
Authentic Weapons Systems direct from the Star Ship Idiot. Perfect for waging war on those pesky neighbouring planets after your resources, or for just mucking about in the back garden with. Fun for all the family!
Weapons include:
Missiles of various types
A collection of high yield Plasma Rifles
Type-g Personal Fighter Craft

knowing this was his luckey day ASME posted a price of several million million Centurian Credits , having after all being the only son of a rather wealthy and excelanly finacially minded excentric. As the counter ticked down towards zero he decided to add a little extra cash for delivery within 5 minuites of payment.

[Evil_Ginge]

*knowing what was going on he instictivly put a virus on this intergalatic system and took it down*

[Brimstone]

Brimstone returns his attention to the ebay auction, and notes the increase in bid. Wondering why anyone would put a bid with just 5 minutes to go of just 1pence more was beyond him, and figures it must be someone who hasn't checked the exchange market recently. where centurian credits had taken a catastropic momentary dive due to some stupid nerd-boy accidentally sending a message to the entire financial universe that the centurians where dirty plant-molesting idiots, and that their entire empire had been obliterated by a planet-sized pineapple.

Brimstone searches through his pockets to find a 50 pence piece with a chewy sweet stuck to it, a hair clip (its not his, he just found it... ahem) and a loose button from some forgotten item of clothing. Deciding the whole lot must be worth another 52 1/2 pence, he bids another 50p, securing the bidding once again.

Brimstone

[Evil_Ginge]

*the virus destroys ebay

[Gryffin]

[ooc] You're no fun! Exactly how are they going to remove the things? And I didn't allow my fighter to be sold, so I could have had a rather impressive disagreement with whoever turned up to take it away... [/ooc]

[Brimstone]

Brimstone turns and watches as that wierd Raincloud floats right into the bridge, and perches above Evil_Ginge.
The Raincloud begins spitting lightning bolts and hailstones with all the might of a 3ft Raincloud contained inside a fictional Space Ship, which as it turns out, is enough to concuss and cook a fully-grown chicken, as the cloud demonstrates on a handy nearby chicken that was happlessly walking past on its way to the hypernarket, with a well aimed Golf-ball sized Hailstone and Lightning Bolt.

OOC That'll teach you to spoil our fun. :P /OOC

[Evil_Ginge]

*looks up at the raincloud*

"damnit the holodeck is malfunctioning again, now on top of aliens we have psychopathic holograms walking around"

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone starts to notice a few other strange additions to the spaceship, when he realises there is a blue whale swimming along next to the ship, and a gaggle of mostly-naked women with nothing but fig leaves in "certain places" running around the ship giggling, which last time he checked was not a regular feature here.

Brimstone completely unsure of what to do now, decides to perch on a nearby handy Pokerdot sofa in the middle of the corridor, and see what else was likely to happen today.

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin bowls out of the medibay, followed by fifteen computer generated clones of Barney the Dinosaur waving a bouquet of flowers, usually used one at a time to torture captives in the most henious ways possible. Dropping a few high yielf proximity mines in his wake to hopefully slow them down a bit, he darts down the corridor to the armoury, already sweating feverishly. One was bad, practicably unstoppable by itself, one mean force for turning the inside of your head to jelly and inducing severe insanity. Fifteen was worse than his nightmares - they'd only had two. Punching in his code, the armoury pops open, and Gryffin rapidly stocks up on the heaviest weaponry he can find. The things normally used to repel enemy battleships at boarding range. Gryffin takes a deep breath as he hears the first strains of the Barney song begin to drift down the corridor to him. He takes a deep breath, more to steady the fact he had so much ammunition and weaponry slung about him he was about to fall over than to calm himself, tunes out his mind from his ears so the song has no effect, and steps out to do battle.*

[Demon Dave]

*DD is suddenly awoken from his desk by the armoury door swinging open, and Gryffin hurling himself in. DD then watches with mild curiosity as Gryffin grabs an much of the armoury as he can, whilst punching the code to close the door*

"Oi, where'd you think you're going with that lot?"

[Gryffin]

"To kill the Barneys!! They attacked me in the medibay! Only just made it out alive!! There's fifteen of them! We have to stop them!!"

