Cynicism, Sentimentality, Film and Geography

[Deffeh]

This probably wont have any structure or replies but if i was worried about popularity i wouldnt be posting on an internet forum.




Its difficult to generalise with any real accuracy, but its reasonable common knowledge that different areas of the UK, and of the world, are more or less sentimental than others. The old adage is that 'yorkshiremen never show their feelings' and all that, Scottish folk are supposed to be gruff. But there is a certain truth to the stereotypes - certainly, the 'hard man' is the bog standard that people play off in Scotland, or at least Glasgow/Stirling. We admire those who drink harder, do stupid things, dont take shit, etc etc etc.

And to a certain extent the curbing of emotion and human reaction is a neccesary part of survival. We all need to know how to deceive other people and how to hold our cards close to our chest, and how to create a barrier to the outside world, otherwise every insult or set back would have us in tears and in the throws of self doubt. And if the sizeable majority of people weren't able to curb their emotions, frankly, nothing would ever get done - we would live in one giant melodramatic episode of Neighbours or Eastenders, playing off each others overreaction.

Thats not to say this isnt without downsides, though.
[Try and follow the next sentence, as it might not make obvious sense]

I often feel - not quite a sadness - but a curiosity - with the inability of people to deal with situations. If someone close to you was dying, or lost a family member, say. Certainly from my perspective, people dont know what to say - not just because theres nothing really consoling you can say - but because when real situations occur, we are so inbuilt not to be able to treat them as real crisis' - but as overplayed melodramas.

Its difficult to explain what i mean, but to give it one, if any of my friends in real life genuinely had a clue about something personal to me - either my mental or physical health issues, or anything to do with my mum and my family - i think they would be too almost 'embarrassed' to say anything, because it would be too real and too genuine a situation for them to be able to comprehend or deal with. And i wouldnt begrudge them it, because id feel the same way. I also feel the same way about my Dad. If he ever found out about some of the stuff ive been through or whatever, his gut reaction would be to want me to shut up because he was embarrassed to deal with the situation.

So im sort of wondering, is this just Glasgow / Scotland / Britain? We praise ourselves all the time for our dry humour, our satire, our dark comedy, our savvy, etc. Is it fair to say that this inbuilt cynicism has wrecked the way we interact with others to a certain degree?

The reason i ask, is it would be folly to suggest American or continental or wherever life is more genuine solely based on movies and stories alone, but i cant help feeling that the culture that you grow up with on the telly and at the movies plays a significant role in how you interact, and expect others to interact with you.


( I think im guilty of it too, incidentally. I dont deal well with family or emotional issues of other people unless im either drunk and/or behind a computer screen. The words feel rather forced, and difficult)

[Dante Hicks]

I know what you mean (although I think most people think of themselves as savvy, and think their area is probably particularly "clued up" in some sense) but generally from the little I've seen of people who genuinely seem to express their emotions, they've no idea of how to deal with "real" situations either.

My in-laws are (/were) capable of utter emotional hysteria, totally opposed to the cynical emotional deadness I or most of my friends would display, but it doesn't actually seem to help. They still say utterly stupid and inappropriate things, they're just doing it while crying or something like that.

edit : Only vaguely related, and call me a faggot if you will, but the best (and most accurate) display of a reaction to a death on TV/the movies was probably the Buffy episode "The Body" when Joyce Summers (i.e. the protaganists mother) died.

[Deffeh]

Another good one would be the film 'About Schmidt'. (Though Jack Nick could pull off any role, or any character.)

His wife dies and he doesnt really know whether he cares or not, then his daughter stops talking to him because he bought his wife the cheapest coffin there was. He finds out his wife cheated on him, and it takes him the whole film to forgive her and actually feel sorry she died.

On the similar theme of 'being unable to deal with reality' broadening it out from just dealing with death, one of the first lines of the film is really good. Its something like

"as the years, months and days go by and i wake up i each morning, i always think to myself - who IS this old woman lying beside me in my bed?"

[Tomkat]

What do you mean by "deal with the situation"?

You mean we should break down and cry and then talk about it while sobbing to each other? Why?

The media tells you that it's "good to talk", and that we should discuss our problems with each other because it makes it easier. This isn't the case for everyone though. I often find I like to muddle through big problems on my own in my head, before discussing it with anyone.

When I learnt I had cancer I treated it with a very light-hearted attitude. I'd like to think that was typically British. My friends embraced this once they realised it was ok, and did the same as you guys did - made little jokes about it (although on the net you guys were a bit harsher) like calling me Captain Cancer and Baldy.

[midge5]

I know what you mean, though for me it is definitely the fact I have no idea what to say. This mainly is from my own experiences when I have been on the other end and you know there isn't anything people can say to you which will make you feel better. But then you can tell they feel they should but also have no idea what to say and this is what creates the awkwardness/embaressment that you mentioned, the silence that follows as no one really knows what to say.

An example would be with my father. I recently phoned home to talk to him but my mother told me he had gone to visit his brother up in Wrexham as he had been diagnosed with lung cancer. I knew he had been ill but it had been thought to just be flu or something. When my father then came back he called me and after we had been talking for a bit asked if I had heard about my uncle and then proceeded to tell me how he was. Essentially it was pretty hopeless and he was likely to be dead with a few months. At this point I was like, ****. Saying something like "ahh crap, that's not too good then" seems totally stupid but I had no idea what else to say. But then changing the subject to avoid the silence seemed a bit callous, as if i didn't care.

Even in real situations though, if I have been there and something someone said has helped me before, then I don't find the same awkwardness as you know that if you say something there is a chance that it may help rather than being utterly pointless drivel like before.