Planetarion Forums

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 08:53

having your gf cheat on you!

Radical Edward · 18 Nov 2003, 08:58

in retrospect, yes. it got rid of my ex and now I have a better one.

Spearhead · 18 Nov 2003, 08:59

why is that so great idler?

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 09:00

because I'm mentally shattered. and I have no clue how to behave.. as I actually collapsed at work yesterday due to emotional stress.. so yay

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 09:04

I do usually move quickly on to next girl.. but this time it hurts like fk and I am not really sure why

Spearhead · 18 Nov 2003, 09:12

bah

are you sure she cheated on you and all? that sucks man...all i can say is, move along and try to get back in shape! all the best though hope you'll get to feel better soon

Tietäjä · 18 Nov 2003, 09:15

Idler... Have you thought it might hurt because you actually care about her? Facts stand, I am still with the one girl we've talked about before (even if we still carry the - she carries - same problems along her, and we had a minor collision of opinions about it yesterday, and I'm avoiding her now). She hurts me like hell whilst I'm with her, I can't even figure the pain of leaving her - oh well, but if the peaks are high, the lows gotta be very low too.

I am ranting. Would you care to talk shit for an hour Idler? About women and relationships? I'm on lunch.

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 09:38

yes.. the thought that I care more about her than I actually knew has crossed my mind.. its the only thing that crosses my mind actually..

she told me she had been making out with some guy at her school 2 days in a row.. and she told me before anyone else did.. its not sex, but still my definition of cheating..

so what happened was that I got angry, then frustrated.. drove her home and went to my own place... she did beg me to stay, gave me the love you lecture etc.. I can forgive the fact that she cheated.. it's not the end of the world.. but I have broken it off.. and I'm regretting it every minute..

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 09:40

and actually.. an hour ago or so I simply drove off to my best friend and woke her up as I did not know what to do..crying is great

Tietäjä · 18 Nov 2003, 09:44

Shit isn't it. This integrated thing of liking people only seems to cause hurt and emotional pain. Well, figure, at least she told you? Any intimate contact with another person is, in my opinion, cheating. My girl's prob is in talking about things. Saturday, hence I was home reading history, I didn't really pay attention to what she was doing. So, sunday, I dropped her a note asking how she is. She'd been on some party saturaday-evening (obviously not mentioning about it to me), and didn't want to talk further about the subject. Stinks to me.

Call her. Talk to her about it. Tell her that she'd hurt you like nobody before. That's exactly what this one little blonde naive bitch is doing to me. Incely something I am going to discuss with her about. If she really loves you, she'll try aplogize second time - then just tell her how you feel about your opinion on "cheating" and see if she approves of it. If she does, then just forget it and let her try make up for her mistake.

Did I make any sense?

Tietäjä · 18 Nov 2003, 09:46

I hate crying too. She makes me do it every once in a while though.

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 09:51

yes, you made perfectly sense..

thing is, she spendt all of friday night trying to apologise for what she did.. all I did was giving her a cold shoulder.. refusing to talk to her, and just leaving.. thing is, I really wanted to stay with her.. but it simply hurt to much sleeping next to her when I had to think and know about what she did.. my mind has cooled off a bit now, and I want to forgive her... but at the same time I dont want anything like that to happen again, although its very likely to happen with any other girl aswell..

The worst part is to sleep alone, and constantly thinking she is there when you wake up in the middle of the night, but no..

Tietäjä · 18 Nov 2003, 09:54

Well, she should understand you giving her colds once she blows you with such a surprise. Talk to her about it for ****'s sake Idler. Tell her that you care about her and want to stick with her, but can't take this shit. Loosing trust is bad, because there's really no relationship without trust - just constant pain and paranoia (believe me, I'm in it at the very moment). So, if you feel you can trust her again, go for it, if you feel you can never trust her again, forget her and move on.

My German lessons are about to start. I'll pop by to stay updated some pause or so. Try sort it out matey, that's what I'm trying to do with my little blonde.

