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Unread 15 Apr 2005, 23:40   #1
Kurashima
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You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Right, theres nothing better at a weekend, when youve just been strolling round town for that one item you can never find (in this case, the Rough Guide to Portugal) than to have a little commentary on the society around you. I shall start off with the one thing ive seen more than anything else recently, and that simply cannot go any longer without comment.


The Female in the Pink Fuzzy Velur Tracksuit.

Right, firstly, im seriously into blaming the parents here. Reason being that they havent turned around to their daughter as she heads towards the door and said "Look, hon, we love you dearly, but for **** sake, children stop wearing fuzzy pink outfits when they grow out of nappies. If youre telling me you have a mental condition that means you have the intellectual ability of a spastic 3yr old, then thats fine, otherwise, get back upstairs and put on something remotely resembling acceptable". However this isnt the whole problem. You see, when these children grow to an age where they can leave the house, get pregnant and get their own council house, they are no longer under paretal control. This is where the problem REALLY begins. Little Miss Pink'n'Fluffy now has the freedom to wander the streets with her mates, convincing them that this is in fact "Fashion" and not something she wears because it was £4.99 in Woolworths and covers the stretch marks from when she gave birth to little Bianca. Her friends agree, and rush out to buy this most worthy of fashions, and just to do it properly, make sure its at LEAST one size too small. After all, showing off the base of your spine, and your all new chinese style tattoo that you dont understand, but the guy in the shop said meant "Health and Prosperity" (but actually means "I am an easy shag, and i suck cock for tabs"), is a MUST for any self respecting Chavita.

But of course, you cant wear that on a night out. Oh God no. Thats not clubbing gear. We wear it to show off our great bodies and prove how healthy we are whilst we hang around street corners smoking Embassy No.9 and talking in a voice that would make David Bellamy sound like a soprano. For clubbing, we need something more. Crop Top? How passe, unless of course its so short it barely covers your nipples. Skirt? Lets make sure that its short enough that you cant even use it for dental floss. Belt? Oh god yes, its got to be 10 times the size of the skirt, and preferably have HUGE circular pieces of metal on it, in case we get shot in the stomach, right? And to top it all, we cant POSSIBLY be wearing heels anymore. Lets stick on a pair of fluffy boots the size of a small african nations so that when we stand still, it looks like a pair of eskimo's humping? What are those boots called again?

Ugg Boots.

UGH BOOTS!

For ****s sake ladies (and i really, seriously, use that in the loosest sense of the word, rather like your morals). Do you actually look in the mirror before wandering onto the street nowadays? Seriously, dont kid yourself. Jordan IS a whore, and she DID shag her way to the top. And you dont have those 36FF's to help you aspire to be her, although congratulations on matching her intake of drink and drugs by the time you reached 14, and well ****ing played for having a baby born blind and deformed, just so you can be more like your idol. Now all you need is a partner. So lets take to the strip ....

Bling Bling and Ming Ming, Ricer Cars make my eyes Sting

Ok, so youve found an area which isnt a major road. And its reachable on foot aside from the trek across the inevitable patch of wasteland where your ugly mate got pregnant (some people actually call that rape, she called it "Surprise Sex". I bet itll be a ****ing surprise for him if she ever decides to track down the father). And here we are. The Strip. A single piece of wasteland with 300 people alongside the road, and 20 cars with Neons , rims, blacked out windows, and exhausts the size of an F-16. Theres cheap tonic wine aplenty, theres various bushes around to go into for a dalliance with the new found love of your life, who wont remember your name or your number in the morning, and will call you a slapper if you dare to tell his mum. And of course, theres the cars! Yes, the Citroen Saxo's , the Honda Civic's , the Fiat Seicento with a green dragon along the side and blacked out windows, and a sound system that takes up more space than the engine. And of course, most of them disability cars that you got because you proved to the local benefits office that you were incapacitated with stress and had problems with your nerves, meaning you couldnt work. You can EASILY spot the guy who actually works for a living (usually flipping burgers) because hes the one with a 2nd hand , 8yr old BMW 3 series, with alloy wheels that cost more than the car, tinted windows which are actually masking tape on the inside, and a horn that inevitably sounds like the dukes of ****ing hazzard. Now THATS the guy you want to get with, because with his earning potential, your council flat (which he can move into as long as nobody tells the DSS) and the fact your food bill is now met with buy one get one free vouchers, youll be on easy street.

