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Unread 18 Sep 2003, 20:24   #1
ChubbyChecker
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Jumping on the joke bandwagon

A lorry driver is driving his lorry to Chessington Zoo. In the back he has a lorry full of monkeys. Then, his lorry breaks down and he is forced to pull over.

The lorry driver realises the problem is an engine fault that will take quite some time to repair. As luck would have it he spots an empty lorry coming his way. He waves the lorry driver down and says:
"Listen, these monkeys have to be at Chessington Zoo by midday today. My job depends on it! Please, here's 300 quid, take them for me."

The other lorry driver (who happens to be Irish) says "Sure thing laddy, just give me your monkeys and we'll be on our way."

At 2pm that afternoon the lorry driver is still fixing his lorry when he notices the Irish lorry driver coming the other way, with a lorry full of monkeys! He waves him down and shouts:
"You blithering idiot! I told you those monkeys were supposed to be at Chessington Zoo by midday! What do you think you're doing?!?!"

The Irish lorry driver replies:

















"I did take them to Chessington Zoo and I've still got 200 quid left so we're off to Alton Towers."
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Unread 18 Sep 2003, 20:31   #2
JC
lolly roffle
 
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None of these joks are making me lolly roffle tonight .


Two Scousers riding along the East Lancs Road on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them.

He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".

The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough PC Plod pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.

He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already".
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Last edited by JC; 18 Sep 2003 at 20:38.
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Unread 19 Sep 2003, 01:07   #3
Gayle29uk
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NEWSFLASH: Ferrari Formula 1 Team fire entire pit crew

The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ scousers. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed Liverpool youths were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech gear.

This was thought to be an excellent, yet bold move, by Ferrari management, as most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for at the crew's first practice session, not only were the Scousers Pit Crew able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle over to the MacLaren Team for four bottles of Stella, a gram of speed and a quick shufty at Coulthard's bird in the shower.
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ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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