Spearhead · 18 Nov 2003, 10:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by I am Idler

yes, you made perfectly sense..

thing is, she spendt all of friday night trying to apologise for what she did.. all I did was giving her a cold shoulder.. refusing to talk to her, and just leaving.. thing is, I really wanted to stay with her.. but it simply hurt to much sleeping next to her when I had to think and know about what she did.. my mind has cooled off a bit now, and I want to forgive her... but at the same time I dont want anything like that to happen again, although its very likely to happen with any other girl aswell..

The worst part is to sleep alone, and constantly thinking she is there when you wake up in the middle of the night, but no..

or you forgive her....and just shut up about it....

or you dont and never talk to her again...

the thing you doing now is walkng without moving .... so make up your mind

i would go for option 1 cause alone well is just alone

so go over and talk to her and forgive her...Will make you feel better

if she does it again, dump the slut

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 10:04

I have been dumping 5 girls over the last 2 years due to various reasons, not really having any problems with it..

but this time I am having major issues and I do not know what to do as I dont want to make the wrong choice

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 10:05

Whatever choice you make, it will be the wrong one. 'If' is always better than what actually is.

Nicole · 18 Nov 2003, 10:07

Do not forgive her!

If it was an isolated incident it would be more understandable. However she did this 2 days in a row with the same guy. No matter what she told you, she likes this guy. It looks like just an elaborate passive-aggressive way for her to break up with you. The fact that she told you is a manipulation on her part. This way she looks honest while still giving you enough to break up with her. I'm sure her tearful lamentations seemed very sincere. And on some level maybe they were, perhaps the reality of the situation coupled with the guilt really upset her. However do not be fooled by your own optimism. Making out with someone is forgivable, but her actions suggest that she has genuine affection for this person. Do you really want to compete with that? Even if she's over this guy she's proven to be easily swayed by temptation. Why bother with someone who is so fickle?

I probably seem harsh to you but this is for two very good reasons:
1) I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) so I don't have much sympathy
2) I have been in your girlfriend's position at least a dozen times and I have pulled the same bullshit only to go out and cheat again once I was forgiven. Trust me, I recognize my own kind. If you have any sense you will sever all ties with her and if you need to go **** her sister.

Weeks · 18 Nov 2003, 10:07

what
doesn't
kill you
just just just just
makes makes makes
you
stronger.

in summery: move on to better healthier pastures.

Weeks · 18 Nov 2003, 10:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole

Do not forgive her!

If it was an isolated incident it would be more understandable. However she did this 2 days in a row with the same guy. No matter what she told you, she likes this guy. It looks like just an elaborate passive-aggressive way for her to break up with you. The fact that she told you is a manipulation on her part. This way she looks honest while still giving you enough to break up with her. I'm sure her tearful lamentations seemed very sincere. And on some level maybe they were, perhaps the reality of the situation coupled with the guilt really upset her. However do not be fooled by your own optimism. Making out with someone is forgivable, but her actions suggest that she has genuine affection for this person. Do you really want to compete with that? Even if she's over this guy she's proven to be easily swayed by temptation. Why bother with someone who is so fickle?

I probably seem harsh to you but this is for two very good reasons:
1) I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) so I don't have much sympathy
2) I have been in your girlfriend's position at least a dozen times and I have pulled the same bullshit only to go out and cheat again once I was forgiven. Trust me, I recognize my own kind. If you have any sense you will sever all ties with her and if you need to go **** her sister.

oh... my... lord.
a woman making sense.
faith in the opposite gender rising... rising... falling... rising...

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 10:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weeks

oh... my... lord.
a woman making sense.
faith in the opposite gender rising... rising... falling... rising...

It's hardly faith in the opposite gender... 'Women will **** you over!'

Weeks · 18 Nov 2003, 10:16

that's what the 'falling...' bit was for my love.

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 10:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weeks

that's what the 'falling...' bit was for my love.

See, I thought it was a reference!

Radical Edward · 18 Nov 2003, 10:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weeks

oh... my... lord.
a woman making sense.
faith in the opposite gender rising... rising... falling... rising...

nicole is a lesbian though, if I'm not mistaken.

