I need someone to look over my summary

[Structural Integrity]

Since I'm an illiterate fool (lo JammyJim) and I want to complete this essay with a GOOD English summary, I'd like to ask you lot what you think of my text.
If you find any parts that can be "prettied up" or corrected then please let me know. My Word English spellchecker is broken (and the one on this board is disabled) so any spelling error correction is welcome too.

In short, I've been working at a company that builds (climate) controllers for almost half a year now because I had to gain working experience for school (I know there is an English expression/word for that, but can't seem to find it). This is the summary of my essay (which is in Dutch).

____________________________________________________________________________________

Summary

Since September 2nd I am at work at Fancom BV in Panningen to get work experience in my field of study. Fancom is a company that makes and sells controllers for the agricultural sector and can be found in all corners of the world.
I was instructed to continue to work on an embedded webserver, made by a previous student named Henri Hunnekens. The goal of this webserver is to replace the currently used technology, FNET, which is tremendously out of date and fails to be supported in current personal computers.

The webserver that was developed so far already supported the most well known protocols like IP, ARP, TCP and ICMP and was capable of sending a simple HTML page to a browser. I am required to make a more generic HTML interface, a DHCP client and an SMTP client.
The generic interface is required to improve portability to other Fancom controllers, the DHCP client to improve configurability and the SMTP client to have the ability to send the user E-mail incase of errors.

The newly implemented network technologies are UDP, DHCP, HTTP and SMTP. Also technologies like BMP, javascript and CSS are used for display on the client side. UDP is required for DHCP and and HTTP is a requirement for the generic HTML interface, that sends a BMP image.

The generic interface displays a HTML page that looks exactly like the front panel of the controller. Button presses will be handled by HTML forms and the HTTP headers generated in such an event. A BMP encoder has been developed to convert the display of the controller into a BMP image which is then transferred to the client. The webserver module has a plugin that allows to control the DHCP client and change settings of this client.

The DHCP client is designed and implemented according to the DHCP state model as described in the DHCP RFC. The client will broadcast a DHCP request over the network to receive a lease and will accept this if one arrives. The client also has a sturdy fault tollerance to counter network problems.

The last module, the SMTP client, will send a E-mail on request. The SMTP client is degined, just like the DHCP client, around the state model provided in the RFC. The main goal of the client is to send E-mails when errors occur.

All modules are working correctly and are capable to work together.

____________________________________________________________________________________

TY

Panningen?

I dislike the use of past and present tens ein asingle paragraph, though.
Like this one :

The webserver that was developed already supported the most well known protocols like IP, ARP, TCP and ICMP and was capable of sending a simple HTML page to a browser. I am required to create a more generic HTML interface, a DHCP client and an SMTP client.

I'd prefer:

The webserver already supports the most well known protocols like <technobabble> and is capable of sending a simple HTML page to a browser. I am required to create (or, My job/task is to create) a more generic HTML interface, a DHCP client and an SMTP client.

And again, Panningen?

[Geeza]

Originally posted by Structural Integrity


____________________________________________________________________________________

Summary

Since September 2nd I have been working at Fancom BV in Panningen to obtain experience in my particular field of study, enter field of study here for useful information...otherwise it's like saying - I love this particular type of food...and then not telling us what it is. Fancom is a company that makes and sells controllers for the agricultural sector and can be found in all corners of the world.
I was instructed to continue work on an embedded webserver, made by a previous student named Henri Hunnekens. The goal of this webserver is to replace the currently used technology, FNET, which is tremendously out of date and fails to be supported in current personal computers.

The webserver that was developed so far, already supported the most well known protocols like IP, ARP, TCP and ICMP and was capable of sending a simple HTML page to a browser. I am required to make a more generic HTML interface, a DHCP client and an SMTP client.
The generic interface is required to improve portability to other Fancom controllers, the DHCP client to improve configurability and the SMTP client to have the ability to send the user an E-mail incase of errors.



____________________________________________________________________________________

TY

The above is my new version of yours - i missed off the end, as i didn't change it.

The only other sentence I can't figure out is.

"The webserver module has a plugin that allows to control the DHCP client and change settings of this client."

that allows....what to control the DHCP client? users? admin? something else?

[Geeza]

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
Since September 2nd I work at Fancom BV

Both your version and his make the writer sound 'foreign'.

Originally posted by Geeza
Both your version and his make the writer sound 'foreign'.

For a non-native speaker of english, he's done pretty well though

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
I have corrected some grammar, spelling mistakes, general wordiness, etc. Most of it is correct, if there's something you dislike or you would like another change don't hesitate to implement it

Yes, thanks.... Only thing that I have doubts about is "Tremendously out of date" or "tremendously obsolete"......

