Planetarion Forums

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:17

Because there appear to be **** all threads at the moment ...

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:25

PAMELA

It was my mate's birthday.

As usual i was more drunk that the birthdayboy.

More drunk than any of the guys i was out with.

MORE DRUNK BECAUSE I HAD DRUNK MORE NOT BECAUSE I'M A FAG!

(I'm not a fag)

Anyways,

we're in a club (Trash)

we're at one of the bars

we're drinking, drinking, drinking.

A group of the guys i'm with move through to another room, leaving just me and two other guys standing at the bar.

My two mates are talking to each other.

The club is loud as **** so keeping involved in the conversation is quite hard.

In the end i cant really be arsed trying.

Doesn't really bother me tho cause i'm in a very merry mood.

Eyes as wide as the smile on my face

There's quite a bit of talent around.

Now i'm a lazy person.

You know the kind of guy who wouldn't shoot fish conveniently placed in a barrel if he had to go through the ****ing hassle of loading the gun himself.

That kind of lazy.

There are however girls standing RIGHT next to me.

I can chat to them without loosing my place at the bar.

It almost seems worth the effort.

"Do you come here often?"

I get a blank stare.

I immediately move on to the friend of the girl i've just asked who's standing right next to her.

"Do you come here often?"

This time it's more of a quizical look like she cant just believe i've moved on that quickly.

The look i got is enough and again i immediately move on to the girl standing beside the one i've just asked.

"Do you come here often?"

This one starts to say something but i'm pretty sure by the way she's looking at me it's not pleasent.

Time to move on to the girl standing nex ... well you get the idea.

"Do you come here often?"

Bad response.

Move on.

"Do you come here often?"

Bad response.

Move on.

"Do you come here often?"

Bad response.

Move on.

I feel i should make it clear at this point that this was a rather large group of women.

I'm just going through them asking them the one question and gauging their reaction.

I'm not hiding what i'm doing.

There prolly friends.

Maybe a couple of groups of friends who just happen to be standing each other.

Still they can see exactly what i'm doing.

"Do you come here often?"

"Do you come here often?"

"Do you come here often?"

I don't get anything you could really call a "positive response"

"Do you come here often?"

"Do you come here often?"

"Do you come here often?"

Swing and miss time and again.

I'm not really giving a **** tho.

At the very least i'm amusing the hell out of myself.

"Do you come here often?"

This time the girl laughs.

She's been watching me amuse myself.

She thinks it's funny.

I end up pulling her.

End of the night comes and i get lucky girl number 13's number.

I wake up the next afternoon.

I've got a hangover, very little recollection of the previous night and some girl's phone number.

Amongst the things i can't really remember is what the girl i pulled looks like.

A couple of phone calls later and i now know that my friends cant remember what she looked like either.

So should i phone her or not?!

yes/no/no/yes/no/yes/yes/yes/no

"**** it" worst comes to worst i have an uncomfortable drink before "going to the toilet".

I phone her.

We arrange to meet.

A little prayer is whispered in my head.

"Please drunk Rankin have some standards"

I've just set up a blind date for myself.

We've arranged to meet at half eight.

Being the ****ing ninja that i am i decide to get there REALLY early.

My plan goes as follows.

1.) Stand outside the pub

2.) Wait for girl to show up

3.) Girl will recognise me

4.) -

5.) Profit.

Now all this really does depend on me being there first so i get their for eight.

All i can remember about the girl is that she has brown hair and beautiful brown doe eyes.

That's it.

Unfortunately that also describes quite alot of girls.

So i get to the pub and i have a quick glance into the vestibule area to see if she's there already.

I mean it's HIGHLY unlikely but i decide to check "just in case".

There is a girl standing there but she's "heavy" and also "blonde" so it's not her.

I'm waiting outside.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting ... WAITING!

Quick glance back into the vestibule and "heavy blond girl" is still standing there.

I'm now a bit nervous about this.

That girl has been standing in there (out of the cold) for as long as i've been waiting.

I wait some more.

I wait a leetle bit more.

I then crack.

There's two possible options.

1.) Heavy fat girl is my date i've totally ****ed up remembering what she looked like (a quite distinct possibility considering how much i had had to drink) and she didnt see me glance in at the vestibule and she's up there RIGHT NOW waiting for me to show up.

2.) I've got nothing else i can think of. NADA!

With heavy heart, heavy limbs, heavy sense of foreboding i ascend the stairs to where my date is standing.

I'm too much of a nice guy just to **** off and leave her standing there looking like a ****ing idiot.

I mean **** she got here even earlier than me so she's obviously not got alot going for her.

Just like pulling off a plaster you've got to do it quick.

Minimise the pain.

Try not to think of what you're doing too much.

Just put yourself on automatic pilot.

I get to the top of the stairs.

I look at her.

She looks back expectantly.

Swallowing back the bile i say, well more ask "Hi Pamela".

I then see the SECURITY badge on her jacket.

So i wait outside for a bit longer.

At about twenty to nine a dark haired girl waves at me from across the street.

I wave back.

Pamela crosses the street.

We climb the stairs into the pub.

The female bouncer, the one i backed away from (skittering down the stairs away from) says "I see you found Pamela then".

As we're walking through the doors Pamela asks me what the bouncer meant.

Nervous laughter, some incoherent bullshit, winningnest smile ... distract and move on.

We're out drinking, chatting, seemingly enjoying each others company.

Move around a few pubs (Merchant City).

End up in a nightclub (Mas).

Now i've been really restrained in my drinking all night.

I have, however, drunk enough to mention to Pam how restrained i've been.

Turns out she's been restraining herself too.

"Shall we switch to doubles" i suggest.

