Planetarion Forums

roadrunner_0 · 16 Dec 2004, 16:01

or interlinked questions....

1. would you still get into a relationship if you knew WHEN it was going to end, but not how.if you knew that if was going to finish in 5 weeks time... or 6 months... 0r 3 years... or 20 years etc
would it put you off?

2 would you still get into a relationship if you knew HOW it was going to end but not when, would it depend on thte circumstances? would you take the risk if you knew that it was going to end badly that you might be happy in the short term, even if you didnt know when it was going to end?

obviously these scenarios could never occur as it would need some rather seriously hampered foresight, but i was just wondering as im at work and sick of doing real work

Aryn · 16 Dec 2004, 16:10

no and no .
1. no. why would i want to waste my time if i knew before hand he wasn't the one. i could miss the right one by choosing to be in a relationship that wouldn't work.

2. no. i don't want to get hurt. why would i put myself in a position to get hurt? also same as #1. why would i waste my time?

**ofc this applys only if these relationships are definitely going to end. if there's a chance of turning things around and making htem last then possibly i would.

Radical Edward · 16 Dec 2004, 16:20

(1) depends on when it ended. If say, it ended in 80 years time, I can pretty much guess it ended because of a death, alternatively I would be too old to care, or I would be the one running off with a buxom 20 year old model.
(2) depends on how detailed the knowledge was.

Embroglio · 16 Dec 2004, 16:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

1. would you still get into a relationship if you knew WHEN it was going to end, but not how.if you knew that if was going to finish in 5 weeks time... or 6 months... 0r 3 years... or 20 years etc
would it put you off?

if i felt i had genuine feelings for the person, yes

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

2. would you still get into a relationship if you knew HOW it was going to end but not when, would it depend on thte circumstances? would you take the risk if you knew that it was going to end badly that you might be happy in the short term, even if you didnt know when it was going to end?

if i felt i had genuine feelings for the person, yes

roadrunner_0 · 16 Dec 2004, 16:56

just thought of it really cos looking back, over the last couple of years, i have had some relationships that have gone fantastically wrong, and some that have laste longer than i thought that they ever would and others that have been cut short, but i dont think that i would change any of them, but would i have if i had known ahead of time how they were going to turn out

Marilyn Manson · 16 Dec 2004, 16:57

Too tired to read, too tired to think.

Loz · 16 Dec 2004, 17:04

Watch Paycheck - answers the question.

JonnyBGood · 16 Dec 2004, 17:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loz

Watch Paycheck - answers the question.

Hollywood, the solution, and cause of, all of life's problems.

JammyJim · 16 Dec 2004, 17:40

i entered into a relationship where i ended up falling in love with the person. however in the long term we had absolutely no intention of getting married so presumably it was destined to end at some point...we thought end of uni...maybe after that. it began more as best friends 'getting together' but turned into something far bigger than that as the months went on.

altho other events have now pretty much ended it anyway sadly.

p.s.

im sad

pablissimo · 16 Dec 2004, 17:41

Play
Khachaturian - Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygi
repeatedly and cry, cry with me JJ, cry.

KoeN · 16 Dec 2004, 17:45

too hypothetical for me

roadrunner_0 · 16 Dec 2004, 17:46

its just that i think that its always worth the risk, even if it isnt going to be long term, but obviously a lot of other people think a different way. Just wondered what the people around here thought

JammyJim · 16 Dec 2004, 17:49

it is definitly worth the risk.

Nodrog · 16 Dec 2004, 18:00

Surely I know all my relationships are going to end at some indefinite time in the future, given that I'm going to die at some point?

roadrunner_0 · 16 Dec 2004, 18:01

yes, but what if you knew WHEN they were going to end, but not why?

every relationship has to end eventually, but that wasnt what i was asking

JonnyBGood · 16 Dec 2004, 18:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nodrog

Surely I know all my relationships are going to end at some indefinite time in the future, given that I'm going to die at some point?

Do you not intend on continuing your relationships in the afterlife brother?

Nodrog · 16 Dec 2004, 18:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadrunner_0

yes, but what if you knew WHEN they were going to end, but not why?

every relationship has to end eventually, but that wasnt what i was asking

Im confused.

Quote:

1. would you still get into a relationship if you knew WHEN it was going to end, but not how.if you knew that if was going to finish in 5 weeks time... or 6 months... 0r 3 years... or 20 years etc
would it put you off?

I know when its going to end but I dont know if its going to end in 5 weeks or 20 years? That doesn't make sense.

Nodrog · 16 Dec 2004, 18:18

To give you a serious answer, yes I would go out with someone even if I knew it was going to end. I don't see my life as being a progress towards some final destination, or some "plateau of happyness "to be possibly reached in old age. I don't base my choices on what will make me happy at some indefinite point in the future, although at the same time I'm obviously not going to do something that I think will have disasterous long-term consequences for me. If I'm in a relationship and it ends, that's ok - the time I spent in the relationship was well spent assuming that it contributed to my happyness while I was in it, and that it had a positive effect on me overall (rather than leaving me broken and shattered for instance). The only real issue would be time - if you break up with someone when you're 50, it's probably quite difficult to meet new people.

And anyway, if I knew it was going to end then I could just treat it casually and dump them without much hand-wringing if I met someone else.

As to 'how' it was going to end, it would depend entirely on the cicumstances. Obviously I'd be more likely to want a relationship which ended because I met someone better than one which ended with me getting my penis cut off or whatever. I'd be more interested in my mental state after it ended than in the particular details regarding the breakup though.

