Planetarion Forums

DaywalkerJ · 4 Feb 2003, 01:49

Well yesterday after a grueling 15 hr day at work I decide to call my mom to see how she's doing. To my dismay she informs me that my gf, who has been telling her she was pregnant for 3.5 months now, asked my mom for $500 USD so that she could get an abortion. Now this posses to problems for me;

1) Am I ready to be a father?

and

2) What happens if she goes for the abortion, will I be able to look at her the same?

The dilema is that I dont want her to get an abortion, but i am leaving the decision up to her. Since she will have to carry this baby without me being near her. Being in the military has its disadvantages. I also dont believe in abortions and believe that they are truly killing a life.

But, am i really ready for the responsibility of being a father. I think i'd rather learn whether or not i am rather than kill a helpless life. I dont make much, but i make around $400 USD that goes directly to my pocket every 2 weeks. I dont have any bills "yet".

What do you all think? Am i right that I should want to keep the baby? I think I am!

-Daywalker

Nodrog · 4 Feb 2003, 01:51

How can you bring up a child as a single father while you are in the military, are you going to ask to be discharged or something?

DaywalkerJ · 4 Feb 2003, 01:52

the girl who is having my baby is also my fiancee. we just got a little wild a little too early.

Nodrog · 4 Feb 2003, 01:53

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
the girl who is having my baby is also my fiancee. we just got a little wild a little too early.

Since she doesnt actually want the baby, I'd assume she wouldnt be willing to go 50/50 in terms of looking after it...

DaywalkerJ · 4 Feb 2003, 01:54

I think the only reason she considered the abortion is because she is only 16 and i'm only 18 and she's afraid to tell her parents.

Jammers · 4 Feb 2003, 01:55

Since you wont be around to help out (it seems) it might be better to get rid of it and maybe have a kid later.

Just remember: Pro choice doesn't mean Pro Abortion, but Anti Abortion does mean Anti Choice (and if noone uses that slogan they should since its pretty snazzy)

Sarina_Joy · 4 Feb 2003, 01:56

1) Why is she asking your mum for the money?

2) Hasn't she left it a bit late at 3 and a half months to start thinking about an abortion?

DaywalkerJ · 4 Feb 2003, 01:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Jammers
Since you wont be around to help out (it seems) it might be better to get rid of it and maybe have a kid later.

Not be around? I will be around when the baby is born and then it will come live with me. I am going to take care of my baby. Anti-Abortion is not Anti-Choice. She still has the choice. I just want the baby because its a part of me.

4 Feb 2003, 01:58

Knitting needles don't cost $500.

And thats the greatest scam in the world..

Hi, I need some money for an abortion..

nickhall · 4 Feb 2003, 01:58

Yes ofc you are its not just up to her its up to the two of you. u really need to think about it and talk to you gf if thats at all possiable then you both you need to decide which you would dislike the least.

Also it depends on other things like your age and how long u will be away for etc, as this will really affect the childs upbringing.

So not to offer advice on what to do as i dont know you or your gf or enough about either of you to say either way which may be best for you, but i will say it should be up to both of you not just her!!!!

nickhall · 4 Feb 2003, 02:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
1) Why is she asking your mum for the money?

I guessing cos she cannot afford it and she is afraid to ask her parents.

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
2) Hasn't she left it a bit late at 3 and a half months to start thinking about an abortion?

I thought thatbut is US and as far as i know they have diff rules.

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
Not be around? I will be around when the baby is born and then it will come live with me. I am going to take care of my baby. Anti-Abortion is not Anti-Choice. She still has the choice. I just want the baby because its a part of me.

eh?? is that possiable?? where are you and do u really think that that is the best upbringing for a child.

ParraCida · 4 Feb 2003, 08:23

three and a half months, is that even legal?

16 and 18 is indeed a bit young, especially for her.
In the end its both your decision, but her opinion counts more then yours.

Peace · 4 Feb 2003, 08:37

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ

1) Am I ready to be a father?

maybe you should have thought of that earlier

Dante Hicks · 4 Feb 2003, 09:28

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
2) What happens if she goes for the abortion, will I be able to look at her the same?

If you truly think that having an abortion is killing a human life, I can't see how you could look at her normally afterwards.