Rids · 18 Nov 2003, 10:45

Suck it up and move on.

Nicole · 18 Nov 2003, 10:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radical Edward

nicole is a lesbian though, if I'm not mistaken.

This is true. However, I'm pretty sure I still qualify as a woman.

LHC · 18 Nov 2003, 11:16

i bet it was great for her at least

Tietäjä · 18 Nov 2003, 11:19

Maybe Nics is right, Idler. Although, it is - ultimately - you who knows the girl best, if you think she's honest and trustworthy, forgive her... If you see things cynical as Nics does, don't.

I just told my girlfriend that she should consider if there's any sense in us continuing together. Then headed to my German lesson to avoid nasty face-to-face questions (I am an annoying bastard I guess), she SMS'ed me and asked whether I really meant what I said. Hohoho...

Some people just can't be understoond. Hilly bumpy hilly hilly. Women are BAD MKAY?

KoeN · 18 Nov 2003, 11:21

i hope people here don't see me reading this problems-in-love-life-thread. they may think i need help myself :|
i'm clicking 'general discussions' again. now!

I'm Not Grimble · 18 Nov 2003, 11:27

She just wants to find someone that's good in bed man.

You should find someone with lower standards.

CrashTester · 18 Nov 2003, 11:47

Hold on, I havent read this thread eord for word but I think I read that she didnt have sex with him..is that right?

So where's the fking problem??

If your definition of cheating covers her looking at another guy, for example, then change your defintition to be more lenient. If you changed it to allow her to kiss other men, or perhaps administer the odd blowie, then you will find yourself getting less worked up and enjoy a happier life.

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 11:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

Hold on, I havent read this thread eord for word but I think I read that she didnt have sex with him..is that right?

So where's the fking problem??

If your definition of cheating covers her looking at another guy, for example, then change your defintition to be more lenient. If you changed it to allow her to kiss other men, or perhaps administer the odd blowie, then you will find yourself getting less worked up and enjoy a happier life.

The relationship guru strikes again!

[edit]

You don't seem to want anything more than a ****buddy.

AllFather|away · 18 Nov 2003, 11:52

woman are objects and are not worth feelings

CrashTester · 18 Nov 2003, 11:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

The relationship guru strikes again!

[edit]

You don't seem to want anything more than a ****buddy.

Everything I know and am today is all thanks to Dear Deidre

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 12:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

Everything I know and am today is all thanks to Dear Deidre

Oh dear Lord.

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 12:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by I'm Not Grimble

She just wants to find someone that's good in bed man.

You should find someone with lower standards.

this is not really an issue as I am great in bed

AllFather|away · 18 Nov 2003, 12:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by I am Idler

this is not really an issue as I am great in bed

Aparently not....

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 12:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

Hold on, I havent read this thread eord for word but I think I read that she didnt have sex with him..is that right?

So where's the fking problem??

If your definition of cheating covers her looking at another guy, for example, then change your defintition to be more lenient. If you changed it to allow her to kiss other men, or perhaps administer the odd blowie, then you will find yourself getting less worked up and enjoy a happier life.

I do not know what a man who's going all nutty over a bit of porn in the room is doing commenting on my issues

the thing being that I do tend to dump girls in a hurry and not care, but this time it's not like that and I'm feeling shit.

if I COULD do anything about it dont you think I would you twat

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllFather|away

Aparently not....

Aparently I'm greater than Peter North

AllFather|away · 18 Nov 2003, 12:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by I am Idler

Aparently I'm greater than Peter North

If she told you that, you should be worried...

CrashTester · 18 Nov 2003, 12:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by I am Idler

I do not know what a man who's going all nutty over a bit of porn in the room is doing commenting on my issues

the thing being that I do tend to dump girls in a hurry and not care, but this time it's not like that and I'm feeling shit.

if I COULD do anything about it dont you think I would you twat

LOL. It was her who had the problem with the porn, darling.