Originally posted by Structural Integrity
Yes, thanks.... Only thing that I have doubts about is "Tremendously out of date" or "tremendously obsolete"......

Scrap the 'tremendously'.

Problem solved \o/

[Geeza]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
For a non-native speaker of english, he's done pretty well though

hell yeah - i think it's a pretty well written piece - i was just commenting on that one sentence. Where you both said "since september 2nd I work.." which is the only bit that really stood out as sounding like it was written by someone without a firm grasp of english.

[Geeza]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
Scrap the 'tremendously'.

Problem solved \o/

definately

Originally posted by Geeza
hell yeah - i think it's a pretty well written piece - i was just commenting on that one sentence. Where you both said "since september 2nd I work.." which is the only bit that really stood out as sounding like it was written by someone without a firm grasp of english.

Heh, I'm neither Structural nor Captain T'Bolt

In any case, Structural is this just the summary of a bigger piece?

And, Panningen?

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
Well we both are


But what would you have the put? 2nd September isn't as grammtically correct. September the 2nd? That's the same as the original. September 2? This version is acceptable, but so is the original.

I think Geeza referred to the 'Since .... I work at" bit.

The best looking variety seems to me:

Since the second of september (2002), I've been working at ....

I always hesitate to use abbreviations like '2nd' or '7th' in texts, especially ones I'd have to hand in. It doesn't look as 'professional' as I'd want a text like this to be.

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
Heh, I'm neither Structural nor Captain T'Bolt

In any case, Structural is this just the summary of a bigger piece?

And, Panningen?

Yes, a summary of the whole essay, which is in Dutch.

And Panningen is medium sized town a few KM from Venlo, in Limburg.

Anyway, to get back on the first senctence, what about:

as off september second I am laborious at Fancom ............

I replace "since" with "as off". It looks better IMO and less "foreign"
I don't think 2nd should be replaced with second, it doesn't look THAT great. Any opinions on this?
I pulled laborious right out of the dictionary, not sure if it runs smoothly in the sentence or in the entire text for that matter.

[Geeza]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
Heh, I'm neither Structural nor Captain T'Bolt

bah humbug - im at work, running on low res, and as this is posted 'weirdly' it makes me scroll a huge amount to the right to view it.....as such - I got confused :-//

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
As of September second I have been employed by Fancom

Nope.

'As of' implies future tense.

As you've gotten the job in the past, you should use past tense. 'Since' is the only solution that springs to mind.
Also, 'laborious' is a horrible word.

SI, is this a paper thats going to be graded on the use of language?
If it is,then you'fd be best off with using 'September the second' or 'the second of September'. It might not look natural, but abbreviations in professional documents are bad (Or so I was taught =/)

[LHC]

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
As of September second I have been employed by Fancom

it's not employment as far as I'm aware, just work experience.

Originally posted by Geeza
bah humbug - im at work, running on low res, and as this is posted 'weirdly' it makes me scroll a huge amount to the right to view it.....as such - I got confused :-//

'S okay, all dutchies look alike

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
As of September second I have been employed by Fancom

I don't know if "employed" is the right word for it...

Let me tell you the story of how it went...

Me -> goes to school in Venlo
School wants me to get some working experience. That's standard for EVERY student starting the third year. The results of this period will become a grade on my final.... eh... grade thingy list... and will determine whether I can go on with my study.
At the end of my study I again have to work and complete a project that will count towards my final grade.



When this Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky affair was going on I remember people saying that "Monica Lewinsky was an intern at the white house". What is an intern, as I've thought (for quite a while) that and intern is someone who is working somewhere for school. I can rememeber people looking weird at me when I said I was an intern so I didn't use that word in the first place.

Originally posted by Captain T'Bolt
'As of Sept. 2nd I have been' - present tense

'As of Sept 2nd. I will be' - future tense


We should get one thing straight - is it past or present tense (the alternate uses of 'was' and 'are'

He has been working at the company since 2nd september 2002. (or 2001).

Still, 'As of' implies (and is usually accompanied by) the future tense. It looks wrong to me and 'since' does not. It also feels better the the use of 'as of'.

Originally posted by Structural Integrity
I don't know if "employed" is the right word for it...

Let me tell you the story of how it went...

Me -> goes to school in Venlo
School wants me to get some working experience. That's standard for EVERY student starting the third year. The results of this period will become a grade on my final.... eh... grade thingy list... and will determine whether I can go on with my study.
At the end of my study I again have to work and complete a project that will count towards my final grade.

