Planetarion Forums

dda · 19 Oct 2005, 23:29

I hereby proclaim myself a genuine "Hero of the People."

This afternoon I had some legal papers that I want to make sure got to another attorney as soon as possible. The distance to his office and back to mine was 18 blocks, roughly 1.5 miles (in Stockton-on-San-Joaquin not that not-worthy-of-the-name Stockton in the UK).

I know what you are thinking. " An excessively long distance", right?

I weighed my options.

I could get someone else to make the delivery for me because I have this kind of power over the lives of the little people in my office.

I could take a county car and DRIVE to the other attorney's office and drive back.

I asked myself, "What would Zhukov do?" (Actually, I first asked myself what would MM do but the answer was so distressing that I dropped that line of inquiry.)

Would comrade Zhukov use an automobile thus harming the environment and wasting precious fossil fuel? NO, HE WOULD NOT, SIR.

Would comrade Zhukov consume fossil fuels to the enrichment of the filthy capitalists? WHAT MUST YOU BE THINKING, OF COURSE NOT. (Thus I reasoned with myself.)

Fortified with the knowledge that the true courage lay in the direction of walking, I set forth, even at my advanced age to trudge the 18 blocks round trip. My heart was bouyed by the knowlede that somewhere in Norway I would be seen for the true hero of the masses that I was being.

As I trudged along, humming "The Internationale", the air was sweeter, my spirit lighter knowing that I was striking a blow for environmentalism AND socialism at a single stroke. The fact that I was being paid in excess of $50 per hour to complete this task in no way influenced my decision.

I was so overcome with feelings of brotherhood that I even stopped at a park, populated entirely by Negros, to sit a moment and tie my shoe. I knew that this show of acceptance on my part would plant a seed of understanding in their dusky hearts. (I was careful not to make eye contact, however, as I am not altogether foolish and did not want to encourage improper liberties on their part.)

As I sit here typing these words, my head is bowed in awe at the utter humility with which I have achieved this state of nobility.

1-X · 20 Oct 2005, 00:23

old

we already saw it on CNN

Duncan · 20 Oct 2005, 00:48

i thought you were going to have a break to catch your breath and feed the ducks :(

s|k · 20 Oct 2005, 01:13

Kudos on the walking, but you're an attorney and that's not working class. You're an upper middle class hero. Not quite the same ring though. :/

dda · 20 Oct 2005, 06:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1-X

old

we already saw it on CNN

That was amazing. I have to spread the rep around but as soon as I can give you some more I surely will.

Tomkat · 20 Oct 2005, 09:18

How big is a block?

JonnyBGood · 20 Oct 2005, 13:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

How big is a block?

Approximately 0.083 miles. Congratulations though dda, I'm sure the only way zhukov would have gained more respect for you is if you'd driven a panther tank down the main street crushing the bodies of the filthy imperialist oppressors on the way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by s|k

Kudos on the walking, but you're an attorney and that's not working class. You're an upper middle class hero. Not quite the same ring though. :/

He can be a hero of the working class but from the upper middle class though.

Marilyn Manson · 20 Oct 2005, 13:54

I would have probably attempted to interfere sexually with someone in the office until they 'agreed' to deliver the stuff.

Appocomaster · 20 Oct 2005, 13:59

I was so overcome I poured my drink all down my leg instead of in my glass.*
Well done!

*that's my story, I'm sticking to it.

Tomkat · 20 Oct 2005, 14:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

Approximately 0.083 miles.

So he walked a mile and a half?

If he's a hero of the people I'm a ****ing messiah

Appocomaster · 20 Oct 2005, 14:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

So he walked a mile and a half?

If he's a hero of the people I'm a ****ing messiah

If you can manage that distance with 20-40 school kids and a couple of "helpers" without loosing any / getting lost / geting them run over, yep

Marilyn Manson · 20 Oct 2005, 14:17

It's quite an achievement really, considering how much the average American walks in a day. (About four yards, I believe.)

Appocomaster · 20 Oct 2005, 14:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

It's quite an achievement really, considering how much the average American walks in a day. (About four yards, I believe.)

To get from the bed into some sort of expensive wheelchair?

Marilyn Manson · 20 Oct 2005, 14:19

It's not actually possible to walk in some parts of America, even if you should entertain the notion. They have actually abolished pavements in many places.

midge5 · 20 Oct 2005, 14:21

I have to walk further than that just to get to uni everyday :/

I also thought this thread was going to be about the new John Lennon album for some reason.

Ste · 20 Oct 2005, 14:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

It's quite an achievement really, considering how much the average American walks in a day. (About four yards, I believe.)

And that's only if there is adequate air conditioning on the way.

Appocomaster · 20 Oct 2005, 14:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

It's not actually possible to walk in some parts of America, even if you should entertain the notion. They have actually abolished pavements in many places.