If the baby was born, and she smothered it to death, would you be able to be with her then? If "that's different" then you've contradicted your abortion opinion. If it's the same, then there's your answer for you.

ELeeming · 4 Feb 2003, 10:56

Personnally I'm anti-abortion, and I can definately see you point in it being half yours; but it is her call, unfortunately.

Spearhead · 4 Feb 2003, 11:00

i hate to say this but i dont think a teenager can raise a kid, they will have to say bye bye to the easy life, something most forget
it takes much more out of you then you can imagine
next time use a condom ....

BuddhistPunk · 4 Feb 2003, 13:05

Dont take this the wrong way, I am in know way about to belittle your plight or criticise you, it is a situation I would not want to be in. The only advice I can offer is a rather weak - "Do what you feel happiest with"

Is it not truely amazing how ones opinions on a subject can change dramatically once we have some life experience.

All to often you see threads on this and other forums discussing the whole pro-life vs pro-choice, we are all happy extoll the virtues of our own particular opinion without having any real experience of what is being discussed.

DaywalkerJ, who I am assuming would have argued the pro-life side, has just discovered that this is actually a much more difficult decsion to make than it seems.

Supernova9 · 4 Feb 2003, 13:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Jammers

Just remember: Pro choice doesn't mean Pro Abortion, but Anti Abortion does mean Anti Choice

Don't be retarded, Anti-abortion doesn't mean anti-choice. Just because you give birth to the baby doesn't mean you have to keep it. Giving it up for adoption is a viable alternative also.

4 Feb 2003, 13:40

Quote:

Originally posted by Supernova9
Don't be retarded, Anti-abortion doesn't mean anti-choice. Just because you give birth to the baby doesn't mean you have to keep it. Giving it up for adoption is a viable alternative also.

What if you don't want to have the baby? What if you don't want the social stigma of being a 'teen mom', go through the pains of labour or have to give up the wee squirming runt after it tore itself free from your womb?
More often then no, if you don't want the baby, abortion is preferable.

DayWalker, if your girlfriend doesn't want the baby, you will have to live with it. It's her body, her life and her choice. You merely provided the sperm.

BuddhistPunk · 4 Feb 2003, 18:20

Quote:

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
DayWalker, if your girlfriend doesn't want the baby, you will have to live with it. It's her body, her life and her choice. You merely provided the sperm.

So in your opinion the father of a feotus/child has no rights whatsoever?

Unfortunatly the law agrees with you.

On the subject of what to do if you dont want a child, or go through labour etc etc etc - how about the rather wacky and wild idea of not having sex without taking decent precautions in the first place. And yes I do realise that these do fail, but I think you will find that most unwanted pregancies are as a result of unprotected sex and not burst condoms.

Supernova9 · 4 Feb 2003, 18:28

Quote:

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
What if you don't want to have the baby? What if you don't want the social stigma of being a 'teen mom', go through the pains of labour or have to give up the wee squirming runt after it tore itself free from your womb?
More often then no, if you don't want the baby, abortion is preferable.

Whether either option is preferable or not is irrelevant to the comment I was quoting. I am fully aware of the fact that not everyone would want to have the baby, either giving it up for adoption or not, and as such abortion has become a part of this society. But it does not mean (as stated in the post I was quoting) that deciding to have the baby leaves you with no other option than to keep the child. His blanket statement says that is what he thought, which I believed to be incorrect.

Though I am inclined to agree with the "If you don't want to face the consequences of unprotected sex, don't do it in the first place" style of thinking, however old-fashioned that may make me

4 Feb 2003, 18:29

Quote:

Originally posted by BuddhistPunk
So in your opinion the father of a feotus/child has no rights whatsoever?

Unfortunatly the law agrees with you.

On the subject of what to do if you dont want a child, or go through labour etc etc etc - how about the rather wacky and wild idea of not having sex without taking decent precautions in the first place. And yes I do realise that these do fail, but I think you will find that most unwanted pregancies are as a result of unprotected sex and not burst condoms.

The major inconvieniences suffered from as a result of an unwanted pregnancy will be solely reserved for the mother.
Would you enjoy pissing out a gallstone of 4 inches whilst you didn't have to?

Texan · 4 Feb 2003, 18:33

Just tell her that if she keeps the baby you will try to be the best father and husband you can be, but the choice is hers to make.

