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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 14:33   #1
Knight Theamion
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Men are from Mars, women from Venus
No sex tonight?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.*











*nicely stolen from somewhere
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 14:39   #2
Arachnidman
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Excellent!
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 14:39   #3
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Funny. Old, but funny.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 14:48   #4
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Brilliant!



If only i was man enough to try it.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 14:58   #5
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
So old, it's new
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 15:04   #6
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
She's not a virgin anymore and she loves it.


I rock.


ok ok, you guys can go back on topic.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 15:15   #7
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
She's not a virgin anymore and she loves it.


I rock.


ok ok, you guys can go back on topic.
Aww, silver is having sex, how cute.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 15:26   #8
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
heard it a million times.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 16:03   #9
Deepflow
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
Aww, silver is having sex, how cute.
actually, now that i think about it, im not satisfied.

I want to know which devious plan you used, and how many others you tried before that one worked.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 16:05   #10
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
You know androgynous women aren't that different, maybe you should give that a go.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 16:49   #11
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
I was about to laugh at you for having those kind of conversations in bed.

Oh well.

I'll just do it anyway.

"dear"
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 19:03   #12
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Two excellent jokes in one week. Thank you GD.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 19:31   #13
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
*nicely stolen from somewhere

Yep, Legionboards, about 1.5 years ago:P
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 20:56   #14
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by sigrid
Yep, Legionboards, about 1.5 years ago:P
I've seen variations of it in random jokes before, and I doubt they stole it from the Legion boards
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 21:22   #15
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
actually, now that i think about it, im not satisfied.

I want to know which devious plan you used, and how many others you tried before that one worked.
Surely not one of Dace's that worked.
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Unread 15 Sep 2005, 23:07   #16
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
I snorted.

Old though.
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