It is an agreeable suggestion apparantly.

We carry on drinking for a bit.

All the double vodkas start to make me feel a bit sick tho.

I decide to go to the toilet to cool down.

"Wake up mate. Are you alright?"

I'd gone and sat down on a toilet leaving the cubicle door open and now i've got a guy rousing me from a sleep.

WHAT THE **** I FELL ASLEEP!!!

I'm on a ****ing date and this can-not-be-good.

"HOWLONGWASIASLEEPFOR?"

The guy has no ****ing idea he just saw me.

"****!****!****!THANKS!"

I go back to where me and Pam had been sitting.

Pam's still there.

Time for a winning smile again.

"Was i away for long?"

"bout twenty minutes" is the reply

And in the special way i have i say "Heh, yeah i fell asleep in the toilet" with just the right amount of grin and eye rolling so she can't actually tell if that's what happened or i'm just joking with her.

We end up getting off soon after.

End of the night and we're standing in the enterance way to the museum of modern art which is bang in the centre of Glasgow.

I've got my back resting against the door and a guy sitting on a bench less than two metres away laughing and telling me and Pam to "get a ****ing room" and i'm not sure if he can really tell that she's giving me a hand job but i dont really fancy the idea of having to get a taxi with a pant full of joy juice so i kinda get Pam to stop.

So we go to get a taxi.

Now Pam lives out of town so a black hack would cost her £20 or so to get home (boundary charge).

A private hire is a hell-of-alot cheaper.

Pam phones several private hires.

It's 3am on a Saturday night and there's a minimum of a two hour wait.

It's quite cold.

I suggest we can just "you know hop a black cab back to mine and wait there, out of the cold, for a private hire for you".

And the story ended HAPPILY EVER AFTER for at least a couple of weeks anyways

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:25

(sorry horn but i hate having edit tags in my posts)

Blastoderm · 5 Dec 2005, 01:26

You made me laugh.

But you should have more sex with her.

Tomkat · 5 Dec 2005, 01:27

I'd already heard the story from the HORSES'S MOUTH so to speak but it's still aces

SilverSmoke · 5 Dec 2005, 01:28

tl;dr

(joking dude, i am tired, will read tomorrow at work lol)

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by horn

top notch except for two things
1: was pamela fit ?
2: happy ending :(

1.) She was reasonably pretty if *slightly* overweight (**** you Idler).

2.) I shagged her for a couple of weeks but ended up ****ing things up (i wont go into that) so it wasn't really REALLY a happy ending just "happier" than what GD's used to from me.

I also decided to declare to this forum that I AM NOT A VIRGIN!

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:41

BTW the events in this story happened years ago (i just realised i didnt make that clear).

JonnyBGood · 5 Dec 2005, 01:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dace

BTW the events in this story happened years ago (i just realised i didnt make that clear).

I nearly cried when I read this

I have a very sensitive disposition.

JamMak · 5 Dec 2005, 01:52

Sometimes Dace... sometimes... you actually seem to be very lucky.

Well done / gg /

etc.

Edit: Ok, so you used to be lucky.

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 01:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

I nearly cried when I read this :(

I have a very sensitive disposition.

Have you considered using a donut-shaped cushion?

JonnyBGood · 5 Dec 2005, 01:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dace

Have you considered using a donut-shaped cushion?

No, I use your sister's face.

Demon Dave · 5 Dec 2005, 01:56

Great story dace. Just like the ones we all love from the good 'ol days.

To summerise: More stories Dace!!!

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 02:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

No, I use your sister's face.

yer maw

Dace · 5 Dec 2005, 02:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nantoz

Indeed her nose is curiously but-plug shaped. I guess it's the Rankin version of the Habsburg lip....

yer maw

Rinoa · 5 Dec 2005, 02:30

have her number dace? im fed up trying to tempt nubile girls to meet from faceparty and could do with a new squeeze.

JBOY · 5 Dec 2005, 08:58

The scary thing, is that after hearing that story several years ago, and being highly amused, I used that same chat up technique.

The repeated "Do you come here often?"

It actually works......

SilverSmoke · 5 Dec 2005, 09:16

Hehe, made me laugh. One night, if I happen to be single again and when I am in a funny mood, I'll try to do the same.

"Do you come here often?"

Stifler · 5 Dec 2005, 10:10

funny story

I guess persistance works

Tomkat · 5 Dec 2005, 13:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stifler

funny story

I guess persistance works

Persistence is the new brand name for rohypnol.

Available in all good pharmacies!

Alki · 5 Dec 2005, 13:44

Awesome, aint laughed at a thread like that in a looooooong time
especially the
"Do you come here often?"

i can just imagine it

Dace · 6 Dec 2005, 01:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBOY

The scary thing, is that after hearing that story several years ago, and being highly amused, I used that same chat up technique.

The repeated "Do you come here often?"

It actually works......

Of course it does!!!

Ste · 6 Dec 2005, 01:54

you need to get into a habit of taking pictures.

then we can all enjoy

Knight Theamion · 6 Dec 2005, 05:12

You drink too much and you'll never be a real puller. That is, if that is what you aspire to be. I know I don't but I do know that you drink too much.

demiGOD · 6 Dec 2005, 06:55

How the **** do you fall asleep in the toilet on a date, dude?

Dace · 6 Dec 2005, 23:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knight Theamion

You drink too much and you'll never be a real puller. That is, if that is what you aspire to be. I know I don't but I do know that you drink too much.

Scurrilous accusation!!!

Dace · 6 Dec 2005, 23:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by demiGOD

How the **** do you fall asleep in the toilet on a date, dude?

MAD SKILLZ!!!