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29 Nov 2005, 02:11
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#1
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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[Long] DDA Ramblings---III
The following is a true story that includes a joke. I think the joke is pretty good but the setting made it even better.
SETTING THE SCENE
In 1989 I was assigned to prosecute a case involving a Blood killing a Crip outside of a movie theater which was showing the movie "Colors."
The movie generated a certain amount of publicity in the local area because of it being at a motion picture about gangs. As a result a change of venue was granted, moving the trial a few counties away where the publicity was not as great so that a fair trial could be held.
THE CHARACTERS
My investigationg officer, a detective from the Stockton Police Department, was sent to assist me to the city of Martinez where the trial was being held. The detective was single though he was almost my age. He had a time share in a condo in Tahiti. He drove an older modle Mercedes. He was absolutely shamless in his attempts to pick up women and within the first three minutes of talking to a woman he would make sure to announce that he had a condo in Tahiti and that he drove a Mercedes. I watched this happen time and again during the eight weeks were were do the trial.
There was a waitress who was fairly new at a restraunt that we frequented for lunch. She was a full-figured girl with a pretty face and the detective was always hitting on her trying to get her to go out with him.
THE SET UP
One day during the trial, the detective, several police officers who were testifying that day and I sat down to eat and this particular waitress comes up. She looks at the detective and tells him, "I have a little story for you."
THE JOKE/STORY
Once upon a time there was a jungle. In this jungle there was a hippopotamus and a mouse who lived there and who had become friends. They would stroll through the jungle and discuss various topics or nothing at all.
One day as they were walking down a path on the edge of a swamp within the jungle, the little mouse triped and fell down the bank and into the swamp where he began to struggle and feared he would drown.
"Help me! Help me!" the little mouse called out to his friend.
"Hang on! I'll be right back!" the hippopatamus said and lumbered off down the trail.
Just when the little mouse was about to give up, the hippo returned driving his Mercedes. The hippo stoped and got a rope out of his trunk which he tied to the bumper of his Mercedes and threw the other end to the mouse.
The mouse grabbed on to the rope.
The hippo got into the Mercedes and drove, dragging the mouse out of the swamp.
"Thank you," said the mouse. "If there is any thing I can ever do to repay you I will do it and gladly."
"That's very kind of you," the hippo replied but thought to himself that it was unlikely that there would ever be anything that the mouse could do for him.
As luck would have it, about a week later the mouse and hippo were walking down the same path and the hippo tripped and fell into the same swamp.
The hippo began to struggle and cry out, "Help me! Help me!"
The little mouse looked around trying to figure out what to do to help his friend. Finally he unzipped his pants and withdrew his willy which was of enormous proportions. He threw it into the swamp in lieu of a rope. The amazed hippo grabbed on to it and the mouse used it to pull the hippo from the swamp and save his live.
At this point the waitress paused, smiled sweetly, looked around at all of the detectives fellow officers and finally returned her gazed to him and said,
"The moral of the story is that if you have a big willy you don't need a Mercedes!"
Needless to say I didn't hear the detective mention his Mercedes again during our stay out of town.
__________________
Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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29 Nov 2005, 02:18
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#2
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Oh that is great, you put a smile on my face.
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pig
[ 1u p]
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29 Nov 2005, 02:37
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#3
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
The detective was without doubt gay.
It was unkind and unnecessary for the waitress to humiliate him.
My dear lester if you don't start eating healthily then the lady joy will be forced to suffer your early death. I wouldn't want a lady to suffer such pain. (KFC chicken cut up to land upon a few lettuce leaves does not a salad make!)
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hi
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29 Nov 2005, 10:27
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#4
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
I have never understood the Willy to Car size thing.
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Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
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It's not personal, it's just business.
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29 Nov 2005, 13:53
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#5
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Activists go around spraying at posters with new cars with the words "Big Cars, Small Dicks".
I never understood it...
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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29 Nov 2005, 15:58
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#6
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
thumbs off dda
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<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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29 Nov 2005, 16:00
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#7
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Motherfracker
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 2,985
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
I have never understood the Willy to Car size thing.
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Thats because its about you!
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29 Nov 2005, 17:52
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#8
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Ive never had complaints about size. Only compliments so put that in your small willy pipe and smoke it.
I bet Tor says 'is it in yet' everytime you two "do the dew"
lollerskates.
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Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
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It's not personal, it's just business.
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29 Nov 2005, 21:39
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#9
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
Ive never had complaints about size. Only compliments .
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What sort of compliments?!
'What a mighty fine penis you have' (old chap)
'Cor blimey that's a big one!'
Seriously.
What sort of compliments?
I can't imagine a woman actually commenting on a guys dick. Unless she was desparate to win him over for whatever reason, but still there are better ways than that.
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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29 Nov 2005, 21:47
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#10
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
I can't imagine a woman actually commenting on a guys dick. Unless she was desparate to win him over for whatever reason, but still there are better ways than that.
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I'm averagely sized, nothing special, still I've received several compliments* (colour, smell and build), you mean you never discussed bodyparts in small talk with your sexual partners before the deed or after some hours of passionate lovemaking/raw sex?
You can't imagine women commenting on a guys dick, hell you sound like one boring sex partner to me.
*LOL because it's tiny and small and they want to make me feel better!
__________________
..look
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29 Nov 2005, 22:11
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#11
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
I'm averagely sized, nothing special, still I've received several compliments* (colour, smell and build), you mean you never discussed bodyparts in small talk with your sexual partners before the deed or after some hours of passionate lovemaking/raw sex?
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Sorry - I meant specifically on the size. I have complimented partners on various aspects of their penis's (peni?) but never the size - frankly I don't see the point. Guy's aren't stupid are they?!. If they have a big cock they already know about it and I certainly don't need to tell them. If they have an average or small penis I would certainly never point that fact out to them, nor would I tell them it was comparatively large and insult them with an obvious lie.
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
Last edited by Sarina_Joy; 29 Nov 2005 at 22:25.
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29 Nov 2005, 22:14
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#12
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
ow ok then
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..look
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29 Nov 2005, 22:17
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#13
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Ball
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 4,410
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
penis's (peni?)
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Penises or penes.
You could always try "I've only ever been with guys with really small penes, I'm an innocent little girl and I never knew they could be as big as three inches. :crazyxmas:"
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29 Nov 2005, 22:23
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: [Long] DDA Ramblings---III
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
I'm averagely sized, nothing special, still I've received several compliments* (colour, smell and build), you mean you never discussed bodyparts in small talk with your sexual partners before the deed or after some hours of passionate lovemaking/raw sex?
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oh silversmoke, whatever wacky sexual hijinks will you get up to next?!
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