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View Poll Results: Loyalty or Peace?
You were right. He doesnt know how to behave. 59 68.60%
You were wrong. You should show loyalty to your mates. 27 31.40%
Voters: 86. You may not vote on this poll

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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:18   #1
Kurashima
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GD - A Moral Dilemma

Heres the Dilemma.

Now a mate of mine is a total Jack the Lad. Hes basically pissed off or annoyed the entirety of his workmates at one point or another, yet ive defended him reasonably fiercely on almost all occasions.

However

Last week , i organised a works lunch. It was at a reasonably classy Italian restaurant, so i sent out the invites to people who i was pretty sure knew how to behave in such an environment. He didnt get an invite.

Hes since gone absoloutely off his nut 3 or 4 times , bad mouthed me to anyone who will listen for being disloyal to him, and has now told me to **** off and never speak to him. I wont say what my response to this has been , but what id like to know is.

Was i right to invite other work colleagues and not him. Was this disloyalty on my part, or was i right to not invite him so that everyone else could enjoy their meal.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:22   #2
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He's a tit, **** him.

Does he know why he wasn't invited?

Edit:
Does he know he acts like a tit. Or that people think he acts like a tit?
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:25   #3
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hm I don't know how far you consider him as a friend but if he kinda was I would have invited him under certain circumstances which i would have tried to explain him in a tactical way.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:26   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by pablissimo
He's a tit, **** him.

Does he know why he wasn't invited?

Edit:
Does he know he acts like a tit. Or that people think he acts like a tit?
I told him straight to his face that if he came along, others would drop out, and that his presence would cause bad feeling and probably aggravation.

This did not change his viewpoint. He simply informed me that i value their friendships over his. TBH thats pretty much what i expected, but it doesnt make me feel any better over the situation,
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:28   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kurashima
I told him straight to his face that if he came along, others would drop out, and that his presence would cause bad feeling and probably aggravation.

This did not change his viewpoint. He simply informed me that i value their friendships over his. TBH thats pretty much what i expected, but it doesnt make me feel any better over the situation,
If he knows he wouldn't have acted appropriately, there's no reason why he should feel insulted for not being invited, especially since you've told him why he wasn't.

By not inviting him you acted in the interests of more people, and the happiness created by way of such a decision outweighs Mr. PMT's being all shocked that if he acts like a prick he gets outcast from functions that require a little decorum.

Or, in short, and as I have said before, **** him.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:28   #6
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This depends on why he has annoyed people in the past. I presume it is by acting (in some manner) unreasonably. If it is this, you did the right thing, but you shouldn't really be his friend and should stop defending him.

If however, it's just that people have an irrational dislike for him (and he's done nothing wrong) then you should have invited him.

Basically I'm not exactly sure what you mean by being a "Jack the Lad". Do you mean obnoxious cnut who interferes with the liberties of others or just a bit of a character?
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:31   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dante Hicks
Basically I'm not exactly sure what you mean by being a "Jack the Lad". Do you mean obnoxious cnut who interferes with the liberties of others or just a bit of a character?
Im not going to elaborate on it, simply because to do so could prejudice the opinions of people making the vote.

Once this poll times out , ill answer this fully ,k?
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:35   #8
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If he is incapable of acting appropriately in such a restaurant, you made the better choice.

If his presence would have irritated a considerable amount of people, you made the better choice.

Judging by his reaction, you definitely made the better choice.

Last edited by GavGull; 9 Mar 2003 at 01:15.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 19:36   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kurashima
Once this poll times out , ill answer this fully ,k?
For now then I'll vote (a) you did the right thing.

But I have a tendency towards strong loyalty to my friends (but I've known them a decade now) so I'd probably find it hard.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 20:15   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by pablissimo
He's a tit, **** him
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 20:28   #11
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Show him the results of this poll. That'll show him.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 20:31   #12
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You have done the right thing. He has to blame himself for not getting invited. Maybe this incident will make him look at himself more closely and change his behavior towards others.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 20:44   #13
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where's the comedy 'Suicide' option?

Cause that's what I pick.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 21:32   #14
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keep your work life and social life seperate. Otherwise you'll spend an eternity at work and will end up heading towards a lampost clutching a length of rope.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 22:03   #15
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sorry, I'm loyal to my friends but I grew passed high school ages ago. Blind loyalty is a tad childish. If he can't behave or he's pissed off too many people by being a tit, then that's his own damn fault.

If he can't cope with being the outsider on a work lunch, then it's his problem to undo his fk ups, not yours to ignore them.
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Unread 8 Mar 2003, 23:11   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kurashima
I told him straight to his face that if he came along, others would drop out, and that his presence would cause bad feeling and probably aggravation.

This did not change his viewpoint. He simply informed me that i value their friendships over his. TBH thats pretty much what i expected, but it doesnt make me feel any better over the situation,
If the choice was everyone enjoying themselves or your friend enjoying himself by pissing off everyone else then you made the correct decision

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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 00:09   #17
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Does his opinion matter that much to you?

You've not done anything wrong and nothing which 'degrades' him.

If i was you i would tell him to "**** off and stop being childish".
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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 00:51   #18
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If he cannot handle someothing as simple as that, then he needs to look at himself anyway and decide why he is such a child
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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 01:23   #19
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Asking GD to help in a moral dilemma is like cutting yourself then swimming with sharks.

Rather stupid.
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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 01:30   #20
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You should have invited him, and told him that you wanted him to behave, and THEN if he didnt respect that you would know that he's not your mate... Friendship is about loyalty and trust, by not inviting him you showed that you did not have any trust in him, so was he a mate worth having anyway? I dont know the situation, but I'm guessing that as you posted it here that you are feeling some guilt at least... Talk to him, explain where you were coming from, and appologise... Sorry but I think you were wrong... you should have at least spoken to him before hand and explained.
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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 07:19   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Asking GD to help in a moral dilemma is like cutting yourself then swimming with sharks.

Rather stupid.

I think youre misunderstanding a bit here Dave.

The dilemma is already resolved in that the decisions were made, and answers given to all questions related to the issue. What i wanted was a debate on whether in a situation like this, id done the right thing, and GD'ers would do the right thing.

Consider it my contribution to the argument that "Not everything is Black and White".
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Unread 9 Mar 2003, 13:09   #22
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I don't have any twat friends, and as such don't experience such dillemas. I find this to be a perfectly acceptable solution.
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Unread 10 Mar 2003, 00:27   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by W
I don't have any friends, and as such don't experience such dillemas.


Ha Ha Ha

*sigh*

:rolleyes:
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