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5 Jun 2003, 11:47
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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New WHO Warning
The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against
non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed
concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS).
Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all
of Western Europe, Canada and Australia, following further outbreaks of
the disease, which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of
ecstatic children being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic
parents, and increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to
bulk-buy face masks and boiler suits.
A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like
Taiwan or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS, and
let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get
kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns."
The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months,
which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only
kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly
affects only darkies what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least
one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore
considered much more serious.
The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many
high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread
of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for
Western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise,
they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and
that simply would not do.
To contain the spread of SLOPS, anyone who appears to be exhibiting
symptoms of SLOPS should be dragged into the street by their genitals and
shot.
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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5 Jun 2003, 12:04
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#2
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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That's actually quite good.
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5 Jun 2003, 12:25
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#3
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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Ohmygod
Ohmygod
Ohmygod
There are zombie nuns????!!!
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5 Jun 2003, 12:49
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#4
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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I've been saying that for weeks.
__________________
I wear my sunglasses at night.
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5 Jun 2003, 12:58
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#5
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dim like a fox
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Finland ffs
Posts: 866
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You been saying there are zombie nuns for weeks?
Why are you not locked away yet?
__________________
I'm nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
I'm perfect.
---------------
ph33r TPE plz. thxbye.
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5 Jun 2003, 13:04
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#6
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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Because I only do it in the quiet sanctury of my bedroom !
__________________
I wear my sunglasses at night.
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5 Jun 2003, 13:41
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#7
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Cultured
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: ESS The Darker The Night The Brighter The Star
Posts: 637
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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5 Jun 2003, 13:44
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: In the pill-basket
Posts: 38
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__________________
I have nothing to say, and when I say it -
it's poetry.
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5 Jun 2003, 13:45
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#9
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Dirte
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 5,573
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Good one!
__________________
"Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he makes waffles not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it."
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5 Jun 2003, 14:18
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#10
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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5 Jun 2003, 14:21
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#11
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Quote:
Originally posted by sayonara
Ohmygod
Ohmygod
Ohmygod
There are zombie nuns????!!!
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ahahahahahahahahahaha
sheer class
and brilliant first post radical edward
__________________
lazy
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5 Jun 2003, 16:15
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#12
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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5 Jun 2003, 17:10
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#13
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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oh, and for those that are interested, there really are zombie nuns, and they can be found in the film, The Convent, freely available at your local blockbuster, and i thoroughly endorse this film as one of the worst horror films i have ever seen, but you have to laugh at the flying g-strings!
__________________
lazy
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5 Jun 2003, 17:19
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#14
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a new low in getting high
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,810
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Foonee.
__________________
There’s trouble on every corner,
And you need a place to hide,
All the bad things follow us down,
I want you by my side.
We’re hitting a new low.
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5 Jun 2003, 18:42
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: New WHO Warning
Quote:
Originally posted by Radical Edward
The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months,
which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only
kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly
affects only darkies what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least
one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore
considered much more serious.
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Do people actually take statements like this seriously?
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5 Jun 2003, 18:50
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#16
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Cynical Optimist
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Solihull / University of Warwick
Posts: 502
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Ehehehe, awesome
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6 Jun 2003, 12:43
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Re: Re: New WHO Warning
Quote:
Originally posted by Nodrog
Do people actually take statements like this seriously?
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I acknowledge that this bit is fundamentally flawed.
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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