Planetarion Forums

ELeeming · 29 May 2003, 17:04

Teacher: What is the integral of 1/(Cabin)

Pupil: It's a log Cabin.

Teacher: No, it's a House Boat, you forgot the + C.

Androme · 29 May 2003, 17:06

long ago here

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.

Apothos · 29 May 2003, 17:29

Quote:

Originally posted by Androme2
long ago here

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.

Luckeh!!!! · 29 May 2003, 17:42

Quote:

Originally posted by Androme2
long ago here

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.

ROFLMAO

Bloomers III · 29 May 2003, 19:01

Geek: What does DNA stand for layman?

Layman: Don't ask

....do not ask

....Do Not Ask

.....DNA

....haha

Sarina_Joy · 29 May 2003, 19:25

Jesus and his disciples were walking along the road one day when suddenly Jesus stopped. He turned to his disciples and said 'The world is like 2x^2 + 3x - 4' before carrying on walking. The disciples looked baffled and finally Luke said 'what is he talking about'.

Matthew replied 'don't worry it's just another one of his parabolas'

KaneED · 29 May 2003, 19:27

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
Jesus and his disciples were walking along the road one day when suddenly Jesus stopped. He turned to his disciples and said 'The world is like 2x^2 + 3x - 4' before carrying on walking. The disciples looked baffled and finally Luke said 'what is he talking about'.

Matthew replied 'don't worry it's just another one of his parabolas'

I was always crap at doing those

Cyp · 29 May 2003, 19:29

Quote:

Originally posted by Bloomers III
Geek: What does DNA stand for layman?

Layman: Don't ask

....do not ask

....Do Not Ask

.....DNA

....haha

Oh, I thought it stood for deoxyribonucleic acid...

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarina_Joy
Jesus and his disciples were walking along the road one day when suddenly Jesus stopped. He turned to his disciples and said 'The world is like 2x^2 + 3x - 4' before carrying on walking. The disciples looked baffled and finally Luke said 'what is he talking about'.

Matthew replied 'don't worry it's just another one of his parabolas'

Guess x=(-3±√(41))/4 is where heaven meets hell, with earth stuck in between...

Androme · 29 May 2003, 19:44

Science is the Comedy Joke reinvented for 2003

ELeeming · 29 May 2003, 19:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Bloomers III
Geek: What does DNA stand for layman?

Layman: Don't ask

....do not ask

....Do Not Ask

.....DNA

....haha

National Dyslexics Association

Leshy · 30 May 2003, 00:15

Quote:

Originally posted by ELeeming
National Dyslexics Association

A winner is ELeeming.

Radical Edward · 30 May 2003, 07:33

Old Laser Physicists don't die. They just become incoherent.

Monkehpimp · 30 May 2003, 10:11

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
'how much?' it asks. To this the bartender replies, 'for you, no charge'

HA HA HA

roadrunner_0 · 30 May 2003, 10:17

Quote:

Originally posted by ELeeming
National Dyslexics Association

PLD

SYMM · 30 May 2003, 10:18

More maths than science, but
Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory?
A: Because he wasn't Abel

Phang · 30 May 2003, 10:18

Quote:

Originally posted by Monkehpimp
a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
'how much?' it asks. To this the bartender replies, 'for you, no charge'

HA HA HA

ouch.

ELeeming · 30 May 2003, 10:50

Two bytes were at a bar. One byte turns to the other and says "Hey, I'm not feeling too well, I think I have a parity error." The other byte says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

------------------------------

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

-----------------------------------

Two strings walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Barkeep, I'll have a gin and tonic."

Second string says, "Hey, that sounds good, I'll have one too.faklshfshe98Y)#Pnufdy80qbnw35u89HkLBEOHGP IUYR#oui#Ghibfsgey78iAhurq29iY UI*3ry9024hrneu89r5ji2'sdaiofse7598-U(3ijnrioapy8irjn423lo8*Y*()*#YRHRJNFJKL^*@#heui0U#NBU(*DH#(_JIDJ()ARH#JPF*&YG#keowfpy8q0938h4nklj*( H#&#Buydole9uq07hD#*()HD#*O*F)P$^GB DV E#(*YRE#HRJ$#)"

First string says, "Excuse my friend, he isn't null terminated."

--------------------------------------

A mathematician went nuts and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in an asylum. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"

The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

-----------------------------------------

Q: Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak?

A: The hamburger is in the ground state.

---------------------------------------

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and asks for a beer. The second walks up and asks for half a beer. The third walks up and asks for a fourth of a beer. The fourth walks up, and before he can say anything the bartender pours two beers and says "Divide it up amongst yourselves."

----------------------------------------------

Werner Heisenberg was driving along the highway when a cop pulls him over for speeding. The cop asks him, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?". Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."

--------------------------------------------

Have you heard about the new oral contraceptive - hexanitrosobenzene? It has "NO" in all six positions

----------------------------------------------

A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

------------------------------------------------

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."

--------------------------------------------------

Why did the physics pirates have so much trouble punishing there captives?
Because of their Planck length.

KaneED · 30 May 2003, 10:57

i don' half of these jokes man

Cyp · 1 Jun 2003, 11:44

{First joke in thread, second joke in thread, ..., last joke in thread}\{"Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory? A: Because he wasn't Abel"}

Above is the set of jokes I understand, and find funny...

For once, a joke thread, where I actually understand most of the jokes... And even a couple I hadn't seen before...

