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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 00:57   #1
Dilly_D
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The shit joke thread
A three legged dog walks into a bar, sits down and says...








wait for it....








here it comes...






"i'm lookin for the man who shot my paw"
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 01:03   #2
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Re: The shit joke thread
Q: What is half-bird, half-dessert?
A: Magpie

Q: What do birds sing?
A: Flu

Q: What's the loudest part of a tree?
A: Its bark

Q: Which nut has no shell?
A: Doughnut

Q: Why hasn't a woman walked on the Moon?
A: It doesn't need cleaning

Q: Whats 6.9?
A: A good thing ruined by a period

Lastly,

Two walkers crisps are walking down a hill. A taxi pulls up and says: "Do you want a lift" to which the crisps say, "No, we're walkers".
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 10:13   #3
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Re: The shit joke thread
What's E.T. short for?
He's only got little legs.

Why aren't there any aspirin in the jungle.
Because the paracetamol.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the bucket.

What's red and not there?
No tomatoes.
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 10:29   #4
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Re: The shit joke thread
Whats the difference between pink and purple?

Grip.

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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 10:36   #5
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Re: The shit joke thread
........

I was expecting jokes about shit.
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 12:18   #6
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Re: The shit joke thread
Whats red, white and gold?

The pope with an axe in his face
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 20:23   #7
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninja_spammer
........

I was expecting jokes about shit.


Sorry to disapoint you
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Unread 5 Aug 2004, 23:53   #8
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Re: The shit joke thread
Why doesn't the queen wave with this hand (do a waving action)?.............

because its my hand


Did you hear the joke about the really high wall?....................

You'll never get over it
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 00:26   #9
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Re: The shit joke thread
ROLFPMN
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 00:38   #10
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Re: The shit joke thread
Hi there, my names LHC

I have this thing about, you know, racist jokes. I make them because it makes be sound really clever on an internet forum where anything goes, but in reality, im just a knuckle dragging dumb****. I promise i wont make any more of these jokes, because if i do i know ill lose my account for racism.
Last edited by Kurashima; 6 Aug 2004 at 00:44.
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 00:41   #11
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by LHC
What's E.T. short for?
He's only got little legs.
This joke is far too good for this thread
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 00:45   #12
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Re: The shit joke thread
Two walkers crisps are walking down a hill. A taxi pulls up and says: "Do you want a lift" to which the crisps say, "No, we're walkers".
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 01:23   #13
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
Two walkers crisps are walking down a hill. A taxi pulls up and says: "Do you want a lift" to which the crisps say, "No, we're walkers".
why copy my joke... you peanut
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 01:33   #14
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Re: The shit joke thread
Surely that joke works better if you don't know they're Walker's crisps to start with?

So, two crisps are going down the road when....etc?
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 01:49   #15
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Re: The shit joke thread
That's why it total shit - I've copied it as is from an e-mail FWD: I see to randomly get.

Dante gets bonus Gary Lineker points would can be redeemed and in-return, Gary Lineker posters can be purchased.
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 10:16   #16
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Re: The shit joke thread
What do you call a man with rabbits up his arse?
Warren!
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 10:48   #17
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Re: The shit joke thread
What do you call a man with a spade in his forehead?
Doug!
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 10:50   #18
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Re: The shit joke thread
so this norwegian guy was walking in a park in sweden, and he saw this guy jumping on a trashcan while saying; "72, 72, 72, 72, 72, 72.". So as curious as he was he had to ask that swedish guy what he was doing, and then the swedish guy like;
"Hey man.. its cool.. you should try it yourself!"
And the norwegian guy like; "ok.. ill have a go!" And he went up the trashcan, startet jumping while counting; "72, 72, 72, 72, 72 ,72...!"
But............. while the norwegian guy was in the air the swedish guy opened the trashcan and the norwegian fell down into it. Then climbed on top of the trashcan again, started jumping.. and saying; "73, 73, 73, 73, 73.........!"
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 10:53   #19
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by LHC
Hi there, my names LHC

I have this thing about, you know, racist jokes. I make them because it makes be sound really clever on an internet forum where anything goes, but in reality, im just a knuckle dragging dumb****. I promise i wont make any more of these jokes, because if i do i know ill lose my account for racism.
This one isn't as funny as the original
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 11:20   #20
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Re: The shit joke thread
Why do belgian people have a knife in the car?

To make short cuts

-----------------------------

Why do belgian people have a fork in the car?

Because they´re planning to have it souped up

(The reason whay they use a fork and not a spoon? BECAUSE THEYRE STOOPID BELGIANS)
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 12:46   #21
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Re: The shit joke thread
God! These jokes really are bad!
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 12:48   #22
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Re: The shit joke thread
Blue and doesn't fit?
Dead epileptic.

