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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 21:25   #1
SYMM
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For all you lovely scotch people
Celtic manager Martin O'Neill sends scouts out round the World
looking for a new striker to replace Henrik Larsson and hopefully
win Celtic the league. One of his scouts informs him of a young
Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.
So O'Neill flies to Baghdad to watch him, is suitably impressed
and arranges for him to come over to Park Head.

Two weeks later Celtic are 4-0 down at home to Dundee with only
20 minutes left. O'Neill gives the young Iraqi striker the nod
to go on and he takes off Henrik Larsson. The lad is a sensation,
scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Celtic. The fans are
delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media
love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
to tell her about his first day in Scottish football. "Hello Mum,
guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the
players and the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped
and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while
you were having a great time".

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".
"Sorry?" says his Mum,
"It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 21:27   #2
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by SYMM
Celtic manager Martin O'Neill sends scouts out round the World
looking for a new striker to replace Henrik Larsson and hopefully
win Celtic the league. One of his scouts informs him of a young
Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.
So O'Neill flies to Baghdad to watch him, is suitably impressed
and arranges for him to come over to Park Head.

Two weeks later Celtic are 4-0 down at home to Dundee with only
20 minutes left. O'Neill gives the young Iraqi striker the nod
to go on and he takes off Henrik Larsson. The lad is a sensation,
scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Celtic. The fans are
delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media
love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
to tell her about his first day in Scottish football. "Hello Mum,
guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the
players and the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped
and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while
you were having a great time".

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".
"Sorry?" says his Mum,
"It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
Congratulations. Youve managed to take a joke thats been around longer than Dead Meat and make it even more unfunny than it previously was.

For "Glasgow" ive heard substituted in "Newcastle" , "Manchester" , "Liverpool" , "Birmingham" , "Portsmouth" , etc etc.

O
L
D
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 21:36   #3
SYMM
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Well good for you.
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 21:47   #4
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
I give this joke three thumbs up
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 21:53   #5
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Ive never read it before
oh, and it was good :P
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 22:40   #6
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
I think this Joke predates the internet.
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 22:45   #7
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Glasgow aint that bad, London is far worse
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 22:45   #8
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
I preferred this joke when Socrates told it to me about a transfer between the Minoans and the Egyptians.
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 22:48   #9
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
I preferred this joke when Socrates told it to me about a transfer between the Minoans and the Egyptians.
<3
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<Jassy> i can get him glined
<Jassy> #feds are here to stamp out abuse

<mist|zZz> we don't do channel politics, /ignore is your friend
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Unread 21 Jan 2004, 23:50   #10
at0mic.c0w
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
and i thought this was a thread about booze...
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 00:04   #11
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
O L D

heard it about Liverpool
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 00:22   #12
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
i laughed.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 01:23   #13
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Heard it about respectively Rotterdam, Amsterdam and Eindhoven. I'll go with the old option.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 01:59   #14
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
so everyone knew this joke except me?
i must be speshal.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 02:01   #15
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
so everyone knew this joke except me?
i must be speshul ed.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 02:14   #16
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Kura put Newcastle in there.



We rock more sensationally that everyone else.

And we're in for signing Henrik Larsson, possibly also Alan Smith if the administrators of Leeds will let him go for less than the board will.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 17:36   #17
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyr0 MK III
Glasgow aint that bad, London is far worse

Have you been in the Gorbals?
(spelling uncertain thereof)
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 17:37   #18
Churchil5
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evergreen
I think this Joke predates the internet.

so do most of them.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 17:55   #19
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiddy
Kura put Newcastle in there.



We rock more sensationally that everyone else.

And we're in for signing Henrik Larsson, possibly also Alan Smith if the administrators of Leeds will let him go for less than the board will.
Newcastle is a shithole.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 17:57   #20
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Henrik is da man. Newcastle will be lucky to have him. Alan Smith, I think, is too aggressive for Newcastle. Whereas Larsson will match the style of play that Shearer produces, and therefore will be better equipped to break into the team. Alan Smith for cheap would be a good prospect, but dont expect him to fit in straight away.
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Unread 22 Jan 2004, 18:00   #21
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Re: For all you lovely scotch people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
I preferred this joke when Socrates told it to me about a transfer between the Minoans and the Egyptians.
once again, DM comes in and stamps his authority on a thread
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