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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:51   #1
Muslim
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I think there should be an certificate
check this scenario
You are on a night out, trying to "get sum", but there is a problem, first you have to talk some girl into this.
Girls like funny, sensitive, intelligent, smart, sharp and whatnot (in the "inner" side).
the thing is you have about 15 mins at most in order to show that girl that you are like this, and it is just too much pressure and usually ends up in a disaster

what I propose is: you pick your circle of girls who are friends, your mother, sister, ex girlfriend and everybody else, to make an certificate, wich would be "certified" by a group of elder ladies, who would build a consil that would give your certificate or not


in this certificate would pose all of your qualities, and it would be 100% guaranteed

what do you make of this idea?
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:52   #2
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:53   #3
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'I'm great guy, will you go out with me? Look, my mum says so!'
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:54   #4
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i think you're pathetic.

on the rare occasions i 'go out', i don't try to pull, i just have a laugh with my mates, then i find girls come over to hit on me. just my experience though.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:54   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
'I'm great guy, will you go out with me? Look, my mum says so!'
yes
that would be the beggining,
later when you get more and more indications, you would have a better certificate
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 21:55   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
yes
that would be the beggining,
later when you get more and more indications, you would have a better certificate
This is the word people are looking for.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:00   #7
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Please archive this thread, it's comedy gold
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:07   #8
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Exclamation
CERTIFIED FOR TEH USE OF TEH LADIES, BY TEH LADIES.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:13   #9
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I see a small logical flaw in your masterplan, and it appears to be based around the "Well, if those girls think hes so wonderful, why arent any of them going out with him?" factor.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:18   #10
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I think it would be more useful if the certificate included the results of a recent STD test and a listing of all your prior venereal diseases. It could go on to include a warning of any strange behaviors in bed so there's no shock when the certificate user does indeed "get sum." Examples could be drooling, talking, strange fetishes, and a tendency to prematurely ejaculate. You could be even more specific and start with physical statistics so that all the sizists out there know what they're dealing with. That's just my opinion. I'm going to assume you're mother's opinion isn't very important when it comes to you getting laid.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:20   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nodrog
I see a small logical flaw in your masterplan, and it appears to be based around the "Well, if those girls think hes so wonderful, why arent any of them going out with him?" factor.
i dunno
maybe im too ugly, or they dont like funny guys, or maybe it is me sister...somewhat like this
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:21   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
i dunno
maybe im too ugly, or they dont like funny guys, or maybe it is me sister...somewhat like this
Hi Shai!

You'd be better off just trying to get some without your 'certificate'. You don't want your 'date' to ask you why your mother thinks you are good in bed..
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:22   #13
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WE (Muslim's Mum, Aunt, Sisters and School Teacher) HEREBY CERTIFICATE THAT HE IS A GOOD KID, A INTELIGENT BOY, A COOL BASTARD AND PART OF THE BAD BOYS CLUB (who should do his homework more often). BY BEING SO MUSLIM IS ABLE TO DATE GIRLS.

BY THIS WE ALSO OBLIGATE ANY GIRL TO WHOM THIS IS SHOW TO AUTOMATICALLY DROP THEIR PANTIES AND CALL HIM DADDY.




Find me a girl who would fall for that and I give you your counterpart.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:23   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole
I think it would be more useful if the certificate included the results of a recent STD test and a listing of all your prior venereal diseases. It could go on to include a warning of any strange behaviors in bed so there's no shock when the certificate user does indeed "get sum." Examples could be drooling, talking, strange fetishes, and a tendency to prematurely ejaculate. You could be even more specific and start with physical statistics so that all the sizists out there know what they're dealing with. That's just my opinion. I'm going to assume you're mother's opinion isn't very important when it comes to you getting laid.
exactely

like
"he likes to put milk on womans faces"
there is chicks who are dying to know fellas like this..and some are dying not to
so this certificate is the perfect thing for this
its absolutely brilliant
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:29   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
'Gimmick Account' doesn't do this justice.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:34   #16
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I like the way some people assume that girls are all exactly the same mentally.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:34   #17
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i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:36   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
Muslim == Shai Gar

Snurx said so
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:36   #19
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:37   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
I dont believe I ever was "that sad"
At best I was a regular guy who instead of hiding his defeats, he shows it off.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:39   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
I dont believe I ever was "that sad"
At best I was a regular guy who instead of hiding his defeats, he shows it off.
no

the fact you still don't get it and prolly never will is sad :/
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:40   #22
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now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:41   #23
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Originally posted by Muslim
now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
Be sure to mention this idea
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:41   #24
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You are funny, that's not bad, in this forum it's actually damn good.