Dante Hicks · 16 Dec 2004, 19:13

It's a bizarre belief we seem to sustain that relationships have to stem forever. If I spent five years with someone, had a wonderful time, learnt new things, grew as a person, etc - how on Earth would that be a waste?

HAL-9000 · 16 Dec 2004, 19:37

What is it they say? "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I think that as long as you have fond memories and enjoyed the relationship, there is no reason not to go for it, whether it will end in 1 month or in 60 years.

Marilyn Manson · 16 Dec 2004, 19:43

Some other people say 'Better to have got off your backside and done some shagging, than to have sat on an online forum discussing relationships.'

Not me, though, naturally.

JammyJim · 16 Dec 2004, 19:46

the problem is that relationships do end (until you marry or whatnot) but you cant actually prepare for what it will feel like. i had always thought that breaking up would essentially be an easy process. however it was gut wrenchingly bad because i hadnt realised conciously how close id become.

its rarely a simple case of 'oh spent 2 years with someone knowing it would come hey ho nm eh?'

if life were that simple thered be fk all people broken by love and such.

Stew · 16 Dec 2004, 19:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

It's a bizarre belief we seem to sustain that relationships have to stem forever. If I spent five years with someone, had a wonderful time, learnt new things, grew as a person, etc - how on Earth would that be a waste?

If it meant you missed out on being with someone who would make you grow more as a person, had a more wonderful time, learnt even more etc who you would be with for more than five years?

Stew · 16 Dec 2004, 19:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by HAL-9000

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

What absolute bollocks this saying is.
I sure as hell wish I had never loved and lost, at least then I wouldn't have a fear of relationships and getting hurt.

roadrunner_0 · 16 Dec 2004, 20:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stew

What absolute bollocks this saying is.
I sure as hell wish I had never loved and lost, at least then I wouldn't have a fear of relationships and getting hurt.

oh i dont know, i have been hurt (many times, i never learn fs) but i still bounce back

actually, strangely, i have been hurt a lot, and i have hurt some people in my time (mentally not physically i hasten to add) and it is the hurting them more than the beeing hurt by them that i regret the most

Deepflow · 16 Dec 2004, 21:14

stew, when youve never loved, that saying means a lot.

do you have any idea how jealous i get of all those people falling in love? bastards.

Sarina_Joy · 16 Dec 2004, 21:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stew

What absolute bollocks this saying is.
I sure as hell wish I had never loved and lost, at least then I wouldn't have a fear of relationships and getting hurt.

At the time I wished I'd never loved and lost. At the time I wish I'd just loved and kept on loving. Now I feel differently. Now I am with someone who loves me more, and who I love more, and whose love I will never have to question.

JammyJim · 16 Dec 2004, 21:27

personally i do think the old adage of 'better to have loved and lost' etc is 'right'

if i had to make the choices again knowing that it would end like a car crash then yes i would do the same. because in years to come i wont remember the breakup....but i will still have all the memories of really great times and really happy moments. I dont think you can go through life thinking 'i have to find the woman i will spend the rest of my life with otherwise ill get hurt and it wont be worth it'

Love makes you a better person

pyirt · 17 Dec 2004, 00:09

I`d love to quote you all on this, but I`ve not the time time now. soz. I`m still reeling abit from two years ago from last relationship. oh dear! can take a while. JJ is right!!! LOVE NOW PPLS.

Stew · 17 Dec 2004, 00:42

Nothing hurts like love.

JamMak · 17 Dec 2004, 00:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stew

Nothing hurts like love.

...or feels as good

Bit of a bastard really!

Dace · 17 Dec 2004, 01:07

I'm "emotionally dead" so neither prospect would worry me.

Deepflow · 17 Dec 2004, 01:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamMak

...or feels as good

Bit of a bastard really!

crack

Leshy · 17 Dec 2004, 01:33

GD GROUP HUG!

Blastoderm · 17 Dec 2004, 01:41

1. No and no. I would try to enjoy every second of it if I really loved the girl that I was going out with.

2. I'd take the risk. Any relationship has an end no matter how good or bad the ending is.

JonnyBGood · 17 Dec 2004, 01:41

I got to touch leshy :)))

Blastoderm · 17 Dec 2004, 01:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

I got to touch leshy

))

Fag.

macros69 · 17 Dec 2004, 05:00

man its the qualitity of your life that counts. If i knew that in both cases I would have a better life because of it then i would go ahead and go through it. And if anybody asks how would you know if you would have a better life please remember what questions were asked to start this thread

Aryn · 17 Dec 2004, 06:52

seems i took the question a bit differently from others. or i'm just a cold hearted bitch. anyway to expand on my first answer. i took it to mean if i knew the relationship would end in say 2 years. example a school thing. now yes i'd go have relationships in school. but i dont' do the casual sex thing. if i go with a per son it's cause i think it's going to last longer. if i knew that when school ended he'd be moving away or something and the relationship would end, then no i wouldn't go into it.

Tomkat · 17 Dec 2004, 11:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

It's a bizarre belief we seem to sustain that relationships have to stem forever. If I spent five years with someone, had a wonderful time, learnt new things, grew as a person, etc - how on Earth would that be a waste?

Exactly. I've gone into a few relationships, dubious as to whether "they were the one". But I don't regret any of them. They allowed me to grow as a person, they moulded my personality.

HAL-9000 · 17 Dec 2004, 15:48

Baby
Love really hurts without you
Love really hurts without you
And it's breaking my heart
But what can I do?

Baby
Love really hurts without you
Love really hurts through and through
And it's breaking my heart
But what can I do without you?