Glaswegian Rhapsody

[Kurashima]

Is this the real life? Is it the methedone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a swine like me
Um just a weeji, gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer da, slash yer dug, ride yer ma!
Anyway the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae me.....tae me.

Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
An noo the fukin' *******s deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee...

Haw Maw, oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse
But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, Carry oot!
An we'll go oot on the batter!

Too late, the bailiff's here
Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some **** fae up the scheme
Haw Maw, oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam I sometimes think I've never been washed at all

I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us a kerry oot?
Thunderbird, White Lightening, very very frightening to me!
Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair and some skins
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!

I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Gat tae fuk, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For fuksake NO I will not get a job
Get a job
For fuksake I will not get a job
Get a job,
Will not get a job
Get a job
Will not get a job
no no no no no.....

Oh gonorrheoea! gonnorrhoea! gonnorhoea and the clap!
Then doon the pub, for the hash the barman put aside for me?
For me, for meeee!

So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!

Fuk all really matters, anyone can see
Fuk all really matters.....
Fuk all really matter tae meeeeeee.

[NEWSBOT3]

if i was sober and could read glasweigan im sure i'd laugh.

[1-X]

I read it.
I'm glad I did.
It was amusing.

I've been watching "Still Game" on BBC2 so it all made sense to me

[Deffeh]

Still game is awesome. I thought this thread would suck. I was 100% wrong. Thats probably the best parody ever

[Phang]

still game is indeed awesome

ps

[Nodrog]

Glaswegian Pie

A long long time ago,
I can still remember how those weeji bampots made me laugh,
And I know if I had a chance to see those Neds and Sengas dance,
I'd laugh my f*cking ar*e off once again.
'Cos don't they realise it's not clever,
Drinking Buckfast doon the river, Tucked in trackie bottoms,
They look just f*cking rotten!
I can't remember if I cried when saw these bams in East Kilbride,
But it ammused me deep inside, the day the bucky thrived!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"

Did you write the book of sh*te
"Can I borrow ten bob, gonnae gee'za light?"
Bugger off yer full o' p*sh!
Oh and do you belive in hard core techno?
Huv ye gubbed 5 ectos fur a night at the Metro?
An can you teach me how to speak reeeaaallll slow?!
You can tell that she's in love wi' him,
Cos he's a Brig'ton Billy and she's a Tim,
They both kicked off their socks and those manky old Reeboks.
He was a scrawny youth with a GAP pull over,
A sovvy ring and a stolen Nova,
They fell in love when he muff dove 'er,
That day the Old Firm tied.

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fraye Bentos pie
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's thatposh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!


Now for ten years you've been on the dole,
Hingin' aboot at the Paisley Toll,
And that's just how it's always been.
When the mucker screamed at the Polis van,
In a coat he'd stolen fae TopMan,
And a fag that came from you or me.
But while the cop was looking dapper,
The wee bam chibbed him on the napper,
Dressed all in Kappa clobber,
As he shouted, "suck ma dob b e r!".
While wee Tam stole a shirt fae 'Mark's',
And Boab slashed some c*nt in the park,
They all buzzed petrol in the dark,
The day a rozzer died.


And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fraye Bentos pie
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's thatposh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!



Helter Skelter, if the wean cries belt 'er
Writing mentions on the old bus shelter,
Eight days straight drinking Faaaaaaaaaast!
Doin' six month for selling smack,
The chip pan diet and the heart attack
A night out at Archaos wi' the burd.
The Sengas reek of cheap perfume,
While name-tags jangle round the room,
Each one grabs her geezzer,
A fag and lemon Breezer.
The lack of class is hard to hide,
They cannae wait to get inside,
A stair-heid winch and a door-way ride,
That's how the Muckers thrive

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fraye Bentos pie
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's thatposh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!


You'll see them in their usual places,
With silly hats and ugly faces,
Ootside the offy acting hard.
So Shug be nimble, Shug be quick,
And get an ounce of speed on tick
Then cut it up and sell it to yer pals.
All lined up ootside the "Paki's",
A rainbow of exotic trackies,
Giein' abuse tae grannies,
Ya f*cked up bunch of fannies!
And as the day turns in to night,
The neds may gang up to start a fight,
But on their own they're soft as sh*te!
I've made a Mucker cry!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fraye Bentos pie
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's thatposh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!

(Slowly with feeling)
I met a girl who sang 'The Sash', I asked about her pant moustache,
But she just told me to f*ck off!
I went down to the local chippy,
Where the Neds hung out and the staff were nippy,
And the muckers there harassed me for some fags.
Baseball hats at stupid angles,
The girls each wore three dozen bangles,
Hair done up with scrunchies,
Munching crisps and Crunchies.
But the three meals they enjoy the most,
Are chinky, chippy, beans on toast,
Come Glasgow fair they hit the coast,
The day the mucker thrived

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fraye Bentos pie
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!"
"There's thatposh wee c*nt fae Milngavie!

[KraKto$is8]

making fun of glaswegians?!?!



ya wee dobber.

[Kurashima]

Originally Posted by KraKto$is8

making fun of glaswegians?!?!



ya wee dobber.

Aye

After being born there and living there 26 years, i figured i was allowed.

[Mushroom]

very good