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7 Apr 2006, 13:16
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#1
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Tiny Dancer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Yellow Brick Road
Posts: 355
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#1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
My friends, being an odd collection of junkies, dropouts, hooligans, felons and assholes, have a lot of good stories that i always have to stop myself from telling in the first person, because i wish they were me (not that i havent done anything interesting in my life, but you can always have done more).
If i had to pick one of their stories though (without resorting "i wish i had shagged my mates girlfriend" or "i wish i had gone to america" or something);
My friend went to france with a load of his mates to watch celtic play. They watched the game, they got ridiculously drunk afterwards, and my mate was especially bad. So bad indeed he didnt know where he was, and one of his friends set him up with a prostitute they found wandering the streets.
The prostitute took his hand and he didnt have a ****ing clue where he was going or who/what she was, until after a couple of minutes walk, he figured it out.
Now he wasnt afraid, having shagged prostitutes before, but he was high as a mother****er, and his brain cant have been working well. He said "oh, ok. come with me" - and took HER hand, and walked in the opposite direction, into a Cafe.
He sat down with her, (she was obviously confused as ****) and asked her what she wanted to do with her life, etc (she could barely speak a word of english) and basically plied her with food and cups of coffee for an hour (as well as paying her for what he was meant to get), and he gave her various different numbers for colleges and training courses. Then he stood up, and said "i hope this was useful to you" and walked off into the night not knowing where the **** he was.
I know many of you will be dissapointed by the lack of sex, or the lack of a punchline, but the surreality of that situation is never lost on me. I think its ****ing brilliant he tried to council a prostitute who thought she was going to have to suck his cock, fantastic.
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[16:09] <eJohn> im still standing
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7 Apr 2006, 13:46
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#2
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
A friend of mine started answering his phone "Jack Bauer". I wish I had thought of that first
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Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
Last edited by JonnyBGood; 7 Apr 2006 at 19:43.
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7 Apr 2006, 14:04
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#3
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
When me and a friend got attacked by a bunch of marocan guys while one was carrying a rather large knife I told my already charging friend to stay calm because one of the bastards had a knife. He didn't listen and kicked one down which made a second flee and the guy with the knife slowly moving back into their car.
I was wise, I still believe that but maybe also even a coward. I wish I was that guy with the balls at that moment. I know it's stupid but it worked really well.
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..look
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7 Apr 2006, 18:49
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#4
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Quote:
Originally Posted by eJohn
My friends, being an odd collection of junkies, dropouts, hooligans, felons and assholes, have a lot of good stories that i always have to stop myself from telling in the first person, because i wish they were me (not that i havent done anything interesting in my life, but you can always have done more).
If i had to pick one of their stories though (without resorting "i wish i had shagged my mates girlfriend" or "i wish i had gone to america" or something);
My friend went to france with a load of his mates to watch celtic play. They watched the game, they got ridiculously drunk afterwards, and my mate was especially bad. So bad indeed he didnt know where he was, and one of his friends set him up with a prostitute they found wandering the streets.
The prostitute took his hand and he didnt have a ****ing clue where he was going or who/what she was, until after a couple of minutes walk, he figured it out.
Now he wasnt afraid, having shagged prostitutes before, but he was high as a mother****er, and his brain cant have been working well. He said "oh, ok. come with me" - and took HER hand, and walked in the opposite direction, into a Cafe.
He sat down with her, (she was obviously confused as ****) and asked her what she wanted to do with her life, etc (she could barely speak a word of english) and basically plied her with food and cups of coffee for an hour (as well as paying her for what he was meant to get), and he gave her various different numbers for colleges and training courses. Then he stood up, and said "i hope this was useful to you" and walked off into the night not knowing where the **** he was.
I know many of you will be dissapointed by the lack of sex, or the lack of a punchline, but the surreality of that situation is never lost on me. I think its ****ing brilliant he tried to council a prostitute who thought she was going to have to suck his cock, fantastic.
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That was no ordinary prostitute it was QazarkRogue's sister.
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Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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7 Apr 2006, 18:53
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#5
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Back from timeout.