SYMM · 1 Jun 2003, 11:50

You saying you didn't get mine, or didn't find it funny?

Cyp · 1 Jun 2003, 12:03

Quote:

Originally posted by SYMM
You saying you didn't get mine, or didn't find it funny?

Didn't get it...

SYMM · 1 Jun 2003, 12:34

Well, a person called Mr. Abel came up with (aspects of?) Group Theory. An Abelian Group is a special sort of Group, named after him. And Abel is a bit like Able, so its sort of a play on words, dys?

JonnyBGood · 1 Jun 2003, 13:36

Q: Why should followers of special theory of relativity not be taken
seriously?
A: They fail to see the gravity of the situation.

That one always makes me crack up. There's a few other great ones floating around but I don't have a clue where they are to be honest.

question: how many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left
afterwards?
answer: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every
time.

is great too.

MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jun 2003, 15:01

Quote:

Originally posted by JonnyBGood
Q: Why should followers of special theory of relativity not be taken
seriously?
A: They fail to see the gravity of the situation.

That one always makes me crack up. There's a few other great ones floating around but I don't have a clue where they are to be honest.

Pity it's inaccurate then.

The Special Theory of relativity created a metaphysical framework to allow a constant speed of light, with this maintained by the use of Lorenz Contractions.

General Relativity deals with gravity.

queball · 1 Jun 2003, 15:10

Quote:

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Pity it's inaccurate then.

The Special Theory of relativity created a metaphysical framework to allow a constant speed of light, with this maintained by the use of Lorenz Contractions.

General Relativity deals with gravity.

thats why it's funny you twat

inf · 1 Jun 2003, 15:24

Quote:

Originally posted by queball
thats why it's funny you twat

it's not funny

MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jun 2003, 15:24

Quote:

Originally posted by queball
thats why it's funny you twat

It's much better with Quantum Mechanics, as the standard model disagrees with GR.

Why would it be funny if it was SR?

You may as well say 'Why do people who study the photelectric effect' etc; that was einstein's too. Is that funny?

queball · 1 Jun 2003, 16:56

Quote:

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
It's much better with Quantum Mechanics, as the standard model disagrees with GR.

Why would it be funny if it was SR?

You may as well say 'Why do people who study the photelectric effect' etc; that was einstein's too. Is that funny?

"Special", as a word, contrasts with "General". Yes, it would work as well with QM.

MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jun 2003, 16:57

Quote:

Originally posted by queball
"Special", as a word, contrasts with "General".

I don't see why that should make a difference; 'the gravity of a situation' is generally in the specifics.

pablissimo · 1 Jun 2003, 17:03

IN THIS THREAD I'LL CUT YOU, I'LL CUT YOU GOOD.

YOURS BLOODLUSTFULLY,
PABLISSIMO

PS. YOU GET CUT GOOD

JonnyBGood · 1 Jun 2003, 17:07

Quote:

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
I don't see why that should make a difference; 'the gravity of a situation' is generally in the specifics.

I hope you get killed by a falling iron girder.

MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jun 2003, 17:09

Quote:

Originally posted by JonnyBGood
I hope you get killed by a falling iron girder.

I don't have a problem with falling girders in general, just ones that kill me.

Not MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jun 2003, 17:11

ITT we nitpick at science jokes.

DrNick · 1 Jun 2003, 18:17

what do you call an enzyme with no active site?

a catalytic antibody!

har har,

Ditcher · 2 Jun 2003, 01:12

An engineer, physicist and a mathematician are staying in a same hotel during a conference. At night when everyone is sleeping fire breaks loose in the hotel. The engineer wakes up, smells the smoke and runs out of his room heading for firepost.
Then he comes back and wets his whole room with water. His belonings were ruined but atleast he was sure he was safe.

The physicist wakes up, smells the smoke, takes up pencil and paper and writes down few equations. Then he runs for the bathroom and gets a glass of water. Pouring the water at delicatelly calculated place he puts the fire out with ease.

The mathematician wakes up, smells the smoke. He thinks for fews minutes, then runs for the bathroom and also gets a glass of water. Then he lights a match and drops it into the glass. As the match goes out he is relieved and mumbles out "Aah! a solution exists" and goes back to bed.

MrL_JaKiri · 2 Jun 2003, 11:57

If it's Kelvin ringing about the value he's got for the age of the earth, tell him he's got the wrong number.

Freakozoid · 2 Jun 2003, 12:10

Quote:

Originally posted by pablissimo
IN THIS THREAD I'LL CUT YOU, I'LL CUT YOU GOOD.

YOURS BLOODLUSTFULLY,
PABLISSIMO

PS. YOU GET CUT GOOD

I'll help.

These people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

MrL_JaKiri · 2 Jun 2003, 12:13

Quote:

Originally posted by Freakozoid
I'll help.

These people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Too late, according to Proteus.

roadrunner_0 · 2 Jun 2003, 18:26

i tried a few of these jokes on my none geek friends, and they didnt get them

but i did

mbushell · 2 Jun 2003, 19:27

I tried not to, I really tried, but I had to laugh at the ones I actually got :/

Nodrog · 2 Jun 2003, 19:42

This thread was funny up until the point MrL_JaKiri posted.

MrL_JaKiri · 2 Jun 2003, 20:12

Quote:

Originally posted by Nodrog
This thread was funny up until the point MrL_JaKiri posted.

I rather like the kelvin pun.

OldKal · 3 Jun 2003, 00:53

If it's green and moves, it's biology
If it's purple and stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work, it's physics