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3 Jan 2005, 17:06
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#1
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Today I told her she feels more like a buddie then a girlfriend, shortly she said she is kind of feeling the same, still she didn't wan't to cancel our meeting tomorrow, we planned to go watch 'Alexander'.
So tomorrow evening we will be sitting in the theatre like buddies.
I am not sure I really want this, I don't think I am in love with her and I don't believe she is, still she insisted to go tomorrow, am I getting too old to understand young females? I mean, I really would like to get more involved with this girl, as she seems to ' fit in' in every category, still there is some chemistry missing. The initial conversation about this buddy thing happend by msn. Some hours after I called her and called her 'buddy' in a friendly manner. She said that we are just in ' that buddy phase'.
What the hell am I missing? Oh GD, advice me or at least inform me on this matter with stuff I don't get from young female minds, a buddy phase? wtf? Maybe I make it sound like that she's not being completely fair to me with what she feels, but I honestly don't think that's the point. It's just a last meeting to say goodbye to eachother as 'lovers' isn't it?
__________________
..look
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3 Jan 2005, 17:08
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#2
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Are you having sex? (question asked in a serious manner)
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3 Jan 2005, 17:09
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#3
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
is she good in bed?
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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3 Jan 2005, 17:09
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#4
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
i was basically trying to ask the same thing as dante but in a slightly dirtier way
__________________
bastard bastard bastard bastard
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3 Jan 2005, 17:10
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#5
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
Are you having sex? (question asked in a serious manner)
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No. We spoke a lot about sexual things, but we both implicitly communicated to eachother that we don't want to rush that.
__________________
..look
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3 Jan 2005, 17:11
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#6
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
But women seem to find that important. I think I could love someone romantically without having sex with them, but most women I've encountered seem to think they couldn't (in the longer term).
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3 Jan 2005, 17:13
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#7
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I play the double-bass.
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,198
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
prolly:
she have more feelings about you than the other way around. now she is disappointed because you started with buddy. but she hasnt lost hope and describes the momentary situation as "buddy phase".
what the hell you are missing? to answer this question i would need a bit more information about yours relationship.
__________________
The music called Jaazzz..
Charlie Mingus, such nimble fingers
Droppin the bass, all over the place
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3 Jan 2005, 17:13
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#8
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lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
It's just a last meeting to say goodbye to eachother as 'lovers' isn't it?
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Sounds like it mate. Also, i doubt having these serious relationship deciding conversations over MSN is the best way forward, its always better face to face.
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eXcessum
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3 Jan 2005, 17:14
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#9
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Maybe you should attempt to have sex with her.
PS I agree with JC. There's a lot you can pick up through body language that you just wouldn't get over the internet.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:19
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#10
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
i agree with jonny... attempt to have sex with her.
(not in a dace type way though, i mean consensually, or at least semi consensually)
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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3 Jan 2005, 17:21
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#11
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,312
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Consent is such a relative concept though.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:21
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#12
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
She made it very clear that she doesn't want a relationship that is based on sex, we had a lot of talk about people around us that start to shag eachother after a day and have a pretty empty interpersonal relationship.
So you think this young girl is confusing morality with primal needs or something? Am I the only ****ing guy left on this earth that wants a relationship that is primary based on personal things/traits?
So you would suggest that tomorrow, after the film to go to a cheap ****ing hotel to get more close to eachother. Call me a pussy but that's not my ****ing ballgame anymore
Anyways, I think you guys are reading too much in the 'not have yet shagged' part of this. I think the point is, that we aren't in love with eachother, while we do really like eachother very much. If sex is going to change that feeling, how ****ing empty is this relationship I ask.
I am pretty sure I will just tell her tomorrow that we better stop this boy/girlfriend stuff, I am sure there are women enough who think likewise. The missing thing is that chemistral thing called 'being in love'. It's pretty simple actually I realise.
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..look
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3 Jan 2005, 17:23
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#13
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
oh well, hey ho.
as an aside, why dont you just shag her anyway? it'll be fun.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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3 Jan 2005, 17:23
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#14
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I play the double-bass.
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,198
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
now lets get deeper. are you scared of something, let's say to open yourself towards another person.
__________________
The music called Jaazzz..
Charlie Mingus, such nimble fingers
Droppin the bass, all over the place
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3 Jan 2005, 17:24
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#15
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,312
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Of course your not in love with her, you've only been dating her for a month. Love is something that requires nurturing and developing.
Hows about, stop complaining like a ****ing faggot on GD about it and go and sort it out with her instead.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:27
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#16
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Not wanting a relationship based on sex and not having sex in your relationship are two very different things. I'd recommend taking her out to something slightly classy and romantic and then seeing where she wants to go with it from there. If she doesn't seem enthuasiastic at all then yeah you're now a friend (shit one man ), however if she does reciprocate your affections then run with it. If I remember correctly you said she was 20 years old, speaking as someone who knows a lot of 20 year old girls ( ) I can tell you honestly that a lot of them don't have a bloody clue what they want and far prefer someone who offers them options (this is different to taking the lead which is deciding on the option yourself which they also bloody hate). It is quite possible that she's expecting you to act first and the fact you haven't makes her unsure of where your relationship is heading. So show her where you want to go with it.