Sixteen is too young, but she needs to find out what complications might arise from the abortion. Then she has to decide if she wants to be a mother at 16, and then face the small risk that she may not be able to get pregnant at 30 when she is ready.

If I had become a father when I was 18, my child would be in college now. As it is, who knows if my fiance will be able to get get pregnant at the age of 38.

Haer · 4 Feb 2003, 18:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Jammers
Since you wont be around to help out (it seems) it might be better to get rid of it and maybe have a kid later.

Just remember: Pro choice doesn't mean Pro Abortion, but Anti Abortion does mean Anti Choice (and if noone uses that slogan they should since its pretty snazzy)

I dont suppose you think the child should have a choice as to whether it wants to live or not.

4 Feb 2003, 18:53

Quote:

Originally posted by Haer
I dont suppose you think the child should have a choice as to whether it wants to live or not.

Have you had an intelligent conversation with a foetus recently?

DaywalkerJ · 4 Feb 2003, 19:52

Wow, there have been a lot of posts made here since i wrote this. Well here's the situation. My gf and I stayed on the phone last night for a long time, and with much talk, and asking favors from my fellow airmen to talk to her, she finally agreed that us having this baby would be the best thing in the end. So we are having the baby it is due July 5th, just have to save my money now. Any admin can close or delete this at their own discretion

4 Feb 2003, 19:54

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
Wow, there have been a lot of posts made here since i wrote this. Well here's the situation. My gf and I stayed on the phone last night for a long time, and with much talk, and asking favors from my fellow airmen to talk to her, she finally agreed that us having this baby would be the best thing in the end. So we are having the baby it is due July 5th, just have to save my money now. Any admin can close or delete this at their own discretion

You're going to regret your live about three weeks after the blood-sucking maggot is born..

Please keep us informed of your growing frustrations with 'father-hood'

DaywalkerJ · 5 Feb 2003, 00:55

Quote:

Originally posted by Spearhead
i hate to say this but i dont think a teenager can raise a kid, they will have to say bye bye to the easy life, something most forget
it takes much more out of you then you can imagine
next time use a condom ....

Well unfortunately, I dont believe in condoms. We both knew what might have happened, and if i'm responsible enough to be in the armed services i'm responsible enough to be a father, I fully understand that I wont be able to do many things, like probably paying to play PA. And thats fine, so long as the child has a long happy life.

Quote:

Originally posted by BuddhistPunk
Dont take this the wrong way, I am in know way about to belittle your plight or criticise you, it is a situation I would not want to be in. The only advice I can offer is a rather weak - "Do what you feel happiest with"

Is it not truely amazing how ones opinions on a subject can change dramatically once we have some life experience.

All to often you see threads on this and other forums discussing the whole pro-life vs pro-choice, we are all happy extoll the virtues of our own particular opinion without having any real experience of what is being discussed.

DaywalkerJ, who I am assuming would have argued the pro-life side, has just discovered that this is actually a much more difficult decsion to make than it seems.

Actually my faithfulness in pro-life never detered. Like someone said earlier I would have more than likely ended up leaving her if she had opted for the abortion.

5 Feb 2003, 00:59

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
Well unfortunately, I dont believe in condoms. We both knew what might have happened, and if i'm responsible enough to be in the armed services i'm responsible enough to be a father, I fully understand that I wont be able to do many things, like probably paying to play PA. And thats fine, so long as the child has a long happy life.

-Daywalker

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

****ing americans.

1) you dont believe in condoms
2) that doesnt make you responsible
3) being in the armed services has no relation to being a fit parent
4) not being able to play PA is going to be the least of your worries

5 Feb 2003, 01:00

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
Actually my faithfulness in pro-life never detered. Like someone said earlier I would have more than likely ended up leaving her if she had opted for the abortion.

A pro-life member of the armed services.

My day just gets better.

5 Feb 2003, 01:02

i ****ing hate parents.

DaywalkerJ · 5 Feb 2003, 01:05

Quote:

Originally posted by Idi
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

****ing americans.

1) you dont believe in condoms
2) that doesnt make you responsible
3) being in the armed services has no relation to being a fit parent
4) not being able to play PA is going to be the least of your worries

About your #1:
Being an american has nothing to do with me not believing in condoms. It is against the Roman Catholic Church to use any form of contreceptive and is believed to be a automatic sin to which you are damned in hell for all eternity, just like abortions.