*Gryffin reluctantly unslings one of the grav-balanced ship to ship missiles he had been towing behind him, and pushes it across the room to DD.*

"In case I am defeated, and they come for you. Now let me out before they come in!! Only half these weapons can be discharged in a room this small."

*Gryffin gestures around the massive armoury, and then types in his code to try and open the door.*

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone hearing a strange chanting and commotion from the other end of the corridor, and noting the bizarre background music of the barney song, decides to add his own Barney song, and opening up the newly-improved galactic Kazaa p2p program, downloads the alltime classic song Barney's on Fire by Wierd Al Yankovic, and pipes the song throughout the ship using some inventive hacking of Doorways (TM) media Player.

Deciding he is still experiencing boredom of a grandour scale, Brimstone wanders down the corridor to find out where the commotion was coming from, now that the half the giggling girls had made their way to the bridge, the other half having gone towards the armoury, and the blue whale was attempting to court the starship.

[Wo2]

[ooc] sorry I was outta town for a bit. [ooc/]

*Wo2 took a glance out the window, his janitorial pyhsci seemingly unphased by barney, and he saw the Blue whale doing its thing. He shuddered.*

"I'm not cleaning THAT mess!"

[Evil_Ginge]

*as the missile fired into the alien planet Ginge smiled, then jumped as the planet exploded in front of his eyes*

[Brimstone]

*Brimstone walks around the corner just in time to see gryphon trying to open the door. Deciding he's feeling nice, he opens the door for him.

Just as he opens the door,a large purple hand appears around the corner, followed by the most stupid looking purple dinosaur-like thing ever to have existed.

Brimstone ducks into the armoury, and pushes Griffin out the door, with some considerable difficulty due to the amount of weaponry he was carrying.

Brimstone, being a little more conservative, hunts around for a large flamethrower and some incendary grenades, and upon finding them, follows Griffin out the door.

"Go get 'em tiger, i mean lion, whatever."

[Gryffin]

"Rar."

*Gryffin brings one of the rather large anti-mech missiles he has slung over his shoulders to bear in the dinosaur as it rounds the corners, grins manically, and presses the big red shiny button. A small beep is heard from the computer the button is attached to, and the ends pop off the tube in a rather unimpressive manner. Half a second of suspense ensues, and then a bright blue flame roars out of the back of the tube, and the missile shoots out of the front, to fly down the corridor and collide with the barney. The explosion melts the walls around the target, and the blast waves picks Gryffin up and throws him several meters down the corridor. He staggers into a sitting position, and looks around for a way to lever himself up without having to take off all his weapons.*

[Demon Dave]

*DD watches as Gryffin and Brimstone leave his armoury with a load of his weapons. DD shouts at them while shaking his fist in an angry manner*

"oi come back! you haven't signed for those yet!!!"

[ASME]

After having soem time away in his ship Commander ASME decides to come back with some more alien friends....

*ASME's ship*

"i love you, you love me, were a happy familly..." said the barney in the corner
"i love you, you love me, were a happy familly..." said another barney in another corner
ASME just fumed in his command chair, ever since his ship had been overpowered by the barnies they had consumed almost everything they though would be edable.. including his crew, ASME though seemed to be inediable for the barnies so he was left in command of the ship... he was now heading back towards the SSI where he had managed to forget his toothbrush...

[Mad cat]

jumps off wo2's head and dissapears into the rather vastish ventalation system, he quickly ends up beside the armoury where he quietly steals a flak cannon, two assault rifles and a couple over-sized explosive weapons/objects, he returns to the ventilation system and drops partially out right behind gryffin before one of the weapons gets caught in the hole

*strangled noise* help?

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin turns around, and a stange light enters his eyes.*

"Don't worry, I'll have you out in a jiffy!"

*Gryffin then proceeds to pull out a large chunk of plastic explosive from his pocket, and shove it into the ventiation shaft behind Mad Cat. Sticking a 20 second stick fuse in it, he yells at the top of his lungs as he runs for the nearest corner.*

"Fire in the hole!!"

