Planetarion Forums

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 03:05

Okay, so this seems to be a habit round here; you geeks asking each other for advice with your love lives... what do we know?! But anyway...

So....
[Big long intro and background, soz!]
I've been _mates_ with this really cool girl for about 5 years. Over the last couple of months we've seen a lot of each other, and "clicked" really well, so we started dating each other. Some people here know about this(?)

Anyway, she split with her boyf of about 3 years in about April. He turned up the weekend before last, and told her he's "changed" and fixed a lot of stuff, and wants to get back. Obviously, this messed with her head! He is her 1st "true love" I think.

So I said I'd give her some space, that I was there for her firstly as a mate, etc. So anyway they had a big chat and she says she thinks she should give it a shot again.

This obviously didn't cheer me up, but I respect her choice!
However... last week I went round to hers to chat, and we ended up "doing stuff" (although we didn't have sex), and this confused matters. She came to a mutual mates BBQ at the weekend and it was all weird. We ended up having another big talk and she went home. Very uncomfortable.

We went to the cinema last night, and it was all smiles and stuff, but the tension was weird, I dropped her off at home and it was quite clear what we both wanted, but I decided to be a gent, made my excuses, and drove off.

So... the question (FINALLY!)... what do I do? She's cooking me dinner at hers tomorrow night. Do I actually go? Do I give her time to work it out with her ex (who she's split with 3 times already)? Or do I just (somehow) change her mind?

I don't wanna lose her as a mate, but I _reeeeeally_ like her, and only a week ago, she honestly seemed to be the same with me.

Argh! Help! Etc

M.

Nicole · 14 Aug 2003, 03:11

Drop her and move on. She clearly doesn't like you all that much or she wouldn't have moved on to her ex. As the rejected party you will never be able to remain friends with her and you're just going to make her miserable with your constant hanging around (you'll do it, trust me). This girl sounds like a total flake anyways. Do yourself a favor and **** her sister.

BlacK_Bengudo · 14 Aug 2003, 03:19

Quote:

Originally posted by Nicole
Drop her and move on. She clearly doesn't like you all that much or she wouldn't have moved on to her ex. As the rejected party you will never be able to remain friends with her and you're just going to make her miserable with your constant hanging around (you'll do it, trust me). This girl sounds like a total flake anyways. Do yourself a favor and **** her sister.

words of wisdon...

Plastic-Wrap · 14 Aug 2003, 03:32

**** that beehotch and leave. She's not all that interested if she's going to give it a chance with some dude whois pulling the whole " I'VE CHANGED BABY!!!" line. God women always fall for that trick...

Embroglio · 14 Aug 2003, 03:42

What happened to the last one? You said you'd keep us posted.

Dilly_D · 14 Aug 2003, 05:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
snip snip

well, from experience, I'd say take it slow.

See what happens with the ex, but let her know that you're still interested. Be honest with her...tell her that you're interested, but that you'll support her with whatever decision she makes...and if it's meant to be, you'll be shagging her by weeks end

ParraCida · 14 Aug 2003, 05:05

Shes just confused, get her back.

zek132 · 14 Aug 2003, 06:17

Heh, you shud not let her get close with her ex ffs. As it seems you both like eachother, so take your chance while you still hav it. You're not going to marry or anything so forget bout all the **** that has happened before and just enjoy your time together!

MAdnRisKy · 14 Aug 2003, 07:33

The time you started seeing more of her was around the time she split with this guy. I'm with Nicole, she sounds like the type of girl who can't be single, and hence a bit of a flakey dependant type. Move on, you can do better.

Deffeh · 14 Aug 2003, 09:39

I dont know, im an internet geek.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 10:23

Quote:

Originally posted by Dilly_D
well, from experience, I'd say take it slow.

See what happens with the ex, but let her know that you're still interested. Be honest with her...tell her that you're interested, but that you'll support her with whatever decision she makes...and if it's meant to be, you'll be shagging her by weeks end

Heh, perhaps I didn't explain that we've already reached the shagging stage

It's just that her ex has made this huge effort and she's all confused right now. It's not easy to turn off 3 years worth of feelings eh?