About your #2:
You're right being in the armed forces is not what makes me responsible, and it wont prepare me for the responsibility I will have in July. But I believe that if I can handle this, then I can only try to be the best at being a father that I can be.

About your #4:
No ****, I know that it is the least of my worries, It was in compliance to someone's post about many things I like doing not being able to do anymore. Maybe try reading before retorting.

DaywalkerJ · 5 Feb 2003, 01:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Iniluki
God doesn't exsist, unless you let him.

Don't worry.

But I believe in the presence of God, therefore he/she exists to me.

Spearhead · 5 Feb 2003, 08:36

DaywalkerJ you are a brave man ! I hope you and your future wife will live a happy life, and that your kid will make you proud. All th best from me! And good luck matey you are so going to need it! Brave decision ROCK on ! and visit us sometimes, i want to see baby pics in July here!!!

All the best....

To the retards : Dont you guys think insulting someone who has a hard enough time allready is a bit low to the ground ??? Oh wait this is trollers heaven i forgot...faggy me...etc etc :P

Nicole · 5 Feb 2003, 09:07

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
Well unfortunately, I dont believe in condoms.

LIES. You see condoms, you know what they're for, and your recognize their existence. Don't give us that ****. You believe in them. You CHOOSE not to use them. There's a difference and if you're going to insist on breeding then maybe you can do the ****ing world a favor and recognize it.

And how dare you blame the Catholic church for being too stupid to use a condom. I'd give you some slack if you were already married (engaged doesn't count to the church and you know it). The Catholic Church condemns premarital sex as well as contraception. Do you think they condemn because they want dumb ****ing kids to knock up their 16 year old girlfriends? No. You're not sinning any less because you opted not to protect yourselves.

If you're against abortion, fine. If intelligence is at all hereditary you're going to have the dumbest kid ever.

I hope that while in the military someone accidentally shoots you in the head so you don't dumb down the population more than you already are. I then hope that your equally stupid girlfriend gives up your baby to science so they can see what happens when rednecks breed.

It's times like this that I wish Jenny were around.

Spearhead · 5 Feb 2003, 09:14

Nicole can i ask you a question, where did you get all that anger from ? Your flaming skills are something else i tell you... if you ever want someone to talk too, i'm your man

Acid on IRC
you need help !

5 Feb 2003, 09:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Nicole
<snip>

I respect you =/

In any case, Daywaker is a retard. He managed to convince his 16 year old girlfriend to have a child. One she didn't initially want.

"I didn't want you, but daddy told me it was going to be great!"
"Where is daddy, mommy?"
"Burning in Hell for knocking me up, jonny"

Bunga · 5 Feb 2003, 12:58

I wouldn't go so far as to call you stupid, DaywalkerJ, but you must admit the paradox of being both "pro-life" and a Catholic, and a member of the armed forces.

I mean, the bible cannot decide on wether its wrong to kill or not, ou being pro-life kinda means you have decided, and then you join the armed forces: a group dedicated to killing as efficiently as possible.

I don't get it...

5 Feb 2003, 13:01

DAYWALKER IS GOING TO HELL IN THE EYES OF HIS CATHOLIC GOD FOR PREMARITAL SEX!

Spearhead · 5 Feb 2003, 14:08

YOU IDI ARE GOING TO HELL FOR KEEPING JEZUS UP SIDE DOWN IN YOUR AVATAR ! ::eek:

Chantalaz · 5 Feb 2003, 14:29

Quote:

Originally posted by Texan
Just tell her that if she keeps the baby you will try to be the best father and husband you can be, but the choice is hers to make.

Sixteen is too young, but she needs to find out what complications might arise from the abortion. Then she has to decide if she wants to be a mother at 16, and then face the small risk that she may not be able to get pregnant at 30 when she is ready.

If I had become a father when I was 18, my child would be in college now. As it is, who knows if my fiance will be able to get get pregnant at the age of 38.

My stephmother got pregnant at 38 while she heard doctors telling her for years that there was no way she ever could get pregnant. I wish you best of luck

to daywalker, you used your influence on her. She should have gone to an clinic and talk to the people there, they are objective. She could have gone to her priest and talk to him. But apprantly you are gf/bf and she might want to keep the baby for love of you, if you told her you might not be able to look at her the same way. You migh thave used her feelings for you.
Still i wish you gl, and perhaps you should think about quitting the army so you can be a real dad. Cause boy, you better believe she will need you.