Get your certificate, it's a chance to discuss stupid things when you're drunk = win win situation.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:44   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim

"he likes to put milk on womans faces"
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:46   #26
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I think there are seduction workshops that give certificates to their participants...


(Note: I'm serious. There are courses in seduction. Courses in hypnosis give certificates, and seduction is considered by some to be similar to hypnosis, so it's rather likely.)
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 22:58   #27
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This is quite possibly the best idea EVER

But can I suggest a few enhancements...

Instead of merely having a signed certificate from various females saying how great you are, you could turn it into almost a dating CV!

You could include....
[list=*][*]Experience (listed in chronological order most recent first)[*]Education (What age were you when you first kissed/touched/shagged a girl)[*]Vital statistics (thrusts per minute etc etc)[/list=*]


I might market this idea! I'll be rich!!!!
Rich beyond my wildest dreams!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:00   #28
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Unlike Vermillion (a winner), Muslim is officially a loser at life.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:08   #29
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sayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nice
You lot are nuts.

I agree totally with Muslim - he needs a certificate.


...
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:11   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by sayonara
I agree totally with Muslim - he needs a certificate...
...from a doctor carrying a health warning.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:13   #31
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle29uk
...from a doctor carrying a health warning.
I wouldn't trust a doctor who's the subject of a health warning
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:20   #32
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Not a bad idea.

Perhaps an association which you can join which checks you're not an arsehole on a regular basis (kind of like a trade association) and issues you with a membership card if you're not. If someone has a complaint against you (poor business dealings, adultery, etc) they can make a complaint to the issuing authority which investigates. If true, you lose your membership.
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:22   #33
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sayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nice
Awww Gayle, my habit of posting double-edged comments is Muslim's threads is revealed

How was your birthday anyway?
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:33   #34
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i like muslim
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Unread 18 Feb 2003, 23:57   #35
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Gayle29uk is just really niceGayle29uk is just really niceGayle29uk is just really niceGayle29uk is just really nice
Quote:
Originally posted by sayonara
How was your birthday anyway?
Relaxing

Well, apart from a half drunken argument with Ms Arrogance.
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ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 00:13   #36
sayonara
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sayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nice
\o/ huzzah!

I like relaxing birthdays. Unlike last one when I passed out before midnight

I've not been reading the forums tonight so if there was a "Stupid Bloody Ms Arrogance, Grrr" thread I missed it.
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 00:29   #37
Judge
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle29uk
Relaxing

Well, apart from a half drunken argument with Ms Arrogance.
Which one of you was Half Drunk? and was the other fully drunk or sober?
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 01:04   #38
xtothez
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xtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud ofxtothez has much to be proud of
Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
Remember to bring milk!
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 01:11   #39
Knight Theamion
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Knight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like him
it is my experience that you can hit on girls way better at party's etc when you are at somebodies place (i tend to have a rather large and a lot of social circles) than a pub.
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 03:43   #40
Sandsnake
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Sandsnake will become famous soon enoughSandsnake will become famous soon enough
I'm in tears...notes from our mothers??? what's next?
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 05:28   #41
sigrid
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Re: I think there should be an certificate
Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
Girls like funny, sensitive, intelligent, smart, sharp and whatnot (in the "inner" side).
I think THIS is the essence of your problem....
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 09:58   #42
sayonara
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sayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nicesayonara is just really nice
Re: Re: I think there should be an certificate
Quote:
Originally posted by sigrid
I think THIS is the essence of your problem....
If he has a certificate, that won't matter. They'll have to get nekid with him.
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 10:24   #43
Spearhead
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Muslim win the lottery and then you dont have to certify yourself....girls are hot for money :P
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 10:36   #44
RiCo
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Originally posted by Nicole
talking
HAHAHA
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Unread 19 Feb 2003, 15:49   #45
Cyp
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sandsnake
I'm in tears...notes from our mothers??? what's next?
Little star-shaped stickers from mothers. Every time someone is a good boy, he should get a sticker on his t-shirt. Once he has collected 5, girls will know he is good enough to be with. Since stickers will eventually fall off clothing, it will inspire people to continue being a good boy, so they can get the stickers replaced.
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