She knows I like her, and she knows that my first priority is that we remain mates.

Confusing eh?

Quote:

Originally posted by MAdnRisKy
The time you started seeing more of her was around the time she split with this guy. I'm with Nicole, she sounds like the type of girl who can't be single, and hence a bit of a flakey dependant type. Move on, you can do better.

Nicole isn't always the most optimistic of ppl :P This girl is actually a really strongly independant girlie, who really likes having her own space. She split with this guy early in the year, got back, then split again a few months later (April-ish), then in June we got it together. She's not a serial-dater or anything!

Can't believe I'm defending her

I further can't believe I posted this here!!

M.

I Am Grimble · 14 Aug 2003, 10:27

Have unprotected sex after dinner. Once she's pregnant, she'll stay with you. Then apply a coathanger once you get bored and move on.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 10:28

Quote:

Originally posted by I Am Grimble
Have unprotected sex after dinner. Once she's pregnant, she'll stay with you. Then apply a coathanger once you get bored and move on.

Wise words, Mr Bateman!

M.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 10:42

Quote:

Originally posted by Embroglio
What happened to the last one? You said you'd keep us posted.

This is her! I took your advice, went for it. Success. It was all going so well until she bumped into her ex...

M.

ChubbyChecker · 14 Aug 2003, 10:45

Challenge him to a duel on the common at dawn.
The one that doesn't die gets to keep her.

Embroglio · 14 Aug 2003, 11:01

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
This is her! I took your advice, went for it. Success. It was all going so well until she bumped into her ex...

M.

OH RITE I didn't read the origional post, again. :/

Woof · 14 Aug 2003, 11:04

Don't give up on things.

She's probably confussed over the fact that he's gone to all this effort to put right the wrongs which caused them to split up, you know, the "aww he's done all this for me" crap that the ladies love.
Maybe the rose tinted glasses have come out and she's thinking of all the good times, and with the 'New Him' there won't be the bad times anymore.
Getting back with someone after you've split up once is always hard, because of the history which caused you to split once before.

Do as you're doing, and hopefully she'll see sense.
Don't dump her, that will only push her back with her ex, and make you unhappy too.

Cmdr_Cyrax · 14 Aug 2003, 11:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Deffeh
I dont know, im an internet geek.

This is quite possibly the most helpful thing on the entire page.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 11:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Woof
Maybe the rose tinted glasses have come out and she's thinking of all the good times, and with the 'New Him' there won't be the bad times anymore.
Getting back with someone after you've split up once is always hard, because of the history which caused you to split once before.

But she's already told me (and him) that this is the "last chance", she says that some of the problems are still not resolved. I'm not sure she's 100% confident, but as this is her "first true love"* I think she's finding it hard not to give it a shot. Maybe I should give her space? Cos she says she's really into me too, and I can tell she's getting stressed out.

I'd rather she wasn't stressed you see. Even if it meant nothing more happens, at least we'd be mates?!

* Doesn't mean he's her 1st. She knows exactly what she's doing

M.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 13:50

She likes olives, and her olive plant died a while back.

So I bought her a new one.

Do you reckon this is too much?!

M.

DaWoodster · 14 Aug 2003, 13:58

f**k her.

Woof · 14 Aug 2003, 14:01

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
She likes olives, and her olive plant died a while back.

So I bought her a new one.

Do you reckon this is too much?!

M.

Nah, it shows thought, girls like stuff which involves though.

Apparently. buying flowers off a garage forcourt does not involve thought, as I found out the hard way.

Wishmaster · 14 Aug 2003, 14:44

oi, this was a tricky one.

If u like her, then give her time..but also..if she had liked u as much as u obvious like her, then she wouldnt need time with her ex..