Cold and ****s old people?
Hypothermia
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 16:24   #23
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Re: The shit joke thread
What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?

Arrrrrrr Kelly.
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 16:30   #24
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Re: The shit joke thread
I quite enjoyed that last one.
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 16:41   #25
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Androme2
why copy my joke... :mad: you peanut :rolleyes: :down:


This thread is for shit jokes.

I posted a joke.

I win "The Shittest Joke" competition because there's nothing more shit than a joke that's just been told.
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 16:49   #26
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Re: The shit joke thread
Horse walks into a bar
Barman says 'Why the long face?'
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Unread 6 Aug 2004, 17:39   #27
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?

Arrrrrrr Kelly.

this joke is good
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Unread 7 Aug 2004, 20:20   #28
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Re: The shit joke thread
Whats a hindo???

It lays eggs


What u call a judge with no fingers?

Just'his thumbs


and the current favourite...
make some1 spell SILK
make them spell SILK again
Ask them what cows drink?


heh heh heh

ps. i've lost the will to exist, drinking isnt even a way out. atleast i dont support sheff wed tho, heh
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Unread 8 Aug 2004, 08:32   #29
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Re: The shit joke thread
What kind of "sweet" went to University?



*la la laa laaa*




SMARTIES!



:/
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Unread 8 Aug 2004, 14:20   #30
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Re: The shit joke thread
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
A. You can eat your mum's apple pie.
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 05:00   #31
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Re: The shit joke thread
there are two types of keys... 75% are for cars and 25% are for houses.
What kind of keys are they?.... Darkeys.

Bit on the nose?, old?... both?... just got txt it, thought i'd share
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 06:05   #32
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvie
there are two types of keys... 75% are for cars and 25% are for houses.
What kind of keys are they?.... Darkeys.

Bit on the nose?, old?... both?... just got txt it, thought i'd share
It doesn't actually make sense.
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 06:46   #33
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Re: The shit joke thread
yeah it does... to explain...
the keys are "dark keys"
dark keys = darkies

darkies = blacks.
Make sence now?
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 08:10   #34
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Re: The shit joke thread
That still makes no sence and now it's racist? Though I might be wrong in this as I cant make sence of the joke.
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 08:45   #35
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Re: The shit joke thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvie
yeah it does... to explain...
the keys are "dark keys"
dark keys = darkies
I got the darkies/dark keys thing, but how is that connected to the first part of the joke? In fact, how is it even a joke?

A better joke would be something like : in Europe they use European keys, in Asia they use in Asian keys. In Africa they use darkies. Or something. But either way, it'd still be shit.
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 09:48   #36
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Re: The shit joke thread
its a j/k about crime as a black person (sterotype i know, so what)
nm... i found it funny
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 10:06   #37
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Re: The shit joke thread
Well you're lucky no-one else got it, especially the moderators, as you'd find it deleted and yourself deleted at worst or on a warning at best.
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 10:18   #38
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Re: The shit joke thread
lol... not bad for being newly registered
will be more selective in future...
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 13:15   #39
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Re: The shit joke thread
what is yellow and can't swim?













































a digger. (LOL!!!) and why he can't swim?









































cause he only have one arm. (LOLOOOOLL!!!)

ps: we (some dudes and me) brought this joke in a movie and ppl laughed!!
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 13:21   #40
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Re: The shit joke thread
They were laughing at you not with you .
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 13:26   #41
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Re: The shit joke thread
: | but didnt you realize how this (all time classic) joke turned from nonsense to a rational/logical joke for not swimming (do you know what i want to say?)
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Unread 10 Aug 2004, 13:51   #42
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Re: The shit joke thread
Q: How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?

A: Take the 'a' out of 'Safe' and the 'f' out of 'way'!

lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvie
there are two types of keys... 75% are for cars and 25% are for houses.
What kind of keys are they?.... Darkeys.

Bit on the nose?, old?... both?... just got txt it, thought i'd share
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I hate negroes!

i like mine better.
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Unread 11 Aug 2004, 18:58   #43
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Re: The shit joke thread
What do you call a man with ham on his head?

Hamed

What do you call a man with lots of ham on his hamed?

Mohamed.

What do you call a man with lots of ham on his head, dancing?

Shake Mohamed.

What do you call a man with lots of ham on his head, dancing, while smoking a joint?

His Highness Shake Mohamed.
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Unread 11 Aug 2004, 21:56   #44
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Re: The shit joke thread
Two M&Ms are sitting in a bar having a drink when the door flies open and a Locket storms in, starts breaking chairs, smacks the barman round the head and throws glasses everywhere. Almost as suddenly as he came in, the Locket storms back out again, slamming the door shut.
One M&M turns to the other and says "What was up with him?"
The other one replies "Just stay out of his way - he's f**king menthol!"
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