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 901
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
That was no ordinary prostitute it was QazarkRogue's sister.
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For a Deputy DA you can't spell for shit.
While I'm on the subject, did that one guy ever get convicted for shooting that guy?
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Quote:
Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
You'll have to prise my penis from my cold, dead hand!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Yahwe
Gay ducks only do it because it impresses their peers.
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7 Apr 2006, 19:42
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Swansea
Posts: 798
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
A friend of mine started answering his phone "Jack Bauerr". I wish I had thought of that first
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one of my friends does that as well
He also renamed a couple of other mates in his phone to edgar,tony,palmer,etc and when he calls them addresses them by that name
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In Elysium till the end.
Former [1up]
Current [Spore]
Returned under the IRC nick BenSwansea
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7 Apr 2006, 21:10
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#7
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Quote:
Originally Posted by eJohn
*snip*
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A very good friend of mine did something similar when he ended up in a lapdancing club. Instead of oogling the girls he tried to "save" them all, reccomending they go to college etc.
It went on for a while and was quite funny, mainly because the girls all got very pissed off, shouted "do you want a ****ing dance or not?" to which he sheepishly looked at his shoes, then they girls had him thrown out by the bouncer.
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7 Apr 2006, 21:33
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,094
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Quote:
Originally Posted by QazokRouge5
For a Deputy DA you can't spell for shit.
While I'm on the subject, did that one guy ever get convicted for shooting that guy?
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http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=190209
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8 Apr 2006, 04:39
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#9
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
I'd been drinking and so had they and everybody was drunk.
Some more than others.
We'd been out. Now we were back. At Pamela's.
My friends then were friends i'd had since school. They're my friends still. One of them had started dating a girl in our year. Then another started dating one of her friends. Then our group of guys and their group of girls ended up hanging around together. Alot.
*That* was so not my idea.
Anyway school was years ago at that point. Despite a lack of dating between the groups we still met up. Got drunk. Kept in touch.
One bedroom was for Pamela's flat mate. One bedroom was being used by Lucy and her boyfriend. Me and PK and Pamela were gonna sleep on the floor in the living room.
We were all drunk so getting to sleep shouldn't have been a problem.
We were lying next to each other.
Like i said getting to sleep shouldn't have been a problem.
It wouldn't have either only PK and Pamela started making out. I got up to leave, to sleep in the hall. They stopped me. Nothing more was going to happen. Apparantly.
I lay down. I breathe quietly. 2 minutes later they're fooling around again. I ignore it, pretending to be asleep. Who needs to cause a scene eh? 10 mintues later PK and Pamela were ****ing right next to me. I couldn't get up to leave 'cause then they'd have known i wasn't asleep earlier. I might not have been asleep but i was certainly having a nightmare.
I don't want to **** Pamela and i didn't then. I do however wish that i had ****ed her that night instead of PK. This is for the very simple reason that if i was ****ing Pamela i wouldn't have been lying next to her whilst she was getting ****ed. Lying there unable to sleep.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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8 Apr 2006, 10:09
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#10
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: #1 Thing a Friend of yours has done that you wish was you
Dace - that's happened to me before - New Years Eve a couple of years ago I was sleeping on the floor and my mate was shagging someone on the sofa next to me (his house).
I was absolutely wasted and half asleep and donnie darko was on the tv so i was drifting in and out of sleep, with a wierd film that I had no idea what the hell was going on on the tv, with my mate shagging a girl next to me and me thinking "maybe I could join in? nah... "
I've also done it a little the other way round, when in Budapest in a hostel me and an australian girl pushed our beds together and fooled around a bit. We didn't do much more than that but our friends thought we had and we both had some apologising to do the next day...
Oh and at Reading there was me, my gf and a friend and we were all wasted and me and my gf were having fumbling sex in the dark while my friend snored away at the other end of the tent oblivious. I asked him a year later whether he heard and he said he hadn't...
Anyway. Friends of mine have upped sticks and travelled the world and I wish I could do that. Maybe I will in the future.
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