I would have moved on, found a new girl, and kept this one as a friend

Blastoderm · 14 Aug 2003, 15:10

This story sounds like what happened with my ex. Unfortunately we're not friends coz she was annoying me by going on about her first true love & I told her to f off.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 16:01

Quote:

Originally posted by Wishmaster
If u like her, then give her time..but also..if she had liked u as much as u obvious like her, then she wouldnt need time with her ex..

Well, she claims she's very into me. I'm the one who has backed off! But now it seems she's still very keen. But I don't want to continue seeing her if she's still got something with her ex.

Her ex is a good guy btw, I think they've just grown up, but in different directions.

M.

14 Aug 2003, 16:19

Nicole is the winner. No discussion about it. You'll only loose in the long run with a girl who can't decide what to do.

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 16:23

Quote:

Originally posted by BarbieKen
Nicole is the winner. No discussion about it. You'll only loose in the long run with a girl who can't decide what to do.

I had a role reversal years ago. Couldn't decide what to do, went with this girl. We stayed together for years and had a lot of fun. *shrug*

M.

Aryn · 14 Aug 2003, 16:28

knock off the ex. he's useless and obviously a thorn in your plan.

once he's out of the picture her confusion will clear and you'll be the winner \o/

i've seen guys do this before (the ex)... i think it's a case of 'oh noes she's with another guy! i must get her back!'

it's not that she can't handle being single, it's that he can't handle her with another guy :P

sayonara · 14 Aug 2003, 16:32

Be gay.

Problem solved.

(Plus you already have the appropriate headwear).

Mong · 14 Aug 2003, 16:44

Quote:

Originally posted by Aryn
i've seen guys do this before (the ex)... i think it's a case of 'oh noes she's with another guy! i must get her back!'

it's not that she can't handle being single, it's that he can't handle her with another guy :P

She's not told him that she's been seeing me... that worries me.

I think tonight will be crunch time. It's gone on long enough - it needs sorting! I think I'll call it quits, which is a shame cos she's got the perfect ass ;-)

M.

W · 14 Aug 2003, 16:51

Tell her as it is, that this uncertain intimacy is jeopardising your friendship, and that if she keeps acting as she have, you'll take the majority advice above.

14 Aug 2003, 17:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
I had a role reversal years ago. Couldn't decide what to do, went with this girl. We stayed together for years and had a lot of fun. *shrug*

M.

Yeah, but it depends on where you are in life. If she wanted you that bad, there would not be the need to think it throught. Uncertainty pains you both, and even if it's sorted you will always know that she has gone out with you while she was fixing her ex, and could possible do the same towards you next time.

JammyJim · 14 Aug 2003, 17:34

Tell her that if she doesnt get her 'act' together and decide then thats it. No more friendship. No more 'lovey dovey' crap.

Then distance yourself and see what happens.
It puts the ball in her court.

It will also give you time to 'get over her' so that if it does go pearshaped and she doesnt phone you and want to see you again etc you can find someone else. There are plenty more fish in the sea....

zek132 · 14 Aug 2003, 17:37

Quote:

There are plenty more fish in the sea....

True, true.....

Muslim · 14 Aug 2003, 17:49

try to have her over and over
that chick seems to be too stupid to be friends with, so if she aint good for shaggin, she aint good for nothin'
well,
then again as the majority of girls

Cmdr_Cyrax · 14 Aug 2003, 20:23

Have you not considered the fact that she is using you to make the bf jealous and come back to her?

She's oviously waiting for the best time to drop the bombshell on him. Be elsewhere when she does.

W · 14 Aug 2003, 20:27

Quote:

Originally posted by Cmdr_Cyrax
Have you not considered the fact that she is using you to make the bf jealous and come back to her?

She's oviously waiting for the best time to drop the bombshell on him. Be elsewhere when she does.

Everyone always thinks everyone else is scheming against them, while themself are mere confused and unsure what to do.

I say talk to the bloody girl, a real "honest now" talk, explain exactly how you'd react if this or that happened. Chances are if she's the internet type, she's on some other board asking what she should do, get together with her best friend, or go back to the BF. She might be as confused and unsure as you.