That's because their cars are so wide

Yahwe · 20 Oct 2005, 15:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

So he walked a mile and a half?

If he's a hero of the people I'm a ****ing messiah

i'm pretty sure that unlike you he understood the irony behind his comments.

Tomkat · 20 Oct 2005, 15:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahwe

i'm pretty sure that unlike you he understood the irony behind his comments.

Ugh

you'd be wrong.

wrong and unable to notice that MY comments weren't entirely serious.

you've been making yourself look awfully silly (more than normal) over these last few days yahwe - are you sleeping enough? are you eating well? is everything ok at home?

dda · 20 Oct 2005, 15:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by midge5

I have to walk further than that just to get to uni everyday :/

I also thought this thread was going to be about the new John Lennon album for some reason.

Actually, I hadn't wanted to reveal this but I AM John Lennon. I faked my death to get away from Yoko.

dda · 20 Oct 2005, 15:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Appocomaster

That's why their asses are so wide

Fixed.

Yahwe · 20 Oct 2005, 15:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

you'd be wrong.

wrong and unable to notice that MY comments weren't entirely serious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

How big is a block?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

So he walked a mile and a half?

If he's a hero of the people I'm a ****ing messiah

If this is your idea of rip roaring ironic comedy then I'd go back to your old style of just being banal and vacuous if I were you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

you've been making yourself look awfully silly (more than normal) over these last few days yahwe - are you sleeping enough? are you eating well? is everything ok at home?

I'll assume this is more of your irony.

Weeks · 20 Oct 2005, 15:41

Approving of this kind of thread.

Tomkat · 20 Oct 2005, 15:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahwe

If this is your idea of rip roaring ironic comedy then I'd go back to your old style of just being banal and vacuous if I were you.

you're so unnecessarily angry

personal insults all round! 2 for 1 at Yahwe Stores!

Ste · 20 Oct 2005, 16:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

you're so unnecessarily angry

personal insults all round! 2 for 1 at Yahwe Stores!

haha you missed the 3 for 1 end of season sale last week

pyirt · 20 Oct 2005, 16:21

I`ve heard that folks in America use a car to cross the street. Is this true?.

dda · 20 Oct 2005, 16:32

You are only allowed to use your car to cross the street if the street is at least 4 lanes wide or if you have a long drive way.

JonnyBGood · 20 Oct 2005, 16:47

By the way not to encourage tomkat and yahwe in their little pseudo-conflict soon to be resolved as we all live happily ever after in magical fairy land but when tomkat asked "how big is a block" and I replied "about .083 miles" and tomkat said "so you walked about a mile and a half etc etc" did tomkat really not notice that in the original post dda had said "18 blocks, roughly 1.5 miles " which considering that tomkat knew how many blocks were involved in the work (or else he couldn't have worked out the total distance) did you really manage to read the words "18 blocks" yet miss the three words directly after? The mind boggles if you did tk.

Yahwe · 20 Oct 2005, 16:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

did you really manage to read the words "18 blocks" yet miss the three words directly after? The mind boggles if you did tk.

he was far too busy thinking up his subtle 'ironic' comments to worry about little issues like that.

Pseudo conflict. Quite.
I never can understand why people who, to be perfectly honest, can't be insulting even when they try their hardest are tempted to try and provoke me. ME. I am not famous for being kind. Indeed I have a remarkable gift for causing pain and anger: this is well known. Tonkat himself has even suffered from it before. Several times he has cried his little tears of frustration and clenched his little fists in despair.

What goes through the minds of such people?

Are they the same people who when wandering past a sleeping lion imagine that it would be 'cool' to poke it with a stick?

KaneED · 20 Oct 2005, 16:58

Yahwe, you aren't really renowned for causing pain and anger. Unless you mean to the boys you regularly violate.

Yahwe · 20 Oct 2005, 17:00

tell that to the mentally ill

EDIT: Tomkat uses the word 'mean' but then he also uses the word 'guys' and probably owns a tamborine so I think I'll stick with my choice of language.

JonnyBGood · 20 Oct 2005, 17:02

Frankly I don't think the mentally ill need to be told about your sexual escapades yahwe. Certainly not if we retain any faint vestiges of hope in their eventual rehabilitation.

G.K Zhukov · 20 Oct 2005, 17:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by dda

I asked myself, "What would Zhukov do?" (Actually, I first asked myself what would MM do but the answer was so distressing that I dropped that line of inquiry.)

A good start. You should always ask what Zhukov would do

Quote:

Would comrade Zhukov use an automobile thus harming the environment and wasting precious fossil fuel? NO, HE WOULD NOT, SIR.

Would comrade Zhukov consume fossil fuels to the enrichment of the filthy capitalists? WHAT MUST YOU BE THINKING, OF COURSE NOT. (Thus I reasoned with myself.)