Or she doesn't find you attractive.
Women eh?
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:27
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#17
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
No, I am a pretty senstive guy and have no problems telling my partners what I feel, but somehow I don't feel a lot more with this girl which is also caused by the big age gap I think. I've got to go now, going to eat with some friends.
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..look
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3 Jan 2005, 17:28
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#18
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
The missing thing is that chemistral thing called 'being in love'. It's pretty simple actually I realise.
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People act differently when in love. Obviously if you don't love her fair enough but you seem to be looking for certain behaviour in her which she may simply not display.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:34
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#19
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Made of Twigs
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,459
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Have you been in love with other people before?
How have past relationships started? They won't all be the same, maybe best not to compare them?
Seriously, wtf am I doing answering a 'realationship' thread!?
__________________
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor - James
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am - Muhammad Ali
So **** y'all, all of y'all; if y'all don't like me, blow me! - Dr. Dre
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3 Jan 2005, 17:44
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#20
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Me and my gf decided we didn't want to rush things as we'd both had pointless flings in the past.
So after our first date (I'd pulled her on a night out a week earlier) we had really connected and I ended up staying at hers without having sex.
After our second date we realised we really liked each other and she stayed at mine again without having sex.
A couple of days later we did and it's been brilliant ever since
There's "Not having sex straight away" and there's "Not having sex ever"
You chose the wrong one
If you're not sleeping together then you're just close friends who kiss.
Sorry.
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3 Jan 2005, 17:44
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#21
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Manga Kitten is back!
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Cube 616
Posts: 1,073
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Finger her the moment the lights go off!
__________________
Comming to London on Dec 20th
Knocking on your door for leftovers starting on Dec 21st
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3 Jan 2005, 17:48
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#22
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Sounds just like you have a lack of passion in the relationship. Like she said, you're in "buddy mode".
If she doesn't want the relationship to continue, there isn't much you can do.
If the relationship isn't "fun", then there is no point continuing it. Without fun, it just sounds like you're dragging out the inevitable.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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3 Jan 2005, 17:53
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#23
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a new low in getting high
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,810
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
I think I could love someone romantically without having sex with them
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you usually have to wait 4 years before they're legal anyway
__________________
There’s trouble on every corner,
And you need a place to hide,
All the bad things follow us down,
I want you by my side.
We’re hitting a new low.
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3 Jan 2005, 18:44
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#24
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,635
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Well if you've already felt her...
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3 Jan 2005, 19:56
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#25
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Embroglio
you usually have to wait 4 years before they're legal anyway
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I never wait.
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3 Jan 2005, 20:06
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#26
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
I never wait.
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And you wonder why they've always got that disappointed look on their faces when you're finished?
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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3 Jan 2005, 20:11
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#27
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
And you wonder why they've always got that disappointed look on their faces when you're finished?
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To be fair they're gagged and blind-folded at the time so I can't really discern much of an expression.
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3 Jan 2005, 20:13
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#28
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
And you wonder why they've always got that disappointed look on their faces when you're finished?
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Whenever I see your avatar, I wonder what our comrade is writing.
Sonnets, perhaps. A C++ program to mass-alter the size of images.
A drawing of a small dog.
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3 Jan 2005, 20:46
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#29
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☆ ♥
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,489
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Basically, dude, you're screwed. She's trying to say she doesn't feel the same as you do/did - she likes you a great deal but she just doesn't feel the attraction for you (idimmu would know where I'm coming from on this tangent ) and if she doesn't feel the attraction factor now then it's unlikely you're going to ever get it going on unless you know how to
Just keep on going with the "let's be friends" but still be really flirty with her - it'll totally mess her head up and give you a chance to re-score.
__________________
R3: LegioN (came #32) || R4: BlueTuba
R5: WolfPack Order || R6: Wolfpack
R7: Fury
----------retired-------
R52-R55: Apprime
R56-R57: FaceLess
R58-60: Apprime/Ultores
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3 Jan 2005, 20:47
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#30
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
surely just asking wtf is going on would be better. explain how you feel. get it out into the open etc etc
__________________
Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
__________________
It's not personal, it's just business.
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3 Jan 2005, 20:54
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#31
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
silly jammyjim, thats not the way to do it... you have to PLAY STUPID GAMES, its tradition
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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3 Jan 2005, 21:05
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#32
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
If you're not sleeping together then you're just close friends who kiss.
Sorry.