So you rundown your checklist. Will I be able to pull wearing this.


Burberry Baseball Cap
Pink velur tracksuit top
Dental floss skirt, with obligatory belt the size of Guam
Fluffy "Eskimo Humping" boots that look as though one or both of them have just cum.
35 layers of Estee Lauder
20 Pack of Marlboro Light, nicked from Shaheed's earlier.
2 Litres of White Lightning, purchased from Shaheeds earlier to distract him whilst your ugly mate nicked the aforementioned fags


Youre all set, youve found a pissed out his skull, hairier than jesus, and uglier than biggins stoner in the corner for your ugly mate to latch onto, you make a quick move (which involves flashing your tits, because youre a LADY, and only a commoner would flash her fanny) , and BINGO, youve pulled. A quick shag in the undergrowth (you cant use the car because he keeps moving in time to the beat of his sound system, which means he lasts around 12 seconds before changing frequency, and all you want is a dollop of his man gravy), and hey presto, he buys you an Elizabeth Duke £9.99 engagement ring, and youre all set for marital bliss.
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Unread 15 Apr 2005, 23:45   #2
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

you know what you should do? HAMMER TIME where you run amok with a sledge hammed and kill them all, that would amuse the jaded GD pallett for 5 minutes
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:08   #3
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I'm confused. When did Kura turn into the chav version of Trinny and/or Susanna?
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:16   #4
Kurashima
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragnarak
I'm confused. When did Kura turn into the chav version of Trinny and/or Susanna?
I just felt like having a go at some things i dislike. I just dont do that often enough anymore.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:17   #5
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurashima
I just felt like having a go at some things i dislike.
But it's not in comic format
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:18   #6
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:22   #7
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

You have described my last saturday night, and I hate you
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 00:55   #8
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

kura hates chavs (/neds) "OH WHAT A SUPRISE!"
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 01:42   #9
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

you could have saved yourself all that and bought the book on Amazon.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 02:02   #10
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

the skirts are too short

the music is too loud

...

i've heard it before ganpa
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 02:09   #11
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I couldn't be ****ed to read that.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 02:34   #12
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

It's like Little Britain, but without the little fat bloke in uncomfortable plastic.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 02:49   #13
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

you've not seen kura in clothes?
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 14:49   #14
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Funny++
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rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 15:00   #15
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yahwe
the skirts are too short

the music is too loud
no. the skirts are too tight and the music too ****ing terrible.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 15:01   #16
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

So true it's depressing.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 15:38   #17
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

When did chavs come to the forefront of the scum groups? I remember everyone hating that chav who won the lottery but chav-hating seems to have become the national sport for this country.

I was hating chavs before it was cool.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 22:09   #18
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

In Leyton, East London, they have proper cars* and then modify it properly**.






*We're talking RX-7s, RX-8s, Celicas, Supras, 350zs, GTOs, FTOs, etc.


**Body kits, engines, parts, etc. No need for fancy decals or vinyls.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 22:11   #19
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by All Systems Go

I was hating chavs before it was cool.

i was beating them up before it was cool, which occationally got me into rather a lot of trouble
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 22:16   #20
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Knight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like himKnight Theamion is an inspiration to us all and we should try to be more like him
Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

burberry is cool.
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 22:18   #21
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

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Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
burberry is cool.

burberry is only cool if you have locked the wearer into a freezer and left them to die
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Unread 16 Apr 2005, 22:23   #22
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Exclamation Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
burberry is cool.
no
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 13:21   #23
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

A question for the people who know me: Would I be classed as a chav?
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 14:16   #24
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I don't know you but from photos I have seen you look like you wash. So no.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 14:56   #25
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denial
A question for the people who know me: Would I be classed as a chav?
Hello Dan.

VERY VERY VERY long time no see.