DaywalkerJ · 5 Feb 2003, 19:46

Quote:

Originally posted by Chantalaz
My stephmother got pregnant at 38 while she heard doctors telling her for years that there was no way she ever could get pregnant. I wish you best of luck

to daywalker, you used your influence on her. She should have gone to an clinic and talk to the people there, they are objective. She could have gone to her priest and talk to him. But apprantly you are gf/bf and she might want to keep the baby for love of you, if you told her you might not be able to look at her the same way. You migh thave used her feelings for you.
Still i wish you gl, and perhaps you should think about quitting the army so you can be a real dad. Cause boy, you better believe she will need you.

Well I never told her that I'd never be able to look at her again. And I never told her I was against the abortion or giving the baby up. I also stated that It was her decision and that it was her's to make not mine because it was residing in her not me.

In the comment that I'm in the armed services and pro-life. Just because i'm in the armed services doesnt mean I take a life. It also doesnt mean that I help someone to take a life. I joined the armed services to help protect my country from people who would want to harm it, not to pludgen someone with a knife or m16 just for the hell of it.

Bunga · 5 Feb 2003, 20:00

No, but you would still kill a person attacking your country, wouldn't you? You wouldn't stop to ask them if they were volunteers or drafted, even press-ganged into joining, would you? You'd kill them for being "the enemy" as soon as you got the opportunity too.

Christian · 5 Feb 2003, 22:32

Mother and Father at 16 and 18 ?
What are you, american ?

Starbucks · 5 Feb 2003, 23:13

Father of the bride pays for the wedding
Mother of the groom pays for the abortion

seems fair to me

W · 5 Feb 2003, 23:26

Quote:

Originally posted by Nicole
LIES. You see condoms, you know what they're for, and your recognize their existence. Don't give us that ****. You believe in them. You CHOOSE not to use them. There's a difference and if you're going to insist on breeding then maybe you can do the ****ing world a favor and recognize it.

And how dare you blame the Catholic church for being too stupid to use a condom. I'd give you some slack if you were already married (engaged doesn't count to the church and you know it). The Catholic Church condemns premarital sex as well as contraception. Do you think they condemn because they want dumb ****ing kids to knock up their 16 year old girlfriends? No. You're not sinning any less because you opted not to protect yourselves.

If you're against abortion, fine. If intelligence is at all hereditary you're going to have the dumbest kid ever.

I hope that while in the military someone accidentally shoots you in the head so you don't dumb down the population more than you already are. I then hope that your equally stupid girlfriend gives up your baby to science so they can see what happens when rednecks breed.

It's times like this that I wish Jenny were around.

You're a good substitute. And I couldn't agree more, using religion as a selective excuse is despicable.

DaywalkerJ · 6 Feb 2003, 02:37

Quote:

Originally posted by W
You're a good substitute. And I couldn't agree more, using religion as a selective excuse is despicable.

I dont use religion to hide behind. I stand up for what I believe in, it just happens to also be what my religion believes in. If two people are willing to have sex, they should be in for the long run if it happens. If conception occurs then they should be willing to take care of that baby, which is what we are doing.

6 Feb 2003, 04:26

an unsettling moment for you.. an unsettling lifetime for you your 'wife' and your kid.

Spearhead · 6 Feb 2003, 08:04

good luck daywalker, hope you manage it all ! You know if its a boy or girl ? and how you going to name the kid, just interested i dont belive in flaming ppl like most morons here

W · 6 Feb 2003, 09:21

Quote:

Originally posted by DaywalkerJ
I dont use religion to hide behind. I stand up for what I believe in, it just happens to also be what my religion believes in. If two people are willing to have sex, they should be in for the long run if it happens. If conception occurs then they should be willing to take care of that baby, which is what we are doing.

Actually it doesn't match what your church believes in, as Nicole pointed out.

Good luck tho, you better stick up for her when she tells her parents (and no, that doesn't mean "tell her to do it", it means talking with her parents yourself), and perhaps take a long chat with her, if you haven't already, about why she wanted an abortion.