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Quoted for truth.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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3 Jan 2005, 21:20
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#33
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☆ ♥
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,489
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoderm
Quoted
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Quoted your quoted quote
__________________
R3: LegioN (came #32) || R4: BlueTuba
R5: WolfPack Order || R6: Wolfpack
R7: Fury
----------retired-------
R52-R55: Apprime
R56-R57: FaceLess
R58-60: Apprime/Ultores
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3 Jan 2005, 21:28
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#34
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Banned
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,442
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
She wants a **** buddy, just screw her every so often and get on with things.
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4 Jan 2005, 00:28
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#35
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Made of Twigs
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,459
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
If you're not sleeping together then you're just close friends who kiss.
Sorry.
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There's a fair bit of utter bollocks in that statement.
Also - out of shagging someone who you don't feel really close to (you like them etc but know it will never be love) and being with someone you really love or know you're heading that way, but you're not sleeping with them (yet?), I know which one I'd prefer, or should I say do prefer (yes I have been in both situations).
__________________
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor - James
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am - Muhammad Ali
So **** y'all, all of y'all; if y'all don't like me, blow me! - Dr. Dre
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4 Jan 2005, 02:11
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#36
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
hmmmmm keep us informed.
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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4 Jan 2005, 02:33
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#37
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
No offense, SilverSmoke, but act like a man.
This girl has you reduced to a snivelling insecure mess
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4 Jan 2005, 02:42
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#38
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
Also - out of shagging someone who you don't feel really close to (you like them etc but know it will never be love) and being with someone you really love or know you're heading that way, but you're not sleeping with them (yet?), I know which one I'd prefer, or should I say do prefer (yes I have been in both situations).
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Note - when I say not sleeping together I don't mean not having sex.
It depends how long you're waiting and why you're waiting.
Anyway, I have needs!
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4 Jan 2005, 03:08
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#39
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Guest
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Your relationship feels very "clinical" and not so natural.
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4 Jan 2005, 03:38
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#40
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This is bat country
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,693
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
No. We spoke a lot about sexual things, but we both implicitly communicated to eachother that we don't want to rush that.
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if you havent had sex, and she sees you as a buddy..... then its not happening.
sex is spontaneous, not something you "do after a you know eachother better"
__________________
Burárum!
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4 Jan 2005, 03:52
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#41
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by I am Idler
if you havent had sex, and she sees you as a buddy..... then its not happening.
sex is spontaneous, not something you "do after a you know eachother better"
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wisdom.
and also truth.
and in a totally unrelated way the reason why i never become friends with someone i find attractive.
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4 Jan 2005, 03:56
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#42
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Happy
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada eh
Posts: 4,793
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
see your first problem is you're asking a bunch of guys what a girl thinks.
if you still want advice pm me on irc or on the forums and we'll have a little chat.
__________________
Where ever you go, there you are.
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4 Jan 2005, 12:03
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#43
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
Sonnets, perhaps. A C++ program to mass-alter the size of images.
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he doesn't need to, he would just crop the heads down to the neck in order to get the people to fit the picture. the heads could then be kept neatly by the ankles, saving our esteemed photographer the nother of either repositioning the camera or asking the photographees to move.
__________________
I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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4 Jan 2005, 13:25
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#44
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I dunno...
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: manchester
Posts: 1,502
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
I could point out that sex is best left till marriage, but I have a feeling that I might get raped.
__________________
He shall drink naught but brine, for I'll not show him / Where the quick freshes are.
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4 Jan 2005, 13:28
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#45
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boogster
I could point out that sex is best left till marriage, but I have a feeling that I might get raped.
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if you told your boyfriend that you might.
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4 Jan 2005, 13:34
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#46
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I dunno...
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: manchester
Posts: 1,502
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
I don't have a boyfriend.
I have three.
__________________
He shall drink naught but brine, for I'll not show him / Where the quick freshes are.
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4 Jan 2005, 14:47
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#47
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aryn
see your first problem is you're asking a bunch of guys what a girl thinks.
if you still want advice pm me on irc or on the forums and we'll have a little chat.
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Without being offensive, this is a bit naive to say - you're assuming none of us know anything about what a girl thinks. I'd rather take GD's advice over yours, simply due to the bulk of it. You'll give your opinion on it all (which, considering your social relationships, are hardly represental of all girls - you're dating a guy over the net, for starters) and it'll probably be wrong.
Like I said, I didn't mean to be offensive (I dated a girl on the net for a year or so), but your advice is probably not as good as GD's combined.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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4 Jan 2005, 14:51
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#48
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
You seem to be sucking pretty badly at this maybe it would be easier if you went back to being single and alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aryn
see your first problem is you're asking a bunch of guys what a girl thinks.
if you still want advice pm me on irc or on the forums and we'll have a little chat.
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venus and mars am i rite.
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4 Jan 2005, 18:16
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#49
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
What the hell am I missing?
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a penis apparantly
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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4 Jan 2005, 18:20
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#50
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: Buddies and still not cancelling the forhcoming date? oh gd
how's kat?
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