Quote:

As I trudged along, humming "The Internationale", the air was sweeter, my spirit lighter knowing that I was striking a blow for environmentalism AND socialism at a single stroke. The fact that I was being paid in excess of $50 per hour to complete this task in no way influenced my decision.

The last sentance just destroys the first one.. But nice start!

Quote:

I was so overcome with feelings of brotherhood that I even stopped at a park, populated entirely by Negros, to sit a moment and tie my shoe. I knew that this show of acceptance on my part would plant a seed of understanding in their dusky hearts. (I was careful not to make eye contact, however, as I am not altogether foolish and did not want to encourage improper liberties on their part.)

Another mistake here, Im afraid.
We dont call them Negros. We call them Black or Afro-American.
Besides that, it doesnt qualify just to walk trough they're "hood", but you would have to talk to them about some issue, like structural unemployment for minorities for instance

Quote:

As I sit here typing these words, my head is bowed in awe at the utter humility with which I have achieved this state of nobility.

NOBILITY???

1.5miles inst much, I walk that distance every day when I go to my university and back. Proably longer.

But hey, it's a start old man.
Also having Pete Seegers on your ipod while you walk is a plus.

"If satan took the blacklegs I'm sure it would be no sin".

JonnyBGood · 20 Oct 2005, 17:19

I always try to ask myself what would Brian Boitano do. Unfortunately it turns out that intensely homosexual figure skating is not the answer to all of life's problems but it does help if you're facing the dilemma of how to win the intensely homosexual figure skating contest you're currently involved in.

Ste · 20 Oct 2005, 17:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahwe

Pseudo conflict. Quite.
I never can understand why people who, to be perfectly honest, can't be insulting even when they try their hardest are tempted to try and provoke me. ME. I am not famous for being kind. Indeed I have a remarkable gift for causing pain and anger: this is well known. Tonkat himself has even suffered from it before. Several times he has cried his little tears of frustration and clenched his little fists in despair.

Why are you assuming that people are insulting you and/or trying to provoke you when they make a minor criticism of you?
Maybe they're trying to be helpful?

Duncan · 20 Oct 2005, 17:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by pyirt

I`ve heard that folks in America use a car to cross the street. Is this true?.

we have personalized jetpacks to handle this chore

Quote:

Originally Posted by G.K Zhurkov

Besides that, it doesnt qualify just to walk trough they're "hood", but you would have to talk to them about some issue, like smoking blunts or ****ing white chicks for instance

fixed.

Tomkat · 20 Oct 2005, 18:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

did you really manage to read the words "18 blocks" yet miss the three words directly after? The mind boggles if you did tk.

Skimreading does have its downfalls.

Like getting the gist of a post.

Or repeating myself.

Or asking questions that have already had the answer given.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahwe

I never can understand why people who, to be perfectly honest, can't be insulting even when they try their hardest are tempted to try and provoke me.

Yahwe!
I wasn't trying to provoke you!
I'm trying to help you.
Stop being so stubborn!
Let me help you!
You need to improve as a poster.
I'm just here to help you along the way.
Stop resisting, please. We want to help, and you're not letting us.

Deepflow · 20 Oct 2005, 18:14

My boss in the summer (who was probably paid a similar amount to you, being in a fairly high position and now merely whiling the hours away prior to the inevitable retirement, slippers and "travelling the world with the wife and doing all the things we never had the time to do when we were young/limbre/happy") sometimes took it upon himself to do some graffitti cleaning or some other small job in the remit of my coworkers and I.

Personally i was a bit put out as i did the same work and probably got 1/10th of what he did.

dda · 20 Oct 2005, 18:29

[quote=G.K Zhukov]Another mistake here, Im afraid.
We dont call them Negros. We call them Black or Afro-American.
Besides that, it doesnt qualify just to walk trough they're "hood", but you would have to talk to them about some issue, like structural unemployment for minorities for instance

First of all you missed the heroic part where I WALKED through their hood. Under normal circumstances if on foot in the hood, I would have RUN through it. But I was so overwhelmed with brotherly love that I DECIDED to be heroic and even stop in full view in all of my Caucasian-ness.

Quote:

Also having Pete Seegers on your ipod while you walk is a plus.

I have some Pete Seeger 45's and a recording on an LP when he was with the Weavers. Btw, what's an ipod? Some new fangled whipper-snapperish contraption I'll bet!

Yahwe · 20 Oct 2005, 18:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

Yahwe!
I wasn't trying to provoke you!
I'm trying to help you.
Stop being so stubborn!
Let me help you!
You need to improve as a poster.
I'm just here to help you along the way.
Stop resisting, please. We want to help, and you're not letting us.

With any other poster I would have replied:

"My greatest dream is to one day become as good a poster as you".

But given the shakey grasp of irony you have demonstrated in this thread I'm sure that sarcasm is more than over your head.