*The explosive...explodes.*

[Mad cat]

as the laws of physics probably dictate, the force of the explosives combined with that of gravity propell mc into the floor at a rather high speed with a resounding smack. after a few moments after the smoke clears a bit a blackend and very dazed mad cat hauls himself out of the newly made crater in the floor and falls over nearby

wooooo... my ears... the ringing, it burns.

slowly coming to his sences mc gathers up all the working weapons that had just been blasted over a fairly large portion of the hallway he selects the flak cannon and goes around the corner to were gryffin took cover

well... that worked, now what?

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin nods at MC's appearance, and grins at his comment.*

"We hunt Barneys."

*Gryffin gathers his arsenal, and lopes off down the corridor, sniffing the air and listening hard for the tale tale smell of cookies and strained notes of the Barney song.*

[Mad cat]

a still dazed mad cat followes gryffin after vaugely hearing what they were doing, he smiles maliciously and, follows

[Brimstone]

Brimstone takes a side passage, and sneaks off round the ship. Along the way, he manages to sneak up behind a few solo Barneys and shoves a block of 4 sticks of dynamite of each of their backsides, and lights a 20s fuse.

Eventually Brimstone finds himself outside the the malfunctioning Holosuite. Noting the program playing "The Complete collection of Barney The Dinosaur" Procedes to shut down the program.

Brimstone suceeds, and watches as a couple of Barneys that were playing hide and seek in a nearby cupboard disappear.

Brimstone goes to logout, and just at that point sneezes, and accidentally activates the "The Teletubbies - Series 1 Uncut, back2back"

Suddenly a swarm of Brightly covered little things with strange antennas and TV's for stomachs storm out of the holosuite.

Before any of them could say anything Brimstone simply says "Uh-Oh!" and runs like hell in the most appropriate direction; away from the Tubbies, who had taken up his chant and were wondering around saying "Uh-Oh!"

[Gryffin]

*As Brimstone runs under a ventiation shaft, the cover pops off, and hits him on the head. Several large missiles fall out on top if him, and then Gryffin unfolds upside-down from the vent, wings splaying out to either side to fill the corridor. He brings his arms up (down to everyone else) with a mean looking automatic plasma rifle grasped in each hand.*

"Say Tubby-Bye-Bye!!"

*Gryffin pulls boths triggers, and a storm of hot plasma sprays down the corridor to impact on the teletubbies, melting them into one another, leaving a twisted mass of multicoloured flesh and a flickering TV set in them middle. Gryffin drops from the vent, spinning as he does so, and lands beside the moaning figure of Brimstone.*

"Hi, need a hand?"

[Mad cat]

mc hangs from the hole in the venilation shaft by his feet and brings a very large and makeshift looking rocket launcher to bear on the multicoloured thing, he pulls the trigger and a stubby, fat, squarish, and horridly unelegant missile pops from the tube, it falls a few feet before the engine starts up and then streaks drunkenly towards its target, the engine sputters and dies and restarts just before burying its blunt nose into the monstrosity, a couple seconds pass, alowing the creature to realise that something has stabbed it in its torso before the missile desides that it would be a good time to set off the charge, when this does finally occur the hallway around the creature is sprayed with some random flammable substance before the charge actually goes off, when it does it fills the hallway with light and rancid smoke as the creature is set alight, the charge, being sufficiently large to deafen everyone in the area for several seconds knocks mc from his hanging perch with its shockwave and drops him again on gryffin's toe, after squashing gryffin's toe for the second time with his head mc falls over with his feet pointing towards the creature and his face on the floor

ow

[Gryffin]

*Gryffin sits down, and pulls off his boot, wincing as he realises he just sat in melted teletubby. He examines his toe, decides its okay, pulls the boot back on, and stands up again.*

"Right, is it that way towards the holosuite-deck thing? Good. Now, help me pick up these weapons..."

*Gryffin chivies, kicks and cadogodels Brimstone and MC into helping him array his various weaponry about his person, and then he starts off down the corridor towards the faulty holosuite, muttering under his breath about his left knee, for no apparent reason.*

[Mad cat]

helps gryffin do whatever it was that he was doing and follows him and brimstone down the corridor backwards keeping an eye on the tellitubby thing