In other words, 'stage lopen', right?
As far as i know, thats the same as an intern-ship. Do you get payed for your work, and if so, by who?

[roadrunner_0]

since september the second i have been doing work experience for a company called Fancom BV based in Panningen, Holland.


i think that would be the best way of putting that first sentence. But, it would mean you needed to make some slight changes in the text further on.

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
In other words, 'stage lopen', right?

Yes!

As far as i know, thats the same as an intern-ship. Ddo you get payed for your work, and if so, by who?

Intern-ship sounds good...
yeh, I get paid, by the company itself. Under the minimum wage though and not based on hours worked. Just a fixed amount every month. They don't HAVE to pay me for my intern-ship (), but most companies do to attract more students.

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by roadrunner_0
since september the second i have been doing work experience for a company called Fancom BV based in Panningen, Holland.

That "FOR" doesn't feel right.... replace with "AT" ?

Originally posted by Structural Integrity
Yes!


Intern-ship sounds good...
yeh, I get paid, by the company itself. Under the minimum wage though and not based on hours worked. Just a fixed amount every month. They don't HAVE to pay me for my intern-ship (), but most companies do to attract more students.

Since September the second, Ive been working as an intern at Fancom BV. Fancom is a company situated/based in the city of Panningen in Holland and produces/is/seems to be a (....).

It looks better if you separate the two sentences where you say you work at Fancom, and where Fancom is located. In summaries (or any document where you refer to an 'employer') its usually best to briefly explain what the company actually does. If you separate the sentences this way, you'll have the opportunity to include Fancoms 'produce' in the second sentence.

[Structural Integrity]

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
It looks better if you separate the two sentences where you say you work at Fancom, and where Fancom is located. In summaries (or any document where you refer to an 'employer') its usually best to briefly explain what the company actually does. If you separate the sentences this way, you'll have the opportunity to include Fancoms 'produce' in the second sentence.

I agree.... I changed it occordingly

Summary

Since September the second 2002, I have been working as an intern at Fancom BV. Fancom is based in Panningen and makes and sells controllers for the agricultural sector. Because of the high-end nature of the products, Fancom can be found in all corners of the world.
I was instructed to continue work on an embedded webserver, made by a previous student named Henri Hunnekens. The goal of this webserver is to replace the currently used technology, FNET, which is tremendously out of date and fails to be supported in current personal computers.

The webserver that was developed so far already supported the most well known protocols like IP, ARP, TCP and ICMP and was capable of sending a simple HTML page to a browser. I am required to make a more generic HTML interface, a DHCP client and an SMTP client.
The generic interface is required to improve portability to other Fancom controllers, the DHCP client to improve configurability and the SMTP client to have the ability to send the user an e-mail incase of errors.

The newly implemented network technologies are UDP, DHCP, HTTP and SMTP. In addition, technologies like BMP, javascript and CSS are used for display on the client side. UDP is required for DHCP and and HTTP is a requirement for the generic HTML interface, that sends a BMP image.

The generic interface displays a HTML page that represents the front panel of the controller. Button presses will be handled by HTML forms and the HTTP headers generated in such an event. A BMP encoder has been developed to convert the display of the controller into a BMP image which is then transferred to the client. The webserver module has a plugin that allows the user to control the DHCP client and change settings of this client.

The DHCP client is designed and implemented according to the DHCP state model as described in the DHCP RFC. The client will broadcast a DHCP request over the network to receive a lease and will accept this if one arrives. The client also has a sturdy fault tolerance to counter network problems.

The last module, the SMTP client, will send an e-mail on request. The SMTP client is designed, just like the DHCP client, around the state model provided in the RFC. The main goal of the client is to send E-mails when errors occur.

All modules are working correctly and are capable of working together.

Originally posted by Structural Integrity

\o/

Looks ace

[Haer]

UDP is required for DHCP and and HTTP is a requirement for the generic HTML interface, that sends a BMP image.

Thats the only mistake I could find in the new one.

I would suggest changing "tremendously out of date", tremendously tends to be more of a positive word - Just "out of date" will do, or something like:

"The goal of this webserver is to replace the currently used technology, FNET, which is in dire need of update and fails to be supported in current personal computers."

[roadrunner_0]

yeah, get rid of the tremendously and i think you are sorted mate

Originally posted by ÐiSCoRPoRaTioN
Scrap the 'tremendously'.

Problem solved \o/

[Structural Integrity]

oi... I looked over that one... I intended to change it
Anyway, that's work for tomorrow as I don't have my text on this computer (I'm home now \/).