And only Steven can really give a proper opinion on whether youre a Chav, most of us havent seen you in about 3 years.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 16:39   #26
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

i thought those stupid boots were too expensive for people like that?
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 16:40   #27
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aryn
i thought those stupid boots were too expensive for people like that?
Thats why cheap copies are available. And why Shoplifting still costs the nation hundreds of millions of pounds a year.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 16:44   #28
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

ah
i actually haven't seen that many girls here wearing those boots. i guess the trend hasn't quite caught on yet. or the rip offs aren't available yet..
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 17:02   #29
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

There's nothing wrong with the boots or the belt you mention if on the right people.

There is of course something very wrong with the rest of the stuff you mention.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 17:12   #30
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
There's nothing wrong with the boots or the belt you mention if on the right people.

wrong
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 17:31   #31
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
burberry is cool.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 17:35   #32
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Hang on, I may have misunderstood the boots Kura was describing.
I was considering ugg boots, like he said, but his description doesn't match them perfectly.
Are these what you meant Kura?
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:00   #33
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

There is something mentally wrong with people who wear these boots :(
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:10   #34
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy


i snorted with laughter when i loaded that pic :up:
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:12   #35
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
I agree, but those are not what I would class as ugg boots, which is what I was saying can look ok on the right people, with the right rest of outfit.
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:14   #36
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
those are not what I would class as ugg boots

Whether you think those are Ugg boots or not THEY ARE UGG BOOTS!
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:34   #37
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
Whether you think those are Ugg boots or not THEY ARE UGG BOOTS!
These are ugg boots. Admittedly, there are a couple of the fluffly things on there too. Also, that page does me no favours in saying the can look right
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:42   #38
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I fear for my sanity when I see pictures like this. Even so called top models don't realise how ridiculous they look


I found a site selling 'ugg style boots'. I particularly like the mustard yellow ones at the bottom of the page :eek:
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:53   #39
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Exclamation Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Is 'Ugg' short for 'Fuggin' ugly'?
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Unread 17 Apr 2005, 18:57   #40
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurashima
Hello Dan.

VERY VERY VERY long time no see.

And only Steven can really give a proper opinion on whether youre a Chav, most of us havent seen you in about 3 years.

I doubt Steven can give a proper opinion on whether I am a chav, as he has only seen me once in the last 3 years himself. I think i've been doing some chavvy things recently, like going to south end with my friend to look at some really funny cars, but I certainly don't think I dress like them.
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Unread 18 Apr 2005, 01:24   #41
Knight Theamion
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

i saw a girl (okay i know her from the hockeyclub and she is a bit of an arrogant bitch/slut (Juliette if you are reading/wondering koen)) .... and she was wearing a very short but classy skirt, a black panty and ..... black boots tilll the knee, very classy and very much shouting '**** me, **** me' and also a nice jacket.


the downside of this all is is that she is so arrogant but also shallow and a bit silly/dumb that that complete picture on was wasted on me.
So I brought the nice girl sitting next to me in the car home. She played a marvellous game. (Maaike if you are still wondering Koen)
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Unread 19 Apr 2005, 19:30   #42
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

Theamion , how in the living **** do you ALWAYS Manage to turn a thread to the most boring sport on earth (with perhaps the exception of Pro-Celebrity Snail Racing) no matter how few people want to hear about Hockey?

Its a talent that can only be given by Lucifer himself, and not even the new pope seems able to counter it.

POPE MARILYN "BENEDICT XVI" MANSON, EXCOMMUNICATE THIS BLOODY HOCKEY OBSESSED MANIAC, ASAP!
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Unread 19 Apr 2005, 20:15   #43
Marilyn Manson
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Exclamation Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I can now announce that Hans is no longer in communion with the Lord. I can also announce that I have edited his sig for purposes of hilarity.
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Unread 19 Apr 2005, 20:40   #44
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

tl;dr*






















* did really, just wanted to be the first to say it
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Unread 19 Apr 2005, 20:43   #45
Marilyn Manson
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Exclamation Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

I read it all.
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Unread 19 Apr 2005, 21:02   #46
MAdnRisKy
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Re: You Know What , Its RANT TIME!

ammused me anyway...
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