But she hasnt really cheated, she has just stamped over your insecurities. Buckle up and get a grip, you are the problem here.

You CAN do something about it, you just aren't man enough to.

Ste · 18 Nov 2003, 12:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole

Do not forgive her!

If it was an isolated incident it would be more understandable. However she did this 2 days in a row with the same guy. No matter what she told you, she likes this guy. It looks like just an elaborate passive-aggressive way for her to break up with you. The fact that she told you is a manipulation on her part. This way she looks honest while still giving you enough to break up with her. I'm sure her tearful lamentations seemed very sincere. And on some level maybe they were, perhaps the reality of the situation coupled with the guilt really upset her. However do not be fooled by your own optimism. Making out with someone is forgivable, but her actions suggest that she has genuine affection for this person. Do you really want to compete with that? Even if she's over this guy she's proven to be easily swayed by temptation. Why bother with someone who is so fickle?

I probably seem harsh to you but this is for two very good reasons:
1) I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) so I don't have much sympathy
2) I have been in your girlfriend's position at least a dozen times and I have pulled the same bullshit only to go out and cheat again once I was forgiven. Trust me, I recognize my own kind. If you have any sense you will sever all ties with her and if you need to go **** her sister.

You've just made me want to split up with my girlfriend. She pulled someone else again last weekend.
It always makes me feel better that I don't tell her what I've been up to.

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 12:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

LOL. It was her who had the problem with the porn, darling.

But she hasnt really cheated, she has just stamped over your insecurities. Buckle up and get a grip, you are the problem here.

You CAN do something about it, you just aren't man enough to.

:ironic::ironic::ironic::ironic::ironic::ironic:

CrashTester · 18 Nov 2003, 12:23

Dude, you have no perspective. If you did, you wouldnt get it so wrong so consistently.

I am Idler · 18 Nov 2003, 12:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

LOL. It was her who had the problem with the porn, darling.

wasnt it you that refused to remove it ?

Quote:

But she hasnt really cheated, she has just stamped over your insecurities. Buckle up and get a grip, you are the problem here.

You CAN do something about it, you just aren't man enough to.

I make my own definitions, when she tongues another man, she's cheating.

I HAVE done something about it, I broke up, and as previously stated I have been dumping girls for 2 years before this one without a single regret.

I do however regret dumping her, as I obviously care for her a bit to much to simply let her go and find someone else.
It's a concious choice, not a "oh-I'm-so-vimpy" kind of thing.

MrL_JaKiri · 18 Nov 2003, 12:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrashTester

Dude, you have no perspective. If you did, you wouldnt get it so wrong so consistently.

The way that EVERYONE (bar NONE) on the board said you were an idiot suggests different (lol ad populam lol)

AllFather|away · 18 Nov 2003, 12:27

Damn those feminists for ruining the minds of feeble young boys!

CrashTester · 18 Nov 2003, 12:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

The way that EVERYONE (bar NONE) on the board said you were an idiot suggests different (lol ad populam lol)

LOL. Yes, of course it does.

Ste · 18 Nov 2003, 12:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by I am Idler

I make my own definitions, when she tongues another man, she's cheating.

I HAVE done something about it, I broke up, and as previously stated I have been dumping girls for 2 years before this one without a single regret.

I do however regret dumping her, as I obviously care for her a bit to much to simply let her go and find someone else.
It's a concious choice, not a "oh-I'm-so-vimpy" kind of thing.

Bah I just wrote a long post pouring my heart out... then accidentally deleted it all

I'll have another go...

I think the cheating depends on the circumstances. I have always avoided the knee-jerk reaction of splitting up with my girlfriend and she hasn't pulled anyone else for over a year (until last saturday).

I told her I pulled a couple of people while she was out of the country and I was wasted, she's really upset about it whereas I find it quite acceptable and plain amusing (one was a lead singer of a quite famous band).
It all boils down to how you feel, everyone has there own lines that they won't accept being crossed.

There are other ways of dealing with cheating than dumping them, maybe you